The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Category: Rape

  • Which do you choose? Action or Silence

     

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Have any of you been following the R Kelly sexual abuse scandal?  I have to say that even though I have heard a lot of things in my career some of this is just down right unbelievable.  But I somehow believe it!

    Let’s look at what has been reported.

    In 2002 R Kelly was arrested on 21 counts of child pornography.  In a report he is quoted as saying in an interview “There’s things that people have done in their lives that they regret, and I’m no different,” he told MTV News last month. “I’m a human being, and I want people to know that I’m no angel here, but I’m no monster either. I’m no guy that would do this.” In this case he was acquitted.  His attorney in that case later said he believed his client was guilty. 

    Fast forward to 2019.  He uses language like “I beat my case in 2002 and you can’t double-jeopardy me like that”.  If you were innocent would you say I beat my case or would you say I was innocent and that was proven?  In this same interview he blames his victims’ parents saying they sold their daughters to me. 

    So far I am not convinced he is innocent.  So far I am convinced based on his language and his words that he is guilty.  I haven’t even read the allegations until today.  I am solely basing my opinion based on the very words he used in his interview on national TV.

    In his interview, he is doing what many sex offenders do.  He is minimizing his criminal behavior. He is laying blame for his behavior on others.  He is of course trying to convince us all that he is no monster, therefore he could not be guilty.  He is playing the victim in all of this.  He is trying to convince us how utterly incredulous it would be for him to hold anyone captive…to sexually abuse anyone.  He is R Kelly after all.  Why would he have to?  Well.  The answer to that last one is that he wouldn’t have to at all.  But that does not answer whether or not he did.

    R Kelly is not even someone we can say is very nice.  He has to make a lot of money but chose not to pay his child support.  His ex-wife says he was domestically violent with her.  He married Aaliya when she was 15 and he was 27.

    All the information above was gathered out of listening to R Kelly’s own words and the words of those who were or are close to him.  None of it is from the victim’s voice.  And to be clear…I do understand that anyone can say anything and that does not make it true.  However, the sheer number of voices in this case certainly has to mean something. 

    The victim’s stories are similar.  R Kelly was controlling.  They were underage when their “relationship” started.    They would sometimes be locked in a room.  Some say he would video record their sexual acts.  Others used words like submitted to having sex with him.  He would control who they were allowed to speak with.  As I sifted through their stories, they all rang true to me. 

    Some would be put off by the similarities, but for me that seems right.  Sexual predators have routines…have modus operandi if you will.  Some traits that are common for sexual offenders include, but are not limited to: engaging in sexual contact with children or adolescents, having sexual contact with others against their will or without consent, humiliation of others, inflicting pain on others, participating in or watching acts of physical aggression or violence, “thinking errors”, and isolating their victims. 

    Thinking errors in this particular reference refer to things that sex offenders say to themselves and to others to justify their actions.  (Example:  I didn’t mean to sexual abuse her, but she came on to me — she forced me to do it — and the her/she referenced is six years-old at the time.)

    I wonder what makes this time around different from 2002.  I wonder if this time will have different outcomes for R Kelly.  I worry that there will be no accountability and this will turn into fodder for a Saturday Night Live shtick.  I worry for the young lady that is currently residing with him and out of contact with her family. What will happen to her?  What will be the long term outcomes for her if he is found guilty?  Or found not guilty?  I wonder about the many witnesses along the way that did not intervene or those that tried.  What are the outcomes for them? 

    I wonder where we go from here. Where do the victims go from here?  Will what happens next help them start healing or will it destroy them and their futures? 

    I wonder what messages our children are receiving as this unfolds.  I wonder what messages future victims are hearing.  Are they messages that will support them coming forward and reporting?  Or will they accept their abuse as fate?

    We don’t need to be powerless. 

    We can safely intervene by reporting what we suspect when we suspect to the authorities.  When someone discloses abuse to us, we can tell them we believe them.  We can take a class through the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County’s Protect Our Children program and learn how to recognize and respond to sexual abuse.  We can support the work of organizations like the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County by being a financial supporter or volunteering our time.  We can speak out and step out in support of child abuse victims.  We can demand accountability for offenders of child abuse. 

    Or we can join the silence that infiltrates the underworld that is child sexual abuse.

     

    Tammi Pitzen

     

     

  • What Will Be YOUR One Thing?

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Have you picked up a paper lately and there not be a story about someone coming out and stepping forward to tell about their abuse history?

    Almost daily there is a breaking news story about a child actor or actress being sexually assaulted or harassed.  Some of it a long time ago.  Some of it not so long ago.  I have watched and read in fascination.

    Has it happened?  Have we reached the tipping point?  Have we reached a time where we have created a safe environment for those who have been abused to tell their story?  Or is it those who have been abused demanding safety for those who come behind them and face the same situations…whether it be on a casting couch, in the locker room or at home?

    I think Taylor Swift started a revolution.  Maybe it is coincidental, but I have said in the past that her actions had the potential to change the world.  Maybe they have.

    There are those who would say that everyone coming forward are in it for the money.  Can we think about this logically for a minute?  ACES, the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, tells us that children who experience trauma have a high incidence of substance abuse, eating disorders, suicide, cancer, diabetes, mental health issues, and many other diagnoses that span over their lifetime.  This is research.  This is evidence based.

    Keeping that in mind, let’s look at Corey Haim.  He died young.  He had substance abuse issues throughout his life.  And there was public speculation regarding his sexual abuse as a young person by authority figures in Hollywood.  You could say the same thing regarding Corey Feldman.  Or the Michael Jackson’s accusers–the list is endless.

    Before you discount the validity of any of the people coming forward today with disclosures, educate yourself about what the dynamics of child sexual abuse are.  In the case of those who this happened to as adults, learn about the dynamics of power and control in sexual assault.  Rape is not a crime about sexual pleasure in many cases.  It is about power and control and humiliation.  It is about aggression.

    I am not naive enough to think that every single person who is coming forward and making accusations is telling the complete truth.  But I do know that, statistically speaking, more allegations are true than are not true.

    Why do we work so hard to disprove the accuser and believe the accused?

    I also know that liking someone or admiring someone or idolizing someone does not equal their innocence as an offender.  Who do we think commits these crimes?  They are our friends, our heroes, our family, our bosses, our employees, our ministers, and our teachers…just think about the statistics.  One in ten children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.  70% of all sexual assaults happen to children age 17 and younger.  And 90% to 95% of those abused know their abusers.

    We have some momentum going on at the national level.  How do we keep it going?  How do we get it started on a local level?  How do we continue to create a safe space for child sexual abuse victims to come forward?

    We start by doing one thing.

    Would you join me and do one thing to support an abused child? What will be your one thing?  Will you make a report?  Will you believe a child?  Will you make a donation to support the Children’s Advocacy Center’s efforts to help abused children begin to heal?  Will you volunteer some time at the Children’s Advocacy Center? Will you create a safe space for a child to come forward?

    Will you be courageous and believe them when they do?

    For more information about the CAC’s Do One Thing That Matters campaign and view the full list of things you can do that matter to an abused child, visit: http://cacjc.org/do-one-thing-that-matters-2018/

  • What the Bill Cosby Mistrial Means for Us

    Recently we all watched as the Bill Cosby trial came to an end in a mistrial.  It seems so hard to understand how this could happen when he admitted to giving drugs to the victim so that he could have sex with her.  For those of us immersed in this work, that admission is a huge red flag for so many different reasons, but the one that stands out the most is that we all know that if someone is intoxicated or heavily under the influence or otherwise rendered incapacitated then they are unable to consent to sexual activity.  I have a guest blogger today writing about this case…when I read her blog it rings true and I wanted to share it with you.  Katie Wilson is a 23 year old California native who is pursuing a path in journalism by sharing her truth through her own blog. (Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director)

     

    By Katie Wilson: First published June 20, 2017 on the Odyssey Blog: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/bill-cosby-mistrial-means-society

    Allegations of Cosby’s alleged sexual misconduct first came to light in November of 2014. Since then there have been more than 50 women who have come forward, and claimed to have been a victim of Cosby’s misconduct. According to these women Cosby would drug them, usually in their drinks, or in regular pill form offered as a pain reliever. The women then claim they woke up groggily some time later in bed either during or after the rape occurred. When news first broke there were thirteen women who were anonymously going to testify against Cosby, being called the “Jane Does.” As time went on, some of these women felt comfortable coming forward and identifying themselves to share more of their story, as to help other victims who were afraid, or ashamed to come forward. The women stated they wanted to help and wanted to come together in support, in a way that those of us who have never been through such a tragedy can not.

    There were opinions from all sides as Cosby maintained his innocence. Quite a lot of people didn’t want to believe that the comedian who had always been portrayed as a family man/father figure was capable of committing such acts. Others trying to belittle the claims, or find ways to defend the seventy-nine year old’s actions. Claiming that the women wanted to have relations with him, and defending all of his choices, many believing the defenses that he began stating in an attempt to maintain his own innocence. Then there were the radical feminists calling for a hulk sized take-down of a man who had lived a life so vile.

    On June 12 the trial against Cosby for the rape of Andrea Constand began. Despite numerous evidence that this is not a singular occurrence, and something that Cosby is all but admitted to; i.e. Jokes in a segment about spiking women’s drinks to get them to have sex with him; the jury was somehow not able to reach a verdict after more than fifty-two hours of deliberating. This causing Judge Steven O’Neil to declare the case a mistrial. While prosecutors have vowed to retry Cosby in the one hundred and twenty day period in which they have to do so, this mistrial is very important for our society today. We live in a world where only three hundred and ten out of a thousand assault cases are even reported. In those three hundred, only fifty seven will lead to an arrest according to records. Of those an even smaller portion will face trial with reportedly only six out of the three hundred actually facing any sort of criminal charge. With statistics like these victims who already feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, or regret have a hard time finding a reason to make themselves relive all of the trauma they have been through, countless times in order to maybe, possibly, find justice if they’re part of that one percent.

    When a trial takes over a media firestorm and someone with mass popularity and nationwide love no longer is safe from justice; someone who is widely known and loved has to stand up and face his crimes, then women everywhere begin to see a light of hope. A hope for a nation that will not tell them that it is their fault they were assaulted. A nation that doesn’t tell a woman to cover up but a man to respect her no matter what. A world in where three months in prison and a slap on the wrist is never an okay punishment for rape. But suddenly then there’s a mistrial. Because despite the evidence our society doesn’t want to believe that there can be this kind of ugliness. That despite the hurt and the pain we would rather hide it away and cover it up.

    This mistrial shows women that no matter how loud you scream and shout, no matter how hard you fight someone is always going to think you’re making it up. This mistrial shows that while we have made bold leaps in the last hundred years for equality we still have a very long way to go. Until women feel safe walking the street and standing in their truth, until we can get comfortable revealing the ugly hidden beneath our country, and bringing it to light we can not claim to be America the Beautiful.

  • The tragedy of Victoria Martens we must prevent in the future

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Today I am sitting in my office trying to get caught up after the big snow fall in Medford.  The office is officially closed in observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day.  It is very quiet and peaceful here.

    I have been reading about a case out of New Mexico of some pretty horrific abuse.  Maybe you have read about it?  It caught my attention on Facebook on a friend’s feed. I remember hearing a little bit about this case earlier in the investigation.

    The child was ten years old and named Victoria Martens.

    She was sexually abused and killed by her Mother’s boyfriend and his cousin while the mom watched. I would not advise researching for more information on this case, as most of the reports I have read have been pretty graphic and pretty horrific.

    Most of my career in child protection I have categorized parents in two categories. There are those who do the best they can and that just isn’t good enough to keep their kids healthy and safe, so their children are abused. These parents have the ability to learn and have the desire to do so.  These parents are the parents that when their children are removed from their care, they are usually returned after a treatment plan.  Or maybe the children are left in their care with a treatment plan.

    Then there are the parents I say are, well, just “mean” parents.  It appears from the articles that I have read that Victoria unfortunately had a “mean” mom.  These are the parents that are somewhat sadistic and are just cruel.  I will admit that I do not know the truth of what happened and I am making judgements based on what I have read in the news article.

    There among the news reports on the case is an interview with the Mother’s parents.  The case reports state that the Mom watched her current boyfriend, and two other men before that, have sex with her daughter for her own sexual gratification.  (I wasn’t kidding when I said the reports were graphic…they are disturbing even to me after many years of hearing these kinds of stories.)  There are reports that she watched two people give her daughter, who was ten years-old, meth in order to calm her down so they could have sex with her.

    Victoria’s grandparents say that the child never said anything and appeared to be happy. A friend and neighbor of the mom states, “I know Victoria is in heaven saying forgive my mom.”   The grandparents agree.  The grandparents report that their daughter loved her children and was a hard working single mother.

    If that is the case, then that leaves the rest of us to ask what went wrong.  What can we learn from this in order to prevent it in the future? 

    I need to know, even though I do not know Victoria, that she did not die for her mom’s, and the others allegedly involved, own perverted reasons.  I need to know we, as in the global we, can do better for the Victorias in the world.

    I have poured over the news reports in this case.  My heart hurts.  I cry not understanding how this happens.  I compare it to my own life.  What would have to happen in my life that I would find myself there and allow this to happen to ANY one’s child.  I can come up with no scenarios.

    My only hope is that most people in this world are made up of a moral fiber that does not allow for events to happen that would end in this result for a child.  For any child.

    Everyone one interviewed, or at least that I could find to read, stated that there were no signs that this was going on.  The child seemed happy.  Mom is described as a hard working single mom.

    I wonder how many people in this child’s life had any education regarding identifying and responding to child sexual abuse.  The mom states in one of her interviews that there were other men, acquaintances of mom’s, who had sex with this child because mom liked to watch.

    I have a favor to ask of all those who are outraged and horrified by the Victoria Martens case. 

    If you believe that this ten year-old should not have been forced to have sex with the men in her mother’s life, if you think it is a tragedy that she was killed one day after her tenth birthday, and if you would do anything in your power to prevent this from happening to children in your life or in your community or in your child’s life or in your grandchild’s life, then please join the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County in our efforts to protect the children in our community from sexual abuse. 

    Sign up for a class through our Protect Our Children project.  There are public classes every month.  We will even do private classes for you if you have 5 people or more who are interested in protecting children.

    We can make a difference.  We can’t change what has already happened, but we can control what we do in the future to prevent these tragedies from happening.

    Let’s all decide together that we will not accept that Victoria’s abuse and death could not have been prevented, that there were no signs. 

     

     

  • Judge blames rape victim for not “keeping her knees together”

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    That day is not today.

    Remember in my last blog that I yearned for a tomorrow where people understood trauma and what consent is?  Well, after reading a story in the news and doing a little research on that story…that day is definitely not today!

    A judge in Canada is facing removal from the bench for his conduct when he asked a woman in a rape case why she couldn’t “just keep her knees together.”   Yes, let that sink in for a minute.  Think about how those five words uttered by a man charged with upholding justice will impact the young rape victim he was speaking to in open court.  She is 19.  Imagine being 19 and being raped in a bathroom over a sink and then the judge presiding over your case basically tells you that you could have prevented this if you would have just kept your knees together, or if you would have pushed your bottom to the sink he would not have been able to penetrate you.

    Please take a minute and re-read that last part and fully appreciate what he has done to this victim.  And what he has done to this Rapist.  The victim will forever live with those words and wonder if she could have prevented her own rape.  If she somehow could have stopped him from robbing her of what her life could have been like without rape being a part of it.

    He went on to give the rapist the following advice, “I want you to tell your friends, your male friends, that they have to be far more gentle with women. They have to be far more patient. And they have to be very careful. To protect themselves, they have to be very careful.”

    He acquitted the rapist because he felt his story was more credible.  This has been overturned and this case is set for a new trial.   If you were that 19 year-old rape victim would you go through the ordeal of a trial again?  Saying she was re-victimized in that courtroom by that judge is an understatement.

    The judge is facing removal from the bench.  There are proceedings going on right now.  I am anxious to hear the outcome.  I will be shocked if he is not removed.

    His excuses?  Well, he said that he received little training on sexual assault cases.  He said most of his legal career he handled bankruptcy cases.  He then went on to blame others.  He said that his colleagues knew he had limited knowledge of Canadian law.  He even went so far as to say it was non-existent.

    Let’s ponder for a moment what some offender behaviors look like.  In my experience, they blame others for their behaviors and choices.  In my experience, they express their helplessness in what happened.  In my experience, they minimize the consequences of their choices on their victims.  I am going to leave that right here without any other comments.

    Do you know what else bothers me about this whole scenario? In some news accounts his remarks are referred to as “off-color”.  What does that mean?  They are not off-color.  They are demoralizing.  They are humiliating.  They are victim blaming.

    There are reports that Robin Camp, the Judge in this case has undergone sensitivity training and has apologized publicly several times.  Sensitivity training?  This is not a case of saying something that hurt someone’s feelings.  This is a case of potentially sentencing a victim of rape to a life of self-blame, feelings of unworthiness of protection, of self-destructive behavior…of a life-time of therapy to just process the trauma caused by the judge’s remarks, not even considering the amount of therapy to heal from the original trauma of the rape itself.

    Do you remember the old saying- sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me?  Words do hurt.  They leave wounds that are both deep and disfiguring.  They can kill a person’s soul.  Professionals who are charged with upholding the laws and doling out justice have a special and unique power of defining what is acceptable behavior in our society and defining what is of value in our society.  What they say impacts a victim’s recovery and healing.  They should be very careful with their words.  Whether they have specific training in sexual assault — they should have common decency and kindness.

    I am still hoping for better opportunities for healing for victims of sexual assault, but more than that, I am still hoping for a world where a judge advises a rapist that he should not rape a 19 year-old over a sink in a bathroom at a house party.

    I am still hoping for a world where a 19 year-old woman is not responsible for her rapist’s behaviors.

     

     

     

  • Judges cares about star athlete who rapes, not about rape victim

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    As I sit here today and write this, I am thinking about how many times I have written words, spoke about or read about how victims of sexual assault continue to be impacted by the lack of appropriate punishment of their offenders.

    I sometimes feel like I am in the movie “Groundhog Day”.  You know the movie I am talking about?  The one where Bill Murray keeps re-living the same day over and over again?

    I feel like that.  I keep reading over and over again: Bright young college student rapes a bright young college student, but we don’t want to ruin his life by “branding” him a sex offender.  So instead we give him six months in jail.  He serves three months.

    Today, I sit stunned that he raped an unconscious woman and today he will walk among the free. He spent a lousy three months in jail.  Martha Stewart served more time in prison for lying. 

    There has been much public outcry about this sentencing.  And there should be.  The Judge stands behind his sentence.  He actually said, and I quote, “While the victim’s life had been “poisoned” by the assault, a prison sentence for Turner would not be ‘an antidote’.”

    He further explained that Turner was not a threat to anyone.  Really?  He is a threat to any woman who has the audacity to have too much to drink or to sleep in front of him.

    I wonder if he would be saying the same thing if it was his daughter who had been Taylor’s victim.  I wonder if he would be saying the same thing if he had to witness his loved one being told about being raped behind a dumpster at school.  I wonder if the two bicyclists who happened on Taylor raping the unconscious young lady would feel the same.

    The Judge, in my humble opinion, has greatly added to the trauma that this young rape victim will have to work through. 

    He has publicly said his court does not care about rape victims but does care about star athletes who rape.  It sickens me.  It sickens me that he is still allowed to wear the black robes that symbolize justice and honor.

    I am hoping that tomorrow is a different day.

    I am hoping that tomorrow we understand better, in all walks of life, what trauma is and what it does to change who we are.

    I am hoping tomorrow will be a day where victims of sexual assault are heard, valued, and protected, instead of shamed, blamed, and humiliated.

    I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where we no longer tell our daughters what to do so they will not be raped and begin to teach our sons why they should not be rapists. 

    I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where yes means yes and no means no.

    I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where we all understand what consent means and that we understand we have to be awake, sober, and of age in order to give it.