The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Tag: Mother’s Day

  • A Late Mother’s Day Salute

    A Late Mother’s Day Salute

     

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I am late with my Mother’s Day blog posting this year. It seems that along with all of you, it is taking me longer to get things done because my brain is filled with all things COVID-19.

    I actually think a day to honor our maternal influences is not enough…we should have at least a week.

    So, with that thought in mind, here is my Mother’s Day blog.

    This year, I believe more than any other year for me, has highlighted the many, many roles our Mothers fill for our children and in this world. For me as a mom, the last two months have proved to be more challenging than when my child was a newborn. In those first few months of his life, I remember being sleep deprived and tired. I remember being scared that I was not doing “it” right. I remember a lot of private tears in the shower.

    Well, in the last two months I have spent a lot of sleepless nights in worry. I have questioned whether I was doing “this” right.

    There have been more tears in the shower as I tried to muster up enough steam to fulfill all the roles that I had shared with my “Mommy Tribe”, his teacher, and my son’s coaches. I have worried about my productivity at work. I have worried about whether I am giving enough to my child, to those I work with, to those in the community that I work with, and to the families and children the Children’s Advocacy Center serves.

    Somewhere in those tears, I decided to give myself some grace. Instead of trying to be perfect, I lowered some expectations. For me the bar was set at “Do no harm”.

    Now I recognize that seems pretty low. But when I set it that low for myself, I actually felt an energy surge. I was able to do more education opportunities for my son than his school was able. I was able to create some memories with my son and my family that I hope will bring smiles for a few years to come. I focused on making sure my son’s mental health was not being compromised by isolation.

    What does all that look like? Well, it looks like camping in the yard. It looks like cool crafts. It looks like giving my child purpose by increasing some of his chores. It looks like hiking or taking long walks through our neighborhood. It looks like a chalk drawing on our front driveway. It looks like baking and cooking together. It looks like watching and discussing movies together to find hidden life lessons. It looks like practicing social skills. It looks like relaxing some of the rules when we can. It looks like creating structure and routine around distance learning for school and chores.

    Most of the moms I know have become teachers, guidance counselors, and coaches in addition to their regular roles of meal-planner, referee, household manager, and nurturer. Some of us have added working from home, dog walker, and home sanitizer. And having to do so in isolation.

    What can we do for ourselves? To keep us moms going? My mommy tribe has upped our text game. We check in on each other. We social distance in the driveway. We social distance in a parking lot. We remind each other to take care of ourselves. We plan for when we can bring our kids and our families back together for our regular gatherings. We give each other grace. We support each other as we all do what is right for our families, with no judgment when someone else does it differently.

    For some families, there is a lot of added stress. For some children, food insecurities become even more prominent in their life as they miss the breakfasts and lunches provided to them at school. For some moms, stress is mounting as they try to figure out how to manage without an income, without knowing what will happen after the “goodwill” brought to us in the form of a stimulus check, mortgage payments put on hold, or rent delayed.

    I am worried about children who were not safe before the pandemic. I am worried about children who have been put in unsafe situations because of the pandemic. I am worried about the Mommas feeling like they are failing at this homeschooling, stay at home, keep their family healthy with little to no resources nightmare that has become our hopefully short-term reality. I also know that, if experience is any indication, we will all come together through this and help those who need our help. If you fall into one of the above-mentioned worries….please ask for help. Jackson County is full of good people who want to do “good” and help you.

    This has been a “Mother’s Day” to remember. What will you remember?

    I hope you remember that it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to need help. I hope you remember to extend yourself some grace as being a Mom is hard, but it is really hard during a pandemic. I hope you remember it is okay to love being home with no outside influences. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I hope that you remember that perfection is not attainable and that your child does not care about “perfect”.

    It is okay to ask for “do-overs” – I do that all the time. Remember that really, at this time, it is okay to use up all of our energy on being okay and making sure our kids are okay. There is no one way to do this parenting in isolation thing. We don’t have a reference for parenting like this.

    We have not been here before.

    Remember your child will not remember this time the same way you might. They may remember this time as the time that you were the family hero keeping everything moving forward with very few resources.

  • Celebrating Mother’s Day

    Celebrating Mother’s Day

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    May is all about our Moms.  If we are a Mom, then a small part may be about us.

    Today I am feeling a little melancholy, as one of my friend’s granddaughters passed away after many health challenges.  My heart aches for her and for her daughter as we creep up on Mother’s Day this year.

    Robert Browning said “Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.” 

    As I reflect on the pain and sorrow that my friend is experiencing right now, in this moment, I want to also remind her of the possibilities and amazing things that have been an outgrowth of her love–that love that only a Mother can give.  I want to remind her that the pain that she is feeling does not come without great love.

    Not to get too personal here, but my husband and I suffered many loses before our son was gifted to our family.  It was painful.  I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of my son’s life.  Thinking of my friend today, I would imagine that she too is grateful for the opportunity to be a part of her granddaughter’s life.  Knowing her, I imagine she would not have wanted to be relieved of those challenges because it would mean she would be relieved of the joy and love that came through her opportunity to be her grandma.

    It has been said, “A mother’s work is never done.” It has also been said, “Being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had.”

    On my best days…my “mother” work is not work at all.  It is love.

    On most mornings, I get up and get my son ready for his day.  This includes making breakfast and getting his lunch together.  I actually miss it when I don’t do it.  I still get to brush his hair.  He has decided at eight that he likes having “a lot” of hair.  It is thick, wavy and sometimes unruly.  Some days it makes my husband twitch a little.  I love his hair.

    I love it mostly because when he comes to me every morning to brush his hair, it reminds me of my own mom taking care of my hair and the gentle touch (most days…darn ponytails) that came as a part of that.  At night, when he asks his dad to tuck him in, if I am totally transparent, I am disappointed.  And while it seems like I never get it all done…I don’t mind doing the laundry that he leaves me—full of pants with no knees left in them and dirt ground in to every inch.  It means that he lived life to the fullest in those clothes.

    So what is the point of today’s blog? I think there are many.

    The greatest job in the world is to be a mom—at least in my life.  Savor those moments with your children…those moments will be brief.  Each moment will bring its own joy, but believe me…they will be brief…sixty seconds is gone in a blink of an eye.

    Sometimes a mother’s love is not enough.  Period. 

    Sometimes a mom loves so much and so hard and does everything right, and her child still struggles.  It isn’t her fault.  It doesn’t matter what the struggle is…mental health, substance abuse, criminal activity, health issues, a death of a parent–a mother’s love cannot always change the struggle, but a mother’s love can make a child feel value and worth.  A mother’s love can build resiliency in her child and her family.  A mother’s love can build self-esteem. A mother’s love can offer refuge in a cruel world.

    To all the Mothers in my life, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!

    To those who have lost a child, my hope for you is to find comfort in your memories and in the love you created with your child.  To my own Mother, I say thank you for always believing in me, for always loving me and for building me up every chance that presented itself.

    To my dear friend, who I purposefully have not identified, I hope she can recognize herself in this blog…and to her dear sweet daughter I wish her peace and comfort and the realization that her love was all she ever needed.

    Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director

     

  • Happy Mother’s Day! What I hope my son remembers

    Tammi Mother's Day collage

    Today is Mother’s Day, and so today I am reflecting on the last six years since I became a mom. Being a mom is the most rewarding, most exhausting, most scary, most wonderful job ever.

    I come from generations of what I call Super Moms. I always strive to be half the mom my mom and my grandmothers were. Watching them as I grew up, being a mom looked so easy. Now reflecting back after being a mom, I wonder how they ever made it through the day.

    My mom went to work when I was in fourth grade. However, I don’t remember her working. I remember her never missing a field trip. I remember always having homemade cookies in the cookie jar. I remember her being the leader of my girl scout troop or being my choir leader at church.

    I can never live up to that. The bar is too high. So I do the best that I can and I hope that when my son, James, reflects back, he doesn’t remember me not being able to make it on the field trips because of my work schedule. I hope that he does not remember that the first batch of homemade cookies his mom made him was when he was six. I hope that he forgets the yelling.

    I hope that he remembers that, no matter how tired his mom was, she was always able to listen to him read at night. I hope that he remembers that at Easter his mom always made sure he had an Easter egg hunt either at home, with his friends or at church. And some years we did both.

    I hope that he remembers that his mom had as much fun as he did at the zoo. I hope that he remembers that, even though it would make his mom crazy because all the Christmas tree ornaments would end up on one side on the bottom, she let him hang them there anyway!

    I hope that he remembers that every day, no less than one hundred times a day, she told him how much she loved him. I hope that he remembers that even though every time she cleaned his room she told him it would be the last time and next time he would have to do it himself, it never happened that way. She always helped him clean his room.

    I hope he remembers how she makes his dad crazy because she can’t throw away anything his little hands have made. I hope that he remembers that his mom would color, play with play dough, do chalk art on the sidewalk, build forts in the living room, run races, hunt for rocks, sticks and sea shells and dance crazy break dancing moves with him.

    I hope that he remembers that she not only let him stay in pajamas all day for “Pajama Day”  — but sometimes she participated with him.

    I hope that he remembers that when he talks — she listened. I hope that he remembers that there have been times that his mom has had very uncomfortable conversations with people in attempts to keep him safe.

    There is nothing that brings me more happiness than to hear my child tell me he loves me or “Mommy, you’re the greatest! Ever!”

    So in that spirit, I want to wish all the moms or maternal influences out there a Happy Mother’s Day! And tell you, “You are the greatest! Ever!”

  • When did I become my mother? (Happy Mother’s Day!)

    Tammi and son3

    I have mostly been staring at a blank computer screen the last few days trying to feel inspired to write a blog for Mother’s Day. It is a daunting task. I have so many feelings that I cannot adequately express in a blog of 300 words or less.

    I started with a “Things I learned from My Mother” line of thought, but geez, that would take way more than 300 words. I mean, there were things like how to cook cornbread so it doesn’t stick to the iron skillet, how to wash your hair and roll it on those huge pink sponge rollers so that you have big curls for church the next day, how to make the perfect banana pudding, and how to have fun with your kids.

    I also learned how to lose your keys, how to hide things so well that you cannot find them when you need them, and how to forget to purchase the one thing you actually went to the grocery store for.

    Then, of course, there are the skills I wished I had learned, like how to iron perfect creases in a shirt, or how to sew (or really even just how to hem a pair of pants), or how to play the piano.

    We become the perfect mix of both the loved and not-so-loved traits of our parents.

    I sometimes hear things come out of my mouth and wonder, “When did I become my mother?” I particularly find this happening when my five year old is asking me something I don’t have time to explain to him.

    But I also find this happening at bedtime when I tell my son I love him beyond infinity or I try to teach him how to take care of someone else’s feelings. I also find this happening when we talk about how to be a friend or when we talk about giving our toys or clothes away to a place that will make sure they go to children who don’t have toys or clothes.

    I understand now that our children really become a mirror of ourselves. Maybe not always in the way we look — but in the way we act.

    One of my favorite parenting quotes is: “Children are great imitators, so give them something great to imitate.” I think my mom lives her life through this lens. I am trying to live my life through this lens too.

    The greatest gift my mom gave me is love and unconditional acceptance. I want to pass that on to all the children in my life — both personal and professional.

    I also hope that all the women in my life who are mothers have a wonderful day of pampering and feeling truly appreciated for all that they contribute to the lives of their children.

    Happy Mother’s Day!