The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Category: Trainings

  • Safe & Sound Day 14 – Spot the Signs

    Day 14: Spot the Signs

    Welcome to Day 14 of Safe & Sound!

    These past few weeks, we’ve talked about how to prevent abuse before it starts. But unfortunately, abuse still happens in our community. KIDS Center receives, on average, more than 500 referrals of potential abuse each year. The majority of our child abuse evaluations involve either child sexual abuse or physical abuse.

    So how can we recognize when abuse is happening?

    Learn how to spot the signs.

    An abused child rarely presents physical signs of abuse. This is especially true of sexual abuse. Emotional or behavioral signs are much more common, but these signs are often confused or mislabeled.

    When a child exhibits signs of abuse, sometimes their behavior is considered “disruptive” or they are labeled as the “bad kid”, particularly in school. What we need to understand is that a child’s brain is trying to adapt and handle trauma. For some kids, the abuse is an ongoing cycle of trauma. Consequently, many of the signs of abuse are also signs of trauma: difficulty sleeping, irritability, irrational fear or unexplained anger, depression, withdrawal, and early substance abuse, to name a few. Trauma often creates changes in behaviors and emotions. Kids experiencing the trauma of abuse are trying to handle adult situations without the adult capacity for emotions and behavioral control.

    Kids who have experienced sexual abuse can also exhibit sexual behaviors or use terms that are not age-appropriate.

    When you notice a child acting differently than before or “causing trouble,” they may be suffering right before your eyes. Learn to spot the signs and you have a better chance of recognizing a child in distress.

    You’ve spotted signs. What now?

    Say you’ve observed some concerning signs in a child. But maybe you’re unsure if you have a strong reason to suspect abuse. At this point, you can try to initiate a conversation with the child. But proceed carefully. Make sure you:

    • Remain calm throughout the entire conversation. Do not get upset, angry, or emotional no matter what you hear.
    • Ask open-ended questions. Steer clear of leading questions or questions that imply shame. You don’t want to influence a child’s responses or make them fearful to tell the truth.
    • Do not press for more and more details. As soon as you have enough information to either confirm or negate your suspicions, end the conversation.
    • If the child discloses abuse, report it immediately. (We’ll discuss how to report abuse tomorrow on Day 15.)

    Today’s Activity:

    For adults: Download this simple worksheet to learn more about signs of abuse and open-ended questions. It should take you about five minutes to complete.

    That’s it for Day 14! See you tomorrow for our final day!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 13 – The Power of Secrets

    Day 13: The Power of Secrets

    Welcome to Day 13 of Safe & Sound!

    Today we’re going to look at one of the key tactics abusers use. We’re also going to share how you can help safeguard your kids against it.

    We’re talking about secrets.

    Secrecy is the main tactic an offender will use to initiate and continue the cycle of abuse with a child. Offenders use many tactics, including blame, shame, persistence, manipulation (in all its forms), and more. But secrecy is what keeps abuse from coming to the attention of others.

    Secrecy, as a tool, works in part because no one talks about child sexual abuse and its prevention unless it is part of a school curriculum. The more we talk openly about abuse, and talk about every component of abuse, the harder it will be for offenders to hide their actions in the dark.

    So what can you do?

    • Talk about secrets with your child. Offenders often press children to keep manipulation and/or abuse secret. Talk to your child about secrets. Explain that secrets shouldn’t be kept, especially if the secret makes them (or a friend) feel scared or uncomfortable. Give your child permission to break a secret or confidence in order to keep themselves or their friends safe.
    • Ask your child to name safe and trusted adults. Children need to have healthy relationships with adults both inside and outside the family. Help your child identify safe and trusted adults outside the family. Make sure your child has someone they can talk to and go to for support if you are not with them.
    • Talk to your child’s trusted adults. After your child has identified their safe and trusted adults, go and have a conversation with those individuals. Let them know that your child sees them as someone they can talk to. Discuss boundaries, so these adults understand what needs to be shared with you as the parent/caregiver and what can be kept in confidence.

    Today’s Activity:

    • For younger kids: Download this quick worksheet for your child to complete. Talk about their answers and answer any questions they have about secrets.
    • For older kids: Go for a drive. Often times the best place to hold an awkward or potentially uncomfortable conversation is in the car. Think less eye contact and doesn’t have to keep a steady flow of conversation. Strike up a conversation that goes beyond how their day at school was. Let them know that even though they are wanting more privacy, that you are always there if they want to talk. Don’t put any limits on the topics. If you have a story about how a secret affect your life, SHARE IT! And then….go get some ice cream!

    That’s it for Day 13! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 12 – Minimizing Opportunities

    Day 12: Minimizing Opportunities

    Welcome to Day 12 of Safe & Sound!

    Yesterday, we talked about the facts of child sexual abuse. If you found those statistics depressing, take heart. Today, we’re looking at two key ways we can do to change those numbers and prevent child sexual abuse.

    We’re talking about minimizing opportunities and addressing boundary violations.

    As an adult, prevention starts with you. And prevention can make a difference. Consider this: a staggering 95% of all instances of child abuse are preventable. You just need to know what to look for and be clear how to respond when something isn’t right.

    We learned yesterday that more than 80% of the time, sexual abuse occurs away from watchful eyes. So prevention focuses on reducing opportunities for adults and older youth to be alone with kids. Minimizing opportunities for abuse requires you to look harder at built environments and situational environments. 

    Assessing built environments.

    Built environments refer to physical locations, i.e. your child’s school, gym, friend’s house, home, etc. When you are looking at the built environment through the lens of child sexual abuse prevention, you are looking for blind spots. Many buildings, like those used for schools, have specific codes that are designed to eliminate blind spots. For example, classroom doors must have windows.

    When it comes to a home, it gets a bit trickier to address blind spots. Homes are designed for privacy. You have a door with a lock to a bathroom or bedroom. You might have multiple closets. You may even have separate floors or a basement.

    Setting rules to reduce risk.

    One way to address these blind spots in a home is through house rules. They can vary from, “You need to keep your door ajar when someone else is in your room,” to “You must be in a public space (like the living room) when you have a friend over.” The rules can and will vary from family to family and house to house. The point is to minimize opportunities for uncomfortable, unsafe, or inappropriate situations to occur.

    Addressing boundary violations.

    Situational environments refer to the boundaries that surround specific situations. For example, if one of your house rules is your child can’t play in the bonus room with only one adult at a family get together and you see this happening, address the situation using the following steps:

    • Describe the behavior. “Hey [insert adult’s name], I see that you are taking [child’s name] into the bonus room and no one is there.”
    • Set a limit. “We have a rule that there has to either be more than one kid or more than one adult in the bonus room during family get togethers.”
    • Move on. “[Child’s name], why don’t we head back to the living room and start a game.”

    Whenever you spot a boundary violation, make sure you address the adult or the older youth that is crossing the boundary. You do this to keep your child from feeling as if the violation is somehow their fault or that they are getting “in trouble.” Please note: when these situations happen, oftentimes it is not because the adult or older youth has any bad intentions. Rather, they might not know the rule(s) they are breaking or the boundaries they are crossing. By addressing the situation with the above steps, you are not drawing attention to the matter in a way that assigns blame or suspicion. However, if you notice that boundaries continued to be crossed by the same individual, especially after being redirected and told to stop, then you have reasonable suspicion to report on the matter. We will touch more on reporting on Day 15.

    Today’s Activity:

    • Play the “What if” game. This game is appropriate for all ages (although questions can differ). Think of some scenarios where an adult or an older youth might be crossing come situational boundaries. Use the steps of describing the behavior, setting a limit, and moving on to practice how you or your child would address the situation. Learn more about the “What if” game. 

    That’s it for Day 12! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 11 – Know the Facts

    Day 11: Know the Facts

    Welcome to Day 11 of Safe & Sound!

    For this last week of Safe & Sound, we’re focusing on one of the most common forms of abuse we see at KIDS Center: child sexual abuse. We understand this topic can be very uncomfortable to think about. We will not share any details about any instances of child sexual abuse. But our discussions this week may still feel difficult—especially if you or someone you care about has been impacted by this form of abuse.

    If you find yourself being triggered or having an intense emotional response, please take care of yourself. If you have a personal counselor or therapist, reach out to them. You can also contact KIDS Center and speak to one of our therapists. We can help you find additional resources for yourself.

    What parents get wrong.

    “This would never happen to my child.”

    If you’re thinking that, just know this—every family impacted by child sexual abuse believed that once too. Child sexual abuse can happen to any family. Let’s pause for a moment and let that sink in.

    You may think that child sexual abuse issue is a “larger city” issue and it doesn’t happen in our community. But the reality is that hundreds of children in Central Oregon are sexually abused each year. This form of abuse doesn’t discriminate. It happens in every community, to families of every race, gender, religion, and socioeconomic background.

    Your child will be safer if you face the facts.

    To protect you child, you first need to understand the severity of sexual abuse. Once you look at the facts, you can appreciate just how grave of a danger sexual abuse is to kids everywhere.

    So what are the facts?

    • 1 in 6 boys and 1 in 3 girls will experience child sexual abuse by their 18th birthday.
    • Over 90% of the time, a child has a loving and trusting relationship with the person that abuses them.
    • The majority of instances, (around 80%) happen in secret.
    • 40-60% of the time, children are abused by older and more powerful children.
    • Any instance of abuse—and specifically sexual abuse—can have lasting effects long into adulthood.
    • The younger the child, the longer it can take for them to disclose sexual abuse.
    • Only 30% of children disclose sexual abuse during childhood.
    • Adults take 20 to 50 years to disclose childhood sexual abuse.

    Today’s Activity:

    The more you know about abuse, the safer your child will be. Take a few minutes to look through the following websites and expand your knowledge.

    https://laurenskids.org/awareness/about-faqs/facts-and-stats/

    https://www.nctsn.org/resources/child-sexual-abuse-fact-sheet-parents-teachers-and-other-caregivers 

    https://www.d2l.org/child-sexual-abuse/statistics/ 

    That’s it for Day 10, see you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 10 – Online Predators

    Day 10: Online Predators

    Welcome to Day 10 of Safe & Sound!

    All week we’ve been talking about internet safety and how to protect your child online. We’ve looked at cyberbullying, sexting, hackers and scammers. Today we’re taking about the “friends” online who are anything but.

    We’re talking about online predators.

    Online predators operate differently from other predators. Most predators are known by the parent (or caregiver) and the child. That’s how predators get what they want: they make a child feel safe being alone with them, and the parent also feels safe leaving their child alone with them. Only about 10% of the time is a predator a total stranger. And usually that 10% is hanging out online where your child is…talking to them through social media, games, messaging apps, etc. And their primary goal is to gain your kid’s trust.

    If you’re asking, “How does someone online become part of my child’s social circle?”, it comes down to grooming (what we now call manipulation). Predators identify potential victims, gain their trust, and systematically break down their defenses.

    How to protect your child from online predators.

    While there are several ways to help protect kids from online predators (checking friend lists, messages, and parental controls) one way to help protect them is to have a presence online. Often when parents come to our internet safety trainings, we hear questions about different social media platforms and how they work. We strongly encourage you to join the same social media platforms that your child uses. This can be anything from Tik Tok to Reddit. Whatever it is, ask your child to help you set up a profile on that platform. They may look at you funny or say that they will never connect or be “friends” with you, but that is not the point of you joining. You are joining so that you can be aware of the trends that are present on that platform. Additionally, it gives you something to talk to your child about— and we have already learned that open and honest communication is one of the biggest protective factors against abuse.

    If you’re wondering how joining a social media platform protects against online predators, here’s your answer: it removes a level of secrecy, and secrecy is where online predators thrive. If you have some working knowledge of how your child is engaging in social media, you can also be aware of how others are engaging with them. It helps you understand what questions need to be asked.

    You won’t always know everything that your child is doing online. But you can at least begin by setting up some boundaries and having conversations centered around online safety.

    This Weekend’s Activity:

    • Create a Tik Tok video with your child. This could be a dance or a challenge. Let your child decide which one they want to do and then give it all you’ve got!
    • Game with them. If your child is under the age of 13 (and not yet able to join social media), ask them about their favorite online game. Join in playing with them for a few minutes.
    • Go screen free. After you’ve done one (or both) of the activities above, make the rest of the day screen-free. (It’s all about balance.)
    • If you would like to attend the next Internet Safety Training the CAC offers, contact Lacey Elliott to get on the CAC’s email list at lelliott@cacjc.org 

    That’s it for Day 10! See you next Monday, when we start our last week!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 9 – Inappropriate Posts

    Day 9: Inappropriate Posts

    Today we’re taking about unsafe online behavior that can have a significant impact on kids.

    We’re talking about sexting and other inappropriate posts.

    If the thought of your kid sexting makes you cringe, we understand. And while this topic may seem to only apply to older youth, there are lessons in here for the younger set. You can lay the groundwork by talking about inappropriate posts with younger kids. Discuss what’s appropriate to post and send and what isn’t. This isn’t limited to nude photos or videos. For example, we can use conversations about cyberbullying to connect to this idea. You can say, “It isn’t appropriate to post untrue things about people because it can really hurt someone’s feelings. What other things would be inappropriate to post?”

    How to talk about sexting.

    For those of us who have older children, here are some tips and guidance on how to talk about sexting.

    • Let your teen be the expert. Stay away from judgment and shame. Avoid “why” questions that can bring judgment, and stick with “how” and “what” questions that encourage reflection. For example, rather than say, “Why would anyone send nudes?” you might say, “I read that some adults are sexting more right now — do you think it’s the same with teenagers?” It is most effective to raise these issues in short discussions and to scaffold this ongoing conversation over time rather than having one big talk.
    • Encourage critical thinking. Start with questions that will help teens assess the risk and anticipate the consequences of sexting. For example, “How come people sext?” “What would happen if you didn’t send a nude photo when someone asked you to?” Help them problem-solve how to handle tricky virtual interactions by asking questions like, “What are some ways you can manage what’s going on?” If you discover that your teen is engaged in sexting, remind them of the real-world consequences. Images can live forever on the internet. You can also offer this key litmus test to help your teen gauge if things are going too far: “Would you want your teacher to see this? Your friend’s parents? Your coach?” Be clear with your teenager about your family values, expectations, and potential consequences when it comes to sexting.
    • Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a sexy photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, there could be legal implications.
    • Be the askable parent. We’ve said this before, and we can’t emphasize it enough. Teach your kids that they can come to you when they’re facing tough situations. Reassure your teen that you are there to support them. If teenagers find themselves in a sexual situation that is uncomfortable and unwelcome, let them know that you can listen respectfully and without judgment. Tell your teen (often!) that you are available to talk, even if the conversation is awkward or difficult.
    • Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.
    • Start now. Don’t wait for an incident to happen. Talk about the consequences of sexting before it happens to your child or any of their friends. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to have the talk before something happens.

    Today’s Activity:

    Be curious. Sit down and ask your child if they or their friends have experienced sexting or sent or received posts that in hind sight were inappropriate.

    • Elementary-school kids: Ask your child what they would consider to be an inappropriate post.
    • Middle-school kids: Ask if anyone in their friend group has dealt with being asked for a nude photo or video. Ask your child what they would do if someone asked them to send an inappropriate post.
    • High-school kids: Come up with ways to say no to a sext request. Go back over the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

    That’s it for Day 9! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 8 – Gaming & Social Media

    Day 8: Gaming and Social Media

    Welcome to Day 8!

    No talk about internet safety would be complete without a word (or five!) on social spaces like social media or online gaming. So today for Safe & Sound, we’re looking at steps you and your child should take to stay safe online when they are interacting with others.

    Staying safe on gaming and social media.

    There are times when we miss the good old days…when Facebook was the only social media app, and you had to have a college email address to join. C’est la vie! Social media has exploded over the last five years, and it just continues to grow and evolve. Life now happens within an app for many kids, from elementary schoolers to teens. Social media does have positive aspects. It allows for connections, creativity, exploration, and laughter. But interacting with people you “think” you know can also be dangerous.

    Bottom line: kids need to know how to stay safe when socializing online.

    Focus on privacy.

    You can help protect your child online by focusing on privacy. Take a two-pronged approach. First, consider what your child puts out there. Second, check the settings on their account.

    • Consider what they put out there. This ties back to hackers. One easy way for someone to gather information about your child is through their username/handle. If you come across the user name JaneSmith84, it’s easy to discern two things: that person’s name and birth year. How about CaliBornSurfer12? Someone who was born in California and likes to surf. Hackers will use any type of information to try and break into your device. The less personal the information, the harder it is for a hacker to break in. Coach your child to create strong, safe user names that don’t give away their personal information. Example:
    • Check account settings: In this day and age of Instagram influencers and YouTube stars, some youth (and even adults) look to social media as a way to make money. The unfortunate reality: you have a 2% chance (the same odds of a high school athlete going pro) of making a living on social media. But this isn’t the only reason kids make their social media accounts public. They are often seeking validation. We can all acknowledge that the teen years are rough. For some kids, the need for acceptance and validation outweighs safety. Assess your child’s account settings—and check every app (even apps like Venmo!), because most have default settings that are set wide open for the digital world to see. Your child will be safer if their accounts are set to private and only people in their contact list in the app can message them. There is no good reason for a stranger to be able to message a youth.
    • For young kids, keep their circle to real-life friends. For younger kids who are not on social media platforms but perhaps play online gaming, talk with them about what is considered personal and private information and why it is important to not game with people you don’t know in real life. Not everyone is who they say they are online.

    Today’s Activity:

    Start with your own devices and check your privacy settings. If your child has a device, have a conversation about privacy settings and usernames.

    That’s it for Day 8! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 7 – Cyberbullying

    Day 7: Cyberbullying

    We’re talking about cyberbullying.

    Bullying used to happen in school hallways, bathrooms, or on the playground. Now, thanks to cell phones, bullying has entered the digital realm. And that means cyberbullying can happen anywhere: at the dinner table, in a child’s bedroom, in the car, or any other place your child has a device and is actively engaging with the internet.

    When you’re talking to your kid about cyberbullying, the easiest definition is “bullying that takes place over digital devices.” But there are some additional aspects of cyberbullying that you should know:

    • It’s persistent, ongoing, and permanent. Unfortunately, a one-off situation does not constitute cyberbullying. There has to be continued harassment. Cyberbullying is permanent because whenever anything is put on the internet, it is there forever.
    • It can take many forms. Types of bullying or harassment include:
      • Pretending to be someone else
      • Excluding someone from a group for no good reason
      • Sharing someone’s personal information
      • Posting rumors, information, or pictures meant to embarrass
      • Forwarding text or pictures meant to be private
    • It’s difficult for adults to catch. Cyberbullying happens across multiple platforms, including social media platforms, messaging apps, direct messaging functions, online forums, email, and online gaming communities. Today’s kids tend to have conversations online through their devices. The distance created by the screen can embolden kids to harass others. Kids need to be aware of how their actions online can affect others.
    • It’s the sign of an unhealthy relationship. On Day 4 of Safe & Sound, we talked about characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Cyberbullying is full of unhealthy red flags. A cyberbully can deal in betrayal, volatility, belittling, sabotage, and isolation.

    How to fight cyberbullying.

    There are ways to combat cyberbullying. Having conversations with your child now can help curb the effect cyberbullying has on them later. It all boils down to three steps: Block, Report, and Ignore. Block anyone that is cyberbullying. Report the instance to the platform/app it is happening on. Ignore and don’t respond to any posts. Ignoring online harassment is also the recommended course for anyone who sees it happening. When your child responds to a cyberbullying post, even if it’s to say, “That’s not true,” it ends up spreading that post further. If your child does see cyberbullying happening, encourage them to reach out to the person who is being bullied. Let that person know that not everyone is against them.

    Be the parent or caregiver that is open to talking about tough topics. If your child has a question or is facing a difficult issue and you don’t know the answer, be willing to say so—and then follow through and find out the answer with your child. Show your child that they are not alone.

    Today’s Activity:

    It may be easier for your child to consider cyberbullying—and consider what they would do—from a position that is removed. Watch a movie with your child and talk through the discussion questions.

    Younger Kids:

    Watch the movie Wonder (this may take a few days to complete). It is a great example of how someone can make a huge impact on a person’s life who gets bullied.

    • Wonder Discussion Questions (from Common Sense Media)
      • How do the other kids react to Auggie in Wonder? What do they learn about him over the course of the movie? What do you think you’d do in their position?
      • How does being bullied affect Auggie? How do you feel about Julian at the end of the movie? What role does peer pressure play in some of the bullying? How would you handle the situation that Jack Will faces?
      • How does the story show the importance of empathy and perseverance? Why are those important character strengths?

    Tweens and Teens:

    Watch the movie A Girl Like Her (Trigger warning: there is an attempted suicide.)

    • A Girl Like Her Discussion Questions (from Common Sense Media)
      • Why is the issue of teen bullying getting addressed more frequently in popular culture? Is bullying as widespread as A Girl Like Her makes it seem? What are ways you can help stand up to bullying? Bullying is often seen as physical abuse, but A Girl Like Her shows that words are just as powerful. Talk about the different ways that people can bully others; what has the most lasting impact?
      • Talk about teen suicide. This is an incredibly tough topic, but one that needs to be addressed. What makes some teens think that it’s their only option? What impact does their decision have on their friends and family? Where can kids in despair turn for assistance?
      • How do the characters in A Girl Like Her demonstrate compassion and empathy? Why are these important character strengths?
      • In one scene, a father shows compassion for the actual bullies, who often need as much help as those being bullied. How does this movie portray the bully? Why do you think she bullied her former friend?
      • Brian is stuck between wanting to keep his promise to Jessica and needing to tell others about her situation. Do you think it would have made him a bad friend to tell others before things went so far? What’s the message here for teens who have friends suffering from bullying?

    That’s it for Day 7! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 6 – Hackers and Scammers

    Day 6: Hackers and Scammers

    Welcome back!

    We’re starting Week 2 of our three-week Safe & Sound program. This week we’re focusing on internet safety. We’re going to cover five key areas of the internet that can put your child at risk, and give you clear tools to protect your kid, no matter their age.

    We’re starting the week by looking at a class of bad actors who deal in deceit and trickery.

    We’re talking about hackers and scammers.

    Hack and scams have become one of the more annoying aspects of being online. Hackers and scammers have gotten more aggressive—they’ve ramped up their frequency and they are trying new ways to reach you and your child.

    The biggest difference between a hack and scam is your child’s participation. When a hacker is involved, your child is a passive participant. Usually, the hacker doesn’t need your child to do much of anything in order to hack their computer, account or profile. We’ll talk more about how to keep your child safe from hackers on Wednesday, when we talk about Social Media. (Hint: it has to do with privacy settings).

    A scam, on the other, requires your child to be an active participant. Your child has to provide information or access for a scam to be successful.

    For youth, the most common scams are contests, selling cheap luxury items, information farming, and scholarships and/or grants.

    How to spot and avoid scammers.

    First, teach your child to never click on a link from someone they don’t know.

    Then teach your child how to spot a scammer by looking more closely at emails, texts or posts before acting. Here are “scammy signs” to look for:

    • Bad spelling and grammar. When you receive an email or a text look carefully at the spelling and grammar within the text. Oftentimes, there are multiple misspellings or incorrect usage.
    • A different sending address. When a scammer sends an email, in the body of the email they might state that they are from such and such corporation, but the sending email does not connect with that company. .
    • A high level of urgency. Many times, scammers will use a sense of urgency (“this deal ends tonight!”) to try and get you to click on a link or give up information.
    • An offer that’s just too good. Remember the old saying: if it seems too good to be true…it probably is!

    Today’s Activity:

    Sit down with your child and show them a scam. It can be a voicemail, text, email, or post on a social media page that you recently received. See if they can spot any of the ”scammy signs” above. Children of any age need to have safe, controlled exposure to what a scam looks and sounds like.

    That’s it for Day 6! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 5 – Your Changing Role

    Welcome to Day 5 of Safe & Sound!

    Today we’re talking about how to keep kids safe when they no longer seem to need you.

    In Day 1, we shared that good communication is one of the best protections against child abuse. Communication may feel easy while your child is young. But with each passing year, it can feel harder to connect. As your child grows into adolescence, you may feel pushed aside. Just remember that kids in this stage are completing the important developmental task of establishing themselves as individuals outside of the context of their families. Plainly speaking, they don’t want to—nor should they need to—rely on you all the time. Other players enter the game. Friends, peers, teammates, and the media take up real estate in a teen’s life. This transition is healthy, even if it is frustrating and a little bit heartbreaking.

    So how do you keep your kid safe when they no longer need you?

    It comes back to communication—and understanding your changing role.

    Accept that your role as a parent changes over time.

    Over the course of your child’s life, your role shifts from being their main teacher and advocate to being their supporter and guide. It can feel as though you’re not needed—but you still are. And you can still protect your teen “from afar” with regular communication. The trick is adjusting your conversations to reflect your new role as a guide.

    Adjust your conversations accordingly.

    Hopefully, up to this point, you have been showing your child that you are a safe and understanding adult, and they can come to you for information and advice. As kids grow older, what they need from you changes. Often, teens aren’t expecting you to fix things, they just want you to listen. They want to find their own answers and know that they have your support.

    If you can you keep your “guide” hat on, your teen will be more likely to keep communicating with you. And that will give you continued opportunities to gently touch on topics like consent, body safety, and healthy relationships.

    Today’s Activity:

    Ages 3+: Offer a journal or “question box.” Whether your child is young and barely writing, or older and barely talking, this easy project can help open up channels of communication. Pick up a journal or sketch book or make a “question box.” Tell your child they can write down any question and get an answer. Make a plan (together) for how often you’ll check for questions, and agree on how you’ll deliver your response. (You might write your answer in the journal or deliver a note to your child’s room, for example.) This system is especially good for tough or uncomfortable topics. Sometimes children need to ask questions, but they might not be ready to do it face to face. This option is ideal for kids who are more comfortable writing their thoughts, drawing, or need time to reflect on a question or issue.

    Ages 0-3: If your child is too young to write or draw, focus on doing Day 1’s 10 minute floor time activity, and keep spending that valuable time with your child every day. Building a foundation now will pay off later when you are ready to begin this “Question Box” activity.

    And some last thoughts for the week:

    As we wrap up our first week of Safe & Sound, we want to encourage you to take a big breath, hold it, and let it all out.

    We know that talking about child abuse can get overwhelming at times. It can also feel like we’re walking around with our eyes closed trying to make sense of everything around us. That feeling is normal and even expected. The activities we introduced this week may feel awkward or even uncomfortable in the beginning. But the more you talk with your child about body parts, boundaries, body safety, consent, and relationships, the more natural it will start to feel. It’s also worth it to know you are doing everything in your power to protect and empower your child.

    We also want to remind you that you are not alone in this. The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County (CACJC) exists not only to support children and families who have experienced abuse, but also to help everyone in our community learn how to prevent child abuse.

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