By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Have any of you been following the R Kelly sexual abuse scandal? I have to say that even though I have heard a lot of things in my career some of this is just down right unbelievable. But I somehow believe it!
Let’s look at what has been reported.
In 2002 R Kelly was arrested on 21 counts of child pornography. In a report he is quoted as saying in an interview “There’s things that people have done in their lives that they regret, and I’m no different,” he told MTV News last month. “I’m a human being, and I want people to know that I’m no angel here, but I’m no monster either. I’m no guy that would do this.” In this case he was acquitted. His attorney in that case later said he believed his client was guilty.
Fast forward to 2019. He uses language like “I beat my case in 2002 and you can’t double-jeopardy me like that”. If you were innocent would you say I beat my case or would you say I was innocent and that was proven? In this same interview he blames his victims’ parents saying they sold their daughters to me.
So far I am not convinced he is innocent. So far I am convinced based on his language and his words that he is guilty. I haven’t even read the allegations until today. I am solely basing my opinion based on the very words he used in his interview on national TV.
In his interview, he is doing what many sex offenders do. He is minimizing his criminal behavior. He is laying blame for his behavior on others. He is of course trying to convince us all that he is no monster, therefore he could not be guilty. He is playing the victim in all of this. He is trying to convince us how utterly incredulous it would be for him to hold anyone captive…to sexually abuse anyone. He is R Kelly after all. Why would he have to? Well. The answer to that last one is that he wouldn’t have to at all. But that does not answer whether or not he did.
R Kelly is not even someone we can say is very nice. He has to make a lot of money but chose not to pay his child support. His ex-wife says he was domestically violent with her. He married Aaliya when she was 15 and he was 27.
All the information above was gathered out of listening to R Kelly’s own words and the words of those who were or are close to him. None of it is from the victim’s voice. And to be clear…I do understand that anyone can say anything and that does not make it true. However, the sheer number of voices in this case certainly has to mean something.
The victim’s stories are similar. R Kelly was controlling. They were underage when their “relationship” started. They would sometimes be locked in a room. Some say he would video record their sexual acts. Others used words like submitted to having sex with him. He would control who they were allowed to speak with. As I sifted through their stories, they all rang true to me.
Some would be put off by the similarities, but for me that seems right. Sexual predators have routines…have modus operandi if you will. Some traits that are common for sexual offenders include, but are not limited to: engaging in sexual contact with children or adolescents, having sexual contact with others against their will or without consent, humiliation of others, inflicting pain on others, participating in or watching acts of physical aggression or violence, “thinking errors”, and isolating their victims.
Thinking errors in this particular reference refer to things that sex offenders say to themselves and to others to justify their actions. (Example: I didn’t mean to sexual abuse her, but she came on to me — she forced me to do it — and the her/she referenced is six years-old at the time.)
I wonder what makes this time around different from 2002. I wonder if this time will have different outcomes for R Kelly. I worry that there will be no accountability and this will turn into fodder for a Saturday Night Live shtick. I worry for the young lady that is currently residing with him and out of contact with her family. What will happen to her? What will be the long term outcomes for her if he is found guilty? Or found not guilty? I wonder about the many witnesses along the way that did not intervene or those that tried. What are the outcomes for them?
I wonder where we go from here. Where do the victims go from here? Will what happens next help them start healing or will it destroy them and their futures?
I wonder what messages our children are receiving as this unfolds. I wonder what messages future victims are hearing. Are they messages that will support them coming forward and reporting? Or will they accept their abuse as fate?
We don’t need to be powerless.
We can safely intervene by reporting what we suspect when we suspect to the authorities. When someone discloses abuse to us, we can tell them we believe them. We can take a class through the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County’s Protect Our Children program and learn how to recognize and respond to sexual abuse. We can support the work of organizations like the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County by being a financial supporter or volunteering our time. We can speak out and step out in support of child abuse victims. We can demand accountability for offenders of child abuse.
Or we can join the silence that infiltrates the underworld that is child sexual abuse.
