Category: Legal Processes

What will be the final grade?

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I came across an article posted on Facebook that talked about a woman who was suing her church because they did not warn her husband that, by confessing he abused a child, it would be reported and investigated.

The church (The Church of Latter-day Saints) is sticking by their decision to report and to protect a child.

The story goes that the husband confessed his “sins” to the pastor. They did not warn her or her husband that they would report those sins to the authorities. In this case, the sin was “engaging in inappropriate conduct” with an underage girl. The church stands by their decision to protect this child and make the report. The Church goes further stating that it teaches that its leaders and members should fulfill all legal obligations to report child abuse to authorities. They even have a 24-hour helpline to report abuse.

Let’s lay to rest any lingering thoughts about whether or not the offender was unjustly accused. He was investigated based on his words – what he said he did. In 2017, the offender was convicted and is serving 15 years in prison.

First thought: Bravo!

I will put my disclaimer here. I am not a member of the Church of Latter-day Saints. However, I applaud their straightforwardness in protecting children. Not only in action — but then also by the messaging they sent that they are standing behind that decision, even in the face of being sued.

Second thought: I hope it was not her child.

Can you imagine the message this child is hearing if this is a family member? They are suing the church for 9.5 million for loss of income, emotional distress and the family’s loss of her husband’s companionship. Also 40 thousand to cover his legal fees.

In other words, those left unspoken….“You are not important. Your abuse should be kept silent. The offender’s status is more important. You deserve to be abused.” No support will likely send this child deep into silence. And how unfair. She/he did not report. The offender did. Let that sink in for a moment. And if anyone has any questions about why the child did not report, research the story. If this child is a family member his/her survival probably depended on keeping the secret.

If it wasn’t her child, then there is a chance that the adults in this child’s life will be supportive and help the child find the path to recovery. Let’s hope for this scenario.

This happened in Oregon.

In Oregon, as is the case in 28 other states, clergy are among the professionals mandated by law to report known or suspected instances of child abuse or neglect.

What is on the line? Besides millions of the church’s monies?

This litigation if successful can push the church back into a cloak of silence. We are barely dealing with all the abuse that happened behind the closed doors of our faith-based communities for the last five decades or so.

What would be the outcome of that cloak of silence?

Creating an environment where abuse is accepted, where the victim is shunned,.…hmmmm, sounds vaguely familiar. Isn’t that where we have been working to move away from?

Basically this lawsuit, if successful, will essentially tell children, in all walks of faith, that the offender deserves the protection — not the child.

What can be done? I don’t know. Anyone can sue for any reason. This is a test I think. It could offer more safety to offenders or it could protect clergy who provide a pathway to safety, healing and hope for children being abused.

The final grade is going to change the world that I work in. The question is will it shine light on abuse or push it back into shadows?

Tammi Pitzen
Which do you choose? Action or Silence

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Have any of you been following the R Kelly sexual abuse scandal? I have to say that even though I have heard a lot of things in my career some of this is just down right unbelievable. But I somehow believe it!

Let’s look at what has been reported.

In 2002 R Kelly was arrested on 21 counts of child pornography. In a report he is quoted as saying in an interview “There’s things that people have done in their lives that they regret, and I’m no different,” he told MTV News last month. “I’m a human being, and I want people to know that I’m no angel here, but I’m no monster either. I’m no guy that would do this.” In this case he was acquitted. His attorney in that case later said he believed his client was guilty.

Fast forward to 2019. He uses language like “I beat my case in 2002 and you can’t double-jeopardy me like that”. If you were innocent would you say I beat my case or would you say I was innocent and that was proven? In this same interview he blames his victims’ parents saying they sold their daughters to me.

So far I am not convinced he is innocent. So far I am convinced based on his language and his words that he is guilty. I haven’t even read the allegations until today. I am solely basing my opinion based on the very words he used in his interview on national TV.

In his interview, he is doing what many sex offenders do. He is minimizing his criminal behavior. He is laying blame for his behavior on others. He is of course trying to convince us all that he is no monster, therefore he could not be guilty. He is playing the victim in all of this. He is trying to convince us how utterly incredulous it would be for him to hold anyone captive…to sexually abuse anyone. He is R Kelly after all. Why would he have to? Well. The answer to that last one is that he wouldn’t have to at all. But that does not answer whether or not he did.

R Kelly is not even someone we can say is very nice. He has to make a lot of money but chose not to pay his child support. His ex-wife says he was domestically violent with her. He married Aaliya when she was 15 and he was 27.

All the information above was gathered out of listening to R Kelly’s own words and the words of those who were or are close to him. None of it is from the victim’s voice. And to be clear…I do understand that anyone can say anything and that does not make it true. However, the sheer number of voices in this case certainly has to mean something.

The victim’s stories are similar. R Kelly was controlling. They were underage when their “relationship” started. They would sometimes be locked in a room. Some say he would video record their sexual acts. Others used words like submitted to having sex with him. He would control who they were allowed to speak with. As I sifted through their stories, they all rang true to me.

Some would be put off by the similarities, but for me that seems right. Sexual predators have routines…have modus operandi if you will. Some traits that are common for sexual offenders include, but are not limited to: engaging in sexual contact with children or adolescents, having sexual contact with others against their will or without consent, humiliation of others, inflicting pain on others, participating in or watching acts of physical aggression or violence, “thinking errors”, and isolating their victims.

Thinking errors in this particular reference refer to things that sex offenders say to themselves and to others to justify their actions. (Example: I didn’t mean to sexual abuse her, but she came on to me — she forced me to do it — and the her/she referenced is six years-old at the time.)

I wonder what makes this time around different from 2002. I wonder if this time will have different outcomes for R Kelly. I worry that there will be no accountability and this will turn into fodder for a Saturday Night Live shtick. I worry for the young lady that is currently residing with him and out of contact with her family. What will happen to her? What will be the long term outcomes for her if he is found guilty? Or found not guilty? I wonder about the many witnesses along the way that did not intervene or those that tried. What are the outcomes for them?

I wonder where we go from here. Where do the victims go from here? Will what happens next help them start healing or will it destroy them and their futures?

I wonder what messages our children are receiving as this unfolds. I wonder what messages future victims are hearing. Are they messages that will support them coming forward and reporting? Or will they accept their abuse as fate?

We don’t need to be powerless.

We can safely intervene by reporting what we suspect when we suspect to the authorities. When someone discloses abuse to us, we can tell them we believe them. We can take a class through the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County’s Protect Our Children program and learn how to recognize and respond to sexual abuse. We can support the work of organizations like the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County by being a financial supporter or volunteering our time. We can speak out and step out in support of child abuse victims. We can demand accountability for offenders of child abuse.

Or we can join the silence that infiltrates the underworld that is child sexual abuse.

Tammi Pitzen
Today. Right Now. I Am Hopeful.

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sat down to write this blog, I sort of hit a mental block about what I wanted to talk about. Not something that happens to me frequently. Ask my husband and he will tell you I am a woman of many words. I am not speechless often.

I feel like this blog has always been a place that was politics free and I want to keep it that way. So I am trying to choose my words carefully. There is a lot that is happening in politics and on the national platform in regards to a subject matter that is connected to my life’s work. Sexual assault.

Okay. I put the words out there.

Let me start by saying what this blog will not be about. It will not be about whether or not to believe the current accusations that have been displayed at the national level. There are tons of commentary out there about that. I doubt there is one original new thought that could be floated out there. It will not be about whether or not a certain person should be confirmed on the Supreme Court or not. That matter has been settled. It will not be about whether my son is at risk for accusations of sexual assault in the future. It will not be about the Me Too movement or the Him Too Movement. It will not be about the trauma that has been caused to victims….both those who have disclosed and those who have yet to disclose their abuse….in recent weeks by candor on both sides of the aisle.

THIS blog is about celebrating a moment in time that many would have laid odds would never happen in our lifetime.

THIS blog is about celebrating a shattering of the silence.

THIS blog is about letting go of the shame that has enveloped victims of sexual assault since the beginning of time.

No matter what your political or religious beliefs are, or what your view points or judgements about how a victim should act or report….you have to admit that the discussion of sexual assault and support of victims has never been so open, so public, so impactful, so front and center before.

For the first time in my recollection, the discussion has shifted from victims should never talk about it—should not report it — to a discussion about how and when they should report it. Maybe a more appropriate word is judgement. BUT my POINT is that WE are talking about it at every level. We are hashing out what our beliefs and values about the subject of sexual assault are. WE are talking about what should be acceptable.

For a woman who has always been a “glass half full” kind of a girl, this is progress. I hear many of my friends and read many Facebook posts about how depressed and distressed they are about political agendas and the fate of sexual assault victims and how women are treated.

And in the midst of it all, I find myself hopeful. Yes. Hopeful.

Women and men alike are admitting that, no matter what was decided through the “Women’s Suffrage Movement”, men and women are not treated equally and do not live a life of equality. Women may be closer to equal pay. They have fought and earned many rights that were “birth given” to men like the right to vote. Statistically speaking, women have to work harder, longer, and more consistently for leadership positions in the work force–most of the time. All of this is old news.

But one thing that is now becoming more apparent is how women have to be vigilant about their personal safety. I doubt my mother ever told my brother to never leave with a girl without a dime, in case he got in trouble and needed to call from a payphone. (I am aware I am very much dating myself here, but let’s go with it.)

I would bet that most men do not pay attention to where the lighted parking spots are in relation to the security cameras and the main doors when parking anywhere. I say most. There would be some who do.

I wonder how many men have practiced how to hold their keys in their hand should they need to use it as a weapon. I wonder how many men pause when coming out of the Mall to watch their vehicle a bit before heading out to get in.

I wonder how many men ponder whether or not it is safe to get in the elevator when there is only one other person on it.

I won’t belabor this point much more except to say that now I have had, heard about or eavesdropped on many discussions about the differences in how most men and women live their life. I call that progress.

I call that hopeful.

Never in history has sexual assault been the topic on the national platform for as long, with as much emotion, and with as much detail as it has in recent months.

I call that hopeful.

I cannot recall in my lifetime ever having so many unite in support of victims of sexual assault. I cannot recall in my lifetime so many people vested in justice before.

I call that hopeful.

We have reached a tipping point. A saturation of awareness. Do I feel like we have much more to go? More progress to be made? Absolutely. Do I recognize there is still way too much judgement of how a victim is supposed to act? Of course.

But today. Right now. I am feeling hopeful. Hopeful that this is the start of something big. Hopeful that there will come a point in time where we can agree that there is no shame for the victim of sexual assault.

A time when we agree that no matter what you wear….no matter how much you drink… no matter if you stay out past midnight….no matter what anyone does…. none of it is consent unless you both wholeheartedly say yes to sexual contact. There is no implied consent. And even if we can’t agree on that….we are at least having discussions about why we disagree in order to better understand what is reality.

We should all be able to agree that in recent history no one really talked about, did as much research into, reported about, or thought about sexual assault for as long or in as much detail.

This moment in time is historic. It is hopeful. It is a beginning.

Tammi Pitzen
My Spin: Oregon’s Top Rank Registered Sex Offenders

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

School has started back. At my house we are shifting back to “normal” schedule. You know—the regular routine. 6:30 wake up. 7:12 out the door for school and work. 6:00 get home. 6:15 start our reading homework. 6:45 do the rest of our homework. 7:15 piano practice. 7:45 shower. 8:30 bedtime. Oops. I forgot dinner. We do eat in there somewhere, but the schedule is tight. We try to find some balance. We try to concentrate our family time on the weekend and build as many memories as possible. It is easy to go on auto pilot. To forget to have actual conversations. To forget to check in with each other. The frenzy of the holidays is right around the corner. It will get more hectic.

This week, we have read about Oregon being number one in the country in the number of registered sex offenders. There has been lots of chatter about what this means and why this is. I don’t know why. Do we make more people register than others? Are we more proactive at looking for sex offenders? There are many spins that you could put on this.

Here is my spin. This is a good reminder to make time to talk to your children about their bodies and how to keep them safe. This is a good reminder to stay involved and present in your child’s life regardless of their age.

The truth is there are a lot of sex offenders EVERYWHERE. I don’t say that to make you paranoid. I say that to make you aware.

I started having these body conversations with my own child when he was 2 years old. He learned the correct term for his “boy” parts. I never have to guess if he is talking about his penis, his tummy, his bottom or his toe. While the cutesy names make it easier for the adults to say, it definitely makes it harder for anyone else to know what exactly your child is talking about. In an interview to figure out if he or she has been abused, this small thing is crucial.

I read a book to my child every once in a while about body safety and telling. He loved that book. It was named “Gorp’s Secret”. It was a very child friendly way to open up the conversation. Better yet, my child learned early who was allowed to touch what body parts under what circumstances. It was a book that was in the story time rotation. Just like all his other books. Sat on the shelf just like his other books waiting for his little fingers to pick it out for his dad or me to read to him. Normal.

My child’s pediatrician has the same talk with him during his annual check-up. It does not weird him out. It is a conversation that is part of their normal interactions during his exam. Just like checking in about bike helmets, seat belts, and what kinds of veggies he is eating.

Contrary to what many people might think because of my career, I do not talk to my son about these things very frequently. When an opportunity presents itself I don’t shy away from it but I don’t bring it up. I don’t have to. We have been having these “little talks” since he was a baby. He knows.

The older your child gets, the more uncomfortable it is to start these conversations, but if they have been a part of your interactions all along they are a little easier. It is a way of propping the door open, if you will. Paving the way for your child to come to you if they ever need to.

Still not sure what to be vigilant about or worried you won’t recognize when your child may need you but unable to tell you exactly they need you?

Please sign up to take our free Stewards of Children training under the CAC Protect Our Children program. We hold them frequently. Go to our website and sign up. This class will teach you how to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse using five simple steps. It is free. It takes less than 3 hours.

It will give you tools to reduce the risk of sexual abuse to the children in your life. Isn’t that worth your time?

#BackToSchoolCAC
USA Women Gymnasts Show Our Daughters That You Can Tell

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This is an Olympic year. I mean that quite literally. This year athletes will compete in the Winter Olympics. The very best of the best in just about every sporting event you can think of. Recently my son and I were learning all about Curling. I know. It is such a random sport. I don’t even really remember how we stumbled upon it, but we both sat mesmerized by the competition that we were watching on TV. So much in fact, that my son talked me into letting him stay up another 30 minutes so we could watch the end.

I have always loved the Olympics. Maybe because I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe because the athletes represent all that is good in our world. Maybe it is the competitiveness that I don’t feel, but am fascinated by when I see it in others. Maybe it is the pride when the American flag is raised and the National Anthem is played when our athletes are standing in the spotlight. Maybe it is the endurance, sacrifice and discipline that is displayed by each athlete.

The last couple of weeks we have learned about the sexual abuse that plagued the USA Gymnastics Program.

It is always so heartbreaking to learn of the legacy that child sex offenders leave behind in the forms of wounded souls. In this case a doctor, Larry Nassar, was convicted of sexually abusing female athletes in the USA Gymnastics Program. Wikipedia defines Dr. Larry Nassar as a convicted serial child molester.

He had 250 known victims. How many are unknown?

He was a doctor. I trust my son’s pediatrician…as in…to me any word she utters is gold. I have sought advice from her concerning my son’s behavior. I have looked to her to show me the path to good nutrition and good health for my son. I have looked to her for his healing when he has been ill. Every single time she has exceeded my expectations. One of the reasons is that she is a wonderful person who has mad healing skills. But really, one of the big reasons is that I am welcome to be in the room with my son when she examines him. She takes time to tell him what she is doing and why she is doing it. She educates him about safety and body safety. It isn’t because she knows what I do in my “real world” job either. She does this with all her patients and I suspect has since the beginning of her practice.

I cannot imagine the heartbreak these young athletes feel by the betrayal. The trauma of the abuse is one thing, but that is compounded by the fact that it was perpetrated by someone who was so respected in their world and who was supposed to have their safety and emotional well-being as his number one priority.

I happened to be in my car on one of the days of the sentencing and caught many of the victim impact statements that were read on one of the news radio stations. It was heart wrenching. In many cases it was years ago, but their healing could not start until their voice was heard.

The Judge in this case was criticized by some of the Bench. I think she was amazing. She allowed time for each and every victim who cared to come forward to read their truth to the world. She held Larry Nassar accountable. She held him accountable when he wrote her a letter saying that it was mental cruelty to make him hear all the victims read their statements. She held him accountable when he used language like “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. This Judge is a class act. She has told the media she will not make statements because it is no longer her story. It isn’t about her. She will not talk to media without a survivor present.

These young women are showing our daughters that you can tell. You can find safety. If you are sexually abused, it is not your fault.

Boys too! It just happens to be that this man preyed on women who were young and vulnerable. I am hopeful there will never be another Dr. Larry Nassar allowed to create a legacy of tears. I am hopeful that other agencies that employ people who have influence over and contact with children, no matter what the venue, will look at their rules and policies and assess the risk of abuse presented to the children they work with.

We are all responsible. We should learn. We should honor the endurance, the sacrifice and defiance of these women athletes breaking the silence.

We should give this promise–Never Again!

Tammi Pitzen
“My family survived” because of the CAC

This is a speech by Lori Phillips

The year was 1993. My oldest daughter, Jennifer, came to me one evening and disclosed a horrific truth.

Her father had sexually molested her.

She was 11 years old that year. The specific abuse had taken place many years before. She had blocked it out, only to remember on a cold and windy October afternoon.

I believed her, but I didn’t want to believe that the one person I trusted most with her care, could commit such a vile act and hurt my child so deeply. I contacted the authorities. And I waited.

Once she disclosed her abuse, the floodgates opened. Her memory, her pain began to spill over, threatening to drown us all. I took to my journal, and wrote:

“We are hiding out at Mom’s, partially because I need the support. My sweet beautiful child has been hurt so deeply. The days pass and more is disclosed. I want to help her, to take it all away. I want to see him suffer. Death is too easy. How can anyone do this to an innocent child? Of course, he has taken that from her.”

The next few weeks were wrought with anxiety and tension. Never sure what would be around the next corner. Sometimes the days seem so endless. I want so much to help my baby girl, but I don’t know how. I see a facade during the day, but in the evening when we are alone, I see the raw ugly truth.

“I watch as she plucks out her eyelashes and brows. I place a pillow under her head as she bangs it against the hard floor. I want to scream, cry and vent my anger. I grieve for what is lost, for the innocence that was taken from her. She can never go back, will never have a normal childhood or adolescence. I’m angry, sad and frightened. How am I to deal with all of this?”

Navigating the legal system is confusing and frightening to most of us. It is especially frightening to a mother trying to protect her child from further harm, all the while dealing with the emotional hurricane that had laid waste to our lives.

The Task Force was a safe port in the storm directing us to the shelter of the CAC. Feeling confused, lost and alone, I placed my broken family in the capable hands of the CAC staff.

Jane welcomed us with warm open arms and provided the knowledge and support that we so desperately needed. It was here we started our journey of healing. My questions were answered as the entire staff held us up through each step on the road to recovery – the road that takes each of us from being a victim, to that of a survivor.

I became active in a parent’s support group at the Center. There I gained essential knowledge of the process we were to experience, from the Grand Jury to the courtroom and beyond. It was this amazing group, run by the CAC staff, that shared with me valuable insight into the world of not only the perpetrator, but the victim as well.

I came to understand how it happened without my knowledge, and how to help my daughter.

Therapy is a wonderful tool, and with a non-offending parent involvement, the path to healing can begin. It really does take a village to raise a child.

I recently had the honor to tour the expanded facility of the CAC. I was excited to view all the new opportunities the center has to help those who pass through the doors. Yet it saddens me to realize there is still a need, and that there always will be. Child sexual abuse has always been present in our communities, hiding in the threads of secrecy.

We need the CAC to help those who have been abused, their families and to educate those that have not.

I am honored to tell my story. My family supports me now, as the CAC did so many years ago. They were my lifeline, my hope that someday I could say with conviction, “My family survived.”

I am so grateful to the CAC and all its supporters, volunteers, staff, and sponsors. Because of them, my family is healthy and whole. They made the difference in our lives.
Taylor Swift changed the conversation (and maybe the world)

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Last month Taylor Swift was awarded one dollar in a law suit against D.J. David Mueller.

If you do not know the story, here is the short version. A few years ago, Taylor Swift was in Denver at a Meet ‘N Greet and David Mueller grabbed her bare butt under her skirt. Her mother later reported it to his employers and they fired him. He then sued for defamation and lost. Taylor Swift counter sued him for sexual assault for 1 dollar and won.

I will be honest that I was never a big fan of Taylor Swift. I liked “Shake It Off” as much as the next guy I guess. It was a catchy tune. If you would have asked me a month ago if I thought she was a good role model for our daughters, I probably would have said, “no”. You can google her and a long string of articles involving boyfriend drama come up.

On August 15, 2017 that changed. I would tell you now that I am thankful for her courage. I am thankful she made a statement when she could have made it about money.

I would even go so far as to say that parents should use this “incident” as a teaching moment for our sons as well as our daughters.

She went to trial when she could have remained silent. This young lady did not back down when the defense attorney tried to place blame on her. She stood proudly and stood firm. She CALLED the OFFENDER out! She clearly and firmly stated, “I’m not going to allow you or your client to say I am to blame.” In my head, this statement is followed by the court room spectators doing the wave!

She received a dollar as her judgement. This move has silenced the would-be naysayers who would claim this was about money. It was about more than money. It was about sending a message.

I think Taylor Swift has changed the conversation and here are the reasons why I think so…

1)      By stepping out of the shadows, she has literally just shown the world that you can be a victim of sexual assault, tell your story and be believed. This move will send a message to young teenage girls struggling…to full grown adult women…to the famous and the never known…that there is hope and safety available out there. Heck! Let’s hope the message crosses the gender line and brings hope to all people who have suffered abuse.

2)     I do not know at what point it became accepted that men had the right to grope a woman. Somehow the message has been sent that if you are a pretty young girl with a great body, you are asking for someone to touch you and that if they do, it is okay. You should not be so fit or so pretty. Taylor Swift has shown that you can be pretty. You can be successful. AND has boldly reminded the world that it is not okay to grab someone who does not want to be grabbed. Anywhere. Much less on their bare bottom. Boys will be boys is no longer tolerated.

3)     You can be 27 and change the world. Your voice matters. You can change the conversation.

4)     No matter how much she was pressured, led, or blamed…she held firm and redirected the responsibility back on the offender.

5)     The conversation changed when it was not about money. I guess I don’t have a problem if it had been about money. If you are abused, no amount of money is going to change that it happened, but it can give you the resources to recover. But by taking money out of the equation, those who always go there…have no reason to. When I say “go there”…you know what I am talking about…she is only trying to make a buck. She is only trying to ruin his life, his career. She is only trying to bankrupt the poor guy.

He ruined his life and career by making poor choices. She did not bankrupt him. She did not profit in any way from this except to gain an almost 50-year-old woman living in Medford Oregon as a fan.
What the Bill Cosby Mistrial Means for Us

Recently we all watched as the Bill Cosby trial came to an end in a mistrial. It seems so hard to understand how this could happen when he admitted to giving drugs to the victim so that he could have sex with her. For those of us immersed in this work, that admission is a huge red flag for so many different reasons, but the one that stands out the most is that we all know that if someone is intoxicated or heavily under the influence or otherwise rendered incapacitated then they are unable to consent to sexual activity. I have a guest blogger today writing about this case…when I read her blog it rings true and I wanted to share it with you. Katie Wilson is a 23 year old California native who is pursuing a path in journalism by sharing her truth through her own blog. (Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director)

By Katie Wilson: First published June 20, 2017 on the Odyssey Blog: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/bill-cosby-mistrial-means-society

Allegations of Cosby’s alleged sexual misconduct first came to light in November of 2014. Since then there have been more than 50 women who have come forward, and claimed to have been a victim of Cosby’s misconduct. According to these women Cosby would drug them, usually in their drinks, or in regular pill form offered as a pain reliever. The women then claim they woke up groggily some time later in bed either during or after the rape occurred. When news first broke there were thirteen women who were anonymously going to testify against Cosby, being called the “Jane Does.” As time went on, some of these women felt comfortable coming forward and identifying themselves to share more of their story, as to help other victims who were afraid, or ashamed to come forward. The women stated they wanted to help and wanted to come together in support, in a way that those of us who have never been through such a tragedy can not.

There were opinions from all sides as Cosby maintained his innocence. Quite a lot of people didn’t want to believe that the comedian who had always been portrayed as a family man/father figure was capable of committing such acts. Others trying to belittle the claims, or find ways to defend the seventy-nine year old’s actions. Claiming that the women wanted to have relations with him, and defending all of his choices, many believing the defenses that he began stating in an attempt to maintain his own innocence. Then there were the radical feminists calling for a hulk sized take-down of a man who had lived a life so vile.

On June 12 the trial against Cosby for the rape of Andrea Constand began. Despite numerous evidence that this is not a singular occurrence, and something that Cosby is all but admitted to; i.e. Jokes in a segment about spiking women’s drinks to get them to have sex with him; the jury was somehow not able to reach a verdict after more than fifty-two hours of deliberating. This causing Judge Steven O’Neil to declare the case a mistrial. While prosecutors have vowed to retry Cosby in the one hundred and twenty day period in which they have to do so, this mistrial is very important for our society today. We live in a world where only three hundred and ten out of a thousand assault cases are even reported. In those three hundred, only fifty seven will lead to an arrest according to records. Of those an even smaller portion will face trial with reportedly only six out of the three hundred actually facing any sort of criminal charge. With statistics like these victims who already feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, or regret have a hard time finding a reason to make themselves relive all of the trauma they have been through, countless times in order to maybe, possibly, find justice if they’re part of that one percent.

When a trial takes over a media firestorm and someone with mass popularity and nationwide love no longer is safe from justice; someone who is widely known and loved has to stand up and face his crimes, then women everywhere begin to see a light of hope. A hope for a nation that will not tell them that it is their fault they were assaulted. A nation that doesn’t tell a woman to cover up but a man to respect her no matter what. A world in where three months in prison and a slap on the wrist is never an okay punishment for rape. But suddenly then there’s a mistrial. Because despite the evidence our society doesn’t want to believe that there can be this kind of ugliness. That despite the hurt and the pain we would rather hide it away and cover it up.

This mistrial shows women that no matter how loud you scream and shout, no matter how hard you fight someone is always going to think you’re making it up. This mistrial shows that while we have made bold leaps in the last hundred years for equality we still have a very long way to go. Until women feel safe walking the street and standing in their truth, until we can get comfortable revealing the ugly hidden beneath our country, and bringing it to light we can not claim to be America the Beautiful.
Hope for the Future of Foster Siblings

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Last week I had the opportunity to participate in Legislative Days for the Oregon Network of Child Abuse Intervention Centers (The State Network for agencies like the Children Advocacy Center of Jackson County). Last week was one of those weeks that took me to Portland and to Salem for meetings.

The meetings are always important and always focused on serving abused children, in the best way possible, and on the needs of the multi-disciplinary teams across the state of Oregon.

I have a love-hate relationship with these meetings. I love the people at these meetings. They are “Hidden Heroes”. They work behind the scenes in many cases to make sure that abused children get the very best services in the most trauma informed way possible. I am so incredibly lucky to hear the innovative ideas, to be part of the decision making process for the Network and really just to “know” these people. I hate the drive and the time out of our center.

Last week was special. Last week we were meeting with our Representatives and Senators to talk about what we do for abuse victims and how crucial those services are for healing and recovery. In fact in many cases we are saving the lives of our most vulnerable citizens. We presented a bill that is focused on sustaining the service across the state and to really make sure that evidence based services are available for every abused child in the state of Oregon, regardless of your zip code.

But that wasn’t what made the week special.

While waiting for our hearing, I sat alongside my fellow Executive Directors and heard testimony by two young people who represented a group that is made up of young people currently or previously placed in foster care in Oregon. Their group was presenting their fourth bill. The other three were passed and I suspect this one will as well.

The Oregon Foster Youth Connection is the name of the group and their bill is the Sibling Bill of Rights. For those of you interested, the bill is HB2216.

As I sat and listened to these young people talking about how siblings are their lifeline and how easily that life line is broken, I remember my own days of breaking these lines.

They talked about not being accepted by their foster family because of being transgender. They talked about how they were unable to stay in contact with their siblings. They testified about being in the care-taking role of their siblings…teaching them to do their hair and paint their nails, and then being cut out of their life and the struggle of trying to reconnect.

I have to be honest that I missed some of the testimony. I was propelled back to a different time and a different set of siblings.

I remembered a summer day when I sat on the dirty floor at the Children’s Home in New Orleans, Louisiana in my dry clean only dress, holding a small eight year old girl, a ten year old girl and 12 year old girl in a bear hug as the staff watched. The floor was not my choice but was where we landed as the girls collapsed. I had just told the eight year old, who was in the residential treatment center, what her sisters already knew. Her parents were no longer her parents. The courts had terminated their rights for failure to do anything to better their situation. They did not even show up on this day for their “goodbye” visit.

I can hear the primal wail of her mourning.

Mourning the loss of her parents. Mourning the loss of her siblings as she kept saying over and over again, “It will never be the same”. And she was right. I did my best to do what I could for those girls but without the support of the system it certainly was never good enough. Their case was transferred on to a different foster care worker who I also know did her best. I don’t think the girls were ever adopted. They certainly were never placed together in a home again as each required more care than they could receive from a single set of parents. I remember their visitation as being every other month because of the long distance…a five hour drive one way…between their placements.

If I am still enough and quiet enough I can hear that cry. It is what keeps me grounded in the reality of what this work I choose is all about. If I am still enough, I can feel those little fingers clinging to my dress as it was time to leave that day. Those little fingers remind me there are people behind those case numbers and case decisions.

And if I am still enough and honest enough, I remember that event helped me to decide that I had spent enough time as a foster care worker in rural Louisiana where there were not enough resources, not enough foster homes and where the children could not articulate the damage I felt I was complicit in doing to their childhood. It was time to be transferred back to investigations.

In that committee hearing, I was almost overwhelmed with the pride for these two young people who I did not know.

I felt hopeful for the future of the foster children who will be placed long after these two young people become adults and move on in their life. I know that the solutions lay in their hands and in their hearts. They will change the landscape of the system. They already are. I left that hearing with a smile as I recognized that they are powerful. Their situations had not left them paralyzed.

They will use that passion and do great things on behalf of children everywhere. They already are.
A child shares a secret-what happens next? Why CAC Matters

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I often contemplate late at night, when I think of the children that come through the center, and worry if their needs are getting met or if they are safe or what could we do to make it better. Does the CAC matter? Does it matter what services we provide? Who does it matter to? Why does it matter?

Please for minute close your eyes and take an imaginary journey with me.

I will forewarn you it is not for the faint of heart and it could trigger emotions from the past. Be safe as you take this journey and, if it becomes too much to take, please take care of yourself.

Imagine a six year-old little girl.

She is happiest at school. She is safest there as well. She loves to spend recess jumping rope, playing wall ball or swinging high in the air. She is not always clean. She is not always accepted by her teacher or her classmates. She is sometimes disruptive in class and always hungry and sleepy.

She finds refuge with a school counselor and begins to trust her. She shares with her a secret. A secret so horrible that her counselor begins to get teary eyed, however assures the little girl that she will get her the help that she needs.

The school counselor calls a Social Worker and asks for help for her.

Several things have just been triggered.

A criminal and child protection investigation has been started. At six, she will be interviewed by a police officer or an interviewer. The choice becomes where this interview will happen and how many people will interview her. At six, she will need a medical evaluation and she will need therapy. Where will she get these services?

There is some urgency to gathering the information as the Case Worker needs to secure her safety. She cries as she is led from the school to a car waiting outside. Will she be able to see her Mom? Will she be mad?

There are choices to be made and those choices matter.

They matter to that six year-old little girl in the first grade. They matter to her Mom. They matter to the Police Officer. They matter to the Case Worker. They matter to the Medical Provider. They matter to the Therapist.

The CAC matters.

The CAC does not erase what happened to that six year-old. It only helps to wrap a safety net around her. The CAC does not make it go away. It paves a way to process what happened and to make that a part of her history, but not of her future.

The CAC provides a holistic approach to child abuse investigations and interventions.

All under one roof, so to speak, you can have a forensic interview, a medical evaluation, a therapy assessment and find a support person to help you find a way through the system.

These services start with an interview and hopefully end with a prosecution. Everyone involved is specially trained to deal with child victims. The Deputy District Attorney has a full picture of who was involved in what and there is a system in place to share information to insure that the child is receiving the best services possible.

Or the old way can be chosen:

The six-year old girl will be interviewed by a police officer, then a social worker, then a medical provider, then therapist, then a Deputy District Attorney. Each of these interviews can take place in a separate building with different addresses. Somewhere along the way, someone will call the mom to inform her that her daughter is at the Police Station being interviewed. The interview may take place in the same interview room that the suspect might be interviewed in later. Then after all of this takes place, the Mom will be instructed to take her child to the emergency room at a local hospital and there she can wait for her child to be examined. No one will tell her the results of those exams right then. They will be passed to an officer who will then pass that information on to the Mom. There will, later, be a referral to a therapist made and at some point the child will be seen for an assessment. After the assessment, the child may be assigned to a therapist that might be the same as the one who did the assessment or it might be someone different. Eventually, if the information seems right and credible, the case may be presented for charges. The child may have to testify at Grand Jury and then again in a trial. They will meet a couple of new people…the Deputy District Attorney prosecuting the case and an advocate that will help notify the child and the Mom of their legal rights as a “victim” of a crime.

No one is sharing information with each other, so no one has a full picture of what is going on and who is involved.

The Mom may even get conflicting explanations of what will happen next. There is no “hand off” for lack of a better description of the case from the investigative process into the prosecution process. There is no one checking in with the family in the meantime to see if the child is feeling safe. The six year-old may even fall through the cracks of the system for a while — until she is rediscovered at a later point in time.

The CAC matters.

The multi-disciplinary team matters.

The choices matter.

The six year-old matters.