The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Tag: hope

  • Today. Right Now. I Am Hopeful.

    Today. Right Now. I Am Hopeful.

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    As I sat down to write this blog, I sort of hit a mental block about what I wanted to talk about.  Not something that happens to me frequently.  Ask my husband and he will tell you I am a woman of many words.  I am not speechless often. 

    I feel like this blog has always been a place that was politics free and I want to keep it that way.  So I am trying to choose my words carefully.  There is a lot that is happening in politics and on the national platform in regards to a subject matter that is connected to my life’s work.  Sexual assault.

    Okay.  I put the words out there.

    Let me start by saying what this blog will not be about.  It will not be about whether or not to believe the current accusations that have been displayed at the national level.  There are tons of commentary out there about that.  I doubt there is one original new thought that could be floated out there.  It will not be about whether or not a certain person should be confirmed on the Supreme Court or not.  That matter has been settled.  It will not be about whether my son is at risk for accusations of sexual assault in the future.  It will not be about the Me Too movement or the Him Too Movement.  It will not be about the trauma that has been caused to victims….both those who have disclosed and those who have yet to disclose their abuse….in recent weeks by candor on both sides of the aisle.

    THIS blog is about celebrating a moment in time that many would have laid odds would never happen in our lifetime. 

    THIS blog is about celebrating a shattering of the silence. 

    THIS blog is about letting go of the shame that has enveloped victims of sexual assault since the beginning of time.

    No matter what your political or religious beliefs are, or what your view points or judgements about how a victim should act or report….you have to admit that the discussion of sexual assault and support of victims has never been so open, so public, so impactful, so front and center before. 

    For the first time in my recollection, the discussion has shifted from victims should never talk about it—should not report it — to a discussion about how and when they should report it.  Maybe a more appropriate word is judgement.  BUT my POINT is that WE are talking about it at every level.  We are hashing out what our beliefs and values about the subject of sexual assault are.  WE are talking about what should be acceptable. 

    For a woman who has always been a “glass half full” kind of a girl, this is progress.  I hear many of my friends and read many Facebook posts about how depressed and distressed they are about political agendas and the fate of sexual assault victims and how women are treated. 

    And in the midst of it all, I find myself hopeful.  Yes.  Hopeful. 

    Women and men alike are admitting that, no matter what was decided through the “Women’s Suffrage Movement”, men and women are not treated equally and do not live a life of equality.  Women may be closer to equal pay.  They have fought and earned many rights that were “birth given” to men like the right to vote.  Statistically speaking, women have to work harder, longer, and more consistently for leadership positions in the work force–most of the time.  All of this is old news. 

    But one thing that is now becoming more apparent is how women have to be vigilant about their personal safety.  I doubt my mother ever told my brother to never leave with a girl without a dime, in case he got in trouble and needed to call from a payphone. (I am aware I am very much dating myself here, but let’s go with it.) 

    I would bet that most men do not pay attention to where the lighted parking spots are in relation to the security cameras and the main doors when parking anywhere.  I say most.  There would be some who do. 

    I wonder how many men have practiced how to hold their keys in their hand should they need to use it as a weapon.  I wonder how many men pause when coming out of the Mall to watch their vehicle a bit before heading out to get in.

    I wonder how many men ponder whether or not it is safe to get in the elevator when there is only one other person on it. 

    I won’t belabor this point much more except to say that now I have had, heard about or eavesdropped on many discussions about the differences in how most men and women live their life.  I call that progress. 

    I call that hopeful.

    Never in history has sexual assault been the topic on the national platform for as long, with as much emotion, and with as much detail as it has in recent months. 

    I call that hopeful.

    I cannot recall in my lifetime ever having so many unite in support of victims of sexual assault.  I cannot recall in my lifetime so many people vested in justice before. 

    I call that hopeful.

    We have reached a tipping point.  A saturation of awareness.  Do I feel like we have much more to go?  More progress to be made?  Absolutely.  Do I recognize there is still way too much judgement of how a victim is supposed to act?  Of course.

    But today.  Right now.  I am feeling hopeful.  Hopeful that this is the start of something big.  Hopeful that there will come a point in time where we can agree that there is no shame for the victim of sexual assault.  

    A time when we agree that no matter what you wear….no matter how much you drink… no matter if you stay out past midnight….no matter what anyone does…. none of it is consent unless you both wholeheartedly say yes to sexual contact.  There is no implied consent.  And even if we can’t agree on that….we are at least having discussions about why we disagree in order to better understand what is reality.

    We should all be able to agree that in recent history no one really talked about, did as much research into, reported about, or thought about sexual assault for as long or in as much detail.  

    This moment in time is historic.  It is hopeful.  It is a beginning. 

    Tammi Pitzen

  • Hope in the most unlikely places

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    April brings spring, renewal, energy and awareness on a very tough topic — Child Abuse.

    I recently had a conversation with a woman who, like many other people who talk to me about my work, was very focused on the “depressing” part of my job. The conversations usually begin and end with something like, “You hear a lot of horrible things” or “ How do you sleep at night?”

    I have even had people ask me what my job was and when I answered, they turned around and walked away. There were times in my younger years where people would not be friends with me because of what I did as a job. There were times that people would not date me because of what I did as a job. They would say things like “You are really nice, but I just don’t want to be around that stuff”.

    I look back now and shake my head and wonder what in the world they thought I would be talking about with them. Most of the things that happened during the course of my work day were confidential and not things I could talk to anyone about. AND it is not like child abuse is contagious like the flu. When people have asked me to speak at an event or to talk about what I do, they always ask that I keep it light.

    Here are the cold hard facts. Child abuse is not pretty. Child abuse is not glamorous. There are not many ways to keep that light and joyful. There are children who are hurt by someone they love multiple times a day, every single day. Child abuse is real. Child abuse is happening. Child abuse is being perpetrated by people I know. Child abuse is happening to children I know. Child abuse can be heinous and life impacting both physically and emotionally.

    If there is one thing that working 26 years in the field of child abuse has taught me, it is that there is another side to the story.

    There is much to be hopeful about. Yes. You read that right. I am hopeful.

    When I was working as a forensic interviewer, I was happy to see children come to me. It made me feel relieved, even if for only a fleeting moment. The day they came through the door was the day that, just maybe, an adult could help make the abuse stop.

    When I was working as a caseworker, even under the most stressful situations, I was glad to get reports assigned. It meant that someone cared enough about a child to pick up the phone and make a report. On the days that there were too many children and too many cases being sent my way to deal with, I knew that, for those children, there was hope. Hope for recovery. Hope for safety. Hope for a better tomorrow.

    There is much to be hopeful about if we are all doing our part.

    It is everyone’s responsibility to keep children safe. We can make a difference in the lives of our children and in the lives of children of future generations.

    But… there is a price to be paid for that hope.

    There has to be a shift in societal thinking and values. We HAVE to be able to talk about child abuse in order to educate the world about the scope of the problem. I truly believe that people in general do not understand the scope of the problem. We have to be able to talk to our children about appropriate boundaries. We have to be able to talk to the adults in our child’s life about what will be tolerated and what will not be tolerated in regards to behavior with and around our children.

    We have to be able to talk to our legislative representatives about why child abuse prevention needs to be a top priority. We HAVE to end the silence. We HAVE to end the shaming of victims of child abuse. We HAVE to end the blaming of child abuse victims.

    Child abuse is not a “child” problem. It is an “adult” problem. The problem is not with the child’s actions but with the adult’s action or reaction.

    What if we all decided every morning that we were going to do one act during the day on behalf of a child? What if we all decided that today… right now… was the time to end child abuse?

    I AM so hopeful. Children are continuing to need interviews, medical examinations and therapy assessments. We are overwhelmed some days with the amount of referrals and work there is to be done right here in Jackson County, but I am so hopeful.

    Children mean that reports are being made. Medical evaluations mean that children get to learn that their bodies have not been broken by abuse. Therapy assessments mean that children get to learn that abuse has not made them worthless. Interviews mean that children have an opportunity to talk about what has happened and that an adult in a position to help make that abuse stop is ready to help them.

    It is not hopeless. We only need to decide that we will be part of the paradigm shift that is needed in our world by starting to talk about what is child abuse and how to keep our children safe.

    We are not powerless.

    If we teach our children about what is abuse and if we talk about what will not be tolerated behavior with the adults in our children’s lives, we take back the power and we give to our children.