The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Tag: Tammi Pitzen

  • Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 3

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years: Story Number 3

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County.

    This is story #3 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    Change Can Build Resiliency

    Right about now we could all use a little more resiliency with COVID-19 stealing our 2020 spring.

    Thirty Stories from Thirty Years is a look back over a career in child protection and the small things that helped the work continue.

    Many of you know that I grew up in the Deep South and began my career in child protection there as what was called a Crisis Intervention Worker, CI for short.  It was my role to investigate child abuse reports on behalf of the state of Louisiana.  It was my first “real-world” job and continues to be the basis of many of the “real-world” beliefs I hold true to today.

    If you aren’t from the South, let me explain some of the culture around raising children with values and beliefs.

    In the South, really good people use corporal punishment to instill “goodness”, “integrity”, and good old-fashioned values in their children. It was difficult at best to decipher what was abuse and what was “culture”.

    The standard line was then, and still is today, “You can ____ (insert your favorite word – hit, whip, beat, knock, slap) your child as long as you do not leave a mark.”

    This was still the litmus test back in the early 90’s.  In fact, in Louisiana it was not uncommon for teachers or principals in public school to hit children with ping-pong paddles or homemade paddles, without getting parental permission before hand. 

    Some of the more tenured school employees had really unique and well-thought-out decorated paddles that were a testament to fine craftsmanship.  They might have holes drilled in them, have a high lacquered shine or very artistic handles.  Some were fondly named by their owner.  I have no idea if this is still the practice in schools.  I suspect it is still the practice in homes.

    Early on in my career I got many physical abuse reports assigned to me that were, what some would call, “discipline gone too far.”

    I used to keep a list of objects that had been used to discipline children that came to my attention during investigations.  I still remember most of these: hairbrushes, combs, wooden spoons, spatulas, electrical cords, bamboo shoots, switches (basically, small thin tree limbs), paddles – as described above, wooden chair legs, yardsticks, rulers, broomsticks, fists, open hands, socks with a bar of soap (yes, true story), rope, belts, shoes, flip-flops, slippers, baseball bats, etc. I could go on but I think you get the gist of it. 

    Those of you not from the South would see this list and be incredulous that anyone would ever think using these items would be anything but abusive.  But Southerners react in the moment, swiftly and quickly, with whatever they can get their hands on.  AND they do so out of love for their children and out of fear of their children growing up to be irresponsible or worse yet a “thug.” 

    In the beginning part of my career, parents would usually get a “pass” the first time a report was made of bruises being left as a result of discipline — depending on where the bruises were, how severe they were and a few other measures that seemed reasonable at the time in that place.

    In the mid 90’s that all changed.  It actually was the unintended consequence of new policy that was passed through legislature.

    Or at least as I remember, it was more than just policy written by a social service employee somewhere in a higher up position.  It was pretty much forced out as a “no choice” new policy.  In the state of Louisiana at that time, as a result of this policy, no record of any unsubstantiated report of abuse could be kept for longer than 2 or 3 years.  At the end of the time frame, they would be shredded.  The reports, the notes, the medical exam etc.  The unintended consequence was that no longer would there be unsubstantiated abuse in cases where marks, either intentional or unintentional, were left on a child as a result of discipline. 

    No one wanted to be the case worker that unsubstantiated a case with a bruise, that later escalated to “real” abuse.  Reading that now seems absurd.  Of course it was abuse all along. There are too many stories and too many bruises to even begin to write about here. 

    I could write a whole book on bruises alone.  Sad but true. 

    You read this and wonder how is this about resiliency? For me, this passing of a new policy was a pivotal moment in my career and in my desire to look for alternatives to give parents regarding discipline methods.

    It was no longer my discretion.  No longer was it part of accepted culture. 

    It doubled my paperwork because I had more founded cases than I had before the policy.  It challenged my beliefs around culture.  It also made me come at my job with more compassion and empathy than before.  The intention behind the abuse was no longer the deciding factor but was only a consideration in how to move forward. 

    The challenge to learn more about the impact of physical discipline on children became real and now there is actual research out there to address this issue.

    The resiliency part comes in the way to move forward with change.

    Change is the one constant in the field of child abuse.  Some change is good.  Some change is bad.  Some change is not the expected change but the unintended consequence of some other change. 

    Resiliency comes in being able to adapt and move forward. 

    Self-care comes with learning what changes are not ones you are willing or able to make. 

    Self-care comes in knowing that policy and change in policy helps to create boundaries in this work. 

    Self-care is recognizing there is always something to learn from change and that many policies work because the things we learn from past experiences are embedded in that policy change.

    Ironically, in this particular case as in many before and many after, the change did not come from any particular learning.  It was a political move.  Someone somewhere that had a bit of a reputation to keep clean, who also had “pull”, somehow got caught leaving bruises on a child.

    The unintended consequence was actually the right reason to begin to try to change the culture.

    Instead of having more discretion in the defining of abuse when it came to bruises, it actually, for most workers across the state, defined it more narrowly.  As a result of that, the messaging changed.

    It changed from you can hit your child as long as you don’t leave a mark — to let’s talk about other methods you can use to help teach your child discipline that do not involve hitting.  What are “alternatives” to physical discipline?

    Some of the popular ones are Love and Logic and Conscious Discipline.  These provide guidance and strategies for parents.  They are really more trainings/parenting classes.  Conscious Discipline was developed for classroom management and then began being taught to parents. 

    There are books on both of these methods.  There are online resources, as well, for both of these techniques.  There are others but these are the ones I am most familiar with.

    April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

    April also seems to be stay at home with your children month as a result of COVID-19. 

    Maybe you have always wanted to learn about other parenting strategies.  These strategies are a lifetime commitment of consistency in parenting. 

    Maybe today is the day you look into it.

    This is story #3 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyFromThirty #30StoriesFrom30Years #ACareerInChildProtection

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  • Thirty Stories From Thirty Years: Story Number 1

    Thirty Stories From Thirty Years: Story Number 1

    Thirty Stories From Thirty Years: Story Number 1

    30 Stories in 30 Years. A Career in Child Protection. Blog.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    This is story #1 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    I quietly celebrated the beginning of my thirtieth year of a career in child protection a few months back. 

    I get asked a lot about how I have stayed the course so long in such a heart-wrenching field. 

    I used to think it was a rhetorical question and would flippantly answer, “If not me, then who?” And then all the studies and articles began coming out in “flooding” proportions on secondary trauma and compassion fatigue and I realized maybe they were sincerely wondering how I have continued and remained emotionally and mentally healthy. (Although I think there are days that some would debate this being true.)

    I am setting out to answer this in a series of posts by telling stories from my career that were pivotal in moving me forward, timidly at times and forcefully at others, through the murk of the stagnating swampy waters of vicarious trauma. 

    My career began before I realized it had begun.  It is almost like this “thing” — greater than myself — picked me and here I am. 

    Picture this…(If you are a Golden Girls fan from back in the day, you totally get this reference. If you are not…skip over it—indulge me in my 80’s reference and read on.) It is 1988, in the fall semester of my second year of college.  I am sitting in an auditorium waiting for the first installment of my Child Abuse 101 class to begin.  Yes.  It was called Child Abuse 101.  There were about 50 students in this class.

    It was an easy elective for Social Work or Sociology majors.  There was lectures, lots of discussion on social issues, and many, many slides of abuse related pictures and graphs.  My entire framework on which the foundation of my life so far is about to be turned upside down, only I didn’t know that yet. 

    I was raised in a very conservative, very religious family in a very small community.  I was sheltered from a lot of the bad in this world throughout my childhood.  In that very first class, as I heard the statistical information on the rates of child abuse in this country and drilled down to my own state, I remember looking around and wondering why no one seemed shocked by this information.  I remember thinking, “How can this be true?” and “Why had I never met anyone who had been abused?” 

    I also remember looking back and putting the pieces together of stories I had heard in high school about classmates who no longer lived with their parents, and the reasons used to explain why were being shattered like glass hitting the ground.

    That may all seem a little dramatic, but in looking back, that “awakening” was THAT dramatic.  From that class on, most of my course work was weaved around child abuse and system interventions.

    And…so comes STORY NUMBER 1

    I completed my Social Work Internship in 1990 on a very cutting edge, as in maybe the first in the state of Louisiana, child abuse team at the Ouachita Parish Sherriff’s Office.  (That is pronounced “Washitall” for nonnative Louisianans.) 

    On my very first day on this team, I realized I was an adrenalin junkie and was hooked on the art of providing safety for children. 

    I had a very smart, strong, female detective as my role model of what I thought my career would look like.  I was sitting at my desk for only about 20 minutes before loading up in an unmarked police car to head out into literally the unknown areas of the parish to pick up a sex offender accused of molesting a young female child.  He took off into the nearby woods and all four officers, guns drawn, took off on a foot chase.  I did not participate in this chase, but quietly got back into the car and locked the doors.  This act was the source of much teasing and ribbing for the entirety of my internship.  However, I must point out that I was the only unarmed person there—even the offender was brandishing a fire arm.  Those two female detectives I was with came back out of the woods dragging that offender with the other two male cops “covering” them and I knew I had found “my people”. 

    I learned more about listening to children and understanding dynamics of child abuse in those four short months than I did in any of my social work classes.  I learned more humility, more compassion, and more empathy from that team of detectives than I did in three and a half years of college courses. 

    I also learned my first lesson in self-care.

    Never take yourself too seriously and always find something to laugh about every day.  Not at the expense of victims or even at the expense of perpetrators, but just something…anything.  Laughter is the best medicine. 

    I did not end up being a law enforcement officer as I had thought I would be.  I instead started my career as a Crisis Investigator with the State of Louisiana’s Office of Community Services in the very small town I grew up in, investigating, in some cases, parents that were my classmates in high school.  

    I literally graduated on a Saturday and started on the next workday.  There was a holiday or something in between.

     I took with me every lesson learned during my internship.  I never interviewed a child in those beginning days that I did not think of the soft gentle voice of my supervising detective reminding me of how the picture will be made complete if we pay attention to the little voice helping us to find the next piece of the puzzle. 

    Back then we were in the very early days of interviewing protocols. It seems odd to think there was a practice before there was a protocol.  It also seems odd to think of these protocols, and the dramatic change in how we do our work, happened in my career span.

    I always try to end my post with some call to action or some profound reflection.  Today I simply want to acknowledge that intervening in cases of child abuse is hard work. It takes a toll.  Self-care is not a luxury but a necessity.  For me it has always been about humor—not at the expense of others, but generally at my own quirky behaviors.  

    There is no special magical potion that provides you armor against all the hurts.  Find what works for you and build it into your life.

    29 more stories to go!

    This is story #1 in Tammi Pitzen’s series of 30 stories from her 30 years working in child welfare.

    You can read all the stories here.

    #ThirtyFromThirty #30StoriesFrom30Years #ACareerInChildProtection 

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  • A Thanksgiving Message From Our Executive Director

     

     

    Greetings from Tammi Pitzen, CACJC Executive Director

    Happy Thanksgiving to all of you on behalf of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County Board, Staff, Advisory Council, and volunteers! 

    As I am rush around today to try to get things wrapped up before the snow comes in and in preparation for a couple of days off for Thanksgiving, I am feeling so thankful for so many things! 

    I am thankful that I have the privilege and honor to work with a team who is incredibly talented, knowledgeable, professional, and compassionate…both on staff and as part of a larger multidisciplinary team.  This work is so hard and so important!  And so hard.  Let’s just acknowledge that.  So very hard. 

    I am so thankful that we have a community who prioritizes children and who is so supportive of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County, our programs and the abused children we serve.  We cannot do this work alone.  It takes a community!  Thank you so much for your time, talent and treasure.

    I am so thankful for our volunteers who do not have to be here but who show up week after week with a smile on their face eager to help in whatever way is needed.  That is really incredible when you think about that!  They don’t get a pay check.  Sometimes staff gets busy and forgets or misses an opportunity to say thank you!  The children are not always pleasant when they are here in a time of crisis.  Sometimes the parents are angry…but the volunteers keep coming and keep giving and continue to be empathetic and compassionate.  I AM SO THANKFUL for ALL of YOU!!

    We could not sustain this important work without all of you! 

    So Thank you!!!  Thank you!!  Thank you!!

     

    Tammi Pitzen

  • Silent promises to my friend, Wendy

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I have been wanting to write this post for a long time.  I asked the person who is at the heart of this story – twice — if it was okay.  I have sat down hundreds of times trying to get started and was never able to get past the first sentence or two. I have touched on it a time or two in other posts. 

    But it’s time to pay tribute to my friend and own up to my own shortcomings.

    Some of you know that I started my career in child protection in the same very small town that I grew up in and where I graduated high school.  Inherently, that means that I crossed paths with many people that I knew while investigating child abuse cases.  Some impacted me.  And, ironically, the one that impacted me the most was not one that I was investigating. 

    To tell the whole story, I need to go back to the beginning. 

    I don’t know when I first met Wendy, but I know that I have known her more than half my life now.  My first really clear memories were in middle school.  She lived with her brother and her dad.  I never knew what happened to her mom or why she was not in the picture.  She and I talked some, but not a lot.  She and I went to the same church.   I am ashamed to say that I never asked her anything.  I suspect if I did, she and I would have found that we had some things in common — like our dry sense of humor, fierce loyalty, a desire to help people, some insecurities about who we were and dreams of living in places far away from our small hometown.  I also would have found out that we had things that were very different about our lives.

    All during this time, there were rumors or concerns whirling around of Wendy being abused.

    I remember the adults trying to be kind to her.  Looking back at it now, I wonder how that felt.  Being kind does not make the abuse stop. I think that people shied away from Wendy because of believing she was abused.  As if somehow it was “catching”. 

    I remember hearing some of the adults talk about how there was something not right about Wendy’s relationship with her dad.  I didn’t know a lot about abuse when I was in high school.  I was so busy trying to survive, that I doubt I looked around to see anyone else’s struggles. 

    As an adult looking back, I feel guilty.

    We graduated high school.  I went to college.  I am not sure where Wendy went.  She got pregnant in high school during a time that it was not as accepted as it is today.  She gave the baby up for adoption. Some thought that was for the best.  Our worlds went down different paths for a while.  I graduated from college and went back to this same small town to start my career.  I started investigating child abuse reports for the Department of Social Services. 

    I had been there for a couple of years.  I had not run into Wendy. If I am honest, I doubt I thought much about Wendy.  Then one day, I was in the record room at work and came across a file that had her dad’s name on it.  We were purging files.  I had gone in to get more files to start working on. 

    I stared at that file for what seemed like eternity.  Sitting on the shelf.  Wondering what I should do. 

    My eyes starting to sting, and my heart started to race.  I am pretty sure I sobbed.  I couldn’t even bring myself to pull the record off the shelf. I stood there staring at it.  It seemed too intensely personal.   It felt like time had stopped.  I am sure it was only a matter of seconds. 

    My co-worker came in … grabbed the file and went back into the area where we were working.  I pulled myself together and grabbed the next few files and went back to my seat.   My co-worker asked if I was okay.  She said I looked like I was not feeling well.  I pulled myself together and continued working.

    I never read the file.  I never checked to see if there was anything left after we purged some things that the state had decided needed to be destroyed.  While I never read it, I never forgot and would find myself thinking about Wendy from time to time.

    And then Facebook came on scene.  I got a friend request from Wendy.  We reconnected through the world of social media.  I learned that Wendy’s life had not always been easy, but Wendy persevered.

    Wendy was abused. 

    Wendy was physically, sexually, and mentally abused, as well as, chronically neglected as a child. 

    Reports were made, but she never felt safe to tell anyone. They would come to her house to interview her with her Dad in the next room.  She shared with me that she had four different family members abuse her.  It hurts my heart to think about it.  But Wendy was and is resilient.  Wendy made promises to herself and to her children.

    Wendy went to college.  She first got her associates and bachelor’s degree in Psychology and then got her masters in Health Care Management. 

    Wendy did indeed survive her childhood home and has been able to pick up those pieces of herself that were shattered by abuse and put them back together.  She is one of the most resilient people I know.

    I did not know enough to help Wendy when I was a teenager.  When I found out that Wendy had been abused or got confirmation, I replayed a lot of my childhood in my mind. 

    I sat at my computer and cried that I had not been able to help Wendy thirty something years ago.

    I tell this story not to garner sympathy for Wendy or for me.  Not to illustrate my failure to protect or even be a good friend.  I tell this story to show that abuse is out there, and it is close to us.  It always has been.  

    I tell this story because I wonder if there had been a Children’s Advocacy Center to go to, she would have felt safe, and if some of her abuse would have been prevented, and if some of her struggles could have been lightened.

    I felt powerless, frightened and too ignorant on child abuse to intervene way back then, but I have promises to keep…no more excuses. 

    I made it my life’s work to intervene—to do something to stop adults from abusing children.  I never intended to stay in this work for this long.  I had other plans.  However, sitting in a small records room in Louisiana, I was persuaded to continue until I could continue no more. 

    I made some silent promises to Wendy that day. 

    I promised to always make a report if I suspect abuse.  I will never turn away again.  I promised to not be afraid to ask if something doesn’t seem quite right.  I promised never to allow a “whatever happens in the family is not my business” mentality to prevail.  I promised to always intervene on behalf of a child. 

    I have been working and advocating on behalf of abused children for 29 years.  There have been many moments that have inspired me to continue, but they all started with a few silent promises to my friend Wendy. 

    I bet that the majority of you have a Wendy in your life.  Even if you don’t know who they are.  Statistically, there is no way you don’t have a Wendy in your life. 

    I want to ask you to do what you can to keep a child safe.  I want to ask you to make a report to authorities when one needs to be made. 

    You will never regret making a report to keep a child safe, but you may regret not making one.

    Tammi Pitzen

     

  • My Spin: Oregon’s Top Rank Registered Sex Offenders

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    School has started back.  At my house we are shifting back to “normal” schedule.  You know—the regular routine.  6:30 wake up.  7:12 out the door for school and work.  6:00 get home.  6:15 start our reading homework.  6:45 do the rest of our homework.  7:15 piano practice.  7:45 shower.  8:30 bedtime.  Oops.  I forgot dinner.  We do eat in there somewhere, but the schedule is tight.  We try to find some balance.  We try to concentrate our family time on the weekend and build as many memories as possible.  It is easy to go on auto pilot.  To forget to have actual conversations.  To forget to check in with each other.  The frenzy of the holidays is right around the corner.  It will get more hectic.

    This week, we have read about Oregon being number one in the country in the number of registered sex offenders.  There has been lots of chatter about what this means and why this is.  I don’t know why.  Do we make more people register than others?  Are we more proactive at looking for sex offenders?  There are many spins that you could put on this. 

    Here is my spin.  This is a good reminder to make time to talk to your children about their bodies and how to keep them safe.  This is a good reminder to stay involved and present in your child’s life regardless of their age.

    The truth is there are a lot of sex offenders EVERYWHERE.  I don’t say that to make you paranoid.  I say that to make you aware.

    I started having these body conversations with my own child when he was 2 years old.  He learned the correct term for his “boy” parts.  I never have to guess if he is talking about his penis, his tummy, his bottom or his toe.  While the cutesy names make it easier for the adults to say, it definitely makes it harder for anyone else to know what exactly your child is talking about.  In an interview to figure out if he or she has been abused, this small thing is crucial.

    I read a book to my child every once in a while about body safety and telling.  He loved that book.  It was named “Gorp’s Secret”.  It was a very child friendly way to open up the conversation.  Better yet, my child learned early who was allowed to touch what body parts under what circumstances.  It was a book that was in the story time rotation.  Just like all his other books.  Sat on the shelf just like his other books waiting for his little fingers to pick it out for his dad or me to read to him.  Normal. 

    My child’s pediatrician has the same talk with him during his annual check-up.  It does not weird him out.  It is a conversation that is part of their normal interactions during his exam.  Just like checking in about bike helmets, seat belts, and what kinds of veggies he is eating.

    Contrary to what many people might think because of my career, I do not talk to my son about these things very frequently.  When an opportunity presents itself I don’t shy away from it but I don’t bring it up.  I don’t have to.  We have been having these “little talks” since he was a baby.  He knows.

    The older your child gets, the more uncomfortable it is to start these conversations, but if they have been a part of your interactions all along they are a little easier.  It is a way of propping the door open, if you will.  Paving the way for your child to come to you if they ever need to.

    Still not sure what to be vigilant about or worried you won’t recognize when your child may need you but unable to tell you exactly they need you? 

    Please sign up to take our free Stewards of Children training under the CAC Protect Our Children program.  We hold them frequently.  Go to our website and sign up.  This class will teach you how to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse using five simple steps.  It is free.  It takes less than 3 hours.  

    It will give you tools to reduce the risk of sexual abuse to the children in your life.  Isn’t that worth your time?

    #BackToSchoolCAC

     

     

  • Sexual abuse, Show Dogs and the sort of apology

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I started this blog four and a half years ago with the intention of providing insights into child abuse through the lens of a professional career in child protection that spanned several decades. 

    Somewhere along the way the focus or lens shifted and got blurred with my personal mom experiences.  Today is one of those times where that line gets very blurry, but I feel like there is a conversation that must be had. 

    So here it goes.

    I recently took my nine-year-old to the movies and as we watched the previews, we planned which movies we would make sure to see.  Some of them were a for sure for him and not me.  Others were a for sure for me and not so much for him, but the one movie we both really thought would be a can’t miss movie was Show Dogs.  It seemed perfect.  We both love dogs.  It looked funny.  There was a story line that seemed like it would keep our attention.

    Then this week I read more about the movie.  There was a scene in which one of the dogs was getting prepared for “Show” competition which included his privates being touched.  This seemed to happen a couple of times and his friend advised him to go to his “Zen” place and it basically shows the main character dissociating . 

    There was an outcry from some parents and a blogger.  It was pointed out that this was a little too real to be okay.  There were concerns about taking children to see this with the message being it is okay if someone sexually abuses you if you go to your “happy” place and think of things that make you feel good.

    I will be honest that the first couple of “headlines” I skipped over.  When a friend on Facebook posted some comments, I will be honest again, I sort of did an eye roll in that it was asking people to boycott the movie.  In this day where everyone is boycotting something, I just did not want to “have” to choose a side and so I skipped it.

    And then one of my friends and a CAC Board member sent me the link: https://foreverymom.com/arts-entertainment/dog-show-movie-review-grooming/  I stopped and read it.

    I actually did not think it was true.  In the “Me Too” age surely there is not one person who has not got the message that we are tired of power and control turning into sexual abuse.  I checked it out further and found that it was true.

    As I processed the information I was reading with what I know about child sexual abuse dynamics, I was disheartened and a little depressed that we have come so far and not far at all.  There has been a whirlwind of sexual abuse disclosures, investigations, civil law suits, criminal prosecutions and sentencings playing out on the national stage.  It seemed like, in my mind anyway, that “Show Dogs” was Hollywood basically saying they don’t care.  Basically, rubbing our noses in the fact that they have control and can do whatever they want.

    Today, I was researching a little more in preparation for writing this blog.  I was delighted to see that they took the scene out of the movie.  The movie that will be in the theatres this weekend will not have the scene in it. 

    I was disheartened at the released statement.  There was an apology.  Sort of.

    “Responding to concerns raised by moviegoers and some specific organizations, Global Road Entertainment has decided to remove two scenes from the film SHOW DOGS that some have deemed not appropriate for children.

    The company takes these matters very seriously and remains committed to providing quality entertainment for the intended audiences based on the film’s rating. We apologize to anybody who feels the original version of SHOW DOGS sent an inappropriate message. The revised version of the film will be available for viewing nationwide starting this weekend.”

    I read the above statement and think…Huh.  They apologize to anybody who feels the original version of Show Dogs sent an inappropriate message.  That implies to me that they do not feel it was an inappropriate message.  It leaves me still feeling a little angry. 

    I am angry because my son really wants to see this movie.  They took out the “offensive” scenes.  It should be fine to let him see it.  Right?  Why am I still angry?  Why am I still wondering about whether I want to pay money to watch a movie where someone thought it was okay to re write the original script to include sexual abuse.  Do I take the moral high ground and stand on my convictions?  Do I punish my son by not letting him see it even though now it is deemed appropriate?  

    I am angry that I am left with having to sort this out when really it could have been a good movie—a fun afternoon with my nine-year-old.  Now, no matter what changes have been made, I will not be able to get past the idea that someone thought it was a good idea to write sexual abuse in.  I feel dirty.  I feel like someone was testing the waters of what is okay and acceptable. 

    What does it take to change the tide?  Bill Cosby was convicted.  America’s Dad convicted.  Was that not enough of a message that forced sexual contact will not be tolerated?  Was the tide of the “Me Too” movement not enough to make social change? 

    I suspect I will not see the movie.  I suspect there are those who think I am overreacting.  That is okay. 

    For me I need to know, to the best of my knowledge and ability, that the money my husband and I work so hard to earn is not going to end up in the hands of someone who wants to teach children when someone touches their private parts to go find their “Zen” place. 

    In my world, there is not one situation where someone would think this is okay. 

    In my world, the production company issues a statement apologizing for their error in judgement — not apologizing that some people found their messaging in appropriate.  Maybe I am making too big a deal out of semantics. 

    On the flip side of this situation, I am so thankful for the Macaroni Kid for bringing this to the attention of moms everywhere.  I am also thankful to receive confirmation that moms are the “game changers”. 

    Moms – every day, regular, moms can change the world. 

     

    Tammi Pitzen

     

     

     

  • Cherish a Child Luncheon

    By Theresa Hart. Development Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Each year the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County hosts a fundraising luncheon. During these luncheons, guests will receive an update from Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director, about what’s happened at the CAC in the last year.

    They will also hear the story of a survivor and how each person can help the children we serve.

    On October 12th from 12 noon – 1 pm, the CAC will host its 11th Annual Cherish a Child Luncheon at Inn at the Commons. It is our second largest fundraising event.

    I love the luncheon as it provides a look into what we do and inspires people to make a difference in a child’s life. The event is only one hour and lunch is provided. We ask attendees to give what will satisfy their hearts. Attendees may give a one-time gift or a sustaining gift over the next 12 months.

    The theme of this year’s fundraising luncheon is Planting a Seed.

    Attendees will learn how the work we do is planting seeds of healing in the lives of abused children and their families. They will learn about our community partners who are planting seeds of healing and how they too can plant seeds of healing in our community.

    By giving to the CAC, you are planting seeds of healing in a child’s life.

    I’m excited to share that this year’s survivor story will focus on how the seeds of healing were planted in the heart of the mother of an abused child thirty years ago. It is a truly inspiring story that you won’t want to miss.

    What we know is that when an intervention is timely, a child can heal from the abuse and grow up to lead a healthy and fulfilling life. We also know that the families of these victims also have needs. When those families are helped, they will provide a healthy and safe environment for their child to heal.

    Our newly formed Family Support Team provides advocacy and services to the families of victims. Sometimes when a child comes to our Intake Center, their only possessions are the clothes on their backs. That child’s parent may have had to leave their home, and they may have no place to go.

    Because of the generosity of donors, there is a clothes closet where our Family Support Team may pull out an outfit or two for that child. We work with community partners like ACCESS, where there is food available for the family. If they need additional clothing or other items to set up their new home, we will give them a Goodwill Industries voucher to purchase items from one of their stores. We work with other agencies to help these families.

    We are truly grateful for the community partners doing great work to help these families.

    The CAC is a place where children can come to tell the story of their abuse in a loving environment that feels like a home. If they have been injured, they will receive a medical evaluation by a specially trained medical provider.  These head-to-toe evaluations can take two hours or more to perform. During that time, evidence is collected and other medical needs are assessed. Our medical providers give referrals so those additional needs may be addressed. Some of these children have not seen a doctor since they were born.  They also provide assurance to these children that their bodies will heal. These children may also receive a therapy assessment to determine their needs.

    We offer short- and long-term therapy as well as specialized therapy groups for the victims. There is also a Parent Group where the non-offending parent may learn how to care for a child that has been through trauma. The CAC is a place of healing. Your gift will plant seeds of healing and recovery in an abused child’s life. Your gift will help those families to provide a safe and healthy environment for their child to heal.

    Your gift also plants seeds of healing in our community. We partner with The Ford Family Foundation to provide PROTECT OUR CHILDREN child sexual abuse prevention training where adults learn to identify the signs of abuse and are given tools to intervene and to prevent child abuse from happening. During the last two years, we have trained 1100 people Jackson County. We offer monthly trainings at the Medford Library as well as provide trainings at schools, agencies, churches and organizations that work with children. I would encourage anyone who has or works with children or youth to take this training.

    We work closely with community partners who specialize in child abuse. We assist them in planting seeds of healing in the community. We work closely with the Department of Human Services-Child Protection Division (DHS), law enforcement, CASA, Family Nurturing Center, Community Works, the District Attorney’s Office and many more to help in the identification, intervention, prevention, and prosecution of child abuse cases in Jackson County.

    Be inspired. Attend the 11th Annual Cherish A Child Luncheon Thursday, October 12 from 12pm – 1pm at the Inn At the Commons.

    Register for the luncheon and make a gift to the Children’s Advocacy Center. While we do not charge for the luncheon, you will be asked to give a donation of either a one time or sustaining gift to help abused children. Registration is required.

    You may register online at: http://cacjc.org/cherish-a-child-luncheon/or by calling 541-734-5437 at extension 1011.

    Thank you for all you do to plant seeds of healing in the life of children. We are grateful for your ongoing support of abused children in our community. We hope that you will join us at the Cherish a Child Luncheon on October 12th.

  • Tammi Pitzen: The 26th anniversary of living my passion

    Tammi Pitzen: The 26th anniversary of living my passion

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    In 1989, I started this quest into the field of child abuse as an intern on the Ouachita Parish Sheriff’s Office child abuse team.  It was made up of two women detectives.  I graduated in 1990 from Northeast Louisiana University. (They changed their name sometime in the later 90’s, but I refuse to play along.  My degree says NLU, and so that is who they will always be to me!).

    On December 26, 1990, I began working for the Office of Community Services in Vernon Parish and briefly closed my eyes. When I opened them again, it was 26 later and here I am in Oregon.

    This work was meant to be a temporary passage — not a lifetime passion.  December 26th I will embark on my 27th year of working on my behalf of abused children.

    As I sit down to write this, and reflect on the last 26 years, I recognize that many things have changed for me.  I started out making less than $12.50 an hour.  I just did the math and that is shocking to me. If I am honest, I can’t remember how much I made, but at the end of ten years, I was making less than $12.50 an hour.

    I started out in this field at the age of 21, single, childless, and ready to take on the world.  I had no responsibilities to anyone else and so I worked.  A lot.  I worked weekends.  I worked late.  I took work home with me.  I will say, that part does not seem to have changed that much.

    26 years ago, there were no cell phones.  I would go out for the day to locate families, signing out on a white board, and just assumed that if I didn’t come back, someone would eventually come to look for me. Not that they would have found me as, most of the time, I just signed out “in the field”.  Depending on the day, it could have literally been a field, but most of the time, it just meant “out of the office working”.

    26 years ago, there was no GPS system, so I would navigate with the latest parish map.  26 years ago, I planned my life around a “pager” schedule.  I would literally sit around and wait for the pager to go off on my “on-call” weeks.

    26 years ago, most of the training was on the job training and the initial training I received, before going out and investigating life and death crimes, was on constructing genograms. (The social workers reading this will know what that is, and smile, and recognize that it would not help me in deciphering timelines or pattern bruising).

    Within six months of this first job, everything about me changed.  I was no longer who I thought I was. This work changes you.

    No.  Actually, the children do that to you.

    To this day, there are eight children from two families that flash into my mind every night before I go to sleep.  They made me into a better case worker.  Their parents made me more compassionate and empathetic.  Those kids never got to go home or at least, not until their 18th birthday.

    In my first year, I worked near fatal child abuse cases and, within my first year and a half, I had worked fatal cases.

    The smell of a hospital still evokes images and a panicked feeling surrounding my first fatal child abuse case.  Surprisingly, I didn’t interact much with law enforcement while investigating that case.  I do remember having to repeatedly call and basically camp out at the police station to get a report and to get a copy of the coroner’s findings.

    I do remember my shaking hands as I tried to draw the injuries I could see on the child’s body. Another skill that none of my initial training taught me.  And I remember crying myself to sleep as I imagined what had happened that caused her to take her last breath.

    It was a pivotal moment.  At this point, caseworkers either move on to some other work or decide what adjustments they will need to make in order to stay in.

    Upon reflection, I have learned so much.  Here are 26 things I have learned in 26 years:

    1.      At some point in life, you have to decide if making a lot of money is your driving force or if it is finding your purpose.  Sometimes you are super lucky and your purpose will allow you to make a lot of money.

    2.     Sometimes your passion chooses you.  And usually when you are not paying attention.

    3.     If you are going to make a difference, you have to take care of yourself.  I always thought it was crazy that the stewardess on the plane tells you that, if you are sitting next to a child and the air masks drop, put yours on first. Now, I totally get it.  You will do no one any good if you are sick and unable to function.

    4.     For the most part, people do the best they can with what they are given—this includes parents of abused children.

    5.     Sometimes milk and cookies is the answer — no matter what the question.

    6.     Spilled milk is not a crisis or the end of the world.  Neither is spilled red Kool-Aid.

    7.     If we listen closely, children will tell us what they need.  And part two of that is that sometimes they tell us through methods other than words.

    8.     Adults are always in control and in charge in any interaction with children.  It does not matter if it is an abuse scenario or just regular life.

    9.     Very few mistakes made are mistakes that can’t be corrected.

    10.  Sometimes you get “do overs” in life.  Always take them.

    11.  Wolves really do come in sheep’s clothing.  Every single time I am surprised by it when it happens.

    12.  Life is good when you expect the best all the time, even when people disappoint you. Being surprised by the wolf in sheep’s clothing does not make you naïve or ignorant.

    13.  Everyone has something to give and no matter what it is they are giving, it has value. It is important to let them give.

    14.  Children who are abused did not ask for that abuse nor did they do anything to cause the abuse to happen.  The brokenness that is left after a child is abused can be repaired.

    15.  Sometimes everything IS awesome.  Enjoy those times!

    16.  Sex offenders look like everyone else.

    17.  An abused child deserves the same things that any other child has.

    18.  The world-wide web is not the enemy.  The key is supervising our children and monitoring their actions on the internet.

    19.  Kids will teach you what you need to know to love them.

    20.  Judgements get in the way of doing our best work with families.

    21.  Don’t get caught up in leaving a legacy or a mark on the world.  Focus on doing what is “right” and “kind” in the moment and your mark will be left.

    22.  Providing structure provides safety.

    23.  Abuse in your childhood does not define who you are.  It usually has nothing to do with who you are and more to do with who the abuser is.

    24.  Listen to everything your child tells you, as if it is the most important thing in the world, so they will tell you the important things when they come up. Otherwise they may get filtered out.

    25.  Never underestimate the impact of being kind to someone.

    26.  Terrible awful things happen to the best people.  It really isn’t about what is fair or what is right.  It is about what you do next.  Do you choose to stay exactly where the terrible awful thing left you. Choose to rise above and beyond.

    And I want to add one more that has saved me many times: Never, ever take yourself too seriously.  When you can recognize your weaknesses and your mistakes and forgive yourself those missteps, it allows others to do the same for themselves

    While many things have changed in the last 26 years, the one thing that remains constant is this: Abused children need each of us.

    We — as in all of us — are the ones that can change the trajectory of the life of an abused child.  Don’t let anyone tell you it is not your business.  It is your business.

    It has been a long rewarding 26 years.  I am hoping I have more years to give. As I enter in my 27th year, I am humbled and thankful for the opportunity to do this work in this community.

    I am extremely proud of the staff, Board, Advisory Council, volunteers, donors and Multi-disciplinary team at the Children’s Advocacy Center.

    Together we can make our world a better, safer place for children in Jackson County.  We depend on each of you to be able to provide abused children with interviews, therapy, medical care and support services.

     

    Tammi Pitzen and her co-workers at the beginning of her career

     

  • Birthday Wishes: Believe a Child or Not?

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I have a birthday in April. I have no qualms about the number. I will be turning 47.

    26 of those years have been spent working in one role or another in the field of child abuse. Wow!

    That equates to more than half of my life spent responding to child abuse and trying to bring awareness to one of the most pervasive public health issues of modern times (or at least in my opinion.)

    The pendulum has swung from one end of the spectrum to the other and everywhere in between, as far as practice in securing safety and investigation of child abuse during my career. When I began, you were told to believe everything a child told you and then, later, it was to be suspicious of everything a child told you.

    Somewhere along the way, there were guidelines put in place for talking with children in a way that invited an open narrative, that minimized contamination of the information and was more trauma informed.

    There are still people who will never believe what a child tells them about abuse. If I had any advice for anyone trying to figure this out in their own life — it would be that it is better err on the side of keeping the child safe.

    Here are some things that I have learned along the way about figuring out next steps and what to believe, and because I think ranking is overvalued, they are not in any particular order:

    • In most cases, there are only two people in the world that can be 100% sure of exactly what happened in suspected child sexual abuse cases…the child and the perpetrator. These things do not generally happen with witnesses around. Child sexual abuse events generally do not generate C.S.I. type evidence.
    • Ask yourself what the child victim has to gain by making a false allegation. Usually the answer is — nothing but heartache. In my career I have spoken to literally thousands and thousands of children, some in a forensic interview and some out in the “field” on scene and otherwise, and what my experience has been is that most of the time if you asked a child what they wanted to happen to their offender (and by the way this is a BAD idea for a lot of different reasons) they generally would tell you they want the abuse to stop. They do not launch into a tirade about wanting him/her shot, hung, or otherwise dismembered. They do not spout off about wanting to ruin them. Many times child victims of all ages lose so much. They lose friends, family, and stability to name a few. And they gain anger, pain, blame, ridicule and shame many times.
    • On the flip side of the last one, what does the person accused have to gain by lying about what happened? If there is more than one person making an accusation, I generally go with the “where there is smoke, there is fire” line of thinking. This is particularly true when the children do not know each other or have no contact with each other. Believe it or not there are not groups of children plotting to ruin the adults in their lives.
    • NO MATTER what age, no matter what clothes they had on, no matter how “bad” they are, no matter what their grades are in school, the child did not ask for it. The adult is ALWAYS responsible for what happens between an adult and child. ALWAYS.
    • Offenders are not the scary people we do not know…they are people we like. They are people we love. They are people in our life. They are people who are respected. They are people we have previously deemed to be safe to be around our children. I know. I know. This one is enough to make us become paranoid and distrustful of every one.
    • Identifying and responding to physical abuse many times is easier for all of us. We see a child who has sustained injuries at the hands of an adult and we pretty much understand that should not happen. Although, I still occasionally run into people who feel like it is a parent’s “right” to do whatever they would like to their child. In fact, I have, in a few instances, had said parent yell that in my face.

    Most non-offending caregivers want to believe their child and want to believe the abuser because what does it say about their character to not believe their child? And WHAT does it say about their character if they allowed an offender into their child’s life. Those offenders are tricky and manipulative. You can do everything right and they still are able to slip into our lives. So what does it really say about them? Does it mean they are a terrible parent? I do not believe so. Does it mean they do not love their child? I do not believe so. Does it mean they are a horrible person? Nope. The really important thing is once they learn of the abuse, what is their response to their child? Do they do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe? Do they do whatever needs to be done to help their child begin healing? Do they engage in that healing process with them? We always hope so.

    When faced with having to make a decision on whether to believe a child or the accused offender, you should never base your decision on what the offender tells you.

    If there is an investigation (and there should be, because if a child tells you something, you should report it so that it can be fully investigated by professionals specially trained to do so, in order to get unbiased opinions and to secure the safety of your child) then talk to the professionals investigating, talk to people who work with offenders in a treatment process, talk to anyone involved who will talk to you. Listen to what they have to say. Listen to what their opinion is. Then carefully make a decision.

    But don’t make a decision out of fear…fear of not having money to pay the bills, fear of being alone, or fear of the unknown. Don’t make a decision that is based on the least painful path.

    Believing a child, keeping them safe, loving them, and giving them support does not sound painful, but it can be. But know that however painful it is for you, it is much more painful for that child. Children are very protective of the people they love. It is painful for them to hurt the non-offending people in their lives. They know that their words will change the world. They know their words can bring the walls in on top of them. They know their words will bring on a domino effect that cannot be reversed.

    My birthday wish this year is that if you are struggling with making a decision of whether to believe or not believe your child…..that you will reach out …..to someone who is unbiased, who has some experience in dealing with this issue, to help you.

    If you reach out to me, know that I will help you, but also know that I will make a report to either law enforcement or child protection. Your child’s health, happiness and future depends on my doing so.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • A Strong Man

    By Tammi Pitzen, Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I will let you in on a secret. I love animated movies. I love Disney. I love Pixar. Long before I had my son, I would watch these movies . . . usually not on the big screen, but in the privacy of my own home.

    When my son became old enough to watch movies, but too young to go to the theatre, I bought every animated movie I could find. Usually these movie days ended with me watching the movie alone as my son’s attention would be diverted elsewhere — long before the movie was over.

    I think one of my favorites is the movie Barnyard. Have you seen that one? The animals can all talk but only do so when their human is not around. The main character is a cow who was found and adopted by the Patriarch Cow, Ben. This young cow, Otis, loves to party and have a good time. The Patriarch Ben is trying to teach his son the importance of work, and that being a leader means taking care of those around you.

    There is a line that is the central theme of the movie. “A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others.”

    Wow. That sums up life beautifully. We should be standing up for ourselves and modeling that behavior for our children. We need to make sure that we let people around us know what we need and to show our children that it is okay to take care of your needs and to value yourself.

    Our purpose is to take care of those who are vulnerable and speak for them until they find their voice.

    This month is Child Abuse Prevention/Awareness Month.

    Every year this is a month that turns the spotlight on child abuse victims and what adults can do to keep children safe from abuse. For the month of April we make this huge push for these things to be in the public’s eye. And then it seems it is forgotten for the rest of the year, except by those whose job it is to work to keep kids safe.

    Generally this is when I will write about a lot of statistics. Usually I would tell you that there were 707 confirmed victims of child abuse and neglect in Jackson County, Oregon last year. I would normally tell you that 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18. I would tell you that an estimated 400,000 babies born in the United States this year will be sexually abused before they turn 18.

    But this year I wanted to do something more hopeful. I wanted to do something that would start a movement.

    I want to challenge you to embrace Ben’s words. Every day I want you to find a way to stand up for yourself. Value yourself. Help others to value you. And I want you to take it one step further. I want you to find one thing that you can do to be stronger.

    I want you to find one thing that you will do to stand up for abused children. That adds up to a lot being done on behalf of abused children in a year’s time.

    You might be asking yourself “What Can I do?”

    I am going to make it easy for you and make some suggestions:

    • Learn to recognize the signs of child abuse

    • Make a donation to an agency that serves child abuse victims. (my favorite is the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County :-))

    • Volunteer for a program that serves children

    • Take a child abuse prevention class (The CAC of Jackson County facilitates Stewards of Children/Darkness to Light once a month and also will come to your organization to facilitate a class just for your group)

    • Let your government officials know that you support initiatives that help support child abuse victims getting the best services they can get

    • Let your government officials know that training people who investigate child abuse or work with child abuse victims and their families is a priority

    • Support initiatives like United Way of Jackson County’s Big Idea as a way to empower children to dream big and achieve goals

    • Listen to a child

    • Put a potential offender on notice by insuring you are not leaving your child alone with someone who is identified as unsafe, by knowing who your child spends time with and by insisting on background checks/references for people who will be in positions of authority (babysitters, youth serving programs etc) over your child

    • Report abuse if you suspect it

    That should get you started.

    Live your life in a way that would make Ben, the cow, proud.

    If you have not seen the movie, I strongly encourage it (with or without kids).