Category: Sexual abuse

The Many Faces of Healing: Emily

Emily, a ten year old intellectually disabled child, came to the Children’s Advocacy Center as result of concerns for her safety. A teacher noticed that this normally very polite, quiet child began having problems in school.

Emily began acting out sexually on the playground. The teacher became concerned and made a report.

Emily’s medical evaluation helped determine that she had been physically and sexually abused. During the evaluation, she also disclosed that she had been made to watch pornography. The very specialized medical evaluation from the Children’s Advocacy Center’s pediatrician also found substantial untreated medical issues that indicated long-term neglect. Our doctor was able to make referrals to a primary care physician to help resolve these issues.

Through the investigation, it became apparent that Emily could not remain in the care of her parents. She was placed with a loving relative who is receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help her care for a child who has experienced trauma.

Emily is safe now and is engaged in therapy services.
Sexual abuse, Show Dogs and the sort of apology

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I started this blog four and a half years ago with the intention of providing insights into child abuse through the lens of a professional career in child protection that spanned several decades.

Somewhere along the way the focus or lens shifted and got blurred with my personal mom experiences. Today is one of those times where that line gets very blurry, but I feel like there is a conversation that must be had.

So here it goes.

I recently took my nine-year-old to the movies and as we watched the previews, we planned which movies we would make sure to see. Some of them were a for sure for him and not me. Others were a for sure for me and not so much for him, but the one movie we both really thought would be a can’t miss movie was Show Dogs. It seemed perfect. We both love dogs. It looked funny. There was a story line that seemed like it would keep our attention.

Then this week I read more about the movie. There was a scene in which one of the dogs was getting prepared for “Show” competition which included his privates being touched. This seemed to happen a couple of times and his friend advised him to go to his “Zen” place and it basically shows the main character dissociating .

There was an outcry from some parents and a blogger. It was pointed out that this was a little too real to be okay. There were concerns about taking children to see this with the message being it is okay if someone sexually abuses you if you go to your “happy” place and think of things that make you feel good.

I will be honest that the first couple of “headlines” I skipped over. When a friend on Facebook posted some comments, I will be honest again, I sort of did an eye roll in that it was asking people to boycott the movie. In this day where everyone is boycotting something, I just did not want to “have” to choose a side and so I skipped it.

And then one of my friends and a CAC Board member sent me the link: https://foreverymom.com/arts-entertainment/dog-show-movie-review-grooming/ I stopped and read it.

I actually did not think it was true. In the “Me Too” age surely there is not one person who has not got the message that we are tired of power and control turning into sexual abuse. I checked it out further and found that it was true.

As I processed the information I was reading with what I know about child sexual abuse dynamics, I was disheartened and a little depressed that we have come so far and not far at all. There has been a whirlwind of sexual abuse disclosures, investigations, civil law suits, criminal prosecutions and sentencings playing out on the national stage. It seemed like, in my mind anyway, that “Show Dogs” was Hollywood basically saying they don’t care. Basically, rubbing our noses in the fact that they have control and can do whatever they want.

Today, I was researching a little more in preparation for writing this blog. I was delighted to see that they took the scene out of the movie. The movie that will be in the theatres this weekend will not have the scene in it.

I was disheartened at the released statement. There was an apology. Sort of.

“Responding to concerns raised by moviegoers and some specific organizations, Global Road Entertainment has decided to remove two scenes from the film SHOW DOGS that some have deemed not appropriate for children.

The company takes these matters very seriously and remains committed to providing quality entertainment for the intended audiences based on the film’s rating. We apologize to anybody who feels the original version of SHOW DOGS sent an inappropriate message. The revised version of the film will be available for viewing nationwide starting this weekend.”

I read the above statement and think…Huh. They apologize to anybody who feels the original version of Show Dogs sent an inappropriate message. That implies to me that they do not feel it was an inappropriate message. It leaves me still feeling a little angry.

I am angry because my son really wants to see this movie. They took out the “offensive” scenes. It should be fine to let him see it. Right? Why am I still angry? Why am I still wondering about whether I want to pay money to watch a movie where someone thought it was okay to re write the original script to include sexual abuse. Do I take the moral high ground and stand on my convictions? Do I punish my son by not letting him see it even though now it is deemed appropriate?

I am angry that I am left with having to sort this out when really it could have been a good movie—a fun afternoon with my nine-year-old. Now, no matter what changes have been made, I will not be able to get past the idea that someone thought it was a good idea to write sexual abuse in. I feel dirty. I feel like someone was testing the waters of what is okay and acceptable.

What does it take to change the tide? Bill Cosby was convicted. America’s Dad convicted. Was that not enough of a message that forced sexual contact will not be tolerated? Was the tide of the “Me Too” movement not enough to make social change?

I suspect I will not see the movie. I suspect there are those who think I am overreacting. That is okay.

For me I need to know, to the best of my knowledge and ability, that the money my husband and I work so hard to earn is not going to end up in the hands of someone who wants to teach children when someone touches their private parts to go find their “Zen” place.

In my world, there is not one situation where someone would think this is okay.

In my world, the production company issues a statement apologizing for their error in judgement — not apologizing that some people found their messaging in appropriate. Maybe I am making too big a deal out of semantics.

On the flip side of this situation, I am so thankful for the Macaroni Kid for bringing this to the attention of moms everywhere. I am also thankful to receive confirmation that moms are the “game changers”.

Moms – every day, regular, moms can change the world.

Tammi Pitzen
The 872 abused children in Jackson County are “Our People”

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I am sitting in my office this morning blasting music before everyone gets here. This is not unusual. I tend to get here before staff and before things get too hectic to plan out my day and to get as much done prior to the busyness of the day starts.

It is during these precious minutes in the sort of quiet of my morning that I am able to focus on the mission of the CAC.

I am able to hear the silence of the abused children in our community.

The month of April is always a poignant reflection on the work that we do because it is “our” month (Child Abuse Prevention/Awareness and Sexual Assault Awareness Month). In 2016 there were 872 abused children in our community, according to the latest version of the Child Welfare Data Book. I find that number astounding.

But what bothers me even more are the children that remain silent. It actually scares me a little.

According to some statistics we know that about 30% of child sexual abuse goes undisclosed and unreported.

I have been working in this field for 28 years. I started in my twenties. My first job was with a rural child protection agency in Louisiana. I was literally hired before I graduated. During finals week I drove home for an interview on a Saturday. I started work the day after my graduation ceremony because I needed to have my diploma in order to begin with the State.

I went back and began working in the community where I graduated high school. The population of the parish seat was under 8,000 and the parish was around 50,000. These were “my people” as we would say in the South. I either knew them, knew of them, knew their aunt, their sister, their brother or graduated with their cousin. Seriously.

I had no idea what I was walking into. I had no idea the heartache I would feel when assigned a report that involved someone that I went to high school with. It was a military town, so mostly I prayed to get a report involving the families on post.

In retrospect this was the best thing that could have happened to build the best foundation for what turned out to be my life’s work. I learned some key skills that I am recognizing many in the field have not developed.

I learned humility. I learned compassion. I learned empathy. I also learned the art of persuasion. This was sometimes the only tool available to get you off the front porch facing a very angry father, who held a gun in his hand, and to the kitchen table, with a glass of sweet tea in front of you. Let me clarify. The gun was never pointed at me and, truth be told, this only happened to me once. These people…my people…were those I grew up with. They were people, in some cases, that were adults that I respected.

I can almost pinpoint when I developed these skills. There was a legislative change in my state and all unfounded reports had to be expunged from all records. The pay for a caseworker in Louisiana at that time was pretty low. This was an opportunity to make some overtime, so many of us would come in on the weekends and work on expunging records.

During that process, I came across many records of people I went to school with. When I realized how many of the kids I went to school and church with that were reported as victims of abuse, my childhood played back in my mind in slow motion, in segments. I could literally remember moments when I was “judging” kids I knew as being lazy because they slept in class or bad because they were always lashing out at people.

Those overtime hours were hard. I spent a lot of time in self-reflection. I can say that I always tried to be nice to everyone, so I didn’t feel like I had to redeem myself in anyway, but it was a pivotal moment in my life.

Since that time, I have had others who were more than classmates, they were/are friends, tell me about their history of abuse. It reminds me that these children who are abused in our community are not unknown to us. The 872 abused children in Jackson County are part of us. They are “our people”.

As April comes to an end I want to challenge each of you to continue to do something…to do one thing a day, a week, a month, or at least a year to help address child abuse.

It is a community problem. We have to work together. It is the only way to make a change. I invite you to call me or to contact us through our website or our Facebook Page if you are unsure what your one thing could be.
USA Women Gymnasts Show Our Daughters That You Can Tell

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This is an Olympic year. I mean that quite literally. This year athletes will compete in the Winter Olympics. The very best of the best in just about every sporting event you can think of. Recently my son and I were learning all about Curling. I know. It is such a random sport. I don’t even really remember how we stumbled upon it, but we both sat mesmerized by the competition that we were watching on TV. So much in fact, that my son talked me into letting him stay up another 30 minutes so we could watch the end.

I have always loved the Olympics. Maybe because I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe because the athletes represent all that is good in our world. Maybe it is the competitiveness that I don’t feel, but am fascinated by when I see it in others. Maybe it is the pride when the American flag is raised and the National Anthem is played when our athletes are standing in the spotlight. Maybe it is the endurance, sacrifice and discipline that is displayed by each athlete.

The last couple of weeks we have learned about the sexual abuse that plagued the USA Gymnastics Program.

It is always so heartbreaking to learn of the legacy that child sex offenders leave behind in the forms of wounded souls. In this case a doctor, Larry Nassar, was convicted of sexually abusing female athletes in the USA Gymnastics Program. Wikipedia defines Dr. Larry Nassar as a convicted serial child molester.

He had 250 known victims. How many are unknown?

He was a doctor. I trust my son’s pediatrician…as in…to me any word she utters is gold. I have sought advice from her concerning my son’s behavior. I have looked to her to show me the path to good nutrition and good health for my son. I have looked to her for his healing when he has been ill. Every single time she has exceeded my expectations. One of the reasons is that she is a wonderful person who has mad healing skills. But really, one of the big reasons is that I am welcome to be in the room with my son when she examines him. She takes time to tell him what she is doing and why she is doing it. She educates him about safety and body safety. It isn’t because she knows what I do in my “real world” job either. She does this with all her patients and I suspect has since the beginning of her practice.

I cannot imagine the heartbreak these young athletes feel by the betrayal. The trauma of the abuse is one thing, but that is compounded by the fact that it was perpetrated by someone who was so respected in their world and who was supposed to have their safety and emotional well-being as his number one priority.

I happened to be in my car on one of the days of the sentencing and caught many of the victim impact statements that were read on one of the news radio stations. It was heart wrenching. In many cases it was years ago, but their healing could not start until their voice was heard.

The Judge in this case was criticized by some of the Bench. I think she was amazing. She allowed time for each and every victim who cared to come forward to read their truth to the world. She held Larry Nassar accountable. She held him accountable when he wrote her a letter saying that it was mental cruelty to make him hear all the victims read their statements. She held him accountable when he used language like “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. This Judge is a class act. She has told the media she will not make statements because it is no longer her story. It isn’t about her. She will not talk to media without a survivor present.

These young women are showing our daughters that you can tell. You can find safety. If you are sexually abused, it is not your fault.

Boys too! It just happens to be that this man preyed on women who were young and vulnerable. I am hopeful there will never be another Dr. Larry Nassar allowed to create a legacy of tears. I am hopeful that other agencies that employ people who have influence over and contact with children, no matter what the venue, will look at their rules and policies and assess the risk of abuse presented to the children they work with.

We are all responsible. We should learn. We should honor the endurance, the sacrifice and defiance of these women athletes breaking the silence.

We should give this promise–Never Again!

Tammi Pitzen
The Stories the Numbers Do Not Tell
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As another year comes to an end, I am reflecting on things I could have done better, missed opportunities and what changes I will be committed to in the New Year. I am also looking back over all the good work that the CAC staff, Board, Volunteers, Advisory Council and friends of the CAC have done in the last 12 months.
- Year to date we have served 716 children who were abused and 443 of their non-offending caregivers.
- 148 of these young victims suffered more than one type of abuse.
- We provided 295 children with more than 2000 therapy services.
- Our Family Support Team provided over 2500 support and advocacy services.
- Our Forensic Interviewing Team provided 570 forensic interviews.
- Our Medical Department provided 171 medical services.
- Our prevention program taught 561 adults to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse.
When you look at just the numbers it tells a story. We together were able to make an impact on 1159 people who have suffered trauma as result of child abuse. The year isn’t even over. We will see children right up until the last hours of the year. Our team provided over 5000 life changing services.

What the numbers do not tell you is a whole other story.

They do not tell you of a young lady who sought and received confidential advocacy through our co-located Community Works advocate. They do not tell you of the mom that received comfort and support when her world began to crumble around her as her child disclosed sexual abuse by his dad. They do not tell you of the young children who witnessed horrific violent abuse of one parent by another who found safety as a result of their visit to our Intake Department. They do not tell you about the youth who found relief as her CAC Medical Provider told her that her body was fine and assured her she did not have a sexually transmitted infection. No, the numbers only tell part of the story.

Nationally there is a debate as to whether child abuse numbers are decreasing.

We are not seeing that at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. I cannot explain why that is. I have theories but that is all they are; not based in science or fact. I do know that we continue to have much work to do. I do know there are many children in our community that continue to seek safety.

I read the news. I watch the news every day. It gets to be pretty depressing. There is not a day that goes by that I do not read some tragic story of a child who have been chronically neglected. I read a story yesterday of two children whose mother left them home locked in a room while she traveled. She had an adult friend check in on them and feed them once a day. Toddlers.

It is heart breaking. I reflect on that as my stress mounts in providing my son the best Christmas ever. I reflect how many of our community partners are striving to provide the best holidays for the children we serve by providing giving trees and gifts for those young abuse victims we see every day at the CAC. This time of year always pulls at my heart strings. Children should go to bed with images of sugar plums parading through their dreams, not with images of someone they love doing something unimaginable.

What can you do as one person in the universe?
- You can take our free Protect Our Children Child Abuse Prevention Training. It is free. Call the CAC or sign up here: http://cacjc.org/services/prevention. It will be some of the most beneficial hours you spend all year.
- You can provide financial support to one or all of our service programs. We are good stewards of your donations and make them work to impact the most children possible. Donate Here
- You can volunteer at the CAC. We are in need of volunteers in all departments. More Information Here
- You can make a report when you see something that makes you suspicious a child is being neglected or abused. You CAN make a difference. More About Making a Report Here
You only need to choose how you will do it.
One Thing You Can Do That Matters
By Ginny Sagal, Communication & Outreach Coordinator for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

You can’t read a newspaper or turn on a television without hearing about child sexual abuse.

Do not feel helpless.

There is one thing you can do that matters in addressing child sexual abuse. You can take a child abuse prevention training through the Children’s Advocacy Center Protect Our Children Project.

When I read and hear these horrible stories, I think how wonderful it would be if all parents and caregivers knew how to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse.

The Protect Our Children training guides you through 5 steps to protecting children from sexual abuse.

The 5 Steps are:
1. Learn the Facts: 1 in 10 children are sexually abused before the age of 18. Over 90% of them know their abuser. There is no more of this stranger danger thing. We need to go beyond that.
2. Minimize the Opportunity: Decrease the risk of abuse by eliminating one on one situations.
3. Talk About It: Have age appropriate, open conversations about our bodies, sex and boundaries. I think of the gymnast kids who were abused by their doctor or coach that the families had trusted.
4. Recognize the signs: Why is this person giving gifts to my child? Why is this person always with the kids when he or she should be with the adults when we are at a party?
5. React Responsibly: How you reacts matters. Go with your gut feeling!
The Protect Our Children Project uses the Stewards of Children curriculum, developed by Darkness to Light.

We believe that when adults take the class they recognized that it is all our responsibility to protect children.

We believe that adults who take the class decrease the risk of the children in their life being sexually abused.

The fact is that 99% of participants who take the training would recommend this training to a friend, family member or co-worker. (Study done by the University of Oregon Center for Prevention of Abuse and Neglect.)

The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County has partnered with The Ford Family Foundation to offer this training to anyone in Jackson County for FREE.

Just think, in 2 to 3 short hours you can decrease the risk that a child in your life will be sexually abused. THAT IS BIG!!!

Do one thing that Matters for the kids and teens in your life. Take a Protect our Children training.

To register for a training for yourself or your group, business or organization go to: http://cacjc.org/services/prevention or call Leah Howell, Protect Our Children Training Coordinator, at 541-734-5437 ext. 1013

Ginny Sagal
“Jayden” benefits from the Caring for Kids Campaign

By Theresa Hart, Development Director for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

In March, we created three stories of children who have received services in our Medical Department for our Caring for Kids Campaign. These stories were based on real life experiences of children who had received services in our Medical Department. The details of their experiences were altered to protect their identities.

“Jayden’s” story touched me very deeply.

“Jayden” suffered sexual abuse by her mother’s boyfriend. She and her mother were brought to the Children’s Advocacy Center after her mother found her 13-year-old daughter inconsolable upon her return home.

After disclosing the abuse at the Center, Jayden was brought to our Medical Department where she received a head to toe evaluation. Additionally, our in-house pediatrician administered a test for sexually transmitted infections and a pregnancy test. When she left the Center that day, Jayden carried with her a quilt and the assurance that she was healthy and that her body would be okay. Jayden is receiving therapy at the Center and her mother is in treatment for substance abuse.

Jayden was fortunate to have come to the Children’s Advocacy Center where she could receive our specialized medical services, tell the story of her abuse and receive therapy in one child-focused center.

There are many children who have experienced abuse and neglect in the Rogue Valley. The CAC is the only place of its kind In Jackson County. Last year, Jayden was the recipient of one of the more than 200 medical services performed by our Medical Department.

Jayden suffered the kind of abuse we don’t like to talk about.

But here’s the thing, child abuse is a community problem, and it requires a community response. CAC’s partners were involved throughout her story, from law enforcement, DHS, community members, businesses, and other local organizations. The quilt Jayden took home was made by a local church group.

Community members and businesses can partner with us during the Caring for Kids Campaign to support our Medical Department services. These donations go to pay medical staff salaries, equipment, and supplies.

We are recruiting a nurse practitioner to perform additional medical evaluations and services to extend our Medical Department hours to 40 per week. Now more than ever we need community partnerships and support to help us continue our work with abused children.

There’s still time to partner with us during the Caring for Kids campaign. The deadline to make a donation is June 30. To make a difference in a life of other child victims, send your donation to 816 W. 10th Street, Medford, OR 97501.

Thank you.

Theresa Hart
Child Abuse Case Plays Out on the National Stage

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

It is not often that a child abuse case plays out on the national stage. However, last week, we had one play out. The young lady who was kidnapped by her teacher was found and rescued.

Please note the language used here. Kidnapped. Rescued. Keep those words in your mind as you read the rest of this blog post.

To fill in those who have not tuned into this story, a 15 year old girl was kidnapped by teacher, Tad Cummings. They were on the run for about a month before the FBI located them in Siskiyou County at a remote cabin.

Since she was found, I have been asked many times about what a parent can do to prevent this from happening — what the signs are to look for, and I have been questioned about whether she was in a relationship or was she really kidnapped.

I want to start off by saying that anything that happens between a child and an adult — the adult is responsible.

There is a power differential between a child and an adult. The adult always holds power. This power differential is even greater when that adult is a teacher or a person in a position of authority or trust. In some regards, it is the same power and control that you hear about in domestic violence. The offender has all the power and control. The victim has none. What happens is similar to what happens when someone is “gaslighting”. The victim’s reality is whatever the offender tells her it is. The offender is able to accomplish this through “grooming” behaviors. It does not happen overnight. There is a process.

Of course, here is where I insert the disclaimer. I don’t have personal knowledge of what has happened in this case. I am basing my opinions on what information is out in the news, which may or may not be accurate. Also, he is innocent until proven guilty. And, of course, she is not accused of anything–so blameless.

Let’s look at what has been reported. The victim’s sister says that she is vulnerable because she had been the victim of bullying. His sister says he was trying to keep her safe. She was going to run away and so he needed to go with her so she wouldn’t be alone.

He packed medication for erectile dysfunction, handguns and $4,500 he had just received through a loan. He told his wife he needed to go to Virginia to clear his head. Now right off the bat I need to clarify what I see as thinking errors (others would call it the things we tell ourselves to convince ourselves and others that what we are doing is actually a noble deed or something that we had no control over—either is a good way to look at it.) Google “sex offender thinking errors” for a better description.

1) If a teen is going to run away, an adult male’s first response is not to run away with her. A rational person would contact the child’s parent, another school official, or perhaps — if the school has one — a school resource officer.

2) Erectile dysfunction medication is not for a life threatening condition (as in your health would not be in jeopardy if you do not take them) and is useless in keeping teenage girls safe.

3) Married adult men do not lie to their wives about their intentions if they are not improper. I am sure there are many, many more of these, but I just want to give you a few to think about as you are deciding what your thoughts and opinions are about this case.

Let’s move on to whether or not the victim is to blame and what exactly is her crime.

She was vulnerable because of being bullied. She trusted an adult who made her feel special. When you are bullied, you begin to experience low self-esteem and do not feel you have value. As a 15-year-old bullied girl, it would be very uplifting to know that an adult male found value in you. If you are good at grooming, you will be able to convince said teen that not only do you think they have value, but that you are the best thing that has ever happened in their life.

I also read that there was a restraining order granted that would prohibit the victim’s mom from having contact with her. Another thing that victim did wrong was to have a mother who had been physically abusive in the past and to have a court find that it would be detrimental for the victim to have contact with her mother at this time.

All sarcasm aside. Offenders target children who have low self-esteem, have disrupted or strained relationships with one or both parents and who may have strained or non-existent peer relationships. It is so much easier to manipulate the victim if they do not have open communication with anyone outside the offender. And yes, he is an alleged offender. As she is a child, she is unable to consent to a relationship with an adult–that is what the law says. The age of consent in Tennessee is 18, in Oklahoma it is 16 and in California it is 18—according to my online research. Basically, as a 15-year-old in all three states that we know he took her to, she was unable to consent to having a sexual relationship with the alleged offender.

No matter whether it turns out that the two of them had any sexual contact, it was illegal. AND the ADULT is responsible. So yes, he is an alleged sex offender. Yes. She is a victim of child sexual assault or whatever term those state’s statutes use for that event. NO! She is not to blame.

The conversation needs to be changed to help those out there who may be listening who have not yet found safety—who have not yet reported.

If you or those around you are blaming the child…other children who may be in similar situations will not report. It isn’t safe. The conversation needs to shift from victim blaming, to what is it we all can do to help create a safe environment for children to report and find safety and heal.

The conversation needs to change from what can parents look for if their child is at risk, to how can a parent be engaged throughout a child’s life. We know that nurturing needs to begin early in life. We know that safety needs should be met early in life. The best way to reduce the risk that your child will become a victim is to have dinner as a family, to keep communication open, to establish early on that — no matter what your child tells you – you will always love them, keep them safe, advocate for them — be there for them.

We know that starting these conversations during the teen years is not as effective as starting them when they are 3 or younger. The best way to safeguard your child against sexual abuse is to be present in their life…know who their friends are…who their friend’s parents are… who their teachers are and to model healthy and appropriate relationships for your child.

Is it too late to start if your child is already a teen? No way! But own up to the fact that you are starting the conversation late. Your child will appreciate the fact that you realize this. Follow through…if you tell them they can tell you anything…then be open and let them tell you anything and try to not respond with anger, disappointment, or judgment.

Finally, put all would-be offenders on notice that you are watching.

If an adult is spending too much alone time with your child…ask them why and put a stop to it. If someone is crossing boundaries that you recognize should not be crossed…call them out on it. If you haven’t met the people your child is hanging out with or if they are always “meeting” them places instead of letting you get to know their friends…put a stop to it.

Grooming is a real thing.

Learn about it. Take a class. The CAC teaches adults to recognize and respond to sexual abuse. Enroll in a Protect Our Children class by visiting our website at http://cacjc.org/services/prevention/
Does child abuse happen in our state? In Jackson County?
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April is child abuse prevention/awareness month. This is my traditional April Blog recognizing and focusing on the problem of child abuse.

I was doing a little research to see what was going on in the world of child abuse. I found a page on the internet that is nothing but stories of child abuse. They are all true. They are all recent. They are all heartbreaking.

One tells of a child whose father found out she was having sex and so, as punishment, forced her to become a prostitute at a truck stop. There are stories of child fatalities; there are stories of parents beating their children. It is quite disturbing. It is a true crime website. I was simply looking for some compelling story to blog about and found a whole site. All from 2017.

Some will say that those horrible things do not happen in Oregon. Those things happen in other countries or other parts of this country. Sadly, this is not accurate.

There were 964 children abused in Jackson County in 2016. In the state of Oregon, there were 27 child abuse fatalities. 21 of those were perpetrated by a parent or parent figure. All 27 of the children who died knew their abuser. We call it child abuse fatalities, and as awful as that sounds, it does not sound as awful as murder. We look for words that are softer to describe these heinous acts.

Child abuse happens in Oregon. Child abuse happens in Jackson County.

The foster parent shortage that has been reported on is not just in other parts of the state. It is here in our county as well.

This is not someone else’s problem. It is ours. The problem has been long established. What isn’t as clear, is the solution.

How do we make a meaningful impact? Where is the catchy child abuse slogan? You know…like the “War on Drugs” or “No Child Left Behind”. Where is the rally cry to help keep kids safe from the dangers that lurk within their own homes?

People who work in the field of child abuse; particularly those who work in prevention, joke about “working themselves out of a job” and “putting the CAC out of business”. It is a good goal. But where is the rally cry? These of course are rhetorical questions. Unless you have an actual answer. Then I am all ears!

There are things that you can do all year long…..long after April has ended. You can:
- Find an agency that helps to protect children and support them in any way you can. If you can’t donate money, then donate time and talent. Nonprofit agencies are quite adept at leveraging whatever your gift is, with other gifts, to create the biggest impact.
- If you suspect abuse, make a report–even if it feels uncomfortable or even if you are unsure. The professionals will figure it out. You don’t have to figure it out.
- Not sure what abuse looks like? Take a training on recognizing abuse. The CAC of Jackson County offers several opportunities, either through our Protect Our Children program or through other offerings such as Responding to Allegations of Child Maltreatment offered this May. Register here: https://tinyurl.com/kwm6qx5
- Do you see a mom or a dad struggling? Offer to help.
- Let your legislative representatives know that children and child abuse is a priority for you and you want it to be their priority as well—both at the state and federal level.
- You can change the conversation from “Why didn’t she tell?” to “Why did he do that?”
- You can become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and learn how to advocate for children in the foster care system. We have hundreds of children on a waiting list right now who need an advocate.
- You can teach your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews, your neighbor’s child — all the children in your life — who is allowed to touch what part of their bodies and under what circumstance.
- You can tell the adults in your life that your child is off limits by being present, by asking the right questions, and by staying in tuned and attentive to your child. If an offender knows you are watching and vigilant, it makes your child less accessible to them.
You can STOP saying Not My Child; Not My Problem.
The tragedy of Victoria Martens we must prevent in the future

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Today I am sitting in my office trying to get caught up after the big snow fall in Medford. The office is officially closed in observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It is very quiet and peaceful here.

I have been reading about a case out of New Mexico of some pretty horrific abuse. Maybe you have read about it? It caught my attention on Facebook on a friend’s feed. I remember hearing a little bit about this case earlier in the investigation.

The child was ten years old and named Victoria Martens.

She was sexually abused and killed by her Mother’s boyfriend and his cousin while the mom watched. I would not advise researching for more information on this case, as most of the reports I have read have been pretty graphic and pretty horrific.

Most of my career in child protection I have categorized parents in two categories. There are those who do the best they can and that just isn’t good enough to keep their kids healthy and safe, so their children are abused. These parents have the ability to learn and have the desire to do so. These parents are the parents that when their children are removed from their care, they are usually returned after a treatment plan. Or maybe the children are left in their care with a treatment plan.

Then there are the parents I say are, well, just “mean” parents. It appears from the articles that I have read that Victoria unfortunately had a “mean” mom. These are the parents that are somewhat sadistic and are just cruel. I will admit that I do not know the truth of what happened and I am making judgements based on what I have read in the news article.

There among the news reports on the case is an interview with the Mother’s parents. The case reports state that the Mom watched her current boyfriend, and two other men before that, have sex with her daughter for her own sexual gratification. (I wasn’t kidding when I said the reports were graphic…they are disturbing even to me after many years of hearing these kinds of stories.) There are reports that she watched two people give her daughter, who was ten years-old, meth in order to calm her down so they could have sex with her.

Victoria’s grandparents say that the child never said anything and appeared to be happy. A friend and neighbor of the mom states, “I know Victoria is in heaven saying forgive my mom.” The grandparents agree. The grandparents report that their daughter loved her children and was a hard working single mother.

If that is the case, then that leaves the rest of us to ask what went wrong. What can we learn from this in order to prevent it in the future?

I need to know, even though I do not know Victoria, that she did not die for her mom’s, and the others allegedly involved, own perverted reasons. I need to know we, as in the global we, can do better for the Victorias in the world.

I have poured over the news reports in this case. My heart hurts. I cry not understanding how this happens. I compare it to my own life. What would have to happen in my life that I would find myself there and allow this to happen to ANY one’s child. I can come up with no scenarios.

My only hope is that most people in this world are made up of a moral fiber that does not allow for events to happen that would end in this result for a child. For any child.

Everyone one interviewed, or at least that I could find to read, stated that there were no signs that this was going on. The child seemed happy. Mom is described as a hard working single mom.

I wonder how many people in this child’s life had any education regarding identifying and responding to child sexual abuse. The mom states in one of her interviews that there were other men, acquaintances of mom’s, who had sex with this child because mom liked to watch.

I have a favor to ask of all those who are outraged and horrified by the Victoria Martens case.

If you believe that this ten year-old should not have been forced to have sex with the men in her mother’s life, if you think it is a tragedy that she was killed one day after her tenth birthday, and if you would do anything in your power to prevent this from happening to children in your life or in your community or in your child’s life or in your grandchild’s life, then please join the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County in our efforts to protect the children in our community from sexual abuse.

Sign up for a class through our Protect Our Children project. There are public classes every month. We will even do private classes for you if you have 5 people or more who are interested in protecting children.

We can make a difference. We can’t change what has already happened, but we can control what we do in the future to prevent these tragedies from happening.

Let’s all decide together that we will not accept that Victoria’s abuse and death could not have been prevented, that there were no signs.