Tag: reporting child abuse

Silent promises to my friend, Wendy

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time. I asked the person who is at the heart of this story – twice — if it was okay. I have sat down hundreds of times trying to get started and was never able to get past the first sentence or two. I have touched on it a time or two in other posts.

But it’s time to pay tribute to my friend and own up to my own shortcomings.

Some of you know that I started my career in child protection in the same very small town that I grew up in and where I graduated high school. Inherently, that means that I crossed paths with many people that I knew while investigating child abuse cases. Some impacted me. And, ironically, the one that impacted me the most was not one that I was investigating.

To tell the whole story, I need to go back to the beginning.

I don’t know when I first met Wendy, but I know that I have known her more than half my life now. My first really clear memories were in middle school. She lived with her brother and her dad. I never knew what happened to her mom or why she was not in the picture. She and I talked some, but not a lot. She and I went to the same church.   I am ashamed to say that I never asked her anything. I suspect if I did, she and I would have found that we had some things in common — like our dry sense of humor, fierce loyalty, a desire to help people, some insecurities about who we were and dreams of living in places far away from our small hometown. I also would have found out that we had things that were very different about our lives.

All during this time, there were rumors or concerns whirling around of Wendy being abused.

I remember the adults trying to be kind to her. Looking back at it now, I wonder how that felt. Being kind does not make the abuse stop. I think that people shied away from Wendy because of believing she was abused. As if somehow it was “catching”.

I remember hearing some of the adults talk about how there was something not right about Wendy’s relationship with her dad. I didn’t know a lot about abuse when I was in high school. I was so busy trying to survive, that I doubt I looked around to see anyone else’s struggles.

As an adult looking back, I feel guilty.

We graduated high school. I went to college. I am not sure where Wendy went. She got pregnant in high school during a time that it was not as accepted as it is today. She gave the baby up for adoption. Some thought that was for the best. Our worlds went down different paths for a while. I graduated from college and went back to this same small town to start my career. I started investigating child abuse reports for the Department of Social Services.

I had been there for a couple of years. I had not run into Wendy. If I am honest, I doubt I thought much about Wendy. Then one day, I was in the record room at work and came across a file that had her dad’s name on it. We were purging files. I had gone in to get more files to start working on.

I stared at that file for what seemed like eternity. Sitting on the shelf. Wondering what I should do.

My eyes starting to sting, and my heart started to race. I am pretty sure I sobbed. I couldn’t even bring myself to pull the record off the shelf. I stood there staring at it. It seemed too intensely personal.   It felt like time had stopped. I am sure it was only a matter of seconds.

My co-worker came in … grabbed the file and went back into the area where we were working. I pulled myself together and grabbed the next few files and went back to my seat.   My co-worker asked if I was okay. She said I looked like I was not feeling well. I pulled myself together and continued working.

I never read the file. I never checked to see if there was anything left after we purged some things that the state had decided needed to be destroyed. While I never read it, I never forgot and would find myself thinking about Wendy from time to time.

And then Facebook came on scene. I got a friend request from Wendy. We reconnected through the world of social media. I learned that Wendy’s life had not always been easy, but Wendy persevered.

Wendy was abused.

Wendy was physically, sexually, and mentally abused, as well as, chronically neglected as a child.

Reports were made, but she never felt safe to tell anyone. They would come to her house to interview her with her Dad in the next room. She shared with me that she had four different family members abuse her. It hurts my heart to think about it. But Wendy was and is resilient. Wendy made promises to herself and to her children.

Wendy went to college. She first got her associates and bachelor’s degree in Psychology and then got her masters in Health Care Management.

Wendy did indeed survive her childhood home and has been able to pick up those pieces of herself that were shattered by abuse and put them back together. She is one of the most resilient people I know.

I did not know enough to help Wendy when I was a teenager. When I found out that Wendy had been abused or got confirmation, I replayed a lot of my childhood in my mind.

I sat at my computer and cried that I had not been able to help Wendy thirty something years ago.

I tell this story not to garner sympathy for Wendy or for me. Not to illustrate my failure to protect or even be a good friend. I tell this story to show that abuse is out there, and it is close to us. It always has been.

I tell this story because I wonder if there had been a Children’s Advocacy Center to go to, she would have felt safe, and if some of her abuse would have been prevented, and if some of her struggles could have been lightened.

I felt powerless, frightened and too ignorant on child abuse to intervene way back then, but I have promises to keep…no more excuses.

I made it my life’s work to intervene—to do something to stop adults from abusing children. I never intended to stay in this work for this long. I had other plans. However, sitting in a small records room in Louisiana, I was persuaded to continue until I could continue no more.

I made some silent promises to Wendy that day.

I promised to always make a report if I suspect abuse. I will never turn away again. I promised to not be afraid to ask if something doesn’t seem quite right. I promised never to allow a “whatever happens in the family is not my business” mentality to prevail. I promised to always intervene on behalf of a child.

I have been working and advocating on behalf of abused children for 29 years. There have been many moments that have inspired me to continue, but they all started with a few silent promises to my friend Wendy.

I bet that the majority of you have a Wendy in your life. Even if you don’t know who they are. Statistically, there is no way you don’t have a Wendy in your life.

I want to ask you to do what you can to keep a child safe. I want to ask you to make a report to authorities when one needs to be made.

You will never regret making a report to keep a child safe, but you may regret not making one.

Tammi Pitzen
The Many Faces of Healing: Emily

Emily, a ten year old intellectually disabled child, came to the Children’s Advocacy Center as result of concerns for her safety. A teacher noticed that this normally very polite, quiet child began having problems in school.

Emily began acting out sexually on the playground. The teacher became concerned and made a report.

Emily’s medical evaluation helped determine that she had been physically and sexually abused. During the evaluation, she also disclosed that she had been made to watch pornography. The very specialized medical evaluation from the Children’s Advocacy Center’s pediatrician also found substantial untreated medical issues that indicated long-term neglect. Our doctor was able to make referrals to a primary care physician to help resolve these issues.

Through the investigation, it became apparent that Emily could not remain in the care of her parents. She was placed with a loving relative who is receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help her care for a child who has experienced trauma.

Emily is safe now and is engaged in therapy services.
Birthday Wishes: Believe a Child or Not?
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I have a birthday in April. I have no qualms about the number. I will be turning 47.

26 of those years have been spent working in one role or another in the field of child abuse. Wow!

That equates to more than half of my life spent responding to child abuse and trying to bring awareness to one of the most pervasive public health issues of modern times (or at least in my opinion.)

The pendulum has swung from one end of the spectrum to the other and everywhere in between, as far as practice in securing safety and investigation of child abuse during my career. When I began, you were told to believe everything a child told you and then, later, it was to be suspicious of everything a child told you.

Somewhere along the way, there were guidelines put in place for talking with children in a way that invited an open narrative, that minimized contamination of the information and was more trauma informed.

There are still people who will never believe what a child tells them about abuse. If I had any advice for anyone trying to figure this out in their own life — it would be that it is better err on the side of keeping the child safe.

Here are some things that I have learned along the way about figuring out next steps and what to believe, and because I think ranking is overvalued, they are not in any particular order:
- In most cases, there are only two people in the world that can be 100% sure of exactly what happened in suspected child sexual abuse cases…the child and the perpetrator. These things do not generally happen with witnesses around. Child sexual abuse events generally do not generate C.S.I. type evidence.
- Ask yourself what the child victim has to gain by making a false allegation. Usually the answer is — nothing but heartache. In my career I have spoken to literally thousands and thousands of children, some in a forensic interview and some out in the “field” on scene and otherwise, and what my experience has been is that most of the time if you asked a child what they wanted to happen to their offender (and by the way this is a BAD idea for a lot of different reasons) they generally would tell you they want the abuse to stop. They do not launch into a tirade about wanting him/her shot, hung, or otherwise dismembered. They do not spout off about wanting to ruin them. Many times child victims of all ages lose so much. They lose friends, family, and stability to name a few. And they gain anger, pain, blame, ridicule and shame many times.
- On the flip side of the last one, what does the person accused have to gain by lying about what happened? If there is more than one person making an accusation, I generally go with the “where there is smoke, there is fire” line of thinking. This is particularly true when the children do not know each other or have no contact with each other. Believe it or not there are not groups of children plotting to ruin the adults in their lives.
- NO MATTER what age, no matter what clothes they had on, no matter how “bad” they are, no matter what their grades are in school, the child did not ask for it. The adult is ALWAYS responsible for what happens between an adult and child. ALWAYS.
- Offenders are not the scary people we do not know…they are people we like. They are people we love. They are people in our life. They are people who are respected. They are people we have previously deemed to be safe to be around our children. I know. I know. This one is enough to make us become paranoid and distrustful of every one.
- Identifying and responding to physical abuse many times is easier for all of us. We see a child who has sustained injuries at the hands of an adult and we pretty much understand that should not happen. Although, I still occasionally run into people who feel like it is a parent’s “right” to do whatever they would like to their child. In fact, I have, in a few instances, had said parent yell that in my face.
Most non-offending caregivers want to believe their child and want to believe the abuser because what does it say about their character to not believe their child? And WHAT does it say about their character if they allowed an offender into their child’s life. Those offenders are tricky and manipulative. You can do everything right and they still are able to slip into our lives. So what does it really say about them? Does it mean they are a terrible parent? I do not believe so. Does it mean they do not love their child? I do not believe so. Does it mean they are a horrible person? Nope. The really important thing is once they learn of the abuse, what is their response to their child? Do they do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe? Do they do whatever needs to be done to help their child begin healing? Do they engage in that healing process with them? We always hope so.

When faced with having to make a decision on whether to believe a child or the accused offender, you should never base your decision on what the offender tells you.

If there is an investigation (and there should be, because if a child tells you something, you should report it so that it can be fully investigated by professionals specially trained to do so, in order to get unbiased opinions and to secure the safety of your child) then talk to the professionals investigating, talk to people who work with offenders in a treatment process, talk to anyone involved who will talk to you. Listen to what they have to say. Listen to what their opinion is. Then carefully make a decision.

But don’t make a decision out of fear…fear of not having money to pay the bills, fear of being alone, or fear of the unknown. Don’t make a decision that is based on the least painful path.

Believing a child, keeping them safe, loving them, and giving them support does not sound painful, but it can be. But know that however painful it is for you, it is much more painful for that child. Children are very protective of the people they love. It is painful for them to hurt the non-offending people in their lives. They know that their words will change the world. They know their words can bring the walls in on top of them. They know their words will bring on a domino effect that cannot be reversed.

My birthday wish this year is that if you are struggling with making a decision of whether to believe or not believe your child…..that you will reach out …..to someone who is unbiased, who has some experience in dealing with this issue, to help you.

If you reach out to me, know that I will help you, but also know that I will make a report to either law enforcement or child protection. Your child’s health, happiness and future depends on my doing so.
Hope in the most unlikely places

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April brings spring, renewal, energy and awareness on a very tough topic — Child Abuse.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who, like many other people who talk to me about my work, was very focused on the “depressing” part of my job. The conversations usually begin and end with something like, “You hear a lot of horrible things” or “ How do you sleep at night?”

I have even had people ask me what my job was and when I answered, they turned around and walked away. There were times in my younger years where people would not be friends with me because of what I did as a job. There were times that people would not date me because of what I did as a job. They would say things like “You are really nice, but I just don’t want to be around that stuff”.

I look back now and shake my head and wonder what in the world they thought I would be talking about with them. Most of the things that happened during the course of my work day were confidential and not things I could talk to anyone about. AND it is not like child abuse is contagious like the flu. When people have asked me to speak at an event or to talk about what I do, they always ask that I keep it light.

Here are the cold hard facts. Child abuse is not pretty. Child abuse is not glamorous. There are not many ways to keep that light and joyful. There are children who are hurt by someone they love multiple times a day, every single day. Child abuse is real. Child abuse is happening. Child abuse is being perpetrated by people I know. Child abuse is happening to children I know. Child abuse can be heinous and life impacting both physically and emotionally.

If there is one thing that working 26 years in the field of child abuse has taught me, it is that there is another side to the story.

There is much to be hopeful about. Yes. You read that right. I am hopeful.

When I was working as a forensic interviewer, I was happy to see children come to me. It made me feel relieved, even if for only a fleeting moment. The day they came through the door was the day that, just maybe, an adult could help make the abuse stop.

When I was working as a caseworker, even under the most stressful situations, I was glad to get reports assigned. It meant that someone cared enough about a child to pick up the phone and make a report. On the days that there were too many children and too many cases being sent my way to deal with, I knew that, for those children, there was hope. Hope for recovery. Hope for safety. Hope for a better tomorrow.

There is much to be hopeful about if we are all doing our part.

It is everyone’s responsibility to keep children safe. We can make a difference in the lives of our children and in the lives of children of future generations.

But… there is a price to be paid for that hope.

There has to be a shift in societal thinking and values. We HAVE to be able to talk about child abuse in order to educate the world about the scope of the problem. I truly believe that people in general do not understand the scope of the problem. We have to be able to talk to our children about appropriate boundaries. We have to be able to talk to the adults in our child’s life about what will be tolerated and what will not be tolerated in regards to behavior with and around our children.

We have to be able to talk to our legislative representatives about why child abuse prevention needs to be a top priority. We HAVE to end the silence. We HAVE to end the shaming of victims of child abuse. We HAVE to end the blaming of child abuse victims.

Child abuse is not a “child” problem. It is an “adult” problem. The problem is not with the child’s actions but with the adult’s action or reaction.

What if we all decided every morning that we were going to do one act during the day on behalf of a child? What if we all decided that today… right now… was the time to end child abuse?

I AM so hopeful. Children are continuing to need interviews, medical examinations and therapy assessments. We are overwhelmed some days with the amount of referrals and work there is to be done right here in Jackson County, but I am so hopeful.

Children mean that reports are being made. Medical evaluations mean that children get to learn that their bodies have not been broken by abuse. Therapy assessments mean that children get to learn that abuse has not made them worthless. Interviews mean that children have an opportunity to talk about what has happened and that an adult in a position to help make that abuse stop is ready to help them.

It is not hopeless. We only need to decide that we will be part of the paradigm shift that is needed in our world by starting to talk about what is child abuse and how to keep our children safe.

We are not powerless.

If we teach our children about what is abuse and if we talk about what will not be tolerated behavior with the adults in our children’s lives, we take back the power and we give to our children.
707 Victims of Child Abuse in Jackson County

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

In preparation for April’s child abuse prevention and awareness activities, I have been looking at a lot of child abuse numbers . . . statistics etc. I do not believe that the numbers ever tell the full story.

In Jackson County in 2013, there were 707 child victims of abuse or neglect. These are not the “grey void” cases. Grey void is what I call those cases that fall into the category of not good parenting decisions that do not rise to a level of founded abuse, but still have a negative impact on a child’s life. There are many cases that fall into that void.

The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County served 601 new child clients in 2014. (“New” is defined as first point of contact, but does not include clients receiving services that are continuing from the prior year.)

But the question is — what does this really mean? What story do the numbers tell you? What do you see when you read those numbers?

I will tell you what I see. I see sad small child faces. I see the children who go to school with my son. I see the children who sit with me in church. Those 707 live with me in this community.

What do you hear?

I will tell you what I hear. I hear silence. The kind of silence that speaks volumes. Most children do not report their abuse. Most depend on others to speak for them. Most depend on others to know what to look for and report on their behalf. Their silence screams HELP ME!

There are more numbers: 44.7% of cases of abuse and neglect founded across the state were in families where substance abuse was an issue. The next highest stress factor across the state was domestic violence, followed by financial stress. I think these numbers speak for themselves, but do not tell the full story of what this means for kids.

There is great debate across the county about what the numbers mean. Many will tell you the numbers of child abuse are decreasing. Others will tell you they are increasing. Some will cling to the decreasing numbers and tell you that “we” are doing something right. Others will tell you that the increasing numbers mean we need more in the trenches working on addressing the issue of child abuse. That debate becomes more political than I care to weigh-in on in this forum.

What I do believe is that 707 children in my world is too high.

What I know from experience, is that number will increase and decrease from year to year as we get better at identifying child abuse and as the community gets more skilled at reporting abuse to be investigated.

What I know from experience is that if you, as a system, “look” for abuse you will find it. If you are not proactive in trying to remedy the problem, you will not see that the problem exists. If no one believes, then no one reports. If no one can provide protection and safety, then no one will seek it. Crazy how that works.

I daily make a commitment to be vigilant on behalf of the children in my world. It is a struggle to balance that commitment sometimes with my family and during times when I grow weary that the issue is too big.

My son, who is 6, and I have conversations that make it seem so simple. When he was three, and I had to work late, he wondered where I had been. He asked me why he had to stay with a sitter. I thought quickly of some lie I could tell him to save myself from the larger conversation. And, if I am honest, I only told him the truth because I was too tired to be creative. I told him that I was at work. He asked me what I did at work. I responded that there was a little girl that needed me to help her be safe.

He then asked, “Why?” (Don’t you, as a parent, hate the whys?) So I sat down with him on my lap and said that sometimes adults hurt kids and there has to be someone to work to try to keep them safe and that was what my work was about. He looked at me and said, “Ok.” I saw clarity in his eyes beyond his then three years. I was sure he did not understand.

He continued the conversation and asked would I keep his friends safe if they needed me. I said. “Of course.” Thinking at that point that the conversation was over, I started to move on and he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye and asked again. Only this time, he began to name his preschool class mates off one by one. Each time I responded, “Yes, of course I would do everything I could to keep them safe.” He wasn’t asking me as a “forensic interviewer” or “advocate”. He was asking me as a “mom”.

707 children in your world is too high. Don’t you agree?

The question that lingers is not CAN you help them, but rather — WILL you help them?

Many will read this and say that they cannot help. I challenge you that you CAN in the following ways:

• Call the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County and sign up for a child sex abuse prevention class.

• Learn the signs of child abuse.

• Be vigilant. When you see something that makes you feel like a child is unsafe, make a report to the Department of Human Services or to law enforcement. If you don’t want to do it alone, then call me at the Center and I will help you.

• When a child tells you he/she has been hurt by an adult, do not blame the child or dismiss it. Let someone figure out if that child is safe.

• Do not discount the impact on a child that witnessing domestic violence has. If you suspect that a child is living in a home where domestic violence is occurring, then make a report.

Want to do more than that? Make a donation to the Children’s Advocacy Center to support our prevention program, or to support direct services. Want to do more than even that? Call the Center and become a volunteer. We need you.

Will you help the child in your child’s class?

Will you help the child that sits next to you in church?

Will you help the child you see riding her bike on your street?

How many is too many for you? What is your bottom line?
What is your No More?

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Not surprising, I would say, but here we are in 2015 and I am still getting questions and reading about delayed reporting of sexual assault and how that must mean the abuse did not happen. I really don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said, so I am going to share a story with a different view point.

In the context of my work with children who have been abused, I have had the opportunity to work with adults who were sexually abused or assaulted and never reported. It is a very common story. Actually, the scenario goes something like this….

Me: Hi, Ms. Smith. How are you doing today?

Ms. Smith: Tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes or sometimes smoke from the ears (so to speak) but no verbal response.

Me: Ms. Smith, let me talk to you about your child. She has disclosed that she was sexually abused by Mr. Doe. It started a few years ago, but the last incident was two weeks ago.

Ms. Smith: Silence. Shaking.

Me: Ms. Smith, I can see you are upset. I need your help in keeping your daughter safe. Do you think that we can come up with a plan together?

Finally Ms. Smith says something like: There is no way that could have happened. He would never do that. He loves kids. He helps me. He loves me.

Me: Ms. Smith, help me understand. Why would she say this happened if it didn’t? That would be concerning also.

Ms. Smith: Crying. She is a good kid. She doesn’t lie. (More silence.) I am a good parent. I would never let this happen. (Silence.) I can’t go through this again. I have never told anyone, but this happened to me as a child. No one believed me, so I lied and said that it never happened. Then as an adult a few years later, I was sexually abused by my ex- boyfriend’s father. I never reported because no one ever believes and when I told what happened as a child, I was called a liar. I was thrown away by my family. Why does this keep happening to me?

Or sometimes the script goes in a different direction. A direction that is more painful to watch and to hear. Sometimes the story includes drugs to make the pain go away or maybe some other self-destructive behaviors that make “society” deem that she is not credible.

But the very common thread that runs through all the situations is that the victim has felt unsafe either emotional or physically or both and did not report until such time as she felt there would be someone that would be there that would provide support, safety and acceptance.

I also want to point out that we do not afford victims in our society the same unquestionable rights.

We allow perpetrators the luxury of the Fifth Amendment which is the right to remain silent. They are never forced to explain their actions. In fact, in most cases — maybe all cases — the jury is instructed not to read anything into the fact that a defendant chooses to remain silent. His or her silence is not indicative of guilt or innocence.

We do not allow that right to victims of sexual assault. They must explain themselves and their actions. Sometimes even those actions that occurred prior to an assault and definitely those actions that occur after an assault.

I think that it is really hard for people to understand this dynamic of being afraid to report and so rather than believe, they disbelieve unless it fits what they feel are reasonable reactions to being sexually assaulted.

These seem to be: 1) report right away; 2) show physical injuries which are left visible; 3) prove that you are pure—preferably a virgin; 4) make it clear that you have never had any other struggles in your life; and 5) come from a family similar to the Cleavers. Okay, so maybe most of these are tongue in cheek but seriously, when you start to look at the expectations put on victims it is incredible. I am not sure that I would pass the test.

I have been accused of being naive. I have been accused of always believing the victim. I don’t think that I fit under either of these statements.

I think 25 years of working directly and indirectly with this population has taken away my innocence. I think 25 years of following the research gives me a knowledge base to work with. I think that 25 years of hearing the excuses that come out of offenders’ mouths as they provide what they believe is a rationale for their behavior has made me cynical, but it definitely does not leave me being naive or gullible. I think that ship sailed a long time ago.

There are times that I long to not know what I know.

It is frustrating to live in a world that does not even entertain the notion that most people who report being sexually assaulted are actually telling the truth.

And while we are there, why shouldn’t people be compensated for damages? Why shouldn’t they be paid for their pain and suffering? When is the last time that anyone said, “They are just looking to see a payday” when referring to the car accident victim left paralyzed? Or question the credibility of the arson victim?

Does the general public have any idea of the costs associated with the damage that is left after a sexual assault?

According to the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, each rape that occurs costs about $151,423. (DeLisi, 2010). I am assuming these are the costs associated with the medical care that is needed after an assault, but there are lingering physical ailments and mental health issues that need to be addressed in some cases for many years after the rape. This same organization also reports that due to negative reactions to the rape, 50% of rape victims either have to quit or are forced to leave their jobs. (Ellis, Atkeson, & Calhoun, 1981).

BUT…let’s be clear that the far majority of sexual assault victims do not sue for compensation. Many sue after the legal system fails them. Many sue because the statute of limitations is shorter than the time it takes to reclaim your voice after being victimized. Many sue because they want the world to know who the offender really is. And many sue because they want to be compensated for pain and suffering. It has also been my experience that the courts are conservative when awarding these types of damages.

Someone once asked me, “Why does it take so long to report? Why does it take so long to heal? Why bring it up after so many years?” I cannot answer for victims but I can speculate based on what survivors have shared with me.

Imagine someone stealing your identity. No, more than your identity — your soul. Not only does no one know who you are any more but YOU don’t know who you are any more. Imagine trying to unravel all the confusion while being told by society that you are damaged and not believable. That you have no value because your rapist took the part of you that was valued.

Imagine then somehow finding your voice. Imagine your strength. Imagine finding safety. Imagine finding out that you were not the only soul invaded by this monster. Finding that you are not defined by this act of violence and wanting someone held accountable only to find there is no way to do that because you ran out of time. The clock started clicking and time ran out before you were ready.

There is a campaign going on that is sponsored by the Joyful Heart Foundation called “No More”.

Unless you never watch TV or refrain from participating on social media, I am pretty sure you have seen one or two of these. My “No More” is “No More If it were true she would have reported right away” or maybe, “ No More He is an icon of family wholesomeness — there is no way he could have done this.” “No More she is looking for money!”

What is your “No More”?
Stephen Collins: Why did no one make a report?

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This morning started as most any other morning. I got to the office early before anyone was here. I went up to my office. Checked email. Checked voice mail.

Everything was going well until I checked Facebook.

Circulating was a story on Stephen Collins. It was about how he confessed in therapy to his wife about exposing himself to young girls and making one of them touch his penis. There was a recording attached. I usually don’t watch the videos or listen to the recordings attached to news stories, but for some reason, I was needing verification that this was indeed what was happening in the session.

It is a male confessing to sexually abusing a child and exposing himself to young girls. Both are abusive. I just want to accurately describe what it is he is confessing. I am disturbed deeply by this revelation. This was taped in 2012 by his wife in a therapy session. It sounds like Stephen Collins.

I am shocked. I am disturbed. I am saddened. I hope that I have it all wrong. I hope that there will be more reported on this story. I am all these things not because I cannot believe that a Hollywood star who played a minister could ever do such things. I am all these things because it appears, at least at this point, that there was a recording of these confessions that was made in 2012 and it appears that nothing has been done about it.

It appears that no one made a report.

There are assertions that the police have an open case now. But it would appear that it is a relatively new report, as one new site states that the detectives from the special victims unit were flying from New York to Los Angeles to interview him. I am so hopeful that I have this wrong. I am hopeful that this is a re-interview of the “suspect”. That this case was reported in 2012 and some how got stalled out. I am so hopeful that someone stood up on behalf of these children and made a report. Let these children know that they matter, and that what happened to them matters — more than Stephen Collins’ fame.

I have continued today to research out this story. His wife of 27 years is divorcing him. This tape came about as a result of therapy, in what I assume was an attempt to save that marriage. I just read this is not the first time Collins has been accused. His ex wife apparently made a report in 2012 on behalf of one of the victims, but nothing ever materialized as a result of that report. He was accused several years ago, but no charges came about as the statue of limitations had run.

What do we know about sex offenders?

Well, we know they hide right out in the public view. We know they “groom” children and also “groom” their community.

We know that they become who we want to believe they are. Stephen Collins is probably best known from his role in 7th Heaven, where he played a minister.

We know that they insert themselves in situations where they will have unquestioned access to vulnerable children. I wonder if any of the children who ever worked around him will be coming forward next.

I have no problem believing that Stephen Collins did this. It fits the classic stereo type that I see played over and over again in everyday life.

I am having trouble believing that no one reported.

I am having a problem believing that no one cared enough in 2012 to make a report. I am having trouble believing that the only reason this tape was leaked was as a result of a nasty long divorce battle.

I am hoping I am wrong. I am hoping that tomorrow when I go through my morning routine, I will find that there was one person who made a report. I am hoping that the therapist made a report. I am hoping to pick up a newspaper or catch a news story on E.T., or some other entertainment news site, that will tell me the rest of the story—the part where there was someone who was willing to stand up not only on behalf of these children, but really any and all children who may have crossed the path of Mr. Stephen Collins.

It is TIME that we stop giving sex offenders ALL the power.

It is TIME to stop expecting that children will protect themselves.

It is TIME we all recognize that the safety of our children is our responsibility.

It is TIME to recognize that one of the greatest talents of a sex offender is to minimize what he has done and the damage that it has caused. In this case it went from exposing to touching and I would suspect further than that.

The only ones that can do anything to put a stop to the abuse of our children is really us!

If you suspect it…..REPORT IT!!!!!