The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Blog

  • Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 6

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    When Vicarious Trauma Tricks you into Believing the Lies

    This story is #6 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 Stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    This series is a reflection over a 30 plus year career in child abuse interventions.

    Some are stories that help to understand real life impacts of that career and vicarious trauma.  Some stories are just that.  Stories of pivotal moments in that career that propelled me to continue the work even when it seemed impossible.  This is story number six.

    I worked in this field a really long time before my husband and I had our son.  I had worked in this field a really long time before I even got married.  Both of those events changed how I was able to manage to continue in this field.

    I can pin point two really specific events after my son was born that totally changed not just how I thought about things but really changed my approach to this work and how I interact with and supervise staff.  I didn’t know it then but it would become part of the frame work that would build my leadership philosophy.

    The first was about a week after I returned to work after my maternity leave.  I was a Program Manager and a Forensic Interviewer.  It would have been like any other day.  I was busy.  While people had “warned” me that everything would change after my son was born.  I had never really considered the depth of what that meant.  I knew about the no sleep, no alone time, and even had considered how it might change my husband’s and my relationship.  But I had never considered how vicarious trauma would creep in and impact who I was.  The first clue happened while I was doing an interview.  It came not in waves but in one strong sucker punch.  It was totally unexpected.  And it almost brought me to my knees.  It was not the first interview I had done after I had returned to work but it was the first interview of a boy that I had conducted.  He was about 4.  He had dark hair and a fair complexion like my son.  I was interviewing him about sexual abuse.  We were through most of the interview and I was just gathering details of his experience when suddenly my vision started to narrow.  I focused on his face and what he was saying and continued to prompt for more information.  In my mind I was not interviewing a stranger.  I began to hear what I thought my son’s voice would sound like. It was the most bizarre experience I had up to that point in my life.   I somehow made it through that interview and was able to wrap up.  I ducked my head into the room where the law enforcement detective was watching to let him know I would be back in a second for the wrap up.  I walked the child back to his parent.  I went straight to the bathroom and pulled myself together.  Refocused. Stared in the mirror at myself. It felt like I was there forever but it must have only been a minute or two.  We finished our post interview wrap up, met with the mom and made plans for next steps.  It never happened again but that interview was one of the most difficult interviews I have ever completed.  It didn’t go to court.  The child’s disclosure was strong and the offender took a plea.  I have never even told anyone about what happened that day except in passing and only to say it was hard to interview after being gone for two months.  However, this experience for sure was with me every day for the rest of my time as an interviewer.  It also helped me to be able to empathize with several interviewers who I supervised later who were struggling with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder triggers.

    The second event was later when my son was two and half and toddling.  We lived in a house with rustic “cabin” wood stairs that went to the basement.  We had gates up but he and I were sitting on the stair case playing with dinosaurs. We had been practicing walking down the stairs. We got up to get a snack.  I stood up and turned around and down the stairs he tumbled.  He got a cut above his eye. Now that scar is covered by his eyebrows.  He cried so much and there was so much blood coming out of that ½ inch cut.  I was panicked.  I called a friend.  She was one of the forensic nurses that worked with me.  She could hear my distress and assured me she was on her way.  She brought her husband who was with the fire department.  While they were on their way over, my son had cried himself to sleep.  I immediately woke him up as I was certain he had a head injury. He began screaming again. They looked him over.  He smiled at them and laughed. He was being adorable. He was totally fine.  They put a little medical tape over the cut to help it closed.  Both had years of experience providing emergency medical care.  I got physically ill.  I slept with him that night and every night for a week after that.  I watched him closely.  My friend kept telling me kids fall all the time.  He will be fine.  Finally she asked why are you so upset?  I looked at her and said….this is the story we always hear.  She asked me to clarify.  We get a call.  Child is rushed to emergency department. Child rolled off the changing table or down four stairs.  Child has a head injury.  Child dies.  This is the story.  She reminded me that not every child that falls sustains a head injury.  And she reminded me that the stories we hear are generally not the truth.  The child was shook …or thrown.  They did not fall down four steps.   I cried every time I looked at that tape over his eye.  We have tons of pictures with that tape on his eye.  It was Halloween week.  That year, he was Superman with medical tape over this eye.  My eyes still tear up when I see those pictures. I can also laugh with my nurse friend Val and her husband Jeff at how crazy I was and that they needed to take care of me more than my son.   In fact, we just reminisced about this in our last phone call.

    I tell those stories to show that vicarious trauma is going to hit you if you work in a field that intervenes in trauma.  It isn’t an if question.  It is a when question.  You can be prepared.  You can recognize it in others.  You can have vast knowledge in trauma and its impact. You may still have a harder time in the middle of it recognizing it in yourself.  Listen to others who may try to guide you.  Do not brush it off.  If you don’t at least identify it and have a plan in place to deal with it, it will only lead to more frequent episodes. It doesn’t mean you are weak.  It doesn’t mean you are not good at your job.  It doesn’t mean you can’t do this work.  It does mean you are human.

    I am pretty sure that people who do not do this work also have “triggers” to things that present as trauma.  Sometime in the last ten to fifteen years in “caring” or “helping” professions there has been more of a focus on taking care of ourselves.  But really we need to extend that to all who experience trauma triggers—both those traumas that happen to us and those we experience vicariously.  Trauma is all around us.  We bump into people every day who are triggered by trauma.  I have been lucky enough to have always surrounded myself by people who understood my “bad” behavior is mostly attached to the stories I hear and to my own personal traumas. I say bad behavior as it can sometime look like behavior that is not generally acceptable. (You see them in the grocery story…yelling at some poor employee who happened to be in their path because they do not have the right brand of peanut butter or that person that is rude to you for no reason—you know what I am talking about, right?) I try to pay that “grace” that was extended to me forward.  In COVID, I have begun to realize that most of us are not good at taking care of ourselves and finding a work-life balance.  Particularly those who work in the helping professions.  I had a friend that reminded me recently, that we need to put on our oxygen masks first or we are useless to others because we have no air left to give.

    The next natural question is how do you strike that balance?  I can’t answer that question for you, only myself.  It is intensely personal.  What works for one does not work for all.  I find myself doing breathing exercises more during the day.  (My smart watch reminds me to—I would probably forget otherwise). I close my door and infuse the air with my favorite essential oil.  I eat dinner with my family.  I have coffee or lunch with my friends as often as I can.  I have a dog that helps me on a particularly bad day.  I get up and move around.  Sometimes I play Cookie Jam on my phone or when the weather is right I take a hike or walk with my son.  Small things every day help in the overall big picture.  Every day it becomes easier and easier.  What are you doing to take care of yourself?

    This is story # 6 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyStoriesFromThirtyYears #ThirtyFromThirty #ACareerInChildProtection

    Share This Story

  • Seeking Regional Assessment Center Medical Director

    Seeking Regional Assessment Center Medical Director

    Regional Assessment Center Medical Director Position Open

    Our organization provides forensic interviews, therapy assessments and services, medical evaluation and treatment, and advocacy and support services to children who have experienced abuse and their non-offending caregivers.  The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County is a charter member of the National Children’s Alliance.  Our clinic provides between 200 and 300 evaluations or consultations annually.  The provider would work alongside the Children’s Advocacy Center’s Pediatric Sexual Assault Nurse Examiners.  Medford Oregon is located in Southern Oregon with rather ideal weather. Our area is an outdoor person’s paradise situated close to the Rogue River in a lovely mountain valley.   Multiple all-season recreation activities nearby include snow skiing, hiking, water sports, and access to the Oregon coast to name a few.  Cultural activities include the internationally acclaimed Oregon Shakespeare Festival, several other theaters as well as the Britt Music Festival.  The area is home to many wineries as well as Southern Oregon University. There are two health care systems with excellent hospitals in the county and collegial pediatric providers.  This is a dream opportunity for the provider who wants to make a difference in their community while maintaining a healthy life-work balance.

    Please send all resumes to Amanda Ribal at aribal@cacjc.org with the job title in the subject line.

    Full Job Description:

    Loader Loading…
    EAD Logo Taking too long?

    Reload Reload document
    | Open Open in new tab

    Download [16.72 KB]

  • Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 5

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 5

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    The Secondary Trauma Quagmire

    This is story # 5 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    Secondary trauma can change you.

    It can change how you view the world.  It can change how you feel.  It can change how you dream.  That is even if you are educated on secondary trauma and look for the signs and exercise self-care.  Sometimes it is the reflecting back that helps you put it to rest.

    My first job in child protection was on a crisis intervention team.  We investigated child abuse reports.  It was prior to a change in perspective in the field.  We were definitely doing investigations versus assessments. 

    There were levels assigned to each report that indicated the number of steps that needed to be completed and the number of people that needed to be talked to in the case.  The paperwork increased with an increased level of risk and increased again if it was found to be true neglect or abuse.  In some ways, the things that were apparent got more attention.  The ones that were grey or murky could be closed without the full story being told.  In those cases, they usually came back multiple times, like a tantruming toddler needing attention.  

    Most of the really serious cases that I worked either came out of nowhere, meaning no reports made in the past or they were one of those murky grey cases where there had been multiple low-level neglect reports that were closed with no finding for abuse.

    In about the second year of my career, I was assigned one of those cases with no history that turned out to be a pretty significant, chronic, heinous abuse case that had a great impact on me.  I learned a tremendous amount about myself, about building resiliency, about listening to the silence that is part of many abuse cases. 

    Silence because children refuse to talk and sometimes silence because they no longer have the ability to talk.  In this particular case, it was the latter. 

    The child was four or five.  He presented to the base hospital with a head injury.  He had been accidentally run over by a car by a parent.  On face value, tragic.  The call came in late to me.  Both in time of day, but also in the process.  In the emergency department, the on-call pediatrician also noted multiple injuries and bruises of various aging all over this young child’s body.  The child had to be medevacked to a hospital in a nearby town because the military hospital was not equipped to handle the level of the head trauma. 

    By the time I got the call, the child had been moved to the other hospital, the parents went with the child and had not been questioned by anyone regarding the current injury or the older injuries. 

    The child was unconscious and in critical condition.  It is never easy for an investigation to catch up to real-time once you are behind.  It is also never easy to have to call a judge in the middle of the night and ask for an order of protection for a child and not have all the facts yet.  Lucky for me, our process in these circumstances was to have a supervisor make that call.  We were lucky and were able to get that order.  Due to the gravity of the case, we had to get the orders served right away at the hospital and to the parents.  Those were the times you were thankful for the military cases, as it was much easier to make all that happen within the structure of that system.

    Rather than go into the details of this case, what I will say is that as a young worker, a young adult, and newly coming out of my sheltered existence, this case hit me very hard. 

    I held onto the case well past the sixty days allowed.  I was investigating this case and every new fact brought on new abuse allegations.

    This unconscious child would utter clues.  They were garbled.  Out of context.  As he became more fully awake and regained some speech, they became unimaginable and fantastical.  Some allegations against parents.  Some involving others.  One of those others was a pediatrician in another state.    

    Each new day brought on a new horror that this child had lived through.  Sexual abuse, physical abuse, torture, emotional abuse…. Really a classic target child.  It crossed state lines.  

    I got on a quest.  Which is always dangerous in the child protection world.  I was going to make everything right for this child.  I was going to track down every allegation.  Prove or disprove it.  I was going to make this child’s future secure from abuse.  I was not alone. 

    The pediatrician who had not reported timely also spent a fair amount of time trying to right his mistake.  He wrote a letter of commendation to go in my personnel file for the professional and thorough way I went above and beyond to protect this child.  Which to be honest, did as much to make me angry as it did to make me feel good.  I was offended as I felt like I handled every case that way.  I did not want to be part of the process to forgive his transgression of not calling the report in.  He was very aggressive and opinionated and now he was caught in the same lens of judgment that he cast on others and I was not sure I wanted to relieve him of that.

    What my quest and misplaced anger looked like was me sitting in my office, crying as I wrote up my case notes.  Interviewing every person I could find that had ever had contact with this child.  Smoking outsides fuming to anyone who would listen about the injustice of the other state for not pulling the license of the pediatrician who I had initiated a report against.  And more crying in my office at the thought of interviewing the little child again based on information coming from statements of the siblings. 

    In that time, caseworkers were not supposed to cry.

    If you cried or felt things, then you were not able to do the job in an unbiased manner.  You were not tough enough to do the job.  There was no such thing as compassion fatigue, secondary trauma, or vicarious trauma.  Those were concepts that came much later.  There was no discussion about self-care. 

    Most of the workers tended to do things together socially as we no longer had friends outside “the system”.  We were jaded.  We did the exact opposite of what is advised now.  We drank together.  We smoked our stress away.  Back then you could even smoke in your office.  Seems absolutely crazy to think back on.  Your coworkers became like family because no one else understood.  You became inundated with the very thing you were trying to escape.

    My quest ended when my supervisor came into my office and I was telling her of the latest allegation that needed to be investigated. She put her hand up telling me to stop.  I fell silent.  She looked at me and said, “This is finished—close out your case and get your paperwork to me by the end of the week.” 

    I sputtered all the reasons why I should not…with tears being held back as much as I could.  She then shared some wisdom with me from her many years of child protection.  She said sometimes it takes years to know all the allegations of abuse perpetrated on a child.  Sometimes you never know.  There are other children who need your expertise.  This child is safe in a foster home with parents who want to adopt him.  You have done all that you can.

    I went home that night fuming.  I wrote out my notes in front of the TV and cried some more.  I went in the next day and turned over my case file.  I was exhausted.  She hugged me.  By noon I had two more cases that needed to be investigated. 

    Later, some of us chuckled a bit about the doctor trying to relieve his guilt by praising my work.  We were hardcore.  We were cynical.  Now looking back, he was probably sincere.  Maybe.

    This work changes you.  You have choices to make about how it changes you.  Does it make you angry?  Does it make you hostile?  Or depressed?  Helpless? 

    There are a couple of “takeaways” in this story. 

    As a supervisor, know when to step in and guide your staff.  As a professional working in the field, learn your limits, and recognize when you stray too far from “center”.  Know when you have done all that you can do. There are some really “dark” secrets in this world.  Some of us have the responsibility to hear these secrets.  That responsibility is an honor.  You have been deemed trustworthy to hear the secret. 

    But this is about building resiliency.  How do you build resiliency without building tolerance and immunity?

    One way is when you lose your way and become too immersed, listen to the wise person who points that out to you.  Another way is to own your feelings.  Do not act like you don’t have a response to the terrible things you hear or see.  Choose healthy habits to deal with those feelings.  Follow good nutrition guidelines.  Exercise.  Seek therapy.  This will be a repeated theme throughout these stories.  Sometimes you get so buried in your work, the sadness, the enormity of it; that you cannot see the impact it is having on you.  Surround yourself with people you trust, who you will listen to, and who will care enough to point it out to you when you have reached your limit and need to recharge or change your course. (Doing this of course while maintaining confidentiality)

    Earlier I mentioned this work changes you.  It will do that for sure.  I am not the same person I was at 21 when I started working in this field.  Part of self-care is, in a career where so much is out of your control, control what you can.  You cannot control that the work will change you, but you can control how you integrate those changes.  Use your experiences to be grateful for your own life.  If you experienced abuse and can’t be grateful for your childhood, be grateful that you were strong enough to survive.  Be more compassionate.  Trauma explains a lot of our unacceptable behavior, but it is still unacceptable behavior.  Give yourself the gift of forgiveness for those behaviors and learn your triggers.   Show compassion, when you can, to yourself and to those around you.  Do the best you can—every day. 

    Listen.  Listen to those who guide you out of the quagmire of secondary trauma and allow them to help you find safety. 

    This is story # 5 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyStoriesFromThirtyYears #ThirtyFromThirty #ACareerInChildProtection

    Share This Story

  • Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 4

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 4

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    The Treasures I Carry with Me

    My blog series on building resiliency got put on the back burner as we all have had our hands full dealing with COVID 19. I, like you, am trying to return to some sort of normalcy. 

    In that vein, here is story #4. 

    This blog series is intended to be less about the journey shared in the stories told and more about the resiliency built through each experience — in hopes of helping others with a passion for protecting children and addressing child abuse to find their own resiliency.

    You can read all the stories here.

    When I started out as a caseworker, I have to be honest, I thought there would be more “thank yous” and gratitude.  Perhaps not from parents — but from someone.  Here thirty years later, I can maybe count the thank-yous received on one….maybe two hands. 

    Those two words are not something you hear frequently when you work in a field that is inundated with trauma.

    But if you look, you can SEE them.   If you are aware, you can FEEL them.  AND occasionally, they come from out of nowhere.  The irony is that I have never been good at accepting thank yous…really compliments of any kind.  I was raised to be humble.  Humble somehow equated to this weird shy brush off and redirection anytime anyone gave me a compliment or said thank you. 

    I have learned over the span of my career to hold on to those expressions of gratitude.  To reflect back on them when I am feeling overwhelmed or sad. 

    Those sweet little treasures of appreciation are a big part of my resiliency and self-care.

    There are a few moments in my career that I hold onto as testaments to me that what I do now and what I have done in the past matters.  They came later in my career.  Not surprisingly, after I left my role as a caseworker behind.

    Have you ever noticed that when you need to hear something or feel validated the universe has a weird habit of almost always delivering that to you wrapped up in a bow?  And really this can happen in all walks of life.  We need to be still.  We need to be alert.  If we are not, we can miss it.  Sometimes it is subtle reassurance and sometimes it is in your face!

    I was a new mother and working many hours.  My husband, at that time, traveled a lot for his work.  My toddler son was spending large amounts of time in daycare and with the babysitter.  I was also at a point in my career where I was doing both administrative work and still doing forensic interviews.  Some days there was just a whirlwind of stress and chaos.

    This particular day was just before Halloween.  I ran into Big Lots to buy some decorations to put up at home on my way to pick up my son.  Big Lots had just opened a store on the way to my son’s daycare.  It still had that brand-new look and all the shelves were organized.  I picked up a few things I was pretty sure would delight my son.

    I handed the cashier my card to pay for my purchases.  She read the card.  She stopped and stared at me.  Like one of those full-on stares into my eyes.  It seemed like an eternity.  Probably was like five seconds.  Her eyes welled up with tears.  She quietly whispered; I know you.

    There was a line of people waiting to pay for their newfound treasures.  I had gotten this before.  I always let people figure out where they know me from. They usually list church, or say, “You’re so and so’s friend.”  I usually just say something like, “I just have one of those faces” or “I don’t think I know them.”  Or some version of this.  Usually, I walk off before it dawns on them where they know me from.

    I want people to have their peace.  To know their stories are kept confidential.

    She insisted.  When she handed me my card back, she grabbed my hand and held it. I looked up at her and she was full-on crying at this point. She then said, “Thank you”.  I smiled and sort of nodded my head.  She then said, “You saved my daughter’s life and I will always be thankful.”  I stood there a moment longer.  She told me that she needed me to know that her daughter was okay.  She was okay and both of them were safe now.  I smiled awkwardly and said I was so glad.

    I then walked out to my truck and full-on cried.  I did not remember her daughter.  I did not remember her mom.  It is too much of a burden to remember all the stories, but you do carry their trauma.

    I cried mostly because I felt guilty for not remembering.  I cried because I felt guilty about being away from my son so much.  I cried because I was overwhelmed by her gratitude.  I cried because that day she helped me identify my value.

    I cried because I knew this would be one of those treasures I would need to remember when I felt I could no longer carry the burdens of my job.

    Another more recent affirmation came around Christmas time a few months ago.  My husband called me to tell me he had gotten a weird call from someone who said I was their caseworker when he was a kid.  He asked my husband to tell me “thank you.”  He did not leave a number.  He left a name, but it was not the name he went by as a child when I knew him.  I was stunned.  I had not heard from this child since 1996 or 97.

    His family was not an easy family to work with.  It was this weird out of nowhere call.  I hauled this kid all over the state of Louisiana.  He blew out of placements.  His siblings blew out of placements.  Memories of working with this child, his humor, his stubbornness, his quirky smile, his pain-filled eyes flashed through me like bolts of lightning.   

    I did end up tracking down a number and talking to him. (Actually, give credit where credit is due.  My husband did the detective work and found a number.)  Not to hear thank you, but to confirm that he was okay and is doing alright in life. 

    Another treasure to carry with me when I feel I can no longer carry the burdens of my job.

    If you do this work those treasures are there.  Look for them.  When I left my last job to move to beautiful Oregon to take my dream job, my colleagues threw me a going-away party.  Two things stood out for me.  And they were not expected and not something I had ever even really thought two seconds about. 

    One, a DHS supervisor came to me to thank me for helping her when she was a new supervisor trying to find her way.  She actually pulled me away from the party to an interview room…which seemed somehow fitting to end my career in the “small room”.   She had a hard time learning her supervisory skills.  There were a lot of complaints by both our partners and her staff.  I remember meeting with her a couple of times to talk about things.  I actually felt bad about having to have those conversations as they were not easy.  She felt supported and enough to thank me. 

    The other standout from my “going away” party I remembered clearly when one of my colleagues brought it to my attention.  There was a really bad case being handled at the Center.  I won’t go into the details of the case, but there was a lot of disagreement between supervisors and detectives and caseworkers on how to handle the case. 

    Something went really wrong.  I was a supervisor by then and I was not “working with” the team but had walked in to check on how I could be helpful and to check on what was currently happening.  The family had been at the Center all day.  By now it was 5 pm and I was trying to figure out how to plan for staff and for childcare for my own son — as it was clear no one was going home soon.  I was informed of the tragedy and there was a lot of anger and accusations being thrown around about who had let this tragic ending play out.  I quietly said, “None of this is helpful.  No one wanted this to happen and everyone was following policy.  Let’s focus on what is next.” 

    I left the room because I felt like I may have crossed the lines with some people I liked very much.  I stayed the entire night to support staff and the team.  I stayed busy sitting with children and calling in other team partners.  One of the team from that night told me at my going away party that my comments and “leadership” changed the conversation and refocused the team on helping the family and those children. 

    That little treasure has helped me feel confident in many situations that are uncomfortable. 

    These happen to be “my little treasures”.  Everyone has them.  This work is hard. 

    Sometimes you will have a child thank you but usually not, as they don’t always understand the magnitude of what you are doing to help them.  They are steeped in trauma and focused on surviving.  The parents won’t always say thank you because they are not happy, generally speaking, with the system being involved.  Sometimes your team will not say thank you because of their own secondary trauma, other stresses, or the laser focus on their case and wanting good outcomes. 

    I carry these little treasures in my heart to remind me of why I do this incredibly difficult work.  Find your treasures. I bet you have already had these moments happen in your career.  

    Be still.  Be alert.  Don’t miss them.  They will carry you through.

    This is story #4 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyStoriesFromThirtyYears #30From30 #ACareerInChildProtection

    Share This Story

  • A Late Mother’s Day Salute

    A Late Mother’s Day Salute

     

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I am late with my Mother’s Day blog posting this year. It seems that along with all of you, it is taking me longer to get things done because my brain is filled with all things COVID-19.

    I actually think a day to honor our maternal influences is not enough…we should have at least a week.

    So, with that thought in mind, here is my Mother’s Day blog.

    This year, I believe more than any other year for me, has highlighted the many, many roles our Mothers fill for our children and in this world. For me as a mom, the last two months have proved to be more challenging than when my child was a newborn. In those first few months of his life, I remember being sleep deprived and tired. I remember being scared that I was not doing “it” right. I remember a lot of private tears in the shower.

    Well, in the last two months I have spent a lot of sleepless nights in worry. I have questioned whether I was doing “this” right.

    There have been more tears in the shower as I tried to muster up enough steam to fulfill all the roles that I had shared with my “Mommy Tribe”, his teacher, and my son’s coaches. I have worried about my productivity at work. I have worried about whether I am giving enough to my child, to those I work with, to those in the community that I work with, and to the families and children the Children’s Advocacy Center serves.

    Somewhere in those tears, I decided to give myself some grace. Instead of trying to be perfect, I lowered some expectations. For me the bar was set at “Do no harm”.

    Now I recognize that seems pretty low. But when I set it that low for myself, I actually felt an energy surge. I was able to do more education opportunities for my son than his school was able. I was able to create some memories with my son and my family that I hope will bring smiles for a few years to come. I focused on making sure my son’s mental health was not being compromised by isolation.

    What does all that look like? Well, it looks like camping in the yard. It looks like cool crafts. It looks like giving my child purpose by increasing some of his chores. It looks like hiking or taking long walks through our neighborhood. It looks like a chalk drawing on our front driveway. It looks like baking and cooking together. It looks like watching and discussing movies together to find hidden life lessons. It looks like practicing social skills. It looks like relaxing some of the rules when we can. It looks like creating structure and routine around distance learning for school and chores.

    Most of the moms I know have become teachers, guidance counselors, and coaches in addition to their regular roles of meal-planner, referee, household manager, and nurturer. Some of us have added working from home, dog walker, and home sanitizer. And having to do so in isolation.

    What can we do for ourselves? To keep us moms going? My mommy tribe has upped our text game. We check in on each other. We social distance in the driveway. We social distance in a parking lot. We remind each other to take care of ourselves. We plan for when we can bring our kids and our families back together for our regular gatherings. We give each other grace. We support each other as we all do what is right for our families, with no judgment when someone else does it differently.

    For some families, there is a lot of added stress. For some children, food insecurities become even more prominent in their life as they miss the breakfasts and lunches provided to them at school. For some moms, stress is mounting as they try to figure out how to manage without an income, without knowing what will happen after the “goodwill” brought to us in the form of a stimulus check, mortgage payments put on hold, or rent delayed.

    I am worried about children who were not safe before the pandemic. I am worried about children who have been put in unsafe situations because of the pandemic. I am worried about the Mommas feeling like they are failing at this homeschooling, stay at home, keep their family healthy with little to no resources nightmare that has become our hopefully short-term reality. I also know that, if experience is any indication, we will all come together through this and help those who need our help. If you fall into one of the above-mentioned worries….please ask for help. Jackson County is full of good people who want to do “good” and help you.

    This has been a “Mother’s Day” to remember. What will you remember?

    I hope you remember that it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to need help. I hope you remember to extend yourself some grace as being a Mom is hard, but it is really hard during a pandemic. I hope you remember it is okay to love being home with no outside influences. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I hope that you remember that perfection is not attainable and that your child does not care about “perfect”.

    It is okay to ask for “do-overs” – I do that all the time. Remember that really, at this time, it is okay to use up all of our energy on being okay and making sure our kids are okay. There is no one way to do this parenting in isolation thing. We don’t have a reference for parenting like this.

    We have not been here before.

    Remember your child will not remember this time the same way you might. They may remember this time as the time that you were the family hero keeping everything moving forward with very few resources.

  • Thank you to our School Staff

    Thank you to our School Staff

     

    By Dr. Sue Skinner, Interim Medical Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Times are stressful.  Right here, right now. . . life is so much more complex and difficult than anything I would have ever imagined. . . even 3 months ago.  But.  I am one of the lucky ones; all my children have grown and I am not homeschooling them.  When Oregon schools closed on March 12, all minor children came home. Even for the best of families, this was stressful.  How to balance work, meals, education, sharing computers. . . all while worrying about what is going on in the world, and hoping no one gets sick and everyone keeps their job.  In Jackson County, just like in other counties across the US, many families were struggling even before we knew about COVID-19.  There were worries about finances or if the groceries would actually last all week,  if the car was going to start the next time, if child support money would actually arrive, if they could keep making minimum payments on credit card debt, or how they would find suitable child care in order to attend their 12-step meeting and maintain sobriety, or their counseling appointment, addressing their own childhood trauma. Families who had many struggles were barely getting by. . . and then came the corona virus, and their kids came home.

    With children out of school, parents are now responsible for keeping their kids on a schedule, making sure they “connect” with the online learning, addressing behaviors and discipline that siblings may be exhibiting more now that everyone is “cooped up” in a small space for an extended period of time.  Caregivers find themselves infinitely more stressed than they were just a few months ago.  And these children are more at risk for abuse.  In her article, The Coronavirus Could Cause a Child Abuse Epidemic, Dr. Nina Agrawal reminds us that where there is household dysfunction, the risk of child abuse goes up.  She states that suicide hotline calls are already up around the country, and New York is seeing an uptick in domestic violence.  There are reports of a surge in suspected child abuse cases in Texas.  She states that “many parents who are struggling. . . will no longer have any reprieve from the hard work of keeping children fed, entertained and educated.” 

    Now that schools are closed, I reflect on the irreplaceable foundation these institutions have become in our lives and I am reminded not only of the teachers who dedicate their long days to our kids but also the counselors, school nurses, resource officers, custodians, cafeteria staff, principals, and administrative body who work tirelessly behind the scenes.  All of us can remember, without much difficulty, someone in our school years who made a big impression:  I remember my 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Near, as being warm and accepting, during a year that was particularly difficult for me.  My high school math teacher, Ms. Borchardt, was the single person who instilled my love of mathematics, encouraging me to choose it for my college major. School staff teach, of course.  But they also support, guide, mentor, caretake. . . and protect our youth.  This is, perhaps, one of their most valuable roles.  School staff see children daily, for 9 months out of the year. Nationally, and in Jackson County, schools account for about 20% of the calls to the Child Abuse Hotline for exactly these reasons.  They see children on a regular basis, they are often one of the first people children and adolescents feel safe talking to.  Their role in child protection cannot be understated.  They are a true safety net for all our children, one we have been without since March 12. 

    It is easy to feel overwhelmed, given the worldwide pandemic surrounding us.  I like to remind myself of the saying “Just because you can’t do everything, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something.”  This helps to keep things in perspective.  What can we do? It is better to do one small thing, rather than feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed into inaction.  The second thing is that we stop and remember. . . we were all kids once!  Every single one of us!  Let’s challenge ourselves to be patient and tolerant of children, as we would have liked adults to have been with us when we were younger.  Third—try this:  Do something nice for a child who is in your life (maybe your own child, or a family member, or close neighbor).  Then, try and do something nice for a child who is NOT in your life.  Think—how can I ease stress for this child and this family during these difficult times?  Help out at/donate at a food bank?  Smile at a child you see on the walking path?  Listen, more than talk?  Donate supplies to your local school? Pick up the telephone and call the Child Abuse Hotline (in Oregon 1-855-503-7233) if you are concerned a child is being abused or neglected.   Try and be the helper, the positive influence for children and families, the safety net that is so needed right now.  Lastly, end your day with gratitude, for the teachers and all the school staff who teach and mentor our children.  Each and every day, they are creating a better tomorrow.

    “When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers.  You will always find people who are helping.”  ~Mr. Rogers

     

    Head shot Sue Skinner
    Dr. Sue Skinner

     

     

  • Upcoming 2023 Protect Our Children Prevention Trainings

     

    Stewards of Children

    Stewards of Children is an evidence-informed, award-winning two-hour
    training that teaches adults to prevent, recognize, and react responsibly to
    child sexual abuse. Through interviews with child sexual abuse survivors,
    experts, and treatment providers, Stewards of Children® teaches adults
    practical actions they can take to reduce instances of child sexual abuse
    in their organizations, families, and communities.

     

    During this training you will learn: 

    • How to prevent child sexual abuse

    •Spot the signs of abuse

    •Act responsibility if you suspect abuse

    •Reduce trauma-based behaviors and much more

     

     

    Upcoming Training Date(s): 

    September 2023

    Tuesday, September 12th

    Ashland Family YMCA

    540 YMCA Way, Ashland, OR 97520

    Time: 5:30PM-7:30PM

     

    Wednesday, September 20th

    Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    816 W. 10th St, Medford, OR 97501

    Time: 5:30PM-7:30PM

    Register Here! 

    October 2023

    Tuesday, October 10th

    Ashland Family YMCA

    540 YMCA Way, Ashland, OR 97520

    Time: 5:30PM-7:30PM

     

    Wednesday, October 18th

    Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    816 W. 10th St, Medford, OR 97501

    Time: 5:30PM-7:30PM

    Register Here!

    November 2023

    Tuesday, November 14th

    Ashland Family YMCA

    540 YMCA Way

    Ashland, Oregon 97520

     

    Wednesday, November 15th

    Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    816 W Tenth Street

    Medford, Oregon 97501

    Register Here!

    Trainings will not be held during the month of December 2023, but will resume January 2024. 

    *Trainings will be held in-person

    If you have questions regarding the trainings or would like to request a group training, contact Lacey Elliott at lelliott@cacjc.org or at 541-734-5437

  • Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 3

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 3

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County.

    This is story #3 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    Change Can Build Resiliency

    Right about now we could all use a little more resiliency with COVID-19 stealing our 2020 spring.

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years is a look back over a career in child protection and the small things that helped the work continue.

    Many of you know that I grew up in the Deep South and began my career in child protection there as what was called a Crisis Intervention Worker, CI for short.  It was my role to investigate child abuse reports on behalf of the state of Louisiana.  It was my first “real-world” job and continues to be the basis of many of the “real-world” beliefs I hold true to today.

    If you aren’t from the South, let me explain some of the culture around raising children with values and beliefs.

    In the South, really good people use corporal punishment to instill “goodness”, “integrity”, and good old-fashioned values in their children. It was difficult at best to decipher what was abuse and what was “culture”.

    The standard line was then, and still is today, “You can ____ (insert your favorite word – hit, whip, beat, knock, slap) your child as long as you do not leave a mark.”

    This was still the litmus test back in the early 90’s.  In fact, in Louisiana it was not uncommon for teachers or principals in public school to hit children with ping-pong paddles or homemade paddles, without getting parental permission before hand. 

    Some of the more tenured school employees had really unique and well-thought-out decorated paddles that were a testament to fine craftsmanship.  They might have holes drilled in them, have a high lacquered shine or very artistic handles.  Some were fondly named by their owner.  I have no idea if this is still the practice in schools.  I suspect it is still the practice in homes.

    Early on in my career I got many physical abuse reports assigned to me that were, what some would call, “discipline gone too far.”

    I used to keep a list of objects that had been used to discipline children that came to my attention during investigations.  I still remember most of these: hairbrushes, combs, wooden spoons, spatulas, electrical cords, bamboo shoots, switches (basically, small thin tree limbs), paddles – as described above, wooden chair legs, yardsticks, rulers, broomsticks, fists, open hands, socks with a bar of soap (yes, true story), rope, belts, shoes, flip-flops, slippers, baseball bats, etc. I could go on but I think you get the gist of it. 

    Those of you not from the South would see this list and be incredulous that anyone would ever think using these items would be anything but abusive.  But Southerners react in the moment, swiftly and quickly, with whatever they can get their hands on.  AND they do so out of love for their children and out of fear of their children growing up to be irresponsible or worse yet a “thug.” 

    In the beginning part of my career, parents would usually get a “pass” the first time a report was made of bruises being left as a result of discipline — depending on where the bruises were, how severe they were and a few other measures that seemed reasonable at the time in that place.

    In the mid 90’s that all changed.  It actually was the unintended consequence of new policy that was passed through legislature.

    Or at least as I remember, it was more than just policy written by a social service employee somewhere in a higher up position.  It was pretty much forced out as a “no choice” new policy.  In the state of Louisiana at that time, as a result of this policy, no record of any unsubstantiated report of abuse could be kept for longer than 2 or 3 years.  At the end of the time frame, they would be shredded.  The reports, the notes, the medical exam etc.  The unintended consequence was that no longer would there be unsubstantiated abuse in cases where marks, either intentional or unintentional, were left on a child as a result of discipline. 

    No one wanted to be the case worker that unsubstantiated a case with a bruise, that later escalated to “real” abuse.  Reading that now seems absurd.  Of course it was abuse all along. There are too many stories and too many bruises to even begin to write about here. 

    I could write a whole book on bruises alone.  Sad but true. 

    You read this and wonder how is this about resiliency? For me, this passing of a new policy was a pivotal moment in my career and in my desire to look for alternatives to give parents regarding discipline methods.

    It was no longer my discretion.  No longer was it part of accepted culture. 

    It doubled my paperwork because I had more founded cases than I had before the policy.  It challenged my beliefs around culture.  It also made me come at my job with more compassion and empathy than before.  The intention behind the abuse was no longer the deciding factor but was only a consideration in how to move forward. 

    The challenge to learn more about the impact of physical discipline on children became real and now there is actual research out there to address this issue.

    The resiliency part comes in the way to move forward with change.

    Change is the one constant in the field of child abuse.  Some change is good.  Some change is bad.  Some change is not the expected change but the unintended consequence of some other change. 

    Resiliency comes in being able to adapt and move forward. 

    Self-care comes with learning what changes are not ones you are willing or able to make. 

    Self-care comes in knowing that policy and change in policy helps to create boundaries in this work. 

    Self-care is recognizing there is always something to learn from change and that many policies work because the things we learn from past experiences are embedded in that policy change.

    Ironically, in this particular case as in many before and many after, the change did not come from any particular learning.  It was a political move.  Someone somewhere that had a bit of a reputation to keep clean, who also had “pull”, somehow got caught leaving bruises on a child.

    The unintended consequence was actually the right reason to begin to try to change the culture.

    Instead of having more discretion in the defining of abuse when it came to bruises, it actually, for most workers across the state, defined it more narrowly.  As a result of that, the messaging changed.

    It changed from you can hit your child as long as you don’t leave a mark — to let’s talk about other methods you can use to help teach your child discipline that do not involve hitting.  What are “alternatives” to physical discipline?

    Some of the popular ones are Love and Logic and Conscious Discipline.  These provide guidance and strategies for parents.  They are really more trainings/parenting classes.  Conscious Discipline was developed for classroom management and then began being taught to parents. 

    There are books on both of these methods.  There are online resources, as well, for both of these techniques.  There are others but these are the ones I am most familiar with.

    April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

    April also seems to be stay at home with your children month as a result of COVID-19. 

    Maybe you have always wanted to learn about other parenting strategies.  These strategies are a lifetime commitment of consistency in parenting. 

    Maybe today is the day you look into it.

    This is story #3 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyFromThirty #30StoriesFrom30Years #ACareerInChildProtection

    Share This Story

  • Tips for making it through Covid-19 concerns while your children are at home

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    The Coronavirus has become a pandemic crisis impacting every aspect of our lives.  Parents are being forced into the role of educator as our children are pushed into a home-schooling situation.  To add to that stress, many of us do not know how long we will have a paycheck or a job, as so many industries are having to reduce operations or shut down completely.  We are being asked to limit contact with others. 

    All of this is causing anxieties to rise in both adults and children. 

    Be mindful that your children are looking to you to see if they should be scared. Do not completely ignore what is happening.  Answer your child’s questions in an age appropriate way.  Develop a new routine so that your child can feel safe.  Talk to them about taking the recommended precautions to stay healthy. 

    Additionally, do a daily “worry” check in. 

    With my child it goes something like this, “Let’s check in.  Tell me something you are worried about today?”  or “Are you concerned about anything today?”  It is enlightening what you may find out.  Many days those concerns have nothing to do with what is currently happening and many times it is something that a parent can address easily.  The latter is great.  It gives you a boost in your confidence level as a parent and your child is reassured that things are okay.  Soon, you may find that your child is initiating the daily check in.  “Hey Mom!  Tell me how your day went?  What made you happy today?”  At my house, we change the questions up.  Sometimes worried focused questions, sometimes feelings focused questions and sometimes activity focused questions.

    Here are some ideas for activities that you can do to keep your child engaged and to help with your own self-care during this unsettling time:

    • Read a book aloud. My child’s class has read-aloud time during the school day and it is something he enjoys.  Pick a series and read together for thirty minutes a day.
    • Do an art project together. Draw, make slime, finger paint, color—build with Legos.
    • Write a “book” together. Develop a story line, take turns writing paragraphs, create illustrations.  It can be a true or fantasy.
    • Take a hike. Go someplace and enjoy nature together.
    • Watch a movie or find a series on Netflix or Amazon Prime that is family friendly. Gilligan’s
    • Bake or cook with your child. This helps to develop math, reading and survival skills.
    • Teach your child to clean and disinfect.
    • Play outside…basketball, catch, blow bubbles, hide and seek, take a walk.
    • Play tic tac toe, board games, card games, or make up your own game.

    Structure can help get you through this crisis and as a bonus the “together time activities” will help to strengthen family bonds.

     

    Image of Tammi Pitzen
    Tammi Pitzen
  • Center Open, but limited to Emergency & Crisis Situations

    Center Open, but limited to Emergency & Crisis Situations

    IMPORTANT MESSAGE

    The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County will remain open but limited to emergency and crisis related situations.   Our therapy department will be moving to providing services by phone or a HIPPA complaint web based platform.  This week most appointments were cancelled in order to work out a process to move in a way to be able to continue to provide interventions in a safe way.

    We will continue to schedule, on an emergency basis, forensic interviews.  As always these will be scheduled through law enforcement or child protection and we will work those entities to do so in as timely and in accordance to CDC recommendations.  We will be evaluating this daily based on the latest recommendations and what we learn about the spread of COVID 19.  “Emergency Basis” is being defined by law enforcement and child protection protocols and the ability to secure safety of the child needing the interview.

    We are increasing our cleaning of our building wiping down surfaces throughout the day.

    We are going to a smaller staff being on site at any given time.  If the phones ring longer or go to voicemail more frequently please be patient.

    We know that child abuse does not stop for any reason and we are working on being as responsive as we can and still help stop the spread of  COVID 19.

    We will be limiting the number of people in our work spaces.  What that translates to is we are trying very hard not to have more than one family in our building at one time.  NO ONE will be allowed in the building who is currently ill, running a fever or has had flu like symptoms in the last five days.

    We are not accepting donations of any used or gently used items at this time.  We are accepting snacks that are prepackaged by the manufacturer (i.e. goldfish, animal crackers,  etc.)  While we are not serving the usual number of children, we will be very soon have an increase once the CDC recommendations are lifted.

    We are also accepting donations of cleaning supplies such as Clorox, Lysol, or cleaning wipes.  These are in high demand.  We have some supplies right now but like you are uncertain how long this may be a need.  We are not assembling a stockpile of any supplies which means at the rate we are going we will run out.

    Additionally we are accepting gift cards in ten dollar increments to grocery stores in order to help out the families we serve who may not be receiving an income right now or may be facing reduced income or will need help with food even after the immediate concern is lifted.

    At this time all Protect Our Children trainings are cancelled or postponed.  After April 15th we will reevaluate based on the most current recommendations from the Governor and CDC at that time.

    Thank you

    Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County