Category: Schools

A Late Mother’s Day Salute

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I am late with my Mother’s Day blog posting this year. It seems that along with all of you, it is taking me longer to get things done because my brain is filled with all things COVID-19.

I actually think a day to honor our maternal influences is not enough…we should have at least a week.

So, with that thought in mind, here is my Mother’s Day blog.

This year, I believe more than any other year for me, has highlighted the many, many roles our Mothers fill for our children and in this world. For me as a mom, the last two months have proved to be more challenging than when my child was a newborn. In those first few months of his life, I remember being sleep deprived and tired. I remember being scared that I was not doing “it” right. I remember a lot of private tears in the shower.

Well, in the last two months I have spent a lot of sleepless nights in worry. I have questioned whether I was doing “this” right.

There have been more tears in the shower as I tried to muster up enough steam to fulfill all the roles that I had shared with my “Mommy Tribe”, his teacher, and my son’s coaches. I have worried about my productivity at work. I have worried about whether I am giving enough to my child, to those I work with, to those in the community that I work with, and to the families and children the Children’s Advocacy Center serves.

Somewhere in those tears, I decided to give myself some grace. Instead of trying to be perfect, I lowered some expectations. For me the bar was set at “Do no harm”.

Now I recognize that seems pretty low. But when I set it that low for myself, I actually felt an energy surge. I was able to do more education opportunities for my son than his school was able. I was able to create some memories with my son and my family that I hope will bring smiles for a few years to come. I focused on making sure my son’s mental health was not being compromised by isolation.

What does all that look like? Well, it looks like camping in the yard. It looks like cool crafts. It looks like giving my child purpose by increasing some of his chores. It looks like hiking or taking long walks through our neighborhood. It looks like a chalk drawing on our front driveway. It looks like baking and cooking together. It looks like watching and discussing movies together to find hidden life lessons. It looks like practicing social skills. It looks like relaxing some of the rules when we can. It looks like creating structure and routine around distance learning for school and chores.

Most of the moms I know have become teachers, guidance counselors, and coaches in addition to their regular roles of meal-planner, referee, household manager, and nurturer. Some of us have added working from home, dog walker, and home sanitizer. And having to do so in isolation.

What can we do for ourselves? To keep us moms going? My mommy tribe has upped our text game. We check in on each other. We social distance in the driveway. We social distance in a parking lot. We remind each other to take care of ourselves. We plan for when we can bring our kids and our families back together for our regular gatherings. We give each other grace. We support each other as we all do what is right for our families, with no judgment when someone else does it differently.

For some families, there is a lot of added stress. For some children, food insecurities become even more prominent in their life as they miss the breakfasts and lunches provided to them at school. For some moms, stress is mounting as they try to figure out how to manage without an income, without knowing what will happen after the “goodwill” brought to us in the form of a stimulus check, mortgage payments put on hold, or rent delayed.

I am worried about children who were not safe before the pandemic. I am worried about children who have been put in unsafe situations because of the pandemic. I am worried about the Mommas feeling like they are failing at this homeschooling, stay at home, keep their family healthy with little to no resources nightmare that has become our hopefully short-term reality. I also know that, if experience is any indication, we will all come together through this and help those who need our help. If you fall into one of the above-mentioned worries….please ask for help. Jackson County is full of good people who want to do “good” and help you.

This has been a “Mother’s Day” to remember. What will you remember?

I hope you remember that it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to need help. I hope you remember to extend yourself some grace as being a Mom is hard, but it is really hard during a pandemic. I hope you remember it is okay to love being home with no outside influences. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I hope that you remember that perfection is not attainable and that your child does not care about “perfect”.

It is okay to ask for “do-overs” – I do that all the time. Remember that really, at this time, it is okay to use up all of our energy on being okay and making sure our kids are okay. There is no one way to do this parenting in isolation thing. We don’t have a reference for parenting like this.

We have not been here before.

Remember your child will not remember this time the same way you might. They may remember this time as the time that you were the family hero keeping everything moving forward with very few resources.
Thank you to our School Staff

By Dr. Sue Skinner, Interim Medical Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Times are stressful. Right here, right now. . . life is so much more complex and difficult than anything I would have ever imagined. . . even 3 months ago. But. I am one of the lucky ones; all my children have grown and I am not homeschooling them. When Oregon schools closed on March 12, all minor children came home. Even for the best of families, this was stressful. How to balance work, meals, education, sharing computers. . . all while worrying about what is going on in the world, and hoping no one gets sick and everyone keeps their job. In Jackson County, just like in other counties across the US, many families were struggling even before we knew about COVID-19. There were worries about finances or if the groceries would actually last all week, if the car was going to start the next time, if child support money would actually arrive, if they could keep making minimum payments on credit card debt, or how they would find suitable child care in order to attend their 12-step meeting and maintain sobriety, or their counseling appointment, addressing their own childhood trauma. Families who had many struggles were barely getting by. . . and then came the corona virus, and their kids came home.

With children out of school, parents are now responsible for keeping their kids on a schedule, making sure they “connect” with the online learning, addressing behaviors and discipline that siblings may be exhibiting more now that everyone is “cooped up” in a small space for an extended period of time. Caregivers find themselves infinitely more stressed than they were just a few months ago. And these children are more at risk for abuse. In her article, The Coronavirus Could Cause a Child Abuse Epidemic, Dr. Nina Agrawal reminds us that where there is household dysfunction, the risk of child abuse goes up. She states that suicide hotline calls are already up around the country, and New York is seeing an uptick in domestic violence. There are reports of a surge in suspected child abuse cases in Texas. She states that “many parents who are struggling. . . will no longer have any reprieve from the hard work of keeping children fed, entertained and educated.”

Now that schools are closed, I reflect on the irreplaceable foundation these institutions have become in our lives and I am reminded not only of the teachers who dedicate their long days to our kids but also the counselors, school nurses, resource officers, custodians, cafeteria staff, principals, and administrative body who work tirelessly behind the scenes. All of us can remember, without much difficulty, someone in our school years who made a big impression: I remember my 1^st grade teacher, Mrs. Near, as being warm and accepting, during a year that was particularly difficult for me. My high school math teacher, Ms. Borchardt, was the single person who instilled my love of mathematics, encouraging me to choose it for my college major. School staff teach, of course. But they also support, guide, mentor, caretake. . . and protect our youth. This is, perhaps, one of their most valuable roles. School staff see children daily, for 9 months out of the year. Nationally, and in Jackson County, schools account for about 20% of the calls to the Child Abuse Hotline for exactly these reasons. They see children on a regular basis, they are often one of the first people children and adolescents feel safe talking to. Their role in child protection cannot be understated. They are a true safety net for all our children, one we have been without since March 12.

It is easy to feel overwhelmed, given the worldwide pandemic surrounding us. I like to remind myself of the saying “Just because you can’t do everything, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do something.” This helps to keep things in perspective. What can we do? It is better to do one small thing, rather than feeling overwhelmed and paralyzed into inaction. The second thing is that we stop and remember. . . we were all kids once! Every single one of us! Let’s challenge ourselves to be patient and tolerant of children, as we would have liked adults to have been with us when we were younger. Third—try this: Do something nice for a child who is in your life (maybe your own child, or a family member, or close neighbor). Then, try and do something nice for a child who is NOT in your life. Think—how can I ease stress for this child and this family during these difficult times? Help out at/donate at a food bank? Smile at a child you see on the walking path? Listen, more than talk? Donate supplies to your local school? Pick up the telephone and call the Child Abuse Hotline (in Oregon 1-855-503-7233) if you are concerned a child is being abused or neglected. Try and be the helper, the positive influence for children and families, the safety net that is so needed right now. Lastly, end your day with gratitude, for the teachers and all the school staff who teach and mentor our children. Each and every day, they are creating a better tomorrow.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” ~Mr. Rogers

Dr. Sue Skinner

Category: Schools

A Late Mother’s Day Salute

Thank you to our School Staff