By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Lately I have been reading a lot about the impact that technology use has on our children. It is everywhere!
My son was actually introduced to video games at his daycare and then computers at school. He is sometimes glued to his Kindle. It is hard to know if he is doing his reading homework or on YouTube. Everyone in his life is directing him to learn new things on YouTube. You can learn how to play piano there. You can learn how to take care of your trumpet there. He has learned dance moves there. He has discovered other tutorials as well. Want to do a science experiment? You can find it there. Want to learn new math? You can find it there.
It is also used in the academic world. My son recently spent almost an hour, two or three nights in a row, working on i-ready, which is a program his school uses to see what he has learned. He has done reports for school that required that he be on the internet for research. There is no going to the library and pulling out those big encyclopedia books anymore.
Do not even get me started on the games.
He was four and learned about video games in daycare one summer. The pros are that it is good for improving hand to eye coordination and keeping your brain engaged. The bad news is that it basically removes all one on one social interaction. Kids are having a hard time navigating through disappointments or social situations that are uncomfortable. They are not getting practice in “real life” and how to interact with other people. They do not get practice in patience, or how to work out disagreements in real life.
I see the impacts of all of the above in my own child. As parents, my husband and I try to monitor as much of his time on electronics as possible. We sometimes put limits. We use it as discipline more times than I care to admit. He does not have a cell phone. He does not text except to use my phone to text his Dad or vice versa when one of us is driving and can’t respond. He does play games that are pre-approved to be downloaded and never engages in online versions of these games. This gets tricky because sometimes the lines get blurred and he loses sight of what it online and what is him playing on the computer. All of this keeps us as parents on our toes.
We have had wonderful family nights where no electronics can be used.
We have put puzzles together, played card games, or watched movies. I savor and encourage those moments when his Dad or I go upstairs and find that he has discovered the Legos that were tucked away in the back of the game closet or has his marble maze out and is constructing elaborate mazes for his marbles to journey through. We have all sorts of musical play instruments that he will rediscover now and then and practice songs from piano or band on them.
Technology is here to stay. There are tons of safety reasons not to give your child free reign on the World Wide Web.
That is subject matter for a different blog. I encourage you to educate yourself in any way you can on those matters. Stay tuned to the CAC Facebook page as we occasionally will host a community forum to discuss these topics.
The hidden danger is cheating your child out of building his or her inner resiliency by leaving them to their technological devices too much! We need to realize that being proficient on devices and in technology is a must to succeed in our world.
Here are some tips to keep a balance:
- Limit the time per day or per week that your child is allowed time on devices. Set a timer! (Or you will get distracted and that hour will turn into four.)
- Try to find things that you can engage with your child both on the technological devices and off.
- Set up the passwords to devices, accounts, programs etc. If they are younger children, do not share them but enter them in order to monitor their access. If they are older, change them after they sign in so you are aware when they access these account or set up a way to be alerted when anyone signs into these accounts.
- Plan entire evenings or days around no electronics. Model this behavior for your child. During one of these days, I was amazed to see my son reading for a couple of hours. On a different night we sat at the table and played cards. We also do puzzles together as a family. (Until the puzzle got too hard. We are waiting for Dad to finish our current puzzle so we can start a new one. )
- Create a plan where your child earns electronics time. I plan on trying this one out over the summer. In addition to his regular chores, if he does extra chores, or reads over his required daily time or practices piano longer than required, he will earn extra time on his devices.
- Enforce a no electronics at the dinner table rule. I have had to remind myself about this one from time to time. I now leave my cell phone in my bedroom or on the kitchen counter. It is important that we as parents follow the rules too!
- Take some classes regarding social media uses. We may have to invest a little time. Every time we master one platform another is created. It is hard to keep up, but it is IMPORTANT that we do if we are going to allow our children to have and use electronic devices or cell phones.
- Talk to your children about the dangers of connecting online. Explain that the person who says they are a 9 year-old boy, just like your child….may really be an adult trying to trick him. I recently had this conversation with my son and he was flabbergasted that anyone would ever do that. I love his trusting soul and….to be honest, it terrifies me. It reminds me that I need to up my game.
- Some parents create device contracts outlining the rules and the consequences if the rules are broken and have their child sign along with themselves to insure that the expectations are clear. You can hang this contract up on the fridge as a reminder. No arguing when it is broken. Just enforce the consequences. Be consistent.
- Talk to the parents of your child’s friends about your rules. If your child goes and spends time at their house, they can help to enforce the rules even when you are not around. The moms of the children that my child spends time with sometimes text me to ask if something is okay. I love that. I try to return the favor. I will always keep my son’s friends safe and I am glad they will keep my son safe as well.
The above are just some small ideas. If you are not tech savvy, you really should find a class somewhere that will help you. Maybe a computer teacher at your child’s school could give you some pointers. Sometimes you may find a class offered at churches or the library—and of course online.
The more we create opportunities for our children to be active in social activities, the more we can counteract the impact these devices have on their social development. We need to give our children the opportunity to practice social interaction, to react to disappointment, to carry on conversation with an actual person and to gain life experience while they are still under our protective wings. If they spend all their time on devices, they will grow up believing that is reality.
We can do better than that.