Category: Mentoring

Farewell to our Development Director, Michelle Wilson

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sit behind my computer staring at a blank screen I am very humbled and possibly somewhat overwhelmed.

Today I am writing about changes at the Children’s Advocacy Center. Changes that bring on both feelings of happiness and deep sadness. We are saying farewell to our Development Director, Michelle Wilson. She is moving on to new adventures that, unfortunately for us, include a new job.

Michelle has been part of the CAC team for seven years. Staying put for seven years in the same nonprofit is not something that happens very frequently. I like to say the players are always the same, just where they sit at the table is different.

Many people recognize Michelle as one of the faces of the CAC. Many people recognize Michelle as the person who raises revenue and rallies supporters for our agency. Today I want to invite you to look deeper at Michelle’s contribution to this community.

Without Michelle’s tireless efforts the CAC would not have been able to grow our capacity to serve the children and families we serve. Let that sink in a moment. Being the Development Director is so much more than just raising funds and awareness.

Michelle has helped behind the scenes insure our staff have what they need in order to help abused children journey to healing.

Literally thousands of children in Jackson County have been impacted by the work Michelle has done behind the scenes. Thousands of abused children have been able to get forensic interviews, therapy, mentoring opportunities, advocacy, and medical exams and begin to a journey of healing. Thousands of children understand that they have value. Thousands of children have the gift of knowing that their abuse does not have to define who they are.

Let’s change our lens and look at Michelle’s contribution from a different angle. There are many professionals in Jackson County who work tirelessly to protect the children of Jackson County who have received specialized training as a result of Michelle’s work. There are many professionals who were able to receive professional mentoring as a result of the funding secured through Michelle’s work. This training and mentorship multiplies those thousands of children impacted by her work, probably at least tenfold.

There are countless Board members that Michelle mentored. There are countless Board members that Michelle has helped recognize in themselves new skills and new strengths that they never knew they had. Michelle has done the same for many staff members.

From a more personal place, I would like to thank Michelle for making my transition into the Director’s position two years ago so much easier than it could have been.

It is always difficult to move to a new community. It is always difficult to take on a new leadership role. It is always difficult to come in and have new ideas and try to execute them in a place where there is an established culture. Michelle certainly helped to keep me on a pace that would help in my success in all those areas.

Tomorrow is Michelle’s last day with our Center as our Development Director. In a blog or newsletter in the near future I will be introducing the person who will be taking on the role of Development Director.

But for today in this moment, I am appreciating and recognizing Michelle’s contribution to our community. Today in this moment, I am recognizing that I am going to miss the daily check ins, the million emails, and the daily reminders to take care of myself. Today in this moment I will watch Michelle spread her wings just as a newly transformed butterfly does after emerging from their cocoon ready to tackle new challenges.

Transition is part of the life cycle of any nonprofit. We are definitely in another transition phase as committed staff members leave our agency to claim new adventures and new passions. I take heart that with every goodbye, we are saying hello to someone with new energy and new ideas that will take us to the next phase of our life cycle.
A chance for healing for boys who are victims of sexual abuse
Sacred Ground Kapalua, Maui. This lone tree stands watch over the spirits buried there

By Randy Ellison, Speaker, writer and author of the book Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse

As I hear the many inspiring stories of healing that are told during Sexual Assault Awareness Month (SAAM), I’m reminded of an amazing experience I had a few years ago.

I was invited to give a presentation to a small group of boys who had experienced sexual abuse …….age 10-13. I was nervous at the prospect of sharing with young survivors. I wasn’t sure what to put together in the way of a presentation. I always plan, plan, plan, and then plan some more before I do a presentation (anal retentive I think they call it!). Well for the first time in my life it just didn’t seem appropriate to prepare in advance. I thought I would know what to say when the time came.

I happened to watch a TED presentation from Brené Brown on shame that day, which was really about vulnerability. She shared that vulnerability is not really weakness as we perceive, but is in fact strength. When we expose ourselves as flawed and are willing to show our vulnerability, it is truly admirable and it opens the door for others to do the same. Well this is the theme I took to the boys. My entire preparation was based on a few words.

“…vulnerability is not really weakness as we perceive, but is in fact strength.”
- Vulnerability
- Control
- Secrets
- Shame
- Alone
- Not good enough
- Me first (to heal we must)
I’ll let you put your own meaning to each of these words.

When I arrived I was informed that the boys did not generally talk in the group about having been victimized. It was more of a peer support group. I started by sharing that I had been sexually abused, by whom, when and for how long. I went on to share what it did to my life by not dealing with it. I then told them about the amazing things that had happened since I began to tell my truth. We talked about the words above and what they meant to me and what they might mean to them.

By the end of the time at least three of the boys had shared personal experiences and feelings about what happened to them. One boy, age 11, told me about being ridiculed by a teacher for stuttering. His classmates were even harsher. As a foster child, how he cherished the times he was allowed to see his parents. Another boy, age 12, told me he attempted to commit suicide by taking pills, but now he takes pills that help him get through the day. A third boy shared that he was abused the way I was, and sometimes he has nightmares and wakes up scared in the middle of the night.

I wrapped it up with how lucky they were to have a group and a place like they were at to help them heal so they would not grow up with the problems I had. They had the opportunity to heal and become whole if they chose to and worked hard. I left with a broken heart for the pain these children are suffering, and praying that they will go on to live healthy lives with the help they are getting at a young age.

It was such an honor to spend time with these boys who are crying out to be heard, loved and understood. Any chance you may have to step in and become a mentor or Big Brother/ Big Sister to a child like these, you will find you are doing heaven’s work. It is amazing how a little time and effort can mend a broken soul. May you be as blessed as I was that evening.

Speaker, writer and author of the book Boys Don’t Tell: Ending the Silence of Abuse, Randy Ellison is a child-sexual-abuse, victim’s advocate and an activist promoting cultural change working with local, state and national organizations. Randy also works as a consultant for nonprofits dealing with awareness and prevention of intimate violence. He addresses abuse prevention and healing for survivors from a survivor’s perspective. Randy is a member of the Oregon Attorney General’s Sexual Assault Task Force. He maintains his own website boysdonttell.com
A place to be heard ~ how mentoring helps kids

This is a guest post by Ellen Craine, Executive Director of the Rose Circle Mentoring Network.

The Rose Circle Mentoring Network is excited to offer a weekly mentor circle to 4^th, 5^th and 6^th grade girls at the Children’s Advocacy Center. The Rose Circle has been providing circle mentoring to Rogue Valley youth since 2006. A few years ago, a veteran of our first girls’ circle was interviewed about her circle experience.

“I think one of the most valuable things I learned in circle was a feeling of importance within myself and a feeling that I deserve to be heard and I deserve a space that’s for me. That was important to me because there are so many times when people tell you you’re not good enough or just kind of push you aside.” Elizabeth

Reflections like this remind us of the value of the circle!

What is a Circle?

The circle provides a safe, respectful and confidential place in which kids can learn to listen to one another and express themselves. Each circle is typically comprised of 5-8 youth and two adult mentors. When kids ask us what circle is, here’s how we answer the question:

A circle is a safe place to talk about things that you are thinking about in your own life. A circle is a place to have fun while learning to explore and understand yourself and others. A circle is a place for you to listen to others speak about things going on in their lives. You will learn about confidentiality and how this contributes to making the circle a safe place for this kind of sharing. The circle is a place where the skills of listening, witnessing, sharing and supporting each other are modeled and taught.

Who are the Mentors?

A mentor is a member of the community who wants to make a positive difference in the lives of young people. Our two mentors at the Children’s Advocacy Center, Suzanne and Megan, have a wealth of professional experience working with youth, as well as experience raising their own kids at home. Rose Circle mentors are required to take a 2-day training in which they learn and practice the skills of compassionate, nonjudgmental listening. All mentors undergo rigorous background screening.

Benefits of Circle Mentoring

Young people who participate in circle mentoring develop trusting relationships with their adult mentors, while also improving their ability to relate to their peers.

Circle mentoring may be particularly helpful to youth who are having difficulties with peer relationships. Circle participation gives kids a safe context in which to develop their social skills in relating to peers. Kids are often comforted to learn that they aren’t alone in the challenges, fears and frustrations they face.

What Takes Place in Circle?

The answer to this question varies on the age of the participants. Each circle starts out with an opening, a structured way of beginning that marks the circle as a special time set apart from the rest of their lives. This usually includes a “check-in”. For the younger girls (ages 9—12) this may be as simple as asking each girl to say one word that describes how she’s feeling in the moment. Another type of check in we like is “a rose and a thorn”—one happy thing and one not so happy thing that’s going on for you. After check-in, the circle will participate in a group activity centered on a theme, such as “friendship” or “self-esteem.” This may include games, crafts or writing activities. At the end of the hour, the circle is closed with a “check-out”.

As youth get to know one another, they tend to want to spend more time talking. Circle conversations take place in a structured way, where one person speaks and others learn to listen respectfully. All circle activities take place according to group agreements that the youth help draft during their first circle. Some typical agreements might include respectful language, one person speaks at a time, and everyone has the right to “pass”. Confidentiality—and exceptions to confidentiality—is an essential guideline for all circles.

The first Rose Circle will be held at the Children’s Advocacy Center on Tuesday, March 5. We look forward to collaborating with the Children’s Advocacy Center in this way.

Category: Mentoring

Farewell to our Development Director, Michelle Wilson

A chance for healing for boys who are victims of sexual abuse

A place to be heard ~ how mentoring helps kids