When did you start volunteering at the Children’s Advocacy Center?
I started volunteering at the Children’s Advocacy Center on September 20, 2017.
How did you become familiar with the Center, how did you find out?
I became familiar with the Center through two sources: A list of possible internship facilities through the SOU website, as well as a recommendation from DHS.
What do you do at the Center?
I spend my volunteer time at the Center in the Medical and Therapy departments. There, I help with any administration tasks that need done, along with keeping the Center clean, stocked, and friendly for children. I also, when the occasion calls for it, help watch the children while their guardians are in a therapy session. I would say my main task, though, is to job shadow and see the everyday workings of the Center.
Why do you volunteer?
Along with volunteering for my SOU Capstone Project, I volunteer to bring experience and enrichment to my own life, as well as to be a helping hand within the community by creating a safe and friendly environment for abused children when they need it most.
What is your favorite part of volunteering?
My favorite part of volunteering, would be general job shadowing and learning the ins-and-outs of the Center, as well as being able to interact with the children we are helping.
What is the passion you have for volunteering at the center?
My passion I have for volunteering at the Center, is to be able to put my education and personal experiences about child abuse and mental health, into action. Being able to help others, not only through this volunteer experience, but also my other work with Crisis Text Line, is where I feel I belong in this world and can be the most useful to my community.
What are your thoughts about the Center, the work we do here and how it relates to you and your volunteering?
The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County is an environment where children (and their non-offending guardians) who are already going through what is typically a traumatic experience, can feel safe and comfortable. Having a safe place, I think, is one of the most important things for a child to have. The work the Center does relates to me and my volunteering by showing me what it takes, not just the ins-and-outs of the Center and the legality and procedures, but also through support and compassion, to truly ‘be there’ for the abused children and their families of our community.
There is always room for more volunteers! Please let us know if you have a place in your heart to help children and their families. We can set up a time to for a Center tour and talk about how you might want to help the abused children and their families we serve.
Contact Ginny Sagal at vsagal@cacjc.org or call her at 541-282-5474 EXT 1013
By Leah Howell, Training Coordinator, The Protect Our Children Project of The Children’s Adv0cacy Center of Jackson County
One aspect of effective child sexual abuse prevention is creating a relationship with your child or other children in your care that encourages openness about their body boundaries.
Adults should always support a child in deciding for themselves when and how they choose to show physical affection. Encouraging this autonomy establishes that the child is in control of the decisions that concern their bodies. If a child feels uncomfortable or uneasy or resistant to physical affection, they should be encouraged to verbalize and act on it without opposition from parents or other adults.
While taking the Stewards of Children training, participants are asked to think about how they would start a conversation with their child about establishing their body boundaries. This is a very important ongoing discussion to have with your child.
Many times this is an intimidating idea for parents who may not be comfortable knowing what to say, or how to start this conversation with their children. There are a number of age appropriate books and stories that will aid a parent in starting the conversation, and to help a child to understand. This blog summarizes a number of these helpful books: https://rhythmsofplay.com/books-that-help-kids-develop-healthy-personal-boundaries/
When did you start volunteering at the Children’s Advocacy Center?
I started volunteering at the Children’s Advocacy Center in July of 2017.
How did you become familiar with the Center? How did you find out?
I found out about the Center initially online when I was searching for organizations that I wanted to volunteer for that helped children who have been affected by negative adverse events in their lives. Later I learned more about the specific services that the Center provides children from the CAC Communication and Outreach Coordinator, Ginny Sagal.
What do you do at the Center?
At the Center I volunteer in the Medical building where I do a variety of different helpful tasks. Of those tasks, my favorites are playing with the children while they are waiting to go back for their appointments, helping Eliza make new patient folders, and making appointment reminder calls.
Why do you volunteer?
I volunteer at CAC, because I really value their mission to help children by providing them a safe place to receive help and positive experiences to carry with them in their lives. I wanted to be a part of the impact this Center has on these children.
What is your favorite part of volunteering?
My favorite part of volunteering is being able to play and read books to the children who come into the Center.
What is the passion you have for volunteering at the Center?
My passion for volunteering at the Center stems from my educational background and my love for children. At the end of June 2018, I will graduate from SOU with a Bachelor of Science in Psychology and Criminal Justice. The Children’s Advocacy Center is the perfect place for me to be able to help children and make a difference in a wonderful and supportive environment.
Can you give us a quote on your thoughts about the Center, the work we do here and how it relates to you and you’re volunteering?
The Children’s Advocacy Center has created a unique safe place for children to be able to heal from negative experiences and become children again. This is a hard field to be in, but each employee has a passion for this type of work, which is evident by the way they interact with the children, families, and volunteers that come through their doors each day. I really enjoy being able to be a part of this organization and the impact that it has on these children. I look forward to my volunteer shift each week.
There is always room for more volunteers. Please let us know if you have a place in your heart to help children and their families. We can set up a time to for a Center tour and talk about how you might want to help the abused children and their families we serve.
Contact Ginny Sagal at vsagal@cacjc.org or call her at 541-282-5474 EXT 1013
By Theresa Hart. Development Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Each year the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County hosts a fundraising luncheon. During these luncheons, guests will receive an update from Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director, about what’s happened at the CAC in the last year.
They will also hear the story of a survivor and how each person can help the children we serve.
On October 12th from 12 noon – 1 pm, the CAC will host its 11th Annual Cherish a Child Luncheon at Inn at the Commons. It is our second largest fundraising event.
I love the luncheon as it provides a look into what we do and inspires people to make a difference in a child’s life. The event is only one hour and lunch is provided. We ask attendees to give what will satisfy their hearts. Attendees may give a one-time gift or a sustaining gift over the next 12 months.
The theme of this year’s fundraising luncheon is Planting a Seed.
Attendees will learn how the work we do is planting seeds of healing in the lives of abused children and their families. They will learn about our community partners who are planting seeds of healing and how they too can plant seeds of healing in our community.
By giving to the CAC, you are planting seeds of healing in a child’s life.
I’m excited to share that this year’s survivor story will focus on how the seeds of healing were planted in the heart of the mother of an abused child thirty years ago. It is a truly inspiring story that you won’t want to miss.
What we know is that when an intervention is timely, a child can heal from the abuse and grow up to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. We also know that the families of these victims also have needs. When those families are helped, they will provide a healthy and safe environment for their child to heal.
Our newly formed Family Support Team provides advocacy and services to the families of victims. Sometimes when a child comes to our Intake Center, their only possessions are the clothes on their backs. That child’s parent may have had to leave their home, and they may have no place to go.
Because of the generosity of donors, there is a clothes closet where our Family Support Team may pull out an outfit or two for that child. We work with community partners like ACCESS, where there is food available for the family. If they need additional clothing or other items to set up their new home, we will give them a Goodwill Industries voucher to purchase items from one of their stores. We work with other agencies to help these families.
We are truly grateful for the community partners doing great work to help these families.
The CAC is a place where children can come to tell the story of their abuse in a loving environment that feels like a home. If they have been injured, they will receive a medical evaluation by a specially trained medical provider. These head-to-toe evaluations can take two hours or more to perform. During that time, evidence is collected and other medical needs are assessed. Our medical providers give referrals so those additional needs may be addressed. Some of these children have not seen a doctor since they were born. They also provide assurance to these children that their bodies will heal. These children may also receive a therapy assessment to determine their needs.
We offer short- and long-term therapy as well as specialized therapy groups for the victims. There is also a Parent Group where the non-offending parent may learn how to care for a child that has been through trauma. The CAC is a place of healing. Your gift will plant seeds of healing and recovery in an abused child’s life. Your gift will help those families to provide a safe and healthy environment for their child to heal.
Your gift also plants seeds of healing in our community. We partner with The Ford Family Foundation to provide PROTECT OUR CHILDREN child sexual abuse prevention training where adults learn to identify the signs of abuse and are given tools to intervene and to prevent child abuse from happening. During the last two years, we have trained 1100 people Jackson County. We offer monthly trainings at the Medford Library as well as provide trainings at schools, agencies, churches and organizations that work with children. I would encourage anyone who has or works with children or youth to take this training.
We work closely with community partners who specialize in child abuse. We assist them in planting seeds of healing in the community. We work closely with the Department of Human Services-Child Protection Division (DHS), law enforcement, CASA, Family Nurturing Center, Community Works, the District Attorney’s Office and many more to help in the identification, intervention, prevention, and prosecution of child abuse cases in Jackson County.
Register for the luncheon and make a gift to the Children’s Advocacy Center. While we do not charge for the luncheon, you will be asked to give a donation of either a one time or sustaining gift to help abused children. Registration is required.
Thank you for all you do to plant seeds of healing in the life of children. We are grateful for your ongoing support of abused children in our community. We hope that you will join us at the Cherish a Child Luncheon on October 12th.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Last month Taylor Swift was awarded one dollar in a law suit against D.J. David Mueller.
If you do not know the story, here is the short version. A few years ago, Taylor Swift was in Denver at a Meet ‘N Greet and David Mueller grabbed her bare butt under her skirt. Her mother later reported it to his employers and they fired him. He then sued for defamation and lost. Taylor Swift counter sued him for sexual assault for 1 dollar and won.
I will be honest that I was never a big fan of Taylor Swift. I liked “Shake It Off” as much as the next guy I guess. It was a catchy tune. If you would have asked me a month ago if I thought she was a good role model for our daughters, I probably would have said, “no”. You can google her and a long string of articles involving boyfriend drama come up.
On August 15, 2017 that changed. I would tell you now that I am thankful for her courage. I am thankful she made a statement when she could have made it about money.
I would even go so far as to say that parents should use this “incident” as a teaching moment for our sons as well as our daughters.
She went to trial when she could have remained silent. This young lady did not back down when the defense attorney tried to place blame on her. She stood proudly and stood firm. She CALLED the OFFENDER out! She clearly and firmly stated, “I’m not going to allow you or your client to say I am to blame.” In my head, this statement is followed by the court room spectators doing the wave!
She received a dollar as her judgement. This move has silenced the would-be naysayers who would claim this was about money. It was about more than money. It was about sending a message.
I think Taylor Swift has changed the conversation and here are the reasons why I think so…
1) By stepping out of the shadows, she has literally just shown the world that you can be a victim of sexual assault, tell your story and be believed. This move will send a message to young teenage girls struggling…to full grown adult women…to the famous and the never known…that there is hope and safety available out there. Heck! Let’s hope the message crosses the gender line and brings hope to all people who have suffered abuse.
2) I do not know at what point it became accepted that men had the right to grope a woman. Somehow the message has been sent that if you are a pretty young girl with a great body, you are asking for someone to touch you and that if they do, it is okay. You should not be so fit or so pretty. Taylor Swift has shown that you can be pretty. You can be successful. AND has boldly reminded the world that it is not okay to grab someone who does not want to be grabbed. Anywhere. Much less on their bare bottom. Boys will be boys is no longer tolerated.
3) You can be 27 and change the world. Your voice matters. You can change the conversation.
4) No matter how much she was pressured, led, or blamed…she held firm and redirected the responsibility back on the offender.
5) The conversation changed when it was not about money. I guess I don’t have a problem if it had been about money. If you are abused, no amount of money is going to change that it happened, but it can give you the resources to recover. But by taking money out of the equation, those who always go there…have no reason to. When I say “go there”…you know what I am talking about…she is only trying to make a buck. She is only trying to ruin his life, his career. She is only trying to bankrupt the poor guy.
He ruined his life and career by making poor choices. She did not bankrupt him. She did not profit in any way from this except to gain an almost 50-year-old woman living in Medford Oregon as a fan.
Diode Laser Concepts volunteers assemble our new train table
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Many of you have heard me say that child abuse is a community problem that deserves a community response. I actually say and write that frequently. It did not originate with me, and I actually can’t tell you who said it first. What I can say is that it resonates with me.
I can also say that I see my community step up and be a part of the response every single day.
Every time, it makes me proud of the community I live in and every time, it makes me feel humbled and in awe of the generosity of this community. Every time, it makes me feel a little emotional that so many people care about the outcomes of the children we serve at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County.
Some of you right now are asking yourself, “What is a community response?”
A community response is a group of runners who donated proceeds from the Siskiyou Outback (or as it is known by its more irreverent name ‘the SOB’) to provide safety to staff and to the children and families we serve in the form of an updated security system. This is so needed and is one of those things people may not think about.
Erin, Rob, John and Susan—those who run the race—came for a tour and decided that the gift of safety and security was one that the children we serve and the staff who serves them deserve.
I went out to Mt. Ashland to watch some of the day’s activities and was moved by the runners who were cheering each runner who crossed the finish line. It made me wish that each child who visits the Center for services could see a finish line…and made me hope that they felt that same level of support when they crossed the threshold of the door of the Center. I was moved again when I hugged each of those people who made this gift possible.
This is a big deal. This is a community response. This is one way to make kids who have had safety ripped from their hands feel safe again.
Thank you is inadequate. But it is all I have. That and my undying gratitude that they recognize the work we do and value the service we provide. Not only do they value the service, but value those giving and receiving the service.
A community response is a young man named Milan who coordinates and facilitates a one-day soccer camp to benefit the Children’s Advocacy Center during the heat of early July. The soccer camp is free with a request of a donation to help the Center. This is an amazing camp that children from our community, both those who receive services from our agency and those from the general public, come together to learn social skills, to learn team building, to learn to play soccer, and to really just have fun. This all came about because a young man came on a tour and wanted to give something. His passion is soccer. He wanted to give his passion to the children of the Rogue Valley and to our agency in hopes of providing healing to the children who pass through our doors in need of compassion, safety, and healing.
A community response is Jeff Pevar, Inger Jorgensen and LOVEBITE playing a benefit concert at Grizzly Peak Winery to raise awareness about child abuse in our community and to raise money to help solve the problem. It was amazing to hear these talented musicians giving us their gift in an effort to make it possible to dream of a place where no child will ever feel unwanted, devalued, and minimized. A place where no child will suffer at the hands of another…where no child will bear the marks of abuse…where no child wears the hidden scars left by the trauma of abuse. A community response is a dance floor filled with people who came to support the cause and enjoy an evening listening to some really good music.
A community response is Dagoba Chocolate picking the Children’s Advocacy Center to do a service project to insure that children who need clothes in a time of crisis will have complete outfits put together with just them in mind.
A community response is Diode Laser Concepts who sends a small army once a month to take care of all of our “honey do’s”…which can be anything from cleaning out our gutters, getting spider webs off one of our buildings or putting together a new train table.
A community response is group of professionals from Banner Bank who painted offices as part of United Way’s Day of Caring.
A community response is a volunteer Board of Directors who shows up every month for meetings, who share their good fortune to support the programs we offer, who share their gifts with our agency…who provide guidance to an Executive Director whenever it is needed.
A community response is a volunteer Advisory Council who provides advice, connections, and support, so the children of our community have access to healing services.
I am humbled over and over again by the generosity of those who give their gifts to support the abused children who receive healing and recovery services from the Children’s Advocacy Center.
The ones written about in this blog are only the most recent. With each word typed, I am reminded of others who have given of themselves to help support our children. Perhaps they will be the inspiration for another blog.
Every gift counts. Every gift is valued. Every gift is precious. Every gift provides healing.
Today as I sit in my office working on grants, working on paying the bills, working on all the less glamorous things that are connected to running a nonprofit agency, I am so thankful.
I am thankful that I am surrounded by people in my community who see the unseen and rise to the challenge in a move to end child abuse. I am thankful to have had the opportunity to meet Rob, Susan, Erin, John, Milan, Jeff, Inger, Paul, Jacob, and Matthew.
I am thankful that I live in a place that when someone says, “Child abuse is a community problem that deserves a community response”…that the community responds.
By Ginny Sagal, Communication & Outreach Coordinator for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
It’s 9am and the Children’s Advocacy Center is open. Clients are coming in for a therapy session, therapy assessment, medical service, or forensic interview.
They are greeted by a CAC employee and many times by a volunteer.
This is a volunteer who has given their time and heart to help out at the Center. The volunteers who help out at the Children’s Advocacy Center are given a variety of tasks to do that are catered to their interest, skillset, and our client’s needs.
Many come to the Center to be with the children.
They play games, read stories, or just hang with them. Having kind and caring volunteers help out with the children makes the waiting sometimes not so scary. They also comfort the parents, who are sometimes just as scared and confused as the kids.
We have volunteers that also help with filing and keeping our closet, where we store extra clothing for our clients, organized. Some volunteers love to get involved in our once a year Winter Gala fundraiser that requires many hours of their time.
Once a week in the evening, we have a special parent therapy group that is totally run by the volunteers and facilitated by one of our therapists. The volunteers make dinner for the kids and parents. While the parents are in the group session with the therapist, the volunteers play games and make crafts with the kids. When the session is done, these dedicated volunteers stay to help clean up.
Our volunteers come from all walks of life.
We have some that are students who are working on college credits that pertain to social service and criminal justice work. There are companies that come to the Center as a team to help us out on a project. Many are retirees that have chosen our Center to help out in the next phase of their lives.
The Children’s Advocacy Center has a child sexual abuse prevention training that is done by volunteers. This program is called the “Protect our Children, Darkness to Light, Stewards of Children” training.
Being a volunteer at the Children’s Advocacy Center is like being part of a big family. Like most families, some days are easier than others, but the devotion and love that our volunteers give to our Center and our clients makes every day a special one.
There is always room for more volunteers. Please let us know if you have a place in your heart to help children and their families. We can set up a time to for tour and talk about how they want to help the abused children and their families at the Center. Contact Ginny Sagal at vsagal@cacjc.org or call her at 541 282 5474.
By Theresa Hart, Development Director for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
In March, we created three stories of children who have received services in our Medical Department for our Caring for Kids Campaign. These stories were based on real life experiences of children who had received services in our Medical Department. The details of their experiences were altered to protect their identities.
“Jayden’s” story touched me very deeply.
“Jayden” suffered sexual abuse by her mother’s boyfriend. She and her mother were brought to the Children’s Advocacy Center after her mother found her 13-year-old daughter inconsolable upon her return home.
After disclosing the abuse at the Center, Jayden was brought to our Medical Department where she received a head to toe evaluation. Additionally, our in-house pediatrician administered a test for sexually transmitted infections and a pregnancy test. When she left the Center that day, Jayden carried with her a quilt and the assurance that she was healthy and that her body would be okay. Jayden is receiving therapy at the Center and her mother is in treatment for substance abuse.
Jayden was fortunate to have come to the Children’s Advocacy Center where she could receive our specialized medical services, tell the story of her abuse and receive therapy in one child-focused center.
There are many children who have experienced abuse and neglect in the Rogue Valley. The CAC is the only place of its kind In Jackson County. Last year, Jayden was the recipient of one of the more than 200 medical services performed by our Medical Department.
Jayden suffered the kind of abuse we don’t like to talk about.
But here’s the thing, child abuse is a community problem, and it requires a community response. CAC’s partners were involved throughout her story, from law enforcement, DHS, community members, businesses, and other local organizations. The quilt Jayden took home was made by a local church group.
Community members and businesses can partner with us during the Caring for Kids Campaign to support our Medical Department services. These donations go to pay medical staff salaries, equipment, and supplies.
We are recruiting a nurse practitioner to perform additional medical evaluations and services to extend our Medical Department hours to 40 per week. Now more than ever we need community partnerships and support to help us continue our work with abused children.
There’s still time to partner with us during the Caring for Kids campaign. The deadline to make a donation is June 30. To make a difference in a life of other child victims, send your donation to 816 W. 10th Street, Medford, OR 97501.
Recently we all watched as the Bill Cosby trial came to an end in a mistrial. It seems so hard to understand how this could happen when he admitted to giving drugs to the victim so that he could have sex with her. For those of us immersed in this work, that admission is a huge red flag for so many different reasons, but the one that stands out the most is that we all know that if someone is intoxicated or heavily under the influence or otherwise rendered incapacitated then they are unable to consent to sexual activity. I have a guest blogger today writing about this case…when I read her blog it rings true and I wanted to share it with you. Katie Wilson is a 23 year old California native who is pursuing a path in journalism by sharing her truth through her own blog. (Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director)
Allegations of Cosby’s alleged sexual misconduct first came to light in November of 2014. Since then there have been more than 50 women who have come forward, and claimed to have been a victim of Cosby’s misconduct. According to these women Cosby would drug them, usually in their drinks, or in regular pill form offered as a pain reliever. The women then claim they woke up groggily some time later in bed either during or after the rape occurred. When news first broke there were thirteen women who were anonymously going to testify against Cosby, being called the “Jane Does.” As time went on, some of these women felt comfortable coming forward and identifying themselves to share more of their story, as to help other victims who were afraid, or ashamed to come forward. The women stated they wanted to help and wanted to come together in support, in a way that those of us who have never been through such a tragedy can not.
There were opinions from all sides as Cosby maintained his innocence. Quite a lot of people didn’t want to believe that the comedian who had always been portrayed as a family man/father figure was capable of committing such acts. Others trying to belittle the claims, or find ways to defend the seventy-nine year old’s actions. Claiming that the women wanted to have relations with him, and defending all of his choices, many believing the defenses that he began stating in an attempt to maintain his own innocence. Then there were the radical feminists calling for a hulk sized take-down of a man who had lived a life so vile.
On June 12 the trial against Cosby for the rape of Andrea Constand began. Despite numerous evidence that this is not a singular occurrence, and something that Cosby is all but admitted to; i.e. Jokes in a segment about spiking women’s drinks to get them to have sex with him; the jury was somehow not able to reach a verdict after more than fifty-two hours of deliberating. This causing Judge Steven O’Neil to declare the case a mistrial. While prosecutors have vowed to retry Cosby in the one hundred and twenty day period in which they have to do so, this mistrial is very important for our society today. We live in a world where only three hundred and ten out of a thousand assault cases are even reported. In those three hundred, only fifty seven will lead to an arrest according to records. Of those an even smaller portion will face trial with reportedly only six out of the three hundred actually facing any sort of criminal charge. With statistics like these victims who already feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, or regret have a hard time finding a reason to make themselves relive all of the trauma they have been through, countless times in order to maybe, possibly, find justice if they’re part of that one percent.
When a trial takes over a media firestorm and someone with mass popularity and nationwide love no longer is safe from justice; someone who is widely known and loved has to stand up and face his crimes, then women everywhere begin to see a light of hope. A hope for a nation that will not tell them that it is their fault they were assaulted. A nation that doesn’t tell a woman to cover up but a man to respect her no matter what. A world in where three months in prison and a slap on the wrist is never an okay punishment for rape. But suddenly then there’s a mistrial. Because despite the evidence our society doesn’t want to believe that there can be this kind of ugliness. That despite the hurt and the pain we would rather hide it away and cover it up.
This mistrial shows women that no matter how loud you scream and shout, no matter how hard you fight someone is always going to think you’re making it up. This mistrial shows that while we have made bold leaps in the last hundred years for equality we still have a very long way to go. Until women feel safe walking the street and standing in their truth, until we can get comfortable revealing the ugly hidden beneath our country, and bringing it to light we can not claim to be America the Beautiful.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
I am definitely my father’s daughter.
I can remember when I was 4 or so, following him around just like his shadow, no matter what he was doing. When he was mowing the lawn, I was right there in his footsteps making every turn, row by row. When he was building stuff out in the carport…you bet I was there with my fingers in my ears. I also remember my Dad making just about everything a game or a story. He used to hide Lifesavers around the house for me and my sister to find. He and I had this running story about Tippy our dog…which as I grew up sounded very much like stories of Snoopy’s adventures.
In my pre-adolescent years, we had a standing date every Saturday night from April to June or so. We would go downtown and watch Little League Baseball games. It didn’t matter really who was playing, but being a small town, we were pretty sure we would know the players. I love baseball to this day; not because of the game but because of those warm humid nights under the lights sitting in an uncomfortable lawn chair with my Dad next me. I don’t care about watching it on T.V. It isn’t about the game.
In high school I can remember more than once my dad wiping my tears after a broken heart—sometimes broken by a “dumb” boy, sometimes broken by my own actions and sometimes broken because life is unfair.
One of my very favorite “Dad” memories was my junior year in high school. My mom must have had something going on…I don’t remember how this fell to him, but he took me to the mall—an hour one way from our town—to shop for a prom dress. I remember that prom being a disaster for me, but I always smile when I think of it because I had the trendiest, prettiest dress featured in Seventeen magazine.
He has been such an important part of guiding me into the person that I am today. I sleep, to this day, with his dog tags lying on my nightstand from his Vietnam days. A symbol for me of determination, courage and survival—reminding me that obstacles are made to be overcome.
I see the importance of a father’s love in my son’s life. I see it in the way he mimics his father’s mannerisms. I hear it when he asks his dad “Did I do good?” after a baseball game or after casting his fishing line. I hear it in his laughter when he and his Dad are playing one of those annoying “boy” games that I don’t understand. I see it in his eyes when they light up when Dad tells him he’s done a good job. I see it when he deflates because Dad reprimanded him for something that he did. I know that he feels protected when his Dad is around because on the, now, rare occasions that his Dad travels without us; he somehow always ends up sleeping with me. No matter what…from leaf blowers (no joke) to sandals, “I want, fill in the blank, just like Dad’s!”
Sigmund Freud stated the strongest need in childhood is a father’s protection. There is research out there that says that children with involved fathers have a social and academic advantage over their counterparts whose dads are absent.
There is some evidence that a child’s primary relationship with his/her father can affect all of their future relationships from cradle to death. The early patterns of interaction with their father are the very patterns that will be replayed in future relationships. These patterns impact not only a child’s idea of who they are and how they relate to others, but also defines what is considered acceptable and loving when it comes to relationships for the child, throughout life.
Don’t believe it? Well there is a ton of research out there these days that back up these ideas—google it.
It makes sense to me. As a mom I don’t feel like believing this diminishes my role in my child’s life.
In a world that has historically always made an emphasis on how important our relationship with our mom is, this does shine some light on the role Dad’s play in the life of their children. Also, let’s be real, it takes some pressure off us moms! Not everything is our fault!
On this Father’s Day, I wish my Dad a very happy Father’s Day. Thank you for always being there to wipe my tears, to buy me dinner on my birthday, and to teach me about integrity, courage, perseverance, and to teach me about love. I wish my husband and my son’s father, a spectacular day! Thanks for helping to create and mold the most amazing little boy I have ever met.
On this Father’s Day I wish all the Dad’s or Dad substitutes out there, a very happy Father’s Day filled with all things spectacular! Your presence in the lives of our children is life changing! Your love, your participation, your guidance in the lives of our children is what is going to make a difference in the world we live in.
