The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Tag: School Shootings

  • Parkland. From a mother’s heart.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I am sitting here stunned and numb at my computer in my office at 9:15 p.m.  All week for one reason or another I have been working long hours and late hours.  I have seen no news.  I have only watched one event in the Olympics (You will remember my obsession with curling from my last blog).  I have spent most of my time staring at a computer screen “getting work done”. 

    Today during my fifteen minutes of self-care time, I jumped on the computer to learn there was another school shooting.  With mass casualties. 

    There will be finger pointing.  There will be judgement.  There will be much talk about political issues. 

    But what I want there to be is a path to resolution.  I want my son to be safe.   I want him safe at home.  I want him safe at school.  I want him safe at church.  I want him safe at the movie theatre. 

    I want more than that.  I want my son’s friends safe.  I want his schoolmates and his classmates safe.  I want my nieces and my nephews safe. 

    I want the innocence returned. 

    I will spend the next few days monitoring my son’s interactions, what he watches on tv, what news he hears.  I want him to keep his emotional safety.  I want him not to be afraid to live his life. I want him to continue to dance….to feel the music….to enjoy the journey.

    On Friday night I had this surreal experience.  I watched my son’s first dance recital dress rehearsal.  I was moved by what I saw.  No pun intended.  Up on stage was my son.  He was dancing and lost in the moment.  He and his peers were up there performing.  For a minute or two I was worried how he would respond.  It was his first time on a big stage.  He has never done anything like this on this scale.  He went out and moved and danced better than I had ever seen him.  He was hitting the right steps.  He was smiling.  He nailed his free style “cartwheel” moment.  At the end I realized I had, at some point, started holding my breath silently and sometimes (not so silently) cheering him on.

    Today, I realize I am holding my breath.  This time because of the anxiety of not wanting to let him out of my sight and knowing that I have to.

    I, like you, am thinking what can I do? Here is what I am going to do….

    I am going to make sure that my anxieties are not transferred to my son.  I am going to do what I can to insure his safety at all times and I am going to answer any questions he might have about yesterday’s events. I will answer them in a manner that is fitting for a nine-year-old.  I will give him information he needs to feel safe.  I will not scare him.  I will not give him graphic details.  I will not let him watch the news. 

    I am going to let my representatives know that I am worried and that I want a resolution to this issue.  This is a public health issue really.

    I am not interested in debating this.  I am not interested in finger pointing or political manipulations.

    I am going to work with my son’s school to make sure they have a plan for safety.  I want to know what that plan is.  I want my son to know what that plan is.  I want his classmates…those children who he is growing up with…that he cares about…that I care about ..I want them to know what that plan is.  We cannot be passive, but we cannot make our children afraid.

    I am going to dance with my son.  Every chance I get.  I am going to feel the music.  I am going to dance like no one is watching.  And when my son giggles because I am “dancing wrong”, I am going to dance some more.

    I will go home tonight, and even though he is sleeping, I am going to go watch him breathe in the dark of his room.  I am going to brush his hair off his face and I am going to silently promise to do the best I can to keep him safe. 

    I will close my eyes and remember that I had this same exact moment with him on the night he was born.  I held him close.  I brushed my fingers through his hair.  I closed my eyes and whispered in his ear that I would do everything I could to keep him safe.

     

  • Helping children after the San Bernardino school shooting

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Today, as I sit behind my desk, I am seeing sunshine out my windows and feeling gratitude for the spring weather that is soon to be here.  I have learned to live in these sweet, private moments because they come too seldom.

    I will admit to spending a few minutes checking my Facebook and checking the news sites to see what I have missed during the day.

    As I read through the headlines, my heart sank.  There, tucked in with all the political stories, was a story that seems to be unfolding on a shooting at a school in San Bernardino, in which an 8-year-old boy lost his life.

    On the surface, it appears to have been a domestic situation that took out an innocent child and hurt another.  The shooter turned the gun on himself. I am assuming, that means he killed himself.  The teacher appears to have been the target and was also shot and killed.

    This man followed all the procedures and protocols.  He signed in at the office.  No one saw a gun.  He then went to his estranged wife’s classroom and opened fire.  The child was not the target the article stated.

    I am feeling such sorrow.  School represents a safe place for so many children; particularly those children who are not safe at home.  School is a refuge.  Again, we are reminded, that no place feels safe.

    I am, in addition to an advocate for children, a mom.  The news will have ended well before I make it home tonight.  I will not spend any time watching reports play over and over tonight, as all the major news stations cover the story.

    I will, however, go into my son’s room, climb into the top bunk with him and hold him as close to me as I can.  I will go in several times throughout the night and check on him.  I will stand in the dark and listen to him breath.  I will run my fingers through his hair.  We all feel vulnerable again.

    I will be thankful that he is still with me.  I will be reminded not to take that for granted.  I will brace for the conversation that needs to happen when he asks questions.  No matter how I try to shield him, he always seems to know what is happening.

    My husband I will go into screening mode.  We will not watch the news with James in the room or where he can hear it.  We will reassure him as he asks about his own safety at school and at home.  We will listen to his concerns and gauge his anxieties by tuning into his behavior.  We will spend as much time hugging, cuddling, and reassuring as we can.

    I sat down to write my child abuse prevention/awareness month blog tonight.  But it will have to wait one more day.

    I have a favor to ask of you.

    If you have children in your life – your own or through family, friends, or through your work – make sure to spend some time listening to them.  Listen to their words.  Listen to their actions and behaviors.  Listen to their silence.  If they hear about this tragedy and I suspect they will, spend some time restoring their emotional safety.

    Do not tell them not to worry about it.  They will worry in spite of your command.  Help them to understand their feelings instead of dismissing them.  If you feel ill-equipped to have these conversations, find someone in the child’s life that can—perhaps a teacher, counselor, or church leader.

    Maybe I am over reacting.  Maybe it will not be on the news for the next two weeks non-stop.

    Even that brings its own concerns.  If this moves on quickly, then on a national level we are not having the right conversations.  Domestic violence happens.  School shootings happen.