Safe & Sound Day 13 - The Power of Secrets - The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Day 13: The Power of Secrets

Welcome to Day 13 of Safe & Sound!

Today we’re going to look at one of the key tactics abusers use. We’re also going to share how you can help safeguard your kids against it.

We’re talking about secrets.

Secrecy is the main tactic an offender will use to initiate and continue the cycle of abuse with a child. Offenders use many tactics, including blame, shame, persistence, manipulation (in all its forms), and more. But secrecy is what keeps abuse from coming to the attention of others.

Secrecy, as a tool, works in part because no one talks about child sexual abuse and its prevention unless it is part of a school curriculum. The more we talk openly about abuse, and talk about every component of abuse, the harder it will be for offenders to hide their actions in the dark.

So what can you do?

Talk about secrets with your child. Offenders often press children to keep manipulation and/or abuse secret. Talk to your child about secrets. Explain that secrets shouldn’t be kept, especially if the secret makes them (or a friend) feel scared or uncomfortable. Give your child permission to break a secret or confidence in order to keep themselves or their friends safe.
Ask your child to name safe and trusted adults. Children need to have healthy relationships with adults both inside and outside the family. Help your child identify safe and trusted adults outside the family. Make sure your child has someone they can talk to and go to for support if you are not with them.
Talk to your child’s trusted adults. After your child has identified their safe and trusted adults, go and have a conversation with those individuals. Let them know that your child sees them as someone they can talk to. Discuss boundaries, so these adults understand what needs to be shared with you as the parent/caregiver and what can be kept in confidence.

Today’s Activity:

For younger kids: Download this quick worksheet for your child to complete. Talk about their answers and answer any questions they have about secrets.
For older kids: Go for a drive. Often times the best place to hold an awkward or potentially uncomfortable conversation is in the car. Think less eye contact and doesn’t have to keep a steady flow of conversation. Strike up a conversation that goes beyond how their day at school was. Let them know that even though they are wanting more privacy, that you are always there if they want to talk. Don’t put any limits on the topics. If you have a story about how a secret affect your life, SHARE IT! And then….go get some ice cream!

That’s it for Day 13! See you tomorrow!