Category: Legal Processes

Police Chief O’Meara: Why CAC Matters

Post by Tighe O’Meara – Ashland, Oregon Police Chief

I am going to start off on a dark note, but a real note, and one that needs to be recognized.

1 in 10 children are reported to be sexual assault victims. But let’s go ahead and make it worse, because this doesn’t account for the ones that don’t get reported; this doesn’t account for the ones that make it to a family member’s attention but it doesn’t go any further than that. And this doesn’t account for the fact that society puts different pressures on boys than it does girls, so boys feel like they have to carry the burden, silently, allowing it to traumatize them over and over, and allowing the trauma to have a profound impact on the rest of their lives.

We know that sex assaults are under-reported, across the board, at all levels, for many reasons. And grossly under-reported at that. With children it is no different, so if we know about 1 in 10, we can safely assume that the problem is much worse than the 1 in 10 figure. And, that number does not include the child victimizations we have that are physical, non-sexual assaults in nature. Add in the physical abuse victims and the numbers are even more alarming.

These are dark numbers, troubling statistics, and they are not likely to change anytime soon. We have no ability to have significant control over these numbers, and likely won’t for the foreseeable future.

I have been chief of police in Ashland for about a year and a half now. I have learned a few lessons, and have much more to learn. One of the things that I first learned, after months and months of stressing out over everything, is that bad stuff happens. There is no getting around it, people are going to get victimized. And this includes children.

And while it is important to do everything we can to prevent, just as important is how we respond when it happens, because it is inevitable that it’s going to happen, and we will never eradicate it, not anytime soon anyway.

So I slowly realized that just as important as trying to prevent crime, is trying to respond to it in the manner that is best for the victim, best for those close to the victim, and best for the community.

A couple of quotes I like that say this well:

“It’s not the failures that define us so much as how we respond” ~ Shane Parrish

“What defines us is how well we rise after falling”

We don’t have the control we want over these incidents to prevent them from happening, so we need to make sure we respond to them well, and this is where the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County shines a bright light on the dark numbers I mentioned. This is where the women and men of the CAC step in and offer national best practices for the Jackson County community.

Jackson County is great for team work.

No agency in Jackson County is big enough to go it alone, we all need each others help. And perhaps nowhere does this present itself more than with child victims. We are lucky to have this partnership in Jackson County, and we are fortunate to have a set game plan, county wide, for how we are all going to respond to these troubling complaints.

Violence against children is after all a community-wide problem, and community-wide, county-wide, all of the police are on the same page on how to handle it, and we can offer this only because of the dedicated experts we have working out of the Children’s Advocacy Center.

This should give all of us, all members of the community, some the peace of mind. Peace of mind in knowing that while we can’t (unfortunately) stop these horrific things from happening, what we can do is come together and embrace national best practices.

We can come together and make sure the child victims are not traumatized again over the same situation.We can come together and set up a program and a plan for the victim and the non-offending family members to move past the incident to a better place, both physically and emotionally. This is what CAC brings to our community.

The police officers in our community want to be there for all members of the community who need us. We want to be there when someone calls and says “I’m in trouble.” And, we will be, we will answer the call and respond to help all who ask for our help.

But, we can’t be everything to every person, and we can’t provide the level of work that our most vulnerable community members need, that is the importance of the CAC and the dedicated women and men that work there.

When we become aware that one of little ones needs help, we all want to spring into action, and we do. In our police departments we have trained and dedicated officers that are there to be a part of that process, but we simply can’t offer these kids and these families what they need, and without the CAC, we would be pretty lost.

For that matter, we can’t offer ourselves what WE need to move a criminal case forward, without the help of the CAC, because they provide us with the right facilities and atmosphere to get the evidence we need to bring a case to the DA’s office.

Do you know what the CAC looks like?

It’s like coming into your own home, it’s like visiting grandma – there’s your toys over in the corner, there’s the friendly loving face waiting to greet you. Take the CAC out of the picture and you’re trading that comfortable at-home feeling for the cold sterility of a police station. You’re taking away that level of comfort and replacing it with a hospital visit for the medical exam. You take away a short visit, in what feels like your family dining room, for grand jury and replacing it with a trip to the DA’s office.

The model employed by the CAC, the model that allows for all services to be provided under one roof, from initial assessment, interview, medical exam and follow up counseling for victims and non-offending parents, saves about $1,000 on each case that is brought forward.

Without this model we would have to try to piece these services together, further traumatizing not the just the child victim, but also the already stressed and traumatized parent who is trying to struggle through these incidents.

We are truly fortunate to have this facility and these people, working there, every day, bringing compassion, comfort and healing to the survivors, and the families. Helping not just the families move through these difficult situations but, while doing so, supporting the law enforcement mission to hold the offenders responsible.

The numbers quoted at the beginning of this post are troubling indeed, but our partnership, county-wide, with the CAC of Jackson County, shines a light on that dark problem, and helps us all get through it to a place that’s a little bit better.

So what can you do to help?

Take the child sexual abuse training offered by the CAC.

Tell your friends and family about the CAC, spread the word about the CAC’s mission and the important, invaluable work that is done there every day. Encourage your friends and family to take the training and to help out.

Keeping in mind the quote that I offered before: “What defines us is not that we fall but it is how well we rise after falling.”

I will close with this:

The CAC is a shining example, of a community coming together to rise, everyday, time after time, after falling down, one child victim at a time. That’s why the CAC is so important, and that’s why we need to support it.

Tighe O’Meara, Ashland, Oregon Police Chief
Judge blames rape victim for not “keeping her knees together”

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

That day is not today.

Remember in my last blog that I yearned for a tomorrow where people understood trauma and what consent is? Well, after reading a story in the news and doing a little research on that story…that day is definitely not today!

A judge in Canada is facing removal from the bench for his conduct when he asked a woman in a rape case why she couldn’t “just keep her knees together.” Yes, let that sink in for a minute. Think about how those five words uttered by a man charged with upholding justice will impact the young rape victim he was speaking to in open court. She is 19. Imagine being 19 and being raped in a bathroom over a sink and then the judge presiding over your case basically tells you that you could have prevented this if you would have just kept your knees together, or if you would have pushed your bottom to the sink he would not have been able to penetrate you.

Please take a minute and re-read that last part and fully appreciate what he has done to this victim. And what he has done to this Rapist. The victim will forever live with those words and wonder if she could have prevented her own rape. If she somehow could have stopped him from robbing her of what her life could have been like without rape being a part of it.

He went on to give the rapist the following advice, “I want you to tell your friends, your male friends, that they have to be far more gentle with women. They have to be far more patient. And they have to be very careful. To protect themselves, they have to be very careful.”

He acquitted the rapist because he felt his story was more credible. This has been overturned and this case is set for a new trial. If you were that 19 year-old rape victim would you go through the ordeal of a trial again? Saying she was re-victimized in that courtroom by that judge is an understatement.

The judge is facing removal from the bench. There are proceedings going on right now. I am anxious to hear the outcome. I will be shocked if he is not removed.

His excuses? Well, he said that he received little training on sexual assault cases. He said most of his legal career he handled bankruptcy cases. He then went on to blame others. He said that his colleagues knew he had limited knowledge of Canadian law. He even went so far as to say it was non-existent.

Let’s ponder for a moment what some offender behaviors look like. In my experience, they blame others for their behaviors and choices. In my experience, they express their helplessness in what happened. In my experience, they minimize the consequences of their choices on their victims. I am going to leave that right here without any other comments.

Do you know what else bothers me about this whole scenario? In some news accounts his remarks are referred to as “off-color”. What does that mean? They are not off-color. They are demoralizing. They are humiliating. They are victim blaming.

There are reports that Robin Camp, the Judge in this case has undergone sensitivity training and has apologized publicly several times. Sensitivity training? This is not a case of saying something that hurt someone’s feelings. This is a case of potentially sentencing a victim of rape to a life of self-blame, feelings of unworthiness of protection, of self-destructive behavior…of a life-time of therapy to just process the trauma caused by the judge’s remarks, not even considering the amount of therapy to heal from the original trauma of the rape itself.

Do you remember the old saying- sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me? Words do hurt. They leave wounds that are both deep and disfiguring. They can kill a person’s soul. Professionals who are charged with upholding the laws and doling out justice have a special and unique power of defining what is acceptable behavior in our society and defining what is of value in our society. What they say impacts a victim’s recovery and healing. They should be very careful with their words. Whether they have specific training in sexual assault — they should have common decency and kindness.

I am still hoping for better opportunities for healing for victims of sexual assault, but more than that, I am still hoping for a world where a judge advises a rapist that he should not rape a 19 year-old over a sink in a bathroom at a house party.

I am still hoping for a world where a 19 year-old woman is not responsible for her rapist’s behaviors.
A Survivor Shares her Story: Why CAC Matters

This is the inspiring speech presented by Kira Zavala at last year’s 2015 CAC Cherish a Child luncheon. Kira shares her experience as a survivor of child abuse and as a child receiving services from the CAC.

My name is Kira Zavala. I am a mother, wife, community volunteer, business woman and a survivor of child abuse.

In 1990 as an 8 year old little girl, I walked through the doors of the Children’s Advocacy Center. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know if people would believe what had happened to me, I didn’t know if I was safe and I didn’t know where my abuser was.

I had so many questions and I couldn’t find the right words to verbalize my questions. I was living in fear.

I remember walking into the building of the CAC for the first time and there were so many bright colors and it smelled so fresh and clean. I was seated in a waiting room with my mom and there were all of these really cool toys that I had never had the opportunity to play with before. They helped me to step outside of why I was there for a brief moment and gave me comfort.

Shortly after a lady greeted me, I said good bye to my mom and the lady walked me into a room that had a big two way mirror. I sat at a table with a piece of paper and coloring crayons. I knew it was time to start talking about what happened. My body got really hot and I began to get restless and scared.

I started coloring in order to not have to make eye contact with the lady. I remember being so ashamed and embarrassed to have to say it out loud. I felt that if I said it, it would be real and I didn’t want to remember it. But I knew I had to, in order to be safe and in order to not let it happen again to me, my siblings or anyone in my family.

After a few questions, I began to feel more and more comfortable talking to the interviewer. Once the interview was over, I had a sense of relief. But I didn’t know what was going to happen. The lady assured me that I was going to be safe. I rejoined my mother and we talked about the terrifying possibility of me having to testify in court.

I was afraid to have to make eye contact with my abuser. I was worried that he might try to hurt me again and in front of everyone. And I questioned, “What if he followed me home?”

On the day of court I remember being terrified. I again felt that I had done something wrong.

We first went to the Children’s Advocacy Center before going to the court house. We met in a room and everyone said wonderful things to me. I remember there being a social worker, a lawyer, a sheriff and a member of the CAC. After our meeting one of the ladies came into the room and gave me a light blue box. Inside was a crystal heart. I had never seen one close up. It was beautiful. While inspecting it she told me that I was strong, I was special and that I will grow up to be beautiful. It’s a moment in my life that I will never forget.

I held the crystal heart in my hand and walked to the court house. I held it as I took my oath and I held it even tighter during my testimony.

The lady was right! I am strong, I am special and I did grow up to be a beautiful.

Today, on behalf of 8 year old little Kira, the CAC, their community partners and most importantly the children who have and will walk through the doors of the CAC, WE would like to give you your very own Heart, please take one from the center of your table. As you hold this in your hand, know, as I did, that everyone in this room is STRONG, SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL.

All of the children who come to the Children’s Advocacy Center are STRONG, SPECIAL & BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you for your support for these children.

(This year’s Cherish a Child Luncheon is Oct. 20th 2016, 12 noon – 1 pm at Inn at the Commons in Medford, Oregon. For more information, to attend or to be a sponsor, contact Julia at: 541-282-5474 X111)

Kira Zavala
Judges cares about star athlete who rapes, not about rape victim

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sit here today and write this, I am thinking about how many times I have written words, spoke about or read about how victims of sexual assault continue to be impacted by the lack of appropriate punishment of their offenders.

I sometimes feel like I am in the movie “Groundhog Day”. You know the movie I am talking about? The one where Bill Murray keeps re-living the same day over and over again?

I feel like that. I keep reading over and over again: Bright young college student rapes a bright young college student, but we don’t want to ruin his life by “branding” him a sex offender. So instead we give him six months in jail. He serves three months.

Today, I sit stunned that he raped an unconscious woman and today he will walk among the free. He spent a lousy three months in jail. Martha Stewart served more time in prison for lying.

There has been much public outcry about this sentencing. And there should be. The Judge stands behind his sentence. He actually said, and I quote, “While the victim’s life had been “poisoned” by the assault, a prison sentence for Turner would not be ‘an antidote’.”

He further explained that Turner was not a threat to anyone. Really? He is a threat to any woman who has the audacity to have too much to drink or to sleep in front of him.

I wonder if he would be saying the same thing if it was his daughter who had been Taylor’s victim. I wonder if he would be saying the same thing if he had to witness his loved one being told about being raped behind a dumpster at school. I wonder if the two bicyclists who happened on Taylor raping the unconscious young lady would feel the same.

The Judge, in my humble opinion, has greatly added to the trauma that this young rape victim will have to work through.

He has publicly said his court does not care about rape victims but does care about star athletes who rape. It sickens me. It sickens me that he is still allowed to wear the black robes that symbolize justice and honor.

I am hoping that tomorrow is a different day.

I am hoping that tomorrow we understand better, in all walks of life, what trauma is and what it does to change who we are.

I am hoping tomorrow will be a day where victims of sexual assault are heard, valued, and protected, instead of shamed, blamed, and humiliated.

I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where we no longer tell our daughters what to do so they will not be raped and begin to teach our sons why they should not be rapists.

I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where yes means yes and no means no.

I am hoping that tomorrow is a day where we all understand what consent means and that we understand we have to be awake, sober, and of age in order to give it.
Brock Turner: A Dangerous Unrepentant Rapist

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center

I am angry. I am disappointed. I am disheartened. I pay very close attention to the outcomes in rape cases across the country, especially those that are deemed “news worthy” as they tend to be a gauge of what we as a society think about sexual assault and sexual abuse.

If you follow this blog at all (I am so thankful you do) you know that I have spent many years of my life trying to help victims find their voice…trying to coax them out of the shadows so that they can know there is nothing to feel shameful about, that it was not their fault.

Yesterday I read all the news stories about the young swimmer Brock Turner. I am appalled. We are living in the Stone Age—as in we are still throwing stones at victims.

I am not going to rehash the whole story. Please google Brock Turner. What comes up near the top is a picture of a fresh faced young man smiling, not a mug shot. This man was found guilty of sexually assaulted a young woman. Not only did he assault her, she was unconscious when he did it and there were two witnesses AND it was done outside on a college campus.

After he was found guilty, his father wrote a statement to the court bemoaning how his son had lost his appetite and happy-go-lucky life after the verdict. The Judge gave him six months in jail because he did not deem him a threat to anyone and because he bought into the victim stance grandstanding performed by the father.

I have to say I almost lost my mind reading these stories yesterday. The father had the audacity to say that “20 minutes of action” in 20 years of life as a demonstration of how his son’s life was changed. He blamed alcohol and wants his son to use his experience to educate college students on how drinking in excess can damage your life.

If your child’s college brings this man to your child’s college, I urge you to recognize how dangerous he is and to dis-enroll your child if they follow through with having him there. He is a rapist. He is a rapist that is not sorry for what he did. He is clearly sorry he got caught. He absolutely felt he had a right to have sex with this young woman, even if she was unconscious, as he did so out in the public view. This is dangerous.

I first want to look at “20 minutes of action”. This is how the father referred to a rape committed by his son. What does that even mean? Is he using action as a peer might ask if you got any action? As in “getting lucky”? As in sexually getting lucky or getting sexual action? I hope you can see why this is not okay. I hope there is at least one other person out there who finds this beyond disgusting. As a parent, we set the tone. As a parent we teach our children what is right and what is wrong by modelling appropriate behavior. I am going to just leave that here.

Our court system is protecting RAPISTS.

We are once again tipping the scales against sexual assault victims. We are giving power to RAPISTS. I feel like no matter how good a guy this judge is, it is time to demand that he step down. This sentencing is a joke.

I have read how alcohol made him rape her. Consider this….Many people drink alcohol to the point of being very drunk and do not rape women. Heck, there has been a time in my early twenties when I regularly drank copious amounts of alcohol and never once have I raped a person, and particularly not an unconscious, helpless one. And never once did someone rape me.

Alcohol does not make you do anything that is not already a thought in your heart.

She should not have been drinking. She should not have left with him. She should not have allowed him. She should have fought him. Her sister should have taken better care of her. Her parents should have taught her better.

NO! I REJECT all these arguments. I refuse to live in a world that accepts rape and teaches girls to be afraid. HE SHOULD NOT HAVE RAPED HER!

This is not about whether she fought him or whether she said no. It is about whether she said yes. There was no consent. No consent equals rape.

If he had said he was sorry. If he had said that he knew that she could not defend herself. If he had said he abused his power—maybe and that is a BIG maybe—there would be hope that he would and could change his behavior. As it is now, he is a risk to women. As it now stands, he is dangerous. He is an unrepentant rapist who feels his only crime was drinking.

My husband and I are raising a son.

We teach him to treat others as he wants to be treated. We say this so much that I hear our son using this as an argument to compel others to apologize to him when he feels he has been wronged. We not only talk to him about it, we model it for him. We talk to him about treating girls with respect. We talk to him about not giving hugs or affection if the other person does not want it. We talk to him about asking if he can have a hug and then honoring whatever the response is. If it is no, then we offer a handshake. It is important to us that our son learns empathy. Actually, it is important to us that it goes further than learning it. We want him to practice it. At 7 years old, we demand it. When he is 17 we are hopeful he practices it because it is the right thing to do and because he is a kind, respectful human being.

I invite you to follow this story. I will be. I want to see what changes we see on campuses across the country. I want to see the response of the DA’s office. Will they file a complaint against the Judge? I want to see what happens.

Are we a country that says raping someone is okay? What message are we sending? Will this even warrant a mention in anyone’s political platforms? Will everyone remain silent and hope it goes away? Will we all say, at least the young woman is strong and was able to address him in court? I hope not.

The next time someone comes forward and reports being sexually assaulted, will we blame the victim? Will we shame the victim? Will we accuse the victim of wanting to make money or ruin their rapist’s life?

Or will we stand strong in support of the victim and say we will no longer tolerate the rape culture?

THIS HAS TO STOP. I cannot be complicit in this by going along with this. Please do not be complicit by feeling sorry for the offender. His life is ruined. He can’t enjoy his food anymore. He cannot find his zest for life. His father is so upset that his son’s “20 minutes of action” have ruined his life.

Give me a break! Who is responsible?

What about the wake of destruction left behind in the victim’s life that she now has to work to put back together?
Birthday Wishes: Believe a Child or Not?
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I have a birthday in April. I have no qualms about the number. I will be turning 47.

26 of those years have been spent working in one role or another in the field of child abuse. Wow!

That equates to more than half of my life spent responding to child abuse and trying to bring awareness to one of the most pervasive public health issues of modern times (or at least in my opinion.)

The pendulum has swung from one end of the spectrum to the other and everywhere in between, as far as practice in securing safety and investigation of child abuse during my career. When I began, you were told to believe everything a child told you and then, later, it was to be suspicious of everything a child told you.

Somewhere along the way, there were guidelines put in place for talking with children in a way that invited an open narrative, that minimized contamination of the information and was more trauma informed.

There are still people who will never believe what a child tells them about abuse. If I had any advice for anyone trying to figure this out in their own life — it would be that it is better err on the side of keeping the child safe.

Here are some things that I have learned along the way about figuring out next steps and what to believe, and because I think ranking is overvalued, they are not in any particular order:
- In most cases, there are only two people in the world that can be 100% sure of exactly what happened in suspected child sexual abuse cases…the child and the perpetrator. These things do not generally happen with witnesses around. Child sexual abuse events generally do not generate C.S.I. type evidence.
- Ask yourself what the child victim has to gain by making a false allegation. Usually the answer is — nothing but heartache. In my career I have spoken to literally thousands and thousands of children, some in a forensic interview and some out in the “field” on scene and otherwise, and what my experience has been is that most of the time if you asked a child what they wanted to happen to their offender (and by the way this is a BAD idea for a lot of different reasons) they generally would tell you they want the abuse to stop. They do not launch into a tirade about wanting him/her shot, hung, or otherwise dismembered. They do not spout off about wanting to ruin them. Many times child victims of all ages lose so much. They lose friends, family, and stability to name a few. And they gain anger, pain, blame, ridicule and shame many times.
- On the flip side of the last one, what does the person accused have to gain by lying about what happened? If there is more than one person making an accusation, I generally go with the “where there is smoke, there is fire” line of thinking. This is particularly true when the children do not know each other or have no contact with each other. Believe it or not there are not groups of children plotting to ruin the adults in their lives.
- NO MATTER what age, no matter what clothes they had on, no matter how “bad” they are, no matter what their grades are in school, the child did not ask for it. The adult is ALWAYS responsible for what happens between an adult and child. ALWAYS.
- Offenders are not the scary people we do not know…they are people we like. They are people we love. They are people in our life. They are people who are respected. They are people we have previously deemed to be safe to be around our children. I know. I know. This one is enough to make us become paranoid and distrustful of every one.
- Identifying and responding to physical abuse many times is easier for all of us. We see a child who has sustained injuries at the hands of an adult and we pretty much understand that should not happen. Although, I still occasionally run into people who feel like it is a parent’s “right” to do whatever they would like to their child. In fact, I have, in a few instances, had said parent yell that in my face.
Most non-offending caregivers want to believe their child and want to believe the abuser because what does it say about their character to not believe their child? And WHAT does it say about their character if they allowed an offender into their child’s life. Those offenders are tricky and manipulative. You can do everything right and they still are able to slip into our lives. So what does it really say about them? Does it mean they are a terrible parent? I do not believe so. Does it mean they do not love their child? I do not believe so. Does it mean they are a horrible person? Nope. The really important thing is once they learn of the abuse, what is their response to their child? Do they do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe? Do they do whatever needs to be done to help their child begin healing? Do they engage in that healing process with them? We always hope so.

When faced with having to make a decision on whether to believe a child or the accused offender, you should never base your decision on what the offender tells you.

If there is an investigation (and there should be, because if a child tells you something, you should report it so that it can be fully investigated by professionals specially trained to do so, in order to get unbiased opinions and to secure the safety of your child) then talk to the professionals investigating, talk to people who work with offenders in a treatment process, talk to anyone involved who will talk to you. Listen to what they have to say. Listen to what their opinion is. Then carefully make a decision.

But don’t make a decision out of fear…fear of not having money to pay the bills, fear of being alone, or fear of the unknown. Don’t make a decision that is based on the least painful path.

Believing a child, keeping them safe, loving them, and giving them support does not sound painful, but it can be. But know that however painful it is for you, it is much more painful for that child. Children are very protective of the people they love. It is painful for them to hurt the non-offending people in their lives. They know that their words will change the world. They know their words can bring the walls in on top of them. They know their words will bring on a domino effect that cannot be reversed.

My birthday wish this year is that if you are struggling with making a decision of whether to believe or not believe your child…..that you will reach out …..to someone who is unbiased, who has some experience in dealing with this issue, to help you.

If you reach out to me, know that I will help you, but also know that I will make a report to either law enforcement or child protection. Your child’s health, happiness and future depends on my doing so.
New Oregon laws and justice for victims

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center

This week I was asked about some new laws that passed in Oregon and what they mean for victims. One extends the statute of limitations for sexual abuse. One increases penalties for people who video record or take pictures of victims during private moments and one makes it a crime to post “revenge porn”.

For years our laws have provided more protection and more rights to offenders.

This has allowed offenders to find refuge…a safe haven if you will. They did not have to go into hiding. They find it right under our noses. By the time the victim could find healing and could understand that the assault was not their fault; it was too late to find justice or to hold the offender accountable because the statute of limitation had run out. It could no longer be prosecuted.

These laws are steps in the right direction. These laws help to find some balance of the justice scales for victims, but there is still much work to be done.

Until our societal views on sexual abuse change, our laws will continue to put limits on what justice the victims can find.

Many of you are probably questioning what I am talking about. Society is against sexual violence. Well, not really. We want to be, because that is the right belief to have. However, we still victim blame. We still unfortunately believe offenders are innocent even in the face of some strong evidence in some cases. We still really think the victims are making it up, that they are lying.

Again I am sure you are asking yourself, what does she mean?

Let’s for moment examine some recent cases that have been in the news. Yes. I am going to bring THAT one up. Bill Cosby. See.

You are thinking that case is different. Immediately you begin to say the victims are lying to get money. Immediately you begin to say, if it were true, they would have reported before. There would be prosecution.

That last one gets tricky because he has been charged now and there will be a prosecution unless he pleads guilty or it gets dismissed because of too much pressure from society on the victim.

What about the two Duggar girls? What about the young girl who was sexually assaulted by the Notre Dame Football player? She committed suicide, after she made a report. Are we sure she was lying?

A sexual assault is an event. Sometimes more than one event.

BUT healing and recovery is a process.

It is difficult to find strength to report to authorities if you know no one will believe you. It is difficult to stay the course when at every turn someone is questioning whether or not you are telling the truth.

So you stay silent. Maybe you get into therapy and begin to realize you have inner strength. And maybe you continue your therapy and realize you were not to blame. You find the strength to make a report. To you, it has only been a few minutes. In reality it has been years. Sometimes a life time. Does that mean that your offender should not be held accountable?

Let’s look at the Revenge Porn law.

Basically it says that it is now illegal to disseminate an intimate image. This is looking at how common it has become to send intimate pictures to someone you are in a relationship. This law says that you cannot disclose an intimate picture to a website with a specific intent to harass or humiliate another person. Some of you are saying that the picture should not have been taken and sent in the first place. You should be asking why it has taken so long to make this a law.

See…societal views determine what happens and who is protected.

The third law makes it a felony to photograph or record someone in a state of nudity without consent and in a place where the victim expected privacy. Prior to the passage of this law it was a misdemeanor. You may remember a case in Oregon about a man who “up-skirted” a young girl and it was only a misdemeanor.

Many people will say, “How does it impact the victim if she/he does not know the pictures/video is being taken?”

Think about it this way. What if your daughter, granddaughter, niece, son, grandson, googles their name and up comes pictures taken in the gym locker room changing clothes? What if you found out those pictures had been sold to someone who sexually abuses children? What if you found out those pictures were posted on a porn site? What if you found out that someone was using your child’s image to satisfy some weird perversion?

Seems pretty devastating to me.

I am hoping for a shift in the way we, as society think about sexual crimes.

I am hoping that not only in Oregon but across the Nation we begin to balance the protection of the victim with the protection of the offender’s constitutional rights.

The next time you hear about a sexual assault, I hope that your first thought is not that the victim is lying. I hope your first thought is not that the victim is trying to ruin the offender’s life.

I hope in my life time we balance the scales of justice for victims.
What is your No More?

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Not surprising, I would say, but here we are in 2015 and I am still getting questions and reading about delayed reporting of sexual assault and how that must mean the abuse did not happen. I really don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said, so I am going to share a story with a different view point.

In the context of my work with children who have been abused, I have had the opportunity to work with adults who were sexually abused or assaulted and never reported. It is a very common story. Actually, the scenario goes something like this….

Me: Hi, Ms. Smith. How are you doing today?

Ms. Smith: Tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes or sometimes smoke from the ears (so to speak) but no verbal response.

Me: Ms. Smith, let me talk to you about your child. She has disclosed that she was sexually abused by Mr. Doe. It started a few years ago, but the last incident was two weeks ago.

Ms. Smith: Silence. Shaking.

Me: Ms. Smith, I can see you are upset. I need your help in keeping your daughter safe. Do you think that we can come up with a plan together?

Finally Ms. Smith says something like: There is no way that could have happened. He would never do that. He loves kids. He helps me. He loves me.

Me: Ms. Smith, help me understand. Why would she say this happened if it didn’t? That would be concerning also.

Ms. Smith: Crying. She is a good kid. She doesn’t lie. (More silence.) I am a good parent. I would never let this happen. (Silence.) I can’t go through this again. I have never told anyone, but this happened to me as a child. No one believed me, so I lied and said that it never happened. Then as an adult a few years later, I was sexually abused by my ex- boyfriend’s father. I never reported because no one ever believes and when I told what happened as a child, I was called a liar. I was thrown away by my family. Why does this keep happening to me?

Or sometimes the script goes in a different direction. A direction that is more painful to watch and to hear. Sometimes the story includes drugs to make the pain go away or maybe some other self-destructive behaviors that make “society” deem that she is not credible.

But the very common thread that runs through all the situations is that the victim has felt unsafe either emotional or physically or both and did not report until such time as she felt there would be someone that would be there that would provide support, safety and acceptance.

I also want to point out that we do not afford victims in our society the same unquestionable rights.

We allow perpetrators the luxury of the Fifth Amendment which is the right to remain silent. They are never forced to explain their actions. In fact, in most cases — maybe all cases — the jury is instructed not to read anything into the fact that a defendant chooses to remain silent. His or her silence is not indicative of guilt or innocence.

We do not allow that right to victims of sexual assault. They must explain themselves and their actions. Sometimes even those actions that occurred prior to an assault and definitely those actions that occur after an assault.

I think that it is really hard for people to understand this dynamic of being afraid to report and so rather than believe, they disbelieve unless it fits what they feel are reasonable reactions to being sexually assaulted.

These seem to be: 1) report right away; 2) show physical injuries which are left visible; 3) prove that you are pure—preferably a virgin; 4) make it clear that you have never had any other struggles in your life; and 5) come from a family similar to the Cleavers. Okay, so maybe most of these are tongue in cheek but seriously, when you start to look at the expectations put on victims it is incredible. I am not sure that I would pass the test.

I have been accused of being naive. I have been accused of always believing the victim. I don’t think that I fit under either of these statements.

I think 25 years of working directly and indirectly with this population has taken away my innocence. I think 25 years of following the research gives me a knowledge base to work with. I think that 25 years of hearing the excuses that come out of offenders’ mouths as they provide what they believe is a rationale for their behavior has made me cynical, but it definitely does not leave me being naive or gullible. I think that ship sailed a long time ago.

There are times that I long to not know what I know.

It is frustrating to live in a world that does not even entertain the notion that most people who report being sexually assaulted are actually telling the truth.

And while we are there, why shouldn’t people be compensated for damages? Why shouldn’t they be paid for their pain and suffering? When is the last time that anyone said, “They are just looking to see a payday” when referring to the car accident victim left paralyzed? Or question the credibility of the arson victim?

Does the general public have any idea of the costs associated with the damage that is left after a sexual assault?

According to the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, each rape that occurs costs about $151,423. (DeLisi, 2010). I am assuming these are the costs associated with the medical care that is needed after an assault, but there are lingering physical ailments and mental health issues that need to be addressed in some cases for many years after the rape. This same organization also reports that due to negative reactions to the rape, 50% of rape victims either have to quit or are forced to leave their jobs. (Ellis, Atkeson, & Calhoun, 1981).

BUT…let’s be clear that the far majority of sexual assault victims do not sue for compensation. Many sue after the legal system fails them. Many sue because the statute of limitations is shorter than the time it takes to reclaim your voice after being victimized. Many sue because they want the world to know who the offender really is. And many sue because they want to be compensated for pain and suffering. It has also been my experience that the courts are conservative when awarding these types of damages.

Someone once asked me, “Why does it take so long to report? Why does it take so long to heal? Why bring it up after so many years?” I cannot answer for victims but I can speculate based on what survivors have shared with me.

Imagine someone stealing your identity. No, more than your identity — your soul. Not only does no one know who you are any more but YOU don’t know who you are any more. Imagine trying to unravel all the confusion while being told by society that you are damaged and not believable. That you have no value because your rapist took the part of you that was valued.

Imagine then somehow finding your voice. Imagine your strength. Imagine finding safety. Imagine finding out that you were not the only soul invaded by this monster. Finding that you are not defined by this act of violence and wanting someone held accountable only to find there is no way to do that because you ran out of time. The clock started clicking and time ran out before you were ready.

There is a campaign going on that is sponsored by the Joyful Heart Foundation called “No More”.

Unless you never watch TV or refrain from participating on social media, I am pretty sure you have seen one or two of these. My “No More” is “No More If it were true she would have reported right away” or maybe, “ No More He is an icon of family wholesomeness — there is no way he could have done this.” “No More she is looking for money!”

What is your “No More”?
Stephen Collins: Why did no one make a report?

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This morning started as most any other morning. I got to the office early before anyone was here. I went up to my office. Checked email. Checked voice mail.

Everything was going well until I checked Facebook.

Circulating was a story on Stephen Collins. It was about how he confessed in therapy to his wife about exposing himself to young girls and making one of them touch his penis. There was a recording attached. I usually don’t watch the videos or listen to the recordings attached to news stories, but for some reason, I was needing verification that this was indeed what was happening in the session.

It is a male confessing to sexually abusing a child and exposing himself to young girls. Both are abusive. I just want to accurately describe what it is he is confessing. I am disturbed deeply by this revelation. This was taped in 2012 by his wife in a therapy session. It sounds like Stephen Collins.

I am shocked. I am disturbed. I am saddened. I hope that I have it all wrong. I hope that there will be more reported on this story. I am all these things not because I cannot believe that a Hollywood star who played a minister could ever do such things. I am all these things because it appears, at least at this point, that there was a recording of these confessions that was made in 2012 and it appears that nothing has been done about it.

It appears that no one made a report.

There are assertions that the police have an open case now. But it would appear that it is a relatively new report, as one new site states that the detectives from the special victims unit were flying from New York to Los Angeles to interview him. I am so hopeful that I have this wrong. I am hopeful that this is a re-interview of the “suspect”. That this case was reported in 2012 and some how got stalled out. I am so hopeful that someone stood up on behalf of these children and made a report. Let these children know that they matter, and that what happened to them matters — more than Stephen Collins’ fame.

I have continued today to research out this story. His wife of 27 years is divorcing him. This tape came about as a result of therapy, in what I assume was an attempt to save that marriage. I just read this is not the first time Collins has been accused. His ex wife apparently made a report in 2012 on behalf of one of the victims, but nothing ever materialized as a result of that report. He was accused several years ago, but no charges came about as the statue of limitations had run.

What do we know about sex offenders?

Well, we know they hide right out in the public view. We know they “groom” children and also “groom” their community.

We know that they become who we want to believe they are. Stephen Collins is probably best known from his role in 7th Heaven, where he played a minister.

We know that they insert themselves in situations where they will have unquestioned access to vulnerable children. I wonder if any of the children who ever worked around him will be coming forward next.

I have no problem believing that Stephen Collins did this. It fits the classic stereo type that I see played over and over again in everyday life.

I am having trouble believing that no one reported.

I am having a problem believing that no one cared enough in 2012 to make a report. I am having trouble believing that the only reason this tape was leaked was as a result of a nasty long divorce battle.

I am hoping I am wrong. I am hoping that tomorrow when I go through my morning routine, I will find that there was one person who made a report. I am hoping that the therapist made a report. I am hoping to pick up a newspaper or catch a news story on E.T., or some other entertainment news site, that will tell me the rest of the story—the part where there was someone who was willing to stand up not only on behalf of these children, but really any and all children who may have crossed the path of Mr. Stephen Collins.

It is TIME that we stop giving sex offenders ALL the power.

It is TIME to stop expecting that children will protect themselves.

It is TIME we all recognize that the safety of our children is our responsibility.

It is TIME to recognize that one of the greatest talents of a sex offender is to minimize what he has done and the damage that it has caused. In this case it went from exposing to touching and I would suspect further than that.

The only ones that can do anything to put a stop to the abuse of our children is really us!

If you suspect it…..REPORT IT!!!!!
Judge’s words hurt victims

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I recently read about a judge in Montana being censored for some statements he made while handing out a sentence to a sex offender. This case has been so disturbing to me. Judge Baugh sent Rambold to prison for 31 days last year after he pleaded guilty to sexual intercourse without consent.

Rambold was a 47 year-old business teacher at Billings Senior High School at the time of the 2007 rape. The victim was one of his students. She committed suicide while the case was pending trial.

Baugh said during Rambold’s sentencing in August that the teenager was “probably as much in control of the situation as the defendant” and that she “appeared older than her chronological age.”

I have actually been thinking about this case a lot lately. But not in connection to the heinous crime that was committed by Rambold, the teacher. More in connection with the heinous acts by Judge Baugh.

Remember the old adage that went something like — “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”?

Judge Baugh’s words hurt.

They hurt many victims who will remain silent because of hearing how this victim was blamed by someone in authority. His words hurt the parents of this child who are already grieving. His words hurt the many people who work to protect children in our world. His words hurt in a way that he can not imagine, because if he could imagine, he would have never uttered any of them.

According to the article he will be allowed to retire. This might muddy his name for a short time, but really in essence, will have no impact on his life at all.

When we chose to take the career path that goes along the “high road”, we chose to have our words mean something.

Judge Baugh chose this higher road. His words meant something. They meant something to a lot of people when he said the victim “appeared older than her chronological age”. They meant something to a lot of people when the Judge decided that a victim is in as much control of a situation as a sex offender. They meant the most to victims of child sexual abuse. They meant a lot to offenders of child sexual abuse.

This young victim killed herself. She committed suicide. Her sexual abuse equated to a death sentence for her.

Thirty one days for sex offender Rambold. His sentence was all suspended except for 31 days.

Thankfully, there is a part two to this story.

Other people used their words to make things right. The State appealed the sentencing. The Supreme Court in Montana was looking at what they can do to make a statement. They were considering censoring the Judge.

The Judge plans on retiring. I doubt whatever “punishment” is handed down to this judge will have an impact on his life. After the public outrage, he apologized to the family.

Funny thing about words. It turns out they can hurt. They can’t be taken back. Sometimes the pain caused by words can outlast the pain from a broken bone.

I am making a choice today.

I will choose my words carefully. I will make my words mean something.

I will think every day about how my words might have helped a 14 year old sexually abused by their teacher or sexually abused by anyone.

What will you do?