By Claudia Cervantes, Bilingual Training Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project
Recientemente asistí al Encuentro Regional de Coordinadores del Proyecto Protegiendo a Nuestros Niños que tuvo lugar en Eugene. Fue un día completo de inspiración y aprendizaje, y sin duda puedo puedo decir que después de la primera conferencia, yo ya no era la misma persona, ahora era alguien con una nueva esperanza que llenaba mi corazón: Resiliencia. Todos podemos sanar y superar los traumas que vivimos en nuestra niñez y vivir una vida con sentido, con propósito.
La doctora y terapeuta Amy Stoeber, habló sobre las experiencias adversas en la infancia y como pueden ser tratadas a través de una Educación para la Resiliencia. Todos nacemos con la habilidad de ser resilientes, eso significa que nacemos con la capacidad de superar los traumas vividos en la niñez y enfrentar la vida desarrollando nuestras fortalezas. Y aunque esta es una habilidad nata, también “La resiliencia puede ser enseñada, modelada y mejorada”, dice la doctora.
A través de nuevas rutinas, el cerebro de los niños y adolescentes se modifica y se construyen nuevas conexiones en la estructura cerebral para desarrollar nuevos comportamientos y habilidades.
Si los adultos promovemos la habilidad de resiliencia, los niños y adolescentes pueden desarrollar capacidades de competencia social, autonomía, solución de problemas, un sentido de propósito y la creencia en un futuro brillante.
Pero, ¿Cómo obtener resultados positivos en una educación para la resiliencia? Aquí les comparto algunas ideas de la doctora Amy en la creación de un sistema de apoyo a la hora de promover una educación para mejorar la resiliencia en niños:
Por parte de los padres:
Amor incondicional. Recordar a tu hijo o hija que los amas pase lo que pase y haga lo que haga.
Modelar las conductas que se esperan. Hablar con tu hijo o hija con atención, mirarle a los ojos, no mentirle, abrazarlos, ser ordenado, respetuoso, amable.
Por parte de los profesionistas (maestros, terapeutas, otros adultos que ayudan al recibir ayuda profesional)
Comunicación en una postura sin juzgar. Los padres y niños deben sentir que las personas de apoyo no están ahí para juzgarlos.
Somos un equipo: Las metas que se quieren lograr se establecen en conjunto. A través de un lenguaje que implique un “nosotros”.
Ideas para pasar tiempo con tus hijos y ayudar a desarrollar Resiliencia. La doctora sugiere pasar 10 minutos al día tres veces a la semana, evitando todas las distracciones como el uso del celular y dejando que tu hijo o hija elija un juego o actividad. Les comparto uno de los juegos propuestos en la conferencia:
“Te amo sin importar que…” Yo jugue este juego con mi hija de nueve años y le pregunte: “¿Me quieres aunque no cocine quesadillas todos los días? Y ella me dijo, si mama, de todos modos te quiero. Y luego ella me pregunto, Y tu ¿me quieres aunque a veces me enoje? Y yo le dije, si, te quiero de todas formas sin importar que.
My name is Tasha. I used to live with my mom and my dad.
I used to do things that made my mom get mad at me and tell me I was bad. I had a secret that I wanted to tell her — but I was scared –so I would do things that I hoped would make her ask me what was wrong.
One day I told her.
I was so scared — even more scared than I was when my dad would come into my room after everyone else was in bed. I used to pretend I was sleeping because I thought he would leave. He would come in and touch me places where he was not supposed to. He did other things too. Things only mommies and daddies are supposed to do.
When I told my mom she started crying, but knew exactly what to do. She and I went to the hospital and called the police. My mom said she would keep me safe.
The hospital told her to take me to the Children’s Advocacy Center. I talk to a lady who said her job was to talk to kids. She asked me a lot of questions. They were embarrassing. I also had to have a doctor do an exam and do something called “collect evidence”. I don’t really know what that means but knew it was something that was going to help me be safe.
A lady talked to my mom and helped my mom come up with a plan to keep me safe. She even called and checked on us after we left.
I still visit the Children’s Advocacy Center. I go to therapy and talk about ways to keep my body safe and how it wasn’t my fault.
The day I walked into the Children’s Advocacy Center I was so scared — but now I feel safe and the best thing is that my mom stopped crying.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
I started this blog four and a half years ago with the intention of providing insights into child abuse through the lens of a professional career in child protection that spanned several decades.
Somewhere along the way the focus or lens shifted and got blurred with my personal mom experiences. Today is one of those times where that line gets very blurry, but I feel like there is a conversation that must be had.
So here it goes.
I recently took my nine-year-old to the movies and as we watched the previews, we planned which movies we would make sure to see. Some of them were a for sure for him and not me. Others were a for sure for me and not so much for him, but the one movie we both really thought would be a can’t miss movie was Show Dogs. It seemed perfect. We both love dogs. It looked funny. There was a story line that seemed like it would keep our attention.
Then this week I read more about the movie. There was a scene in which one of the dogs was getting prepared for “Show” competition which included his privates being touched. This seemed to happen a couple of times and his friend advised him to go to his “Zen” place and it basically shows the main character dissociating .
There was an outcry from some parents and a blogger. It was pointed out that this was a little too real to be okay. There were concerns about taking children to see this with the message being it is okay if someone sexually abuses you if you go to your “happy” place and think of things that make you feel good.
I will be honest that the first couple of “headlines” I skipped over. When a friend on Facebook posted some comments, I will be honest again, I sort of did an eye roll in that it was asking people to boycott the movie. In this day where everyone is boycotting something, I just did not want to “have” to choose a side and so I skipped it.
I actually did not think it was true. In the “Me Too” age surely there is not one person who has not got the message that we are tired of power and control turning into sexual abuse. I checked it out further and found that it was true.
As I processed the information I was reading with what I know about child sexual abuse dynamics, I was disheartened and a little depressed that we have come so far and not far at all. There has been a whirlwind of sexual abuse disclosures, investigations, civil law suits, criminal prosecutions and sentencings playing out on the national stage. It seemed like, in my mind anyway, that “Show Dogs” was Hollywood basically saying they don’t care. Basically, rubbing our noses in the fact that they have control and can do whatever they want.
Today, I was researching a little more in preparation for writing this blog. I was delighted to see that they took the scene out of the movie. The movie that will be in the theatres this weekend will not have the scene in it.
I was disheartened at the released statement. There was an apology. Sort of.
“Responding to concerns raised by moviegoers and some specific organizations, Global Road Entertainment has decided to remove two scenes from the film SHOW DOGS that some have deemed not appropriate for children.
The company takes these matters very seriously and remains committed to providing quality entertainment for the intended audiences based on the film’s rating. We apologize to anybody who feels the original version of SHOW DOGS sent an inappropriate message. The revised version of the film will be available for viewing nationwide starting this weekend.”
I read the above statement and think…Huh. They apologize to anybody who feels the original version of Show Dogs sent an inappropriate message. That implies to me that they do not feel it was an inappropriate message. It leaves me still feeling a little angry.
I am angry because my son really wants to see this movie. They took out the “offensive” scenes. It should be fine to let him see it. Right? Why am I still angry? Why am I still wondering about whether I want to pay money to watch a movie where someone thought it was okay to re write the original script to include sexual abuse. Do I take the moral high ground and stand on my convictions? Do I punish my son by not letting him see it even though now it is deemed appropriate?
I am angry that I am left with having to sort this out when really it could have been a good movie—a fun afternoon with my nine-year-old. Now, no matter what changes have been made, I will not be able to get past the idea that someone thought it was a good idea to write sexual abuse in. I feel dirty. I feel like someone was testing the waters of what is okay and acceptable.
What does it take to change the tide? Bill Cosby was convicted. America’s Dad convicted. Was that not enough of a message that forced sexual contact will not be tolerated? Was the tide of the “Me Too” movement not enough to make social change?
I suspect I will not see the movie. I suspect there are those who think I am overreacting. That is okay.
For me I need to know, to the best of my knowledge and ability, that the money my husband and I work so hard to earn is not going to end up in the hands of someone who wants to teach children when someone touches their private parts to go find their “Zen” place.
In my world, there is not one situation where someone would think this is okay.
In my world, the production company issues a statement apologizing for their error in judgement — not apologizing that some people found their messaging in appropriate. Maybe I am making too big a deal out of semantics.
On the flip side of this situation, I am so thankful for the Macaroni Kid for bringing this to the attention of moms everywhere. I am also thankful to receive confirmation that moms are the “game changers”.
Moms – every day, regular, moms can change the world.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
Lately I have been reading a lot about the impact that technology use has on our children. It is everywhere!
My son was actually introduced to video games at his daycare and then computers at school. He is sometimes glued to his Kindle. It is hard to know if he is doing his reading homework or on YouTube. Everyone in his life is directing him to learn new things on YouTube. You can learn how to play piano there. You can learn how to take care of your trumpet there. He has learned dance moves there. He has discovered other tutorials as well. Want to do a science experiment? You can find it there. Want to learn new math? You can find it there.
It is also used in the academic world. My son recently spent almost an hour, two or three nights in a row, working on i-ready, which is a program his school uses to see what he has learned. He has done reports for school that required that he be on the internet for research. There is no going to the library and pulling out those big encyclopedia books anymore.
Do not even get me started on the games.
He was four and learned about video games in daycare one summer. The pros are that it is good for improving hand to eye coordination and keeping your brain engaged. The bad news is that it basically removes all one on one social interaction. Kids are having a hard time navigating through disappointments or social situations that are uncomfortable. They are not getting practice in “real life” and how to interact with other people. They do not get practice in patience, or how to work out disagreements in real life.
I see the impacts of all of the above in my own child. As parents, my husband and I try to monitor as much of his time on electronics as possible. We sometimes put limits. We use it as discipline more times than I care to admit. He does not have a cell phone. He does not text except to use my phone to text his Dad or vice versa when one of us is driving and can’t respond. He does play games that are pre-approved to be downloaded and never engages in online versions of these games. This gets tricky because sometimes the lines get blurred and he loses sight of what it online and what is him playing on the computer. All of this keeps us as parents on our toes.
We have had wonderful family nights where no electronics can be used.
We have put puzzles together, played card games, or watched movies. I savor and encourage those moments when his Dad or I go upstairs and find that he has discovered the Legos that were tucked away in the back of the game closet or has his marble maze out and is constructing elaborate mazes for his marbles to journey through. We have all sorts of musical play instruments that he will rediscover now and then and practice songs from piano or band on them.
Technology is here to stay. There are tons of safety reasons not to give your child free reign on the World Wide Web.
That is subject matter for a different blog. I encourage you to educate yourself in any way you can on those matters. Stay tuned to the CAC Facebook page as we occasionally will host a community forum to discuss these topics.
The hidden danger is cheating your child out of building his or her inner resiliency by leaving them to their technological devices too much! We need to realize that being proficient on devices and in technology is a must to succeed in our world.
Here are some tips to keep a balance:
Limit the time per day or per week that your child is allowed time on devices. Set a timer! (Or you will get distracted and that hour will turn into four.)
Try to find things that you can engage with your child both on the technological devices and off.
Set up the passwords to devices, accounts, programs etc. If they are younger children, do not share them but enter them in order to monitor their access. If they are older, change them after they sign in so you are aware when they access these account or set up a way to be alerted when anyone signs into these accounts.
Plan entire evenings or days around no electronics. Model this behavior for your child. During one of these days, I was amazed to see my son reading for a couple of hours. On a different night we sat at the table and played cards. We also do puzzles together as a family. (Until the puzzle got too hard. We are waiting for Dad to finish our current puzzle so we can start a new one. )
Create a plan where your child earns electronics time. I plan on trying this one out over the summer. In addition to his regular chores, if he does extra chores, or reads over his required daily time or practices piano longer than required, he will earn extra time on his devices.
Enforce a no electronics at the dinner table rule. I have had to remind myself about this one from time to time. I now leave my cell phone in my bedroom or on the kitchen counter. It is important that we as parents follow the rules too!
Take some classes regarding social media uses. We may have to invest a little time. Every time we master one platform another is created. It is hard to keep up, but it is IMPORTANT that we do if we are going to allow our children to have and use electronic devices or cell phones.
Talk to your children about the dangers of connecting online. Explain that the person who says they are a 9 year-old boy, just like your child….may really be an adult trying to trick him. I recently had this conversation with my son and he was flabbergasted that anyone would ever do that. I love his trusting soul and….to be honest, it terrifies me. It reminds me that I need to up my game.
Some parents create device contracts outlining the rules and the consequences if the rules are broken and have their child sign along with themselves to insure that the expectations are clear. You can hang this contract up on the fridge as a reminder. No arguing when it is broken. Just enforce the consequences. Be consistent.
Talk to the parents of your child’s friends about your rules. If your child goes and spends time at their house, they can help to enforce the rules even when you are not around. The moms of the children that my child spends time with sometimes text me to ask if something is okay. I love that. I try to return the favor. I will always keep my son’s friends safe and I am glad they will keep my son safe as well.
The above are just some small ideas. If you are not tech savvy, you really should find a class somewhere that will help you. Maybe a computer teacher at your child’s school could give you some pointers. Sometimes you may find a class offered at churches or the library—and of course online.
The more we create opportunities for our children to be active in social activities, the more we can counteract the impact these devices have on their social development. We need to give our children the opportunity to practice social interaction, to react to disappointment, to carry on conversation with an actual person and to gain life experience while they are still under our protective wings. If they spend all their time on devices, they will grow up believing that is reality.
The year was 1993. My oldest daughter, Jennifer, came to me one evening and disclosed a horrific truth.
Her father had sexually molested her.
She was 11 years old that year. The specific abuse had taken place many years before. She had blocked it out, only to remember on a cold and windy October afternoon.
I believed her, but I didn’t want to believe that the one person I trusted most with her care, could commit such a vile act and hurt my child so deeply. I contacted the authorities. And I waited.
Once she disclosed her abuse, the floodgates opened. Her memory, her pain began to spill over, threatening to drown us all. I took to my journal, and wrote:
“We are hiding out at Mom’s, partially because I need the support. My sweet beautiful child has been hurt so deeply. The days pass and more is disclosed. I want to help her, to take it all away. I want to see him suffer. Death is too easy. How can anyone do this to an innocent child? Of course, he has taken that from her.”
The next few weeks were wrought with anxiety and tension. Never sure what would be around the next corner. Sometimes the days seem so endless. I want so much to help my baby girl, but I don’t know how. I see a facade during the day, but in the evening when we are alone, I see the raw ugly truth.
“I watch as she plucks out her eyelashes and brows. I place a pillow under her head as she bangs it against the hard floor. I want to scream, cry and vent my anger. I grieve for what is lost, for the innocence that was taken from her. She can never go back, will never have a normal childhood or adolescence. I’m angry, sad and frightened. How am I to deal with all of this?”
Navigating the legal system is confusing and frightening to most of us. It is especially frightening to a mother trying to protect her child from further harm, all the while dealing with the emotional hurricane that had laid waste to our lives.
The Task Force was a safe port in the storm directing us to the shelter of the CAC. Feeling confused, lost and alone, I placed my broken family in the capable hands of the CAC staff.
Jane welcomed us with warm open arms and provided the knowledge and support that we so desperately needed. It was here we started our journey of healing. My questions were answered as the entire staff held us up through each step on the road to recovery – the road that takes each of us from being a victim, to that of a survivor.
I became active in a parent’s support group at the Center. There I gained essential knowledge of the process we were to experience, from the Grand Jury to the courtroom and beyond. It was this amazing group, run by the CAC staff, that shared with me valuable insight into the world of not only the perpetrator, but the victim as well.
I came to understand how it happened without my knowledge, and how to help my daughter.
Therapy is a wonderful tool, and with a non-offending parent involvement, the path to healing can begin. It really does take a village to raise a child.
I recently had the honor to tour the expanded facility of the CAC. I was excited to view all the new opportunities the center has to help those who pass through the doors. Yet it saddens me to realize there is still a need, and that there always will be. Child sexual abuse has always been present in our communities, hiding in the threads of secrecy.
We need the CAC to help those who have been abused, their families and to educate those that have not.
I am honored to tell my story. My family supports me now, as the CAC did so many years ago. They were my lifeline, my hope that someday I could say with conviction, “My family survived.”
I am so grateful to the CAC and all its supporters, volunteers, staff, and sponsors. Because of them, my family is healthy and whole. They made the difference in our lives.
This post is from a speech by foster parent, Bylle McCulley
I would like to share with you my personal experiences while receiving the services of the Children’s Advocacy Center.
10 years ago, my husband and I became foster parents here in Jackson County and we received children on an emergency placement.
Usually, our first stop was the CAC.
I was awe struck at how kind, gentle, and supportive the staff was, not only to the child, but also to me as the foster parent.
When I held a little girl’s hand while she was being examined, it required all the strength I could possible muster to say, “You can trust me. I’m not going to leave you.” Those reassurances had an impact, not only on the child, but also on me as a person.
I know from experience that putting kids back together again starts at the CAC.
We were able to adopt a special needs child from the foster care system. He came to us when he was 17 months-old and he’s now 12. During our 6-year journey, we received help first from the Children’s Advocacy Center, then Family Nurturing Center, Community Family Court, Jackson County Mental Health, and the Deaf and Hard of Hearing Program. I will always be grateful for the guidance and direction they provided to my family during this stressful time.
The most effective response to abuse and neglect requires a collaborative approach, which includes: teachers, first responders, law enforcement, medical, Community Family Court, attorneys, judges, CASA, elected officials, foster parents, the faith community and all the community partners who so generously come along beside us.
The process starts with the CAC to identify, investigate and provide treatment.
Please donate to the Children’s Advocacy Center now and don’t put it off. We either pay now or we pay more later. It will cost more later in mental health issues, chronic diseases and possible even the involvement of the criminal justice system. Join us. We we are always looking for community partners to plant a seed of healing for the abused children and teens of our community.
By Theresa Hart, Development Director for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
In March, we created three stories of children who have received services in our Medical Department for our Caring for Kids Campaign. These stories were based on real life experiences of children who had received services in our Medical Department. The details of their experiences were altered to protect their identities.
“Jayden’s” story touched me very deeply.
“Jayden” suffered sexual abuse by her mother’s boyfriend. She and her mother were brought to the Children’s Advocacy Center after her mother found her 13-year-old daughter inconsolable upon her return home.
After disclosing the abuse at the Center, Jayden was brought to our Medical Department where she received a head to toe evaluation. Additionally, our in-house pediatrician administered a test for sexually transmitted infections and a pregnancy test. When she left the Center that day, Jayden carried with her a quilt and the assurance that she was healthy and that her body would be okay. Jayden is receiving therapy at the Center and her mother is in treatment for substance abuse.
Jayden was fortunate to have come to the Children’s Advocacy Center where she could receive our specialized medical services, tell the story of her abuse and receive therapy in one child-focused center.
There are many children who have experienced abuse and neglect in the Rogue Valley. The CAC is the only place of its kind In Jackson County. Last year, Jayden was the recipient of one of the more than 200 medical services performed by our Medical Department.
Jayden suffered the kind of abuse we don’t like to talk about.
But here’s the thing, child abuse is a community problem, and it requires a community response. CAC’s partners were involved throughout her story, from law enforcement, DHS, community members, businesses, and other local organizations. The quilt Jayden took home was made by a local church group.
Community members and businesses can partner with us during the Caring for Kids Campaign to support our Medical Department services. These donations go to pay medical staff salaries, equipment, and supplies.
We are recruiting a nurse practitioner to perform additional medical evaluations and services to extend our Medical Department hours to 40 per week. Now more than ever we need community partnerships and support to help us continue our work with abused children.
There’s still time to partner with us during the Caring for Kids campaign. The deadline to make a donation is June 30. To make a difference in a life of other child victims, send your donation to 816 W. 10th Street, Medford, OR 97501.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
I am definitely my father’s daughter.
I can remember when I was 4 or so, following him around just like his shadow, no matter what he was doing. When he was mowing the lawn, I was right there in his footsteps making every turn, row by row. When he was building stuff out in the carport…you bet I was there with my fingers in my ears. I also remember my Dad making just about everything a game or a story. He used to hide Lifesavers around the house for me and my sister to find. He and I had this running story about Tippy our dog…which as I grew up sounded very much like stories of Snoopy’s adventures.
In my pre-adolescent years, we had a standing date every Saturday night from April to June or so. We would go downtown and watch Little League Baseball games. It didn’t matter really who was playing, but being a small town, we were pretty sure we would know the players. I love baseball to this day; not because of the game but because of those warm humid nights under the lights sitting in an uncomfortable lawn chair with my Dad next me. I don’t care about watching it on T.V. It isn’t about the game.
In high school I can remember more than once my dad wiping my tears after a broken heart—sometimes broken by a “dumb” boy, sometimes broken by my own actions and sometimes broken because life is unfair.
One of my very favorite “Dad” memories was my junior year in high school. My mom must have had something going on…I don’t remember how this fell to him, but he took me to the mall—an hour one way from our town—to shop for a prom dress. I remember that prom being a disaster for me, but I always smile when I think of it because I had the trendiest, prettiest dress featured in Seventeen magazine.
He has been such an important part of guiding me into the person that I am today. I sleep, to this day, with his dog tags lying on my nightstand from his Vietnam days. A symbol for me of determination, courage and survival—reminding me that obstacles are made to be overcome.
I see the importance of a father’s love in my son’s life. I see it in the way he mimics his father’s mannerisms. I hear it when he asks his dad “Did I do good?” after a baseball game or after casting his fishing line. I hear it in his laughter when he and his Dad are playing one of those annoying “boy” games that I don’t understand. I see it in his eyes when they light up when Dad tells him he’s done a good job. I see it when he deflates because Dad reprimanded him for something that he did. I know that he feels protected when his Dad is around because on the, now, rare occasions that his Dad travels without us; he somehow always ends up sleeping with me. No matter what…from leaf blowers (no joke) to sandals, “I want, fill in the blank, just like Dad’s!”
Sigmund Freud stated the strongest need in childhood is a father’s protection. There is research out there that says that children with involved fathers have a social and academic advantage over their counterparts whose dads are absent.
There is some evidence that a child’s primary relationship with his/her father can affect all of their future relationships from cradle to death. The early patterns of interaction with their father are the very patterns that will be replayed in future relationships. These patterns impact not only a child’s idea of who they are and how they relate to others, but also defines what is considered acceptable and loving when it comes to relationships for the child, throughout life.
Don’t believe it? Well there is a ton of research out there these days that back up these ideas—google it.
It makes sense to me. As a mom I don’t feel like believing this diminishes my role in my child’s life.
In a world that has historically always made an emphasis on how important our relationship with our mom is, this does shine some light on the role Dad’s play in the life of their children. Also, let’s be real, it takes some pressure off us moms! Not everything is our fault!
On this Father’s Day, I wish my Dad a very happy Father’s Day. Thank you for always being there to wipe my tears, to buy me dinner on my birthday, and to teach me about integrity, courage, perseverance, and to teach me about love. I wish my husband and my son’s father, a spectacular day! Thanks for helping to create and mold the most amazing little boy I have ever met.
On this Father’s Day I wish all the Dad’s or Dad substitutes out there, a very happy Father’s Day filled with all things spectacular! Your presence in the lives of our children is life changing! Your love, your participation, your guidance in the lives of our children is what is going to make a difference in the world we live in.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
May is all about our Moms. If we are a Mom, then a small part may be about us.
Today I am feeling a little melancholy, as one of my friend’s granddaughters passed away after many health challenges. My heart aches for her and for her daughter as we creep up on Mother’s Day this year.
Robert Browning said “Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.”
As I reflect on the pain and sorrow that my friend is experiencing right now, in this moment, I want to also remind her of the possibilities and amazing things that have been an outgrowth of her love–that love that only a Mother can give. I want to remind her that the pain that she is feeling does not come without great love.
Not to get too personal here, but my husband and I suffered many loses before our son was gifted to our family. It was painful. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of my son’s life. Thinking of my friend today, I would imagine that she too is grateful for the opportunity to be a part of her granddaughter’s life. Knowing her, I imagine she would not have wanted to be relieved of those challenges because it would mean she would be relieved of the joy and love that came through her opportunity to be her grandma.
It has been said, “A mother’s work is never done.” It has also been said, “Being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had.”
On my best days…my “mother” work is not work at all. It is love.
On most mornings, I get up and get my son ready for his day. This includes making breakfast and getting his lunch together. I actually miss it when I don’t do it. I still get to brush his hair. He has decided at eight that he likes having “a lot” of hair. It is thick, wavy and sometimes unruly. Some days it makes my husband twitch a little. I love his hair.
I love it mostly because when he comes to me every morning to brush his hair, it reminds me of my own mom taking care of my hair and the gentle touch (most days…darn ponytails) that came as a part of that. At night, when he asks his dad to tuck him in, if I am totally transparent, I am disappointed. And while it seems like I never get it all done…I don’t mind doing the laundry that he leaves me—full of pants with no knees left in them and dirt ground in to every inch. It means that he lived life to the fullest in those clothes.
So what is the point of today’s blog? I think there are many.
The greatest job in the world is to be a mom—at least in my life. Savor those moments with your children…those moments will be brief. Each moment will bring its own joy, but believe me…they will be brief…sixty seconds is gone in a blink of an eye.
Sometimes a mother’s love is not enough. Period.
Sometimes a mom loves so much and so hard and does everything right, and her child still struggles. It isn’t her fault. It doesn’t matter what the struggle is…mental health, substance abuse, criminal activity, health issues, a death of a parent–a mother’s love cannot always change the struggle, but a mother’s love can make a child feel value and worth. A mother’s love can build resiliency in her child and her family. A mother’s love can build self-esteem. A mother’s love can offer refuge in a cruel world.
To all the Mothers in my life, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!
To those who have lost a child, my hope for you is to find comfort in your memories and in the love you created with your child. To my own Mother, I say thank you for always believing in me, for always loving me and for building me up every chance that presented itself.
To my dear friend, who I purposefully have not identified, I hope she can recognize herself in this blog…and to her dear sweet daughter I wish her peace and comfort and the realization that her love was all she ever needed.
By Ginny Sagal, Communication & Outreach Coordinator, The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
When I was working at the schools teaching science, I saw a lot: Watching when the seasons changed who was wearing flip flops when the temperature was 32 degrees. Which child would come to school without a jacket and wearing shorts and a short sleeve t-shirt? I was watching for the ones who had no snack at recess time. Who was the one child who was always losing his or her homework because he or she did not have a backpack?
It was very clear to me that I had a job as a teacher, advocate and protector of the children.
I had kids sometimes come up to me and ask me who was going to pick them up that day — I was also the bus lady – or at whose house were they going to stay for the weekend. Yes, they were given a breakfast and lunch at school provided by the school administration, but were they going to get dinner and where were they going to sleep at night?
The acting out in class sometimes would be the fear of the unknown or some dark secret they were keeping. I was their protector watching and observing them. I was able to give my supervisor the information they needed so that a child could get the help and services they needed and deserved.
At the CAC, I am a protector of the children by reaching out to others to get engaged in our efforts to prevent child abuse.
This month is Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month. Let’s all be protectors of the children. Let’s all remember that:
· ALL CHILDREN NEED TO BE PROTECTED
· ALL CHILDREN NEED FOOD AND SHELTER
· ALL CHILDREN NEED KIND AND UNDERSTANDING ADULTS IN THEIR LIVES
For more about April’s Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month and local activities, visit: http://cacjc.org/child-abuse-prevention-month/
