The Children's Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Category: False Reports

  • What Will Be YOUR One Thing?

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    Have you picked up a paper lately and there not be a story about someone coming out and stepping forward to tell about their abuse history?

    Almost daily there is a breaking news story about a child actor or actress being sexually assaulted or harassed.  Some of it a long time ago.  Some of it not so long ago.  I have watched and read in fascination.

    Has it happened?  Have we reached the tipping point?  Have we reached a time where we have created a safe environment for those who have been abused to tell their story?  Or is it those who have been abused demanding safety for those who come behind them and face the same situations…whether it be on a casting couch, in the locker room or at home?

    I think Taylor Swift started a revolution.  Maybe it is coincidental, but I have said in the past that her actions had the potential to change the world.  Maybe they have.

    There are those who would say that everyone coming forward are in it for the money.  Can we think about this logically for a minute?  ACES, the Adverse Childhood Experiences Study, tells us that children who experience trauma have a high incidence of substance abuse, eating disorders, suicide, cancer, diabetes, mental health issues, and many other diagnoses that span over their lifetime.  This is research.  This is evidence based.

    Keeping that in mind, let’s look at Corey Haim.  He died young.  He had substance abuse issues throughout his life.  And there was public speculation regarding his sexual abuse as a young person by authority figures in Hollywood.  You could say the same thing regarding Corey Feldman.  Or the Michael Jackson’s accusers–the list is endless.

    Before you discount the validity of any of the people coming forward today with disclosures, educate yourself about what the dynamics of child sexual abuse are.  In the case of those who this happened to as adults, learn about the dynamics of power and control in sexual assault.  Rape is not a crime about sexual pleasure in many cases.  It is about power and control and humiliation.  It is about aggression.

    I am not naive enough to think that every single person who is coming forward and making accusations is telling the complete truth.  But I do know that, statistically speaking, more allegations are true than are not true.

    Why do we work so hard to disprove the accuser and believe the accused?

    I also know that liking someone or admiring someone or idolizing someone does not equal their innocence as an offender.  Who do we think commits these crimes?  They are our friends, our heroes, our family, our bosses, our employees, our ministers, and our teachers…just think about the statistics.  One in ten children will be sexually abused before their 18th birthday.  70% of all sexual assaults happen to children age 17 and younger.  And 90% to 95% of those abused know their abusers.

    We have some momentum going on at the national level.  How do we keep it going?  How do we get it started on a local level?  How do we continue to create a safe space for child sexual abuse victims to come forward?

    We start by doing one thing.

    Would you join me and do one thing to support an abused child? What will be your one thing?  Will you make a report?  Will you believe a child?  Will you make a donation to support the Children’s Advocacy Center’s efforts to help abused children begin to heal?  Will you volunteer some time at the Children’s Advocacy Center? Will you create a safe space for a child to come forward?

    Will you be courageous and believe them when they do?

    For more information about the CAC’s Do One Thing That Matters campaign and view the full list of things you can do that matter to an abused child, visit: http://cacjc.org/do-one-thing-that-matters-2018/

  • Birthday Wishes: Believe a Child or Not?

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I have a birthday in April. I have no qualms about the number. I will be turning 47.

    26 of those years have been spent working in one role or another in the field of child abuse. Wow!

    That equates to more than half of my life spent responding to child abuse and trying to bring awareness to one of the most pervasive public health issues of modern times (or at least in my opinion.)

    The pendulum has swung from one end of the spectrum to the other and everywhere in between, as far as practice in securing safety and investigation of child abuse during my career. When I began, you were told to believe everything a child told you and then, later, it was to be suspicious of everything a child told you.

    Somewhere along the way, there were guidelines put in place for talking with children in a way that invited an open narrative, that minimized contamination of the information and was more trauma informed.

    There are still people who will never believe what a child tells them about abuse. If I had any advice for anyone trying to figure this out in their own life — it would be that it is better err on the side of keeping the child safe.

    Here are some things that I have learned along the way about figuring out next steps and what to believe, and because I think ranking is overvalued, they are not in any particular order:

    • In most cases, there are only two people in the world that can be 100% sure of exactly what happened in suspected child sexual abuse cases…the child and the perpetrator. These things do not generally happen with witnesses around. Child sexual abuse events generally do not generate C.S.I. type evidence.
    • Ask yourself what the child victim has to gain by making a false allegation. Usually the answer is — nothing but heartache. In my career I have spoken to literally thousands and thousands of children, some in a forensic interview and some out in the “field” on scene and otherwise, and what my experience has been is that most of the time if you asked a child what they wanted to happen to their offender (and by the way this is a BAD idea for a lot of different reasons) they generally would tell you they want the abuse to stop. They do not launch into a tirade about wanting him/her shot, hung, or otherwise dismembered. They do not spout off about wanting to ruin them. Many times child victims of all ages lose so much. They lose friends, family, and stability to name a few. And they gain anger, pain, blame, ridicule and shame many times.
    • On the flip side of the last one, what does the person accused have to gain by lying about what happened? If there is more than one person making an accusation, I generally go with the “where there is smoke, there is fire” line of thinking. This is particularly true when the children do not know each other or have no contact with each other. Believe it or not there are not groups of children plotting to ruin the adults in their lives.
    • NO MATTER what age, no matter what clothes they had on, no matter how “bad” they are, no matter what their grades are in school, the child did not ask for it. The adult is ALWAYS responsible for what happens between an adult and child. ALWAYS.
    • Offenders are not the scary people we do not know…they are people we like. They are people we love. They are people in our life. They are people who are respected. They are people we have previously deemed to be safe to be around our children. I know. I know. This one is enough to make us become paranoid and distrustful of every one.
    • Identifying and responding to physical abuse many times is easier for all of us. We see a child who has sustained injuries at the hands of an adult and we pretty much understand that should not happen. Although, I still occasionally run into people who feel like it is a parent’s “right” to do whatever they would like to their child. In fact, I have, in a few instances, had said parent yell that in my face.

    Most non-offending caregivers want to believe their child and want to believe the abuser because what does it say about their character to not believe their child? And WHAT does it say about their character if they allowed an offender into their child’s life. Those offenders are tricky and manipulative. You can do everything right and they still are able to slip into our lives. So what does it really say about them? Does it mean they are a terrible parent? I do not believe so. Does it mean they do not love their child? I do not believe so. Does it mean they are a horrible person? Nope. The really important thing is once they learn of the abuse, what is their response to their child? Do they do whatever needs to be done to keep them safe? Do they do whatever needs to be done to help their child begin healing? Do they engage in that healing process with them? We always hope so.

    When faced with having to make a decision on whether to believe a child or the accused offender, you should never base your decision on what the offender tells you.

    If there is an investigation (and there should be, because if a child tells you something, you should report it so that it can be fully investigated by professionals specially trained to do so, in order to get unbiased opinions and to secure the safety of your child) then talk to the professionals investigating, talk to people who work with offenders in a treatment process, talk to anyone involved who will talk to you. Listen to what they have to say. Listen to what their opinion is. Then carefully make a decision.

    But don’t make a decision out of fear…fear of not having money to pay the bills, fear of being alone, or fear of the unknown. Don’t make a decision that is based on the least painful path.

    Believing a child, keeping them safe, loving them, and giving them support does not sound painful, but it can be. But know that however painful it is for you, it is much more painful for that child. Children are very protective of the people they love. It is painful for them to hurt the non-offending people in their lives. They know that their words will change the world. They know their words can bring the walls in on top of them. They know their words will bring on a domino effect that cannot be reversed.

    My birthday wish this year is that if you are struggling with making a decision of whether to believe or not believe your child…..that you will reach out …..to someone who is unbiased, who has some experience in dealing with this issue, to help you.

    If you reach out to me, know that I will help you, but also know that I will make a report to either law enforcement or child protection. Your child’s health, happiness and future depends on my doing so.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

  • New Oregon laws and justice for victims

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center

    This week I was asked about some new laws that passed in Oregon and what they mean for victims. One extends the statute of limitations for sexual abuse. One increases penalties for people who video record or take pictures of victims during private moments and one makes it a crime to post “revenge porn”.

    For years our laws have provided more protection and more rights to offenders.

    This has allowed offenders to find refuge…a safe haven if you will. They did not have to go into hiding. They find it right under our noses. By the time the victim could find healing and could understand that the assault was not their fault; it was too late to find justice or to hold the offender accountable because the statute of limitation had run out. It could no longer be prosecuted.

    These laws are steps in the right direction. These laws help to find some balance of the justice scales for victims, but there is still much work to be done.

    Until our societal views on sexual abuse change, our laws will continue to put limits on what justice the victims can find.

    Many of you are probably questioning what I am talking about. Society is against sexual violence. Well, not really. We want to be, because that is the right belief to have. However, we still victim blame. We still unfortunately believe offenders are innocent even in the face of some strong evidence in some cases. We still really think the victims are making it up, that they are lying.

    Again I am sure you are asking yourself, what does she mean?

    Let’s for moment examine some recent cases that have been in the news. Yes. I am going to bring THAT one up. Bill Cosby. See.

    You are thinking that case is different. Immediately you begin to say the victims are lying to get money. Immediately you begin to say, if it were true, they would have reported before. There would be prosecution.

    That last one gets tricky because he has been charged now and there will be a prosecution unless he pleads guilty or it gets dismissed because of too much pressure from society on the victim.

    What about the two Duggar girls? What about the young girl who was sexually assaulted by the Notre Dame Football player? She committed suicide, after she made a report. Are we sure she was lying?

    A sexual assault is an event. Sometimes more than one event.

    BUT healing and recovery is a process.

    It is difficult to find strength to report to authorities if you know no one will believe you. It is difficult to stay the course when at every turn someone is questioning whether or not you are telling the truth.

    So you stay silent. Maybe you get into therapy and begin to realize you have inner strength. And maybe you continue your therapy and realize you were not to blame. You find the strength to make a report. To you, it has only been a few minutes. In reality it has been years. Sometimes a life time. Does that mean that your offender should not be held accountable?

    Let’s look at the Revenge Porn law.

    Basically it says that it is now illegal to disseminate an intimate image. This is looking at how common it has become to send intimate pictures to someone you are in a relationship. This law says that you cannot disclose an intimate picture to a website with a specific intent to harass or humiliate another person. Some of you are saying that the picture should not have been taken and sent in the first place. You should be asking why it has taken so long to make this a law.

    See…societal views determine what happens and who is protected.

    The third law makes it a felony to photograph or record someone in a state of nudity without consent and in a place where the victim expected privacy. Prior to the passage of this law it was a misdemeanor. You may remember a case in Oregon about a man who “up-skirted” a young girl and it was only a misdemeanor.

    Many people will say, “How does it impact the victim if she/he does not know the pictures/video is being taken?”

    Think about it this way. What if your daughter, granddaughter, niece, son, grandson, googles their name and up comes pictures taken in the gym locker room changing clothes? What if you found out those pictures had been sold to someone who sexually abuses children? What if you found out those pictures were posted on a porn site? What if you found out that someone was using your child’s image to satisfy some weird perversion?

    Seems pretty devastating to me.

    I am hoping for a shift in the way we, as society think about sexual crimes.

    I am hoping that not only in Oregon but across the Nation we begin to balance the protection of the victim with the protection of the offender’s constitutional rights.

    The next time you hear about a sexual assault, I hope that your first thought is not that the victim is lying. I hope your first thought is not that the victim is trying to ruin the offender’s life.

    I hope in my life time we balance the scales of justice for victims.

  • Bill Cosby, Public Trust, Silence and Blaming the Victim

    By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

    I grew up watching the sitcoms fueled by the comic genius that is Bill Cosby. I watched “Fat Albert”. I watched “The Cosby Show”. I watched “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. I even watched the spin off from “The Cosby Show”. We all adore Bill Cosby.

    In 2005 there were some allegations that came out regarding sexual abuse of some women. It is somewhat unclear and foggy in my brain. They were dismissed or swept away very easily. I spent earlier today researching these allegations as a result of some things that hit the media this week —more accusations. I carefully read the three stories of the women who came forward.

    I have to say that I feel torn. I want to believe that Bill Cosby would never do any of the things he is accused of. I think about his public image. I think about the thousands of lives he touched (no pun intended) through his television series and through his speeches.

    I WANT so badly to believe this is just not true.

    The reality is that this is not someone that I know. I have never met Bill Cosby. I have never even been to a live show or really followed any part of his story through the last few years.

    As I was researching these allegations I was struck that they came much later on the list that Google selected for me when I typed in the name Bill Cosby. First came the “Pound Cake” speech and then some other controversial articles over his calling out African Americans for not “taking care of their own”.

    I read with some interest all over Facebook yesterday the responses to the “new” allegations. I thought to myself, “I imagine that I will be asked to blog on this. I will be asked my response to this.” I had many angles that I could come from. Do I believe the allegations are true? Do I hit at it from the power and control issue? Do I come at it from the consent issue? Do I come at it from the “Hollywood gets away with it again” issue? I am rejecting these, although I think they are all important.

    I want to talk a little about how staggering the statistics are around sexual assault in this country.

    EVERY 2 MINUTES ANOTHER AMERICAN IS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.

    That is appalling.

    60% of sexual assaults are not reported to police.

    97% OF RAPIST WILL NEVER SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL. Again – very appalling.

    38% of sexual assaults are committed by friends or acquaintances. Two-thirds are committed by someone the victim knows.

    Let that sink in for a minute.

    Someone that I know was sexually assaulted. She was an adult when it happened. Every one of the above listed statistics fit her case. EVERY. ONE. It remains unprosecuted. Not because there was no evidence. She was beaten up and lucky to have made it through alive. Later it came out through a different process that he continued to harass, intimidate and otherwise abuse women who worked with or around him. This came out much later. I think back now and wonder if people believe what that man did was wrong or if it is just another endearing charming trait he has. “Oh that is just how he is!”

    I want to talk about the fact that the statistics are so high that it is true that we either know a sexual assault victim, an offender of sexual assault or both. THINK about that one! It may be possible they are in our family. Whoa!

    I want to point out that sexual offenders are people who are likeable in other respects of their lives. I want to point out that sexual offenders are sometime people we love and trust. They are sometimes the heroes in our lives. They are sometime heroes in our children’s lives. They go to work. They donate money to charity. They sometimes do grand things for the community or world at large. They sometimes do these things on behalf of children.

    These offenders are people who walk among us undetected for the most part.

    I don’t really care about Bill Cosby. I do care about the messaging that goes out every time someone in a position of public trust is accused of such acts and we blame the person who is the victim. Why is it we always as a society respond from a stance of “convince me that it is true” instead of “convince me that it is not true”?

    I have spent the majority of my adult life immersed in the world of child sexual assault and peripherally in the world of adult sexual assault and domestic violence. It really is more years than I would care to calculate. I have seen the devastation to families and children because we protect offenders.

    I have to remember the general public has not had the opportunity to see the damage cause by offenders in quite the same way that I have. I have to remember I have witnessed things that most people don’t. It changes who you are. It changes what you see. It changes who you will be in the future. It changes EVERYTHING.

    One of the most ironic things I have observed is the fact that those same people who are protecting the offenders by not believing the victims are in fact some of the same people who will blame the mom for not leaving the offender. This makes me sad.

    Do what I call a “gut” check. What is your first response to hearing the stories about Bill Cosby? Do you believe? If your answer is no, then how is it we can lay judgment on a mom who has lived with her husband for years and thought they had a loving relationship. She thought that he was a wonderful family man. How is it that we can question how hard it would be for her to believe that he sexually abused her children?

    I am not saying it is okay for a mom or non-offending caregiver (since it could be a female offender), to take the offender’s word over the victim’s word. I am just saying that we as a society do the same thing every time we don’t believe the victim and defend the actions of the offender.

    Have you noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of news coverage on the allegations against Bill Cosby other than on the entertainment news sites? Did you read about the comedian who called Bill Cosby a rapist in one of his shows? Did you read that it had been done a lot so he was surprised that this was a big deal now? It was such a “small” part of his show. Why is that?

    I am almost more appalled at the response than I am at the accusations. It appears as long as you have a good P.R. man you can do no wrong.