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Today. Right Now. I Am Hopeful.

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sat down to write this blog, I sort of hit a mental block about what I wanted to talk about. Not something that happens to me frequently. Ask my husband and he will tell you I am a woman of many words. I am not speechless often.

I feel like this blog has always been a place that was politics free and I want to keep it that way. So I am trying to choose my words carefully. There is a lot that is happening in politics and on the national platform in regards to a subject matter that is connected to my life’s work. Sexual assault.

Okay. I put the words out there.

Let me start by saying what this blog will not be about. It will not be about whether or not to believe the current accusations that have been displayed at the national level. There are tons of commentary out there about that. I doubt there is one original new thought that could be floated out there. It will not be about whether or not a certain person should be confirmed on the Supreme Court or not. That matter has been settled. It will not be about whether my son is at risk for accusations of sexual assault in the future. It will not be about the Me Too movement or the Him Too Movement. It will not be about the trauma that has been caused to victims….both those who have disclosed and those who have yet to disclose their abuse….in recent weeks by candor on both sides of the aisle.

THIS blog is about celebrating a moment in time that many would have laid odds would never happen in our lifetime.

THIS blog is about celebrating a shattering of the silence.

THIS blog is about letting go of the shame that has enveloped victims of sexual assault since the beginning of time.

No matter what your political or religious beliefs are, or what your view points or judgements about how a victim should act or report….you have to admit that the discussion of sexual assault and support of victims has never been so open, so public, so impactful, so front and center before.

For the first time in my recollection, the discussion has shifted from victims should never talk about it—should not report it — to a discussion about how and when they should report it. Maybe a more appropriate word is judgement. BUT my POINT is that WE are talking about it at every level. We are hashing out what our beliefs and values about the subject of sexual assault are. WE are talking about what should be acceptable.

For a woman who has always been a “glass half full” kind of a girl, this is progress. I hear many of my friends and read many Facebook posts about how depressed and distressed they are about political agendas and the fate of sexual assault victims and how women are treated.

And in the midst of it all, I find myself hopeful. Yes. Hopeful.

Women and men alike are admitting that, no matter what was decided through the “Women’s Suffrage Movement”, men and women are not treated equally and do not live a life of equality. Women may be closer to equal pay. They have fought and earned many rights that were “birth given” to men like the right to vote. Statistically speaking, women have to work harder, longer, and more consistently for leadership positions in the work force–most of the time. All of this is old news.

But one thing that is now becoming more apparent is how women have to be vigilant about their personal safety. I doubt my mother ever told my brother to never leave with a girl without a dime, in case he got in trouble and needed to call from a payphone. (I am aware I am very much dating myself here, but let’s go with it.)

I would bet that most men do not pay attention to where the lighted parking spots are in relation to the security cameras and the main doors when parking anywhere. I say most. There would be some who do.

I wonder how many men have practiced how to hold their keys in their hand should they need to use it as a weapon. I wonder how many men pause when coming out of the Mall to watch their vehicle a bit before heading out to get in.

I wonder how many men ponder whether or not it is safe to get in the elevator when there is only one other person on it.

I won’t belabor this point much more except to say that now I have had, heard about or eavesdropped on many discussions about the differences in how most men and women live their life. I call that progress.

I call that hopeful.

Never in history has sexual assault been the topic on the national platform for as long, with as much emotion, and with as much detail as it has in recent months.

I call that hopeful.

I cannot recall in my lifetime ever having so many unite in support of victims of sexual assault. I cannot recall in my lifetime so many people vested in justice before.

I call that hopeful.

We have reached a tipping point. A saturation of awareness. Do I feel like we have much more to go? More progress to be made? Absolutely. Do I recognize there is still way too much judgement of how a victim is supposed to act? Of course.

But today. Right now. I am feeling hopeful. Hopeful that this is the start of something big. Hopeful that there will come a point in time where we can agree that there is no shame for the victim of sexual assault.

A time when we agree that no matter what you wear….no matter how much you drink… no matter if you stay out past midnight….no matter what anyone does…. none of it is consent unless you both wholeheartedly say yes to sexual contact. There is no implied consent. And even if we can’t agree on that….we are at least having discussions about why we disagree in order to better understand what is reality.

We should all be able to agree that in recent history no one really talked about, did as much research into, reported about, or thought about sexual assault for as long or in as much detail.

This moment in time is historic. It is hopeful. It is a beginning.

Tammi Pitzen
The Many Faces of Healing: Tasha

My name is Tasha. I used to live with my mom and my dad.

I used to do things that made my mom get mad at me and tell me I was bad. I had a secret that I wanted to tell her — but I was scared –so I would do things that I hoped would make her ask me what was wrong.

One day I told her.

I was so scared — even more scared than I was when my dad would come into my room after everyone else was in bed. I used to pretend I was sleeping because I thought he would leave. He would come in and touch me places where he was not supposed to. He did other things too. Things only mommies and daddies are supposed to do.

When I told my mom she started crying, but knew exactly what to do. She and I went to the hospital and called the police. My mom said she would keep me safe.

The hospital told her to take me to the Children’s Advocacy Center. I talk to a lady who said her job was to talk to kids. She asked me a lot of questions. They were embarrassing. I also had to have a doctor do an exam and do something called “collect evidence”. I don’t really know what that means but knew it was something that was going to help me be safe.

A lady talked to my mom and helped my mom come up with a plan to keep me safe. She even called and checked on us after we left.

I still visit the Children’s Advocacy Center. I go to therapy and talk about ways to keep my body safe and how it wasn’t my fault.

The day I walked into the Children’s Advocacy Center I was so scared — but now I feel safe and the best thing is that my mom stopped crying.
Usted podría ser la única esperanza
By Claudia Cervantes, Bilingual Program Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project

Usted podría ser la única esperanza en la vida de un niño.

Por cada 10 niños hay uno que es abusado antes de cumplir los 18 años, y usted podría ser su única esperanza si toma el tiempo para leer este artículo. Hay muchos niños que callan el abuso por miedo, por vergüenza o porque no entienden que es lo que está pasando. Pero eso puede cambiar si los adultos que rodeamos a los niños estamos entrenados para protegerlos. En el artículo anterior hable de los dos primeros pasos a tomar en la prevención del abuso sexual infantil, en este artículo comparto los últimos tres pasos:

PASO 3: Hable abiertamente:

Tenga una conversación abierta con sus hijos sobre sus cuerpos, su sexualidad y los límites.
- El ofensor, normalmente trata de confundir a su víctima, el niño, sobre lo que es correcto e incorrecto. Lo hace sentir avergonzado, culpable o le dice que sus padres se van a enojar. Además, Algunos niños son demasiado pequeños para entender.
Hablar con nuestros hijos sobre su sexualidad y nombrar las partes de su cuerpo por su nombre, enseñarles que su cuerpo es privado y nadie debe de tocarlo de una forma que se sienta incómoda, es todo ello información poderosa para protegerlos y prepararlos para hablar en caso de que algo les pase..

PASO 4: Reconozca los síntomas:

Conozca las señales que podrían presentarse en niños abusados.
- Moretones, sangrados, erupciones, enrojecimientos en la piel, golpes o costras especialmente en los genitales.
- Infecciones urinarias.
- Enfermedades de transmisión sexual.
- Defecación anormal.
- Dolor de estómago crónico, dolores de cabeza o otras dolencias que no tienen explicación médica.
PASO 5: Actúe responsablemente:

Comprenda cómo responder a los comportamientos riesgosos y sospechas o reporte el abuso.
- Hay 3 razones por las que es necesario reaccionar al abuso sexual:
- Un niño nos lo confiesa.
- Lo descubrimos por nosotros mismos.
- Tenemos razones para sospechar.
No dude en llamar a los servicios locales de salud, si sospecha de abuso. Recuerde que usted puede salvar a un niño.

Todos los informes de abuso deben hacerse al DHS o a la policía. NO NOS LLAME PARA INFORMAR SOBRE EL ABUSO DE NIÑOS.

Departamento de Servicios Humanos (DHS)

Medford DHS:

727 Medford Center

Medford, OR 97504-6772

(541) 858-3197

(866) 840-2741

Para preguntas y respuestas sobre denuncias de abuso y negligencia:https://www.oregon.gov/…/CHILDREN/CHILD-ABUSE/Pages/CPS.aspx

Para un entrenamiento Gratuito, visite: https://cacjc.org/entrenamientos/

Claudia Cervantes
Cinco pasos para proteger a sus hijos de abuso sexual
By Claudia Cervantes, Bilingual Program Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project

He trabajado con niños por veinte años, y a través de ese tiempo descubrí que las decisiones que tomamos los padres y adultos en torno a nuestros hijos, afectan su vida para siempre ya sea positiva o negativamente. Cuando llegué a trabajar al Centro de Defensa de los Niños (Children’s Advocacy Center) sentí que la vida me llevaba siempre por mi camino, Proteger a Nuestros Niños de las experiencias que pueden dañar su salud mental, emocional o física.

Sucede a menudo que aunque los niños lo más importante en nuestra vida, no estamos entrenados para protegerlos de una manera efectiva, ya que los hechos demuestran que por cada 10 niños, hay uno que ha sido abusado sexualmente.

De la oscuridad a la Luz (Darkness to Light) Es una organización sin fines de lucro que busca empoderar a los adultos para prevenir el abuso sexual infantil. Los programas de esta organización, tienen el propósito de crear conciencia y educar a toda persona que conviva con niños acerca de cómo prevenir y reconocer las señales del abuso infantil.

En este artículo le comparto 2 de los primeros pasos que debe tomar para proteger a sus hijos de ser abusados sexualmente.

PASO 1: Conozca los hechos.

1 de cada 10 niños son abusados sexualmente.

Algunos de los datos que debe conocer sobre niños abusados:
- 1 de cada 10 niños son sexualmente abusados antes de los 18 años.
- Cerca del 40% de las víctimas son menores de 11 años.
- 9% de jóvenes entre 10 y 17 años de edad, reciben invitaciones sexuales en Internet.
- Los niños abusados sexualmente están en riesgo de desarrollar problemas psicológicos, emocionales, sociales y físicos a veces hasta la adultez.
- 90% de los niños abusados conocen a sus agresores. 30% son miembros de la misma familia. 60% son abusados por personas de confianza de la familia. Los niños abusados son víctimas de personas que buscan ganar la confianza de la familia, ya sea en la escuela, la iglesia, el club deportivo, etc.
Las investigaciones demuestran que los niños sexualmente abusados son más propensos a presentar serias consecuencia durante la infancia y a lo largo de su vida. Algunas de estas consecuencias son:
- Ansiedad y depresión.
- Conducta criminal y violenta
- Abuso de sustancias
- Promiscuidad sexual
- Embarazo en la adolescencia
- Problemas inexplicables de salud
- Suicidio
PASO 2: Minimice las oportunidades.

Eliminar o reducir las situaciones uno-a-uno minimiza el riesgo de abuso.
- Más del 80% de abuso infantil sucede en aislamiento, es decir, en una situación de uno-a-uno.
- Asegurarse de que las interacciones de los niños puedan ser observadas y posibles de ser interrumpidas en todo momento.
- Recordar que un joven mayor, no debe estar solo en ninguna situación con un niño menor.
Tome un momento y reflexione. ¿Ha pensado que tomando estos pasos usted puede ayudar a construir un mundo donde los niños crecen seguros, felices y sanos? El abuso sexual puede ocurrir en todos los niveles económicos, culturas o religiones. La buena noticia es que aprendiendo cómo prevenir, responder y trabajar juntos, podemos hacer de nuestra comunidad un lugar seguro para nuestros niños.

No se pierda la continuación de este artículo donde hablaré de los últimos tres cruciales pasos en la Protección de Nuestros Niños. O, inscribase para un entrenamiento gratuito sobre Prevencion del Abuso Infantil o, visite nuestro Centro donde tenemos más recursos en español para leer y poner en práctica.

Para un entrenamiento Gratuito, visite: https://cacjc.org/entrenamientos/

Claudia Cervantes
My Spin: Oregon’s Top Rank Registered Sex Offenders

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

School has started back. At my house we are shifting back to “normal” schedule. You know—the regular routine. 6:30 wake up. 7:12 out the door for school and work. 6:00 get home. 6:15 start our reading homework. 6:45 do the rest of our homework. 7:15 piano practice. 7:45 shower. 8:30 bedtime. Oops. I forgot dinner. We do eat in there somewhere, but the schedule is tight. We try to find some balance. We try to concentrate our family time on the weekend and build as many memories as possible. It is easy to go on auto pilot. To forget to have actual conversations. To forget to check in with each other. The frenzy of the holidays is right around the corner. It will get more hectic.

This week, we have read about Oregon being number one in the country in the number of registered sex offenders. There has been lots of chatter about what this means and why this is. I don’t know why. Do we make more people register than others? Are we more proactive at looking for sex offenders? There are many spins that you could put on this.

Here is my spin. This is a good reminder to make time to talk to your children about their bodies and how to keep them safe. This is a good reminder to stay involved and present in your child’s life regardless of their age.

The truth is there are a lot of sex offenders EVERYWHERE. I don’t say that to make you paranoid. I say that to make you aware.

I started having these body conversations with my own child when he was 2 years old. He learned the correct term for his “boy” parts. I never have to guess if he is talking about his penis, his tummy, his bottom or his toe. While the cutesy names make it easier for the adults to say, it definitely makes it harder for anyone else to know what exactly your child is talking about. In an interview to figure out if he or she has been abused, this small thing is crucial.

I read a book to my child every once in a while about body safety and telling. He loved that book. It was named “Gorp’s Secret”. It was a very child friendly way to open up the conversation. Better yet, my child learned early who was allowed to touch what body parts under what circumstances. It was a book that was in the story time rotation. Just like all his other books. Sat on the shelf just like his other books waiting for his little fingers to pick it out for his dad or me to read to him. Normal.

My child’s pediatrician has the same talk with him during his annual check-up. It does not weird him out. It is a conversation that is part of their normal interactions during his exam. Just like checking in about bike helmets, seat belts, and what kinds of veggies he is eating.

Contrary to what many people might think because of my career, I do not talk to my son about these things very frequently. When an opportunity presents itself I don’t shy away from it but I don’t bring it up. I don’t have to. We have been having these “little talks” since he was a baby. He knows.

The older your child gets, the more uncomfortable it is to start these conversations, but if they have been a part of your interactions all along they are a little easier. It is a way of propping the door open, if you will. Paving the way for your child to come to you if they ever need to.

Still not sure what to be vigilant about or worried you won’t recognize when your child may need you but unable to tell you exactly they need you?

Please sign up to take our free Stewards of Children training under the CAC Protect Our Children program. We hold them frequently. Go to our website and sign up. This class will teach you how to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse using five simple steps. It is free. It takes less than 3 hours.

It will give you tools to reduce the risk of sexual abuse to the children in your life. Isn’t that worth your time?

#BackToSchoolCAC
The Many Faces of Healing: Emily

Emily, a ten year old intellectually disabled child, came to the Children’s Advocacy Center as result of concerns for her safety. A teacher noticed that this normally very polite, quiet child began having problems in school.

Emily began acting out sexually on the playground. The teacher became concerned and made a report.

Emily’s medical evaluation helped determine that she had been physically and sexually abused. During the evaluation, she also disclosed that she had been made to watch pornography. The very specialized medical evaluation from the Children’s Advocacy Center’s pediatrician also found substantial untreated medical issues that indicated long-term neglect. Our doctor was able to make referrals to a primary care physician to help resolve these issues.

Through the investigation, it became apparent that Emily could not remain in the care of her parents. She was placed with a loving relative who is receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help her care for a child who has experienced trauma.

Emily is safe now and is engaged in therapy services.
The Many Faces of Healing: Cody

Cody is a 6 year old boy who loves to play with toy cars. He is curious to the world around him and always greets you with a smile.

When Cody came to the Children’s Advocacy Center, he was extremely underweight and showed signs of nutritional neglect. He was a very small, frail child. The Children’s Advocacy Center Medical Team performed a comprehensive assessment and were able to identify the cause of his failure to thrive.

Following the exam, he was placed in a safe, nurturing home where he is receiving all the love and support he could ask for. Prior to CAC involvement, Cody had received very little medical care, but with the help of the Children’s Advocacy Center and the Multi-Disciplinary approach to care he has all the support and services he needs to make a full recovery. (The picture used in this post is of a child model – not the actual child described herein or a client of CACJC.)

#FacesOfHealingCAC
The Many Faces of Healing: Jonathon

#FacesOfHealingCAC

Jonathon is a 4 month old baby who was taken to the hospital with many bruises and injuries to his face. Follow up care was provided at the Children’s Advocacy Center, where additional testing was done, Johnathon was found to have multiple fractures not previously identified.

This discovery of these additional injuries by the Children’s Advocacy Center pediatrician may have saved his life.

The intervention provided by our specially trained pediatrician provided the necessary medical evidence for investigators to take action and place the infant with safe caregivers.

Now Johnathon is thriving in a safe, loving home. He and his caregivers are receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help him recover from his experienced trauma.

(The pictures we used in this post are of child models – not the actual children described herein or clients of CACJC.)
Paying Tribute to a Champion of Children ~ Robert Blair Doolen

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

On June 2, 2018 a great supporter of the Children’s Advocacy Center and the children we serve, left this life. Robert Blair Doolen passed away at home with family by his side.

Bob was born Sept. 27, 1939 in Aurora, Illinois to Helen Blair Doolen and Harold Morris Doolen, Sr. The family moved to Billings, in 1941. Bob graduated from Billings Senior High School in 1957. He attended the University of Minnesota where he earned a Bachelor of Science with Distinction in 1961 and a Master of Science in 1963.

Bob was devoted to his wife Karen. They were together for a life time. Literally. They met in high school. It was beautiful to see them together.

Bob volunteered his time and knowledge to the CAC, helping to create some of our policies and guiding us through setting up an avenue to receive donations of stocks and investments, but even beyond that, he was an Ambassador for our agency. It was not uncommon for Bob and his wife Karen, who serves on our Advisory Council, to bring their friends to events sponsored by the CAC or to bring them to the CAC for a tour and to learn more about our services.

The CAC was not the only benefactor of Bob’s talent, time and treasure. The Holly Theatre, the Asante Foundation, the YMCA in Billings Montana, the First Presbyterian Church in Medford, the Rotary, the Medford Budget Committee and the Medford Hospital Facilities Board, in addition to the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County, all received the benefit of Bob’s generosity, kindness and talents.

We will miss Bob. His gentle spirit. His never-ending generosity and loyalty. His friendly smile. His willingness to always help. His attention to details. His guidance.

As a new Executive Director four or so years ago, I remember being very thankful to have such a wonderful man and his lovely wife Karen helping me to find my footing. Now looking back, it is amazing the thousands of kids that have been impacted by this gentle, friendly, unassuming man. His work helped them find safety. His work helped them find their voice. His work helped build community. His work helped to restore good health for many.

He has left a legacy of health, happiness and safety for many of the children in our community. THANK YOU. And thank you, Karen, for sharing him with our community and for bringing him with you when you joined the Children’s Advocacy Center family.
Sexual abuse, Show Dogs and the sort of apology

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I started this blog four and a half years ago with the intention of providing insights into child abuse through the lens of a professional career in child protection that spanned several decades.

Somewhere along the way the focus or lens shifted and got blurred with my personal mom experiences. Today is one of those times where that line gets very blurry, but I feel like there is a conversation that must be had.

So here it goes.

I recently took my nine-year-old to the movies and as we watched the previews, we planned which movies we would make sure to see. Some of them were a for sure for him and not me. Others were a for sure for me and not so much for him, but the one movie we both really thought would be a can’t miss movie was Show Dogs. It seemed perfect. We both love dogs. It looked funny. There was a story line that seemed like it would keep our attention.

Then this week I read more about the movie. There was a scene in which one of the dogs was getting prepared for “Show” competition which included his privates being touched. This seemed to happen a couple of times and his friend advised him to go to his “Zen” place and it basically shows the main character dissociating .

There was an outcry from some parents and a blogger. It was pointed out that this was a little too real to be okay. There were concerns about taking children to see this with the message being it is okay if someone sexually abuses you if you go to your “happy” place and think of things that make you feel good.

I will be honest that the first couple of “headlines” I skipped over. When a friend on Facebook posted some comments, I will be honest again, I sort of did an eye roll in that it was asking people to boycott the movie. In this day where everyone is boycotting something, I just did not want to “have” to choose a side and so I skipped it.

And then one of my friends and a CAC Board member sent me the link: https://foreverymom.com/arts-entertainment/dog-show-movie-review-grooming/ I stopped and read it.

I actually did not think it was true. In the “Me Too” age surely there is not one person who has not got the message that we are tired of power and control turning into sexual abuse. I checked it out further and found that it was true.

As I processed the information I was reading with what I know about child sexual abuse dynamics, I was disheartened and a little depressed that we have come so far and not far at all. There has been a whirlwind of sexual abuse disclosures, investigations, civil law suits, criminal prosecutions and sentencings playing out on the national stage. It seemed like, in my mind anyway, that “Show Dogs” was Hollywood basically saying they don’t care. Basically, rubbing our noses in the fact that they have control and can do whatever they want.

Today, I was researching a little more in preparation for writing this blog. I was delighted to see that they took the scene out of the movie. The movie that will be in the theatres this weekend will not have the scene in it.

I was disheartened at the released statement. There was an apology. Sort of.

“Responding to concerns raised by moviegoers and some specific organizations, Global Road Entertainment has decided to remove two scenes from the film SHOW DOGS that some have deemed not appropriate for children.

The company takes these matters very seriously and remains committed to providing quality entertainment for the intended audiences based on the film’s rating. We apologize to anybody who feels the original version of SHOW DOGS sent an inappropriate message. The revised version of the film will be available for viewing nationwide starting this weekend.”

I read the above statement and think…Huh. They apologize to anybody who feels the original version of Show Dogs sent an inappropriate message. That implies to me that they do not feel it was an inappropriate message. It leaves me still feeling a little angry.

I am angry because my son really wants to see this movie. They took out the “offensive” scenes. It should be fine to let him see it. Right? Why am I still angry? Why am I still wondering about whether I want to pay money to watch a movie where someone thought it was okay to re write the original script to include sexual abuse. Do I take the moral high ground and stand on my convictions? Do I punish my son by not letting him see it even though now it is deemed appropriate?

I am angry that I am left with having to sort this out when really it could have been a good movie—a fun afternoon with my nine-year-old. Now, no matter what changes have been made, I will not be able to get past the idea that someone thought it was a good idea to write sexual abuse in. I feel dirty. I feel like someone was testing the waters of what is okay and acceptable.

What does it take to change the tide? Bill Cosby was convicted. America’s Dad convicted. Was that not enough of a message that forced sexual contact will not be tolerated? Was the tide of the “Me Too” movement not enough to make social change?

I suspect I will not see the movie. I suspect there are those who think I am overreacting. That is okay.

For me I need to know, to the best of my knowledge and ability, that the money my husband and I work so hard to earn is not going to end up in the hands of someone who wants to teach children when someone touches their private parts to go find their “Zen” place.

In my world, there is not one situation where someone would think this is okay.

In my world, the production company issues a statement apologizing for their error in judgement — not apologizing that some people found their messaging in appropriate. Maybe I am making too big a deal out of semantics.

On the flip side of this situation, I am so thankful for the Macaroni Kid for bringing this to the attention of moms everywhere. I am also thankful to receive confirmation that moms are the “game changers”.

Moms – every day, regular, moms can change the world.

Tammi Pitzen

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