Category: Courage

A Late Mother’s Day Salute

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I am late with my Mother’s Day blog posting this year. It seems that along with all of you, it is taking me longer to get things done because my brain is filled with all things COVID-19.

I actually think a day to honor our maternal influences is not enough…we should have at least a week.

So, with that thought in mind, here is my Mother’s Day blog.

This year, I believe more than any other year for me, has highlighted the many, many roles our Mothers fill for our children and in this world. For me as a mom, the last two months have proved to be more challenging than when my child was a newborn. In those first few months of his life, I remember being sleep deprived and tired. I remember being scared that I was not doing “it” right. I remember a lot of private tears in the shower.

Well, in the last two months I have spent a lot of sleepless nights in worry. I have questioned whether I was doing “this” right.

There have been more tears in the shower as I tried to muster up enough steam to fulfill all the roles that I had shared with my “Mommy Tribe”, his teacher, and my son’s coaches. I have worried about my productivity at work. I have worried about whether I am giving enough to my child, to those I work with, to those in the community that I work with, and to the families and children the Children’s Advocacy Center serves.

Somewhere in those tears, I decided to give myself some grace. Instead of trying to be perfect, I lowered some expectations. For me the bar was set at “Do no harm”.

Now I recognize that seems pretty low. But when I set it that low for myself, I actually felt an energy surge. I was able to do more education opportunities for my son than his school was able. I was able to create some memories with my son and my family that I hope will bring smiles for a few years to come. I focused on making sure my son’s mental health was not being compromised by isolation.

What does all that look like? Well, it looks like camping in the yard. It looks like cool crafts. It looks like giving my child purpose by increasing some of his chores. It looks like hiking or taking long walks through our neighborhood. It looks like a chalk drawing on our front driveway. It looks like baking and cooking together. It looks like watching and discussing movies together to find hidden life lessons. It looks like practicing social skills. It looks like relaxing some of the rules when we can. It looks like creating structure and routine around distance learning for school and chores.

Most of the moms I know have become teachers, guidance counselors, and coaches in addition to their regular roles of meal-planner, referee, household manager, and nurturer. Some of us have added working from home, dog walker, and home sanitizer. And having to do so in isolation.

What can we do for ourselves? To keep us moms going? My mommy tribe has upped our text game. We check in on each other. We social distance in the driveway. We social distance in a parking lot. We remind each other to take care of ourselves. We plan for when we can bring our kids and our families back together for our regular gatherings. We give each other grace. We support each other as we all do what is right for our families, with no judgment when someone else does it differently.

For some families, there is a lot of added stress. For some children, food insecurities become even more prominent in their life as they miss the breakfasts and lunches provided to them at school. For some moms, stress is mounting as they try to figure out how to manage without an income, without knowing what will happen after the “goodwill” brought to us in the form of a stimulus check, mortgage payments put on hold, or rent delayed.

I am worried about children who were not safe before the pandemic. I am worried about children who have been put in unsafe situations because of the pandemic. I am worried about the Mommas feeling like they are failing at this homeschooling, stay at home, keep their family healthy with little to no resources nightmare that has become our hopefully short-term reality. I also know that, if experience is any indication, we will all come together through this and help those who need our help. If you fall into one of the above-mentioned worries….please ask for help. Jackson County is full of good people who want to do “good” and help you.

This has been a “Mother’s Day” to remember. What will you remember?

I hope you remember that it is okay to feel sad. It is okay to need help. I hope you remember to extend yourself some grace as being a Mom is hard, but it is really hard during a pandemic. I hope you remember it is okay to love being home with no outside influences. It is okay to feel whatever you are feeling. I hope that you remember that perfection is not attainable and that your child does not care about “perfect”.

It is okay to ask for “do-overs” – I do that all the time. Remember that really, at this time, it is okay to use up all of our energy on being okay and making sure our kids are okay. There is no one way to do this parenting in isolation thing. We don’t have a reference for parenting like this.

We have not been here before.

Remember your child will not remember this time the same way you might. They may remember this time as the time that you were the family hero keeping everything moving forward with very few resources.
Tips for making it through Covid-19 concerns while your children are at home
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

The Coronavirus has become a pandemic crisis impacting every aspect of our lives. Parents are being forced into the role of educator as our children are pushed into a home-schooling situation. To add to that stress, many of us do not know how long we will have a paycheck or a job, as so many industries are having to reduce operations or shut down completely. We are being asked to limit contact with others.

All of this is causing anxieties to rise in both adults and children.

Be mindful that your children are looking to you to see if they should be scared. Do not completely ignore what is happening. Answer your child’s questions in an age appropriate way. Develop a new routine so that your child can feel safe. Talk to them about taking the recommended precautions to stay healthy.

Additionally, do a daily “worry” check in.

With my child it goes something like this, “Let’s check in. Tell me something you are worried about today?” or “Are you concerned about anything today?” It is enlightening what you may find out. Many days those concerns have nothing to do with what is currently happening and many times it is something that a parent can address easily. The latter is great. It gives you a boost in your confidence level as a parent and your child is reassured that things are okay. Soon, you may find that your child is initiating the daily check in. “Hey Mom! Tell me how your day went? What made you happy today?” At my house, we change the questions up. Sometimes worried focused questions, sometimes feelings focused questions and sometimes activity focused questions.

Here are some ideas for activities that you can do to keep your child engaged and to help with your own self-care during this unsettling time:
- Read a book aloud. My child’s class has read-aloud time during the school day and it is something he enjoys. Pick a series and read together for thirty minutes a day.
- Do an art project together. Draw, make slime, finger paint, color—build with Legos.
- Write a “book” together. Develop a story line, take turns writing paragraphs, create illustrations. It can be a true or fantasy.
- Take a hike. Go someplace and enjoy nature together.
- Watch a movie or find a series on Netflix or Amazon Prime that is family friendly. Gilligan’s
- Bake or cook with your child. This helps to develop math, reading and survival skills.
- Teach your child to clean and disinfect.
- Play outside…basketball, catch, blow bubbles, hide and seek, take a walk.
- Play tic tac toe, board games, card games, or make up your own game.
Structure can help get you through this crisis and as a bonus the “together time activities” will help to strengthen family bonds.

Tammi Pitzen
Mighty Together on Giving Tuesday

By Summer Lewis, Internet Marketing Contractor for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

For a long time I was obsessed with wanting to work for this nonprofit in my community called, The Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC). I applied for their various job openings without success — until they needed a contractor to handle their social media and enewsletter work. I got the job and have been doing this work for them for almost ten years!

Ten years ago, however, I wasn’t self-aware enough to tie my obsession with working at the CAC to the fact that I was a child abuse survivor myself. Duh!

I see now that I yearned to be part of this miraculous place where children are helped daily — in the ways I had NOT been helped when I was a small vulnerable child. For example, the best I could come up with was to eat canned spinach so I could be strong like Popeye the Sailor Man — who I adored. (Not very effective, but I give myself credit for courage and creativity.)

For a few years now, I have been part of running a #GivingTuesday fundraising campaign. Giving Tuesday is December 3rd this year and our theme is “We Are Mighty Together. You Matter!”

I know for a fact, having been there, counting on the power of spinach and Popeye, that kids can’t figure this out on their own. Kids simply can’t stop, prevent or heal child abuse by themselves.

The only hope they have of being mighty is with the help of the adults in their families and communities.

Kids count on adults and the Children’s Advocacy Center counts on the community to help provide for kids. On #GivingTuesday the CAC is raising funds for the the direct services that help protect and heal kids — and support families.

I encourage you to donate to the Children’s Advocacy Center, as you are able. No amount is too small. Every amount is a vote of confidence, supports kids, and bolsters families with a mighty impact.

Kids + Community + Children’s Advocacy Center = #MightyTogetherCAC

When we All give together, we truly can be mighty together – including the kids!
A Thanksgiving Message From Our Executive Director

Greetings from Tammi Pitzen, CACJC Executive Director

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you on behalf of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County Board, Staff, Advisory Council, and volunteers!

As I am rush around today to try to get things wrapped up before the snow comes in and in preparation for a couple of days off for Thanksgiving, I am feeling so thankful for so many things!

I am thankful that I have the privilege and honor to work with a team who is incredibly talented, knowledgeable, professional, and compassionate…both on staff and as part of a larger multidisciplinary team. This work is so hard and so important! And so hard. Let’s just acknowledge that. So very hard.

I am so thankful that we have a community who prioritizes children and who is so supportive of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County, our programs and the abused children we serve. We cannot do this work alone. It takes a community! Thank you so much for your time, talent and treasure.

I am so thankful for our volunteers who do not have to be here but who show up week after week with a smile on their face eager to help in whatever way is needed. That is really incredible when you think about that! They don’t get a pay check. Sometimes staff gets busy and forgets or misses an opportunity to say thank you! The children are not always pleasant when they are here in a time of crisis. Sometimes the parents are angry…but the volunteers keep coming and keep giving and continue to be empathetic and compassionate. I AM SO THANKFUL for ALL of YOU!!

We could not sustain this important work without all of you!

So Thank you!!! Thank you!! Thank you!!

Tammi Pitzen
Silent promises to my friend, Wendy

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I have been wanting to write this post for a long time. I asked the person who is at the heart of this story – twice — if it was okay. I have sat down hundreds of times trying to get started and was never able to get past the first sentence or two. I have touched on it a time or two in other posts.

But it’s time to pay tribute to my friend and own up to my own shortcomings.

Some of you know that I started my career in child protection in the same very small town that I grew up in and where I graduated high school. Inherently, that means that I crossed paths with many people that I knew while investigating child abuse cases. Some impacted me. And, ironically, the one that impacted me the most was not one that I was investigating.

To tell the whole story, I need to go back to the beginning.

I don’t know when I first met Wendy, but I know that I have known her more than half my life now. My first really clear memories were in middle school. She lived with her brother and her dad. I never knew what happened to her mom or why she was not in the picture. She and I talked some, but not a lot. She and I went to the same church.   I am ashamed to say that I never asked her anything. I suspect if I did, she and I would have found that we had some things in common — like our dry sense of humor, fierce loyalty, a desire to help people, some insecurities about who we were and dreams of living in places far away from our small hometown. I also would have found out that we had things that were very different about our lives.

All during this time, there were rumors or concerns whirling around of Wendy being abused.

I remember the adults trying to be kind to her. Looking back at it now, I wonder how that felt. Being kind does not make the abuse stop. I think that people shied away from Wendy because of believing she was abused. As if somehow it was “catching”.

I remember hearing some of the adults talk about how there was something not right about Wendy’s relationship with her dad. I didn’t know a lot about abuse when I was in high school. I was so busy trying to survive, that I doubt I looked around to see anyone else’s struggles.

As an adult looking back, I feel guilty.

We graduated high school. I went to college. I am not sure where Wendy went. She got pregnant in high school during a time that it was not as accepted as it is today. She gave the baby up for adoption. Some thought that was for the best. Our worlds went down different paths for a while. I graduated from college and went back to this same small town to start my career. I started investigating child abuse reports for the Department of Social Services.

I had been there for a couple of years. I had not run into Wendy. If I am honest, I doubt I thought much about Wendy. Then one day, I was in the record room at work and came across a file that had her dad’s name on it. We were purging files. I had gone in to get more files to start working on.

I stared at that file for what seemed like eternity. Sitting on the shelf. Wondering what I should do.

My eyes starting to sting, and my heart started to race. I am pretty sure I sobbed. I couldn’t even bring myself to pull the record off the shelf. I stood there staring at it. It seemed too intensely personal.   It felt like time had stopped. I am sure it was only a matter of seconds.

My co-worker came in … grabbed the file and went back into the area where we were working. I pulled myself together and grabbed the next few files and went back to my seat.   My co-worker asked if I was okay. She said I looked like I was not feeling well. I pulled myself together and continued working.

I never read the file. I never checked to see if there was anything left after we purged some things that the state had decided needed to be destroyed. While I never read it, I never forgot and would find myself thinking about Wendy from time to time.

And then Facebook came on scene. I got a friend request from Wendy. We reconnected through the world of social media. I learned that Wendy’s life had not always been easy, but Wendy persevered.

Wendy was abused.

Wendy was physically, sexually, and mentally abused, as well as, chronically neglected as a child.

Reports were made, but she never felt safe to tell anyone. They would come to her house to interview her with her Dad in the next room. She shared with me that she had four different family members abuse her. It hurts my heart to think about it. But Wendy was and is resilient. Wendy made promises to herself and to her children.

Wendy went to college. She first got her associates and bachelor’s degree in Psychology and then got her masters in Health Care Management.

Wendy did indeed survive her childhood home and has been able to pick up those pieces of herself that were shattered by abuse and put them back together. She is one of the most resilient people I know.

I did not know enough to help Wendy when I was a teenager. When I found out that Wendy had been abused or got confirmation, I replayed a lot of my childhood in my mind.

I sat at my computer and cried that I had not been able to help Wendy thirty something years ago.

I tell this story not to garner sympathy for Wendy or for me. Not to illustrate my failure to protect or even be a good friend. I tell this story to show that abuse is out there, and it is close to us. It always has been.

I tell this story because I wonder if there had been a Children’s Advocacy Center to go to, she would have felt safe, and if some of her abuse would have been prevented, and if some of her struggles could have been lightened.

I felt powerless, frightened and too ignorant on child abuse to intervene way back then, but I have promises to keep…no more excuses.

I made it my life’s work to intervene—to do something to stop adults from abusing children. I never intended to stay in this work for this long. I had other plans. However, sitting in a small records room in Louisiana, I was persuaded to continue until I could continue no more.

I made some silent promises to Wendy that day.

I promised to always make a report if I suspect abuse. I will never turn away again. I promised to not be afraid to ask if something doesn’t seem quite right. I promised never to allow a “whatever happens in the family is not my business” mentality to prevail. I promised to always intervene on behalf of a child.

I have been working and advocating on behalf of abused children for 29 years. There have been many moments that have inspired me to continue, but they all started with a few silent promises to my friend Wendy.

I bet that the majority of you have a Wendy in your life. Even if you don’t know who they are. Statistically, there is no way you don’t have a Wendy in your life.

I want to ask you to do what you can to keep a child safe. I want to ask you to make a report to authorities when one needs to be made.

You will never regret making a report to keep a child safe, but you may regret not making one.

Tammi Pitzen
Un futuro brillante
By Claudia Cervantes, Bilingual Training Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project

Recientemente asistí al Encuentro Regional de Coordinadores del Proyecto Protegiendo a Nuestros Niños que tuvo lugar en Eugene. Fue un día completo de inspiración y aprendizaje, y sin duda puedo puedo decir que después de la primera conferencia, yo ya no era la misma persona, ahora era alguien con una nueva esperanza que llenaba mi corazón: Resiliencia. Todos podemos sanar y superar los traumas que vivimos en nuestra niñez y vivir una vida con sentido, con propósito.

La doctora y terapeuta Amy Stoeber, habló sobre las experiencias adversas en la infancia y como pueden ser tratadas a través de una Educación para la Resiliencia. Todos nacemos con la habilidad de ser resilientes, eso significa que nacemos con la capacidad de superar los traumas vividos en la niñez y enfrentar la vida desarrollando nuestras fortalezas. Y aunque esta es una habilidad nata, también “La resiliencia puede ser enseñada, modelada y mejorada”, dice la doctora.

A través de nuevas rutinas, el cerebro de los niños y adolescentes se modifica y se construyen nuevas conexiones en la estructura cerebral para desarrollar nuevos comportamientos y habilidades.

Si los adultos promovemos la habilidad de resiliencia, los niños y adolescentes pueden desarrollar capacidades de competencia social, autonomía, solución de problemas, un sentido de propósito y la creencia en un futuro brillante.

Pero, ¿Cómo obtener resultados positivos en una educación para la resiliencia? Aquí les comparto algunas ideas de la doctora Amy en la creación de un sistema de apoyo a la hora de promover una educación para mejorar la resiliencia en niños:

Por parte de los padres:
- Amor incondicional. Recordar a tu hijo o hija que los amas pase lo que pase y haga lo que haga.
- Modelar las conductas que se esperan. Hablar con tu hijo o hija con atención, mirarle a los ojos, no mentirle, abrazarlos, ser ordenado, respetuoso, amable.
Por parte de los profesionistas (maestros, terapeutas, otros adultos que ayudan al recibir ayuda profesional)
- Comunicación en una postura sin juzgar. Los padres y niños deben sentir que las personas de apoyo no están ahí para juzgarlos.
- Somos un equipo: Las metas que se quieren lograr se establecen en conjunto. A través de un lenguaje que implique un “nosotros”.
Ideas para pasar tiempo con tus hijos y ayudar a desarrollar Resiliencia. La doctora sugiere pasar 10 minutos al día tres veces a la semana, evitando todas las distracciones como el uso del celular y dejando que tu hijo o hija elija un juego o actividad. Les comparto uno de los juegos propuestos en la conferencia:
- “Te amo sin importar que…” Yo jugue este juego con mi hija de nueve años y le pregunte: “¿Me quieres aunque no cocine quesadillas todos los días? Y ella me dijo, si mama, de todos modos te quiero. Y luego ella me pregunto, Y tu ¿me quieres aunque a veces me enoje? Y yo le dije, si, te quiero de todas formas sin importar que.
Claudia Cervantes
Today. Right Now. I Am Hopeful.

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sat down to write this blog, I sort of hit a mental block about what I wanted to talk about. Not something that happens to me frequently. Ask my husband and he will tell you I am a woman of many words. I am not speechless often.

I feel like this blog has always been a place that was politics free and I want to keep it that way. So I am trying to choose my words carefully. There is a lot that is happening in politics and on the national platform in regards to a subject matter that is connected to my life’s work. Sexual assault.

Okay. I put the words out there.

Let me start by saying what this blog will not be about. It will not be about whether or not to believe the current accusations that have been displayed at the national level. There are tons of commentary out there about that. I doubt there is one original new thought that could be floated out there. It will not be about whether or not a certain person should be confirmed on the Supreme Court or not. That matter has been settled. It will not be about whether my son is at risk for accusations of sexual assault in the future. It will not be about the Me Too movement or the Him Too Movement. It will not be about the trauma that has been caused to victims….both those who have disclosed and those who have yet to disclose their abuse….in recent weeks by candor on both sides of the aisle.

THIS blog is about celebrating a moment in time that many would have laid odds would never happen in our lifetime.

THIS blog is about celebrating a shattering of the silence.

THIS blog is about letting go of the shame that has enveloped victims of sexual assault since the beginning of time.

No matter what your political or religious beliefs are, or what your view points or judgements about how a victim should act or report….you have to admit that the discussion of sexual assault and support of victims has never been so open, so public, so impactful, so front and center before.

For the first time in my recollection, the discussion has shifted from victims should never talk about it—should not report it — to a discussion about how and when they should report it. Maybe a more appropriate word is judgement. BUT my POINT is that WE are talking about it at every level. We are hashing out what our beliefs and values about the subject of sexual assault are. WE are talking about what should be acceptable.

For a woman who has always been a “glass half full” kind of a girl, this is progress. I hear many of my friends and read many Facebook posts about how depressed and distressed they are about political agendas and the fate of sexual assault victims and how women are treated.

And in the midst of it all, I find myself hopeful. Yes. Hopeful.

Women and men alike are admitting that, no matter what was decided through the “Women’s Suffrage Movement”, men and women are not treated equally and do not live a life of equality. Women may be closer to equal pay. They have fought and earned many rights that were “birth given” to men like the right to vote. Statistically speaking, women have to work harder, longer, and more consistently for leadership positions in the work force–most of the time. All of this is old news.

But one thing that is now becoming more apparent is how women have to be vigilant about their personal safety. I doubt my mother ever told my brother to never leave with a girl without a dime, in case he got in trouble and needed to call from a payphone. (I am aware I am very much dating myself here, but let’s go with it.)

I would bet that most men do not pay attention to where the lighted parking spots are in relation to the security cameras and the main doors when parking anywhere. I say most. There would be some who do.

I wonder how many men have practiced how to hold their keys in their hand should they need to use it as a weapon. I wonder how many men pause when coming out of the Mall to watch their vehicle a bit before heading out to get in.

I wonder how many men ponder whether or not it is safe to get in the elevator when there is only one other person on it.

I won’t belabor this point much more except to say that now I have had, heard about or eavesdropped on many discussions about the differences in how most men and women live their life. I call that progress.

I call that hopeful.

Never in history has sexual assault been the topic on the national platform for as long, with as much emotion, and with as much detail as it has in recent months.

I call that hopeful.

I cannot recall in my lifetime ever having so many unite in support of victims of sexual assault. I cannot recall in my lifetime so many people vested in justice before.

I call that hopeful.

We have reached a tipping point. A saturation of awareness. Do I feel like we have much more to go? More progress to be made? Absolutely. Do I recognize there is still way too much judgement of how a victim is supposed to act? Of course.

But today. Right now. I am feeling hopeful. Hopeful that this is the start of something big. Hopeful that there will come a point in time where we can agree that there is no shame for the victim of sexual assault.

A time when we agree that no matter what you wear….no matter how much you drink… no matter if you stay out past midnight….no matter what anyone does…. none of it is consent unless you both wholeheartedly say yes to sexual contact. There is no implied consent. And even if we can’t agree on that….we are at least having discussions about why we disagree in order to better understand what is reality.

We should all be able to agree that in recent history no one really talked about, did as much research into, reported about, or thought about sexual assault for as long or in as much detail.

This moment in time is historic. It is hopeful. It is a beginning.

Tammi Pitzen
Finding a Voice: Vince Gill

By Leah Howell, Training Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project of the Children’s Advocacy Center

I’m not much of a country music fan, though I lived 30 minutes from Nashville throughout my college years, and for sometime afterward. Even now, 20 years later, I will read about a country musician, that will bring me back to my life there. The Ryman Auditorium always catches my attention. An old, beautiful, former church-turned performance hall. I’ll admit, I’ve only stepped into the Ryman one time. If my memory serves, I only got as far as the entryway. I still have regrets about not going to see some of the great performers that have graced its stage. But recently my attention was caught for a totally different reason.

Once again, a famous person broke his silence.

“You come up here and get to sing one song, and you go, what the hell you gonna sing?” said (Vince) Gill, 60,… “I think that the greatest way to live is to welcome the moment that you’re in and the time frame that you’re in. I chose this song that I wrote some years ago, and never really knew where the song came from, other than… We’re living in a time right now when finally people are having the courage to kind of speak out about being abused. And I think that is beyond healthy, and beyond beautiful, to see people finally have a voice for being wronged. And maybe this song came from a personal experience for me.

I was in seventh grade, and a young, dumb kid,” he continued. “And I had a gym teacher that acted inappropriately towards me and was trying to do things that I didn’t know what the hell was going on. And I was just fortunate that I got up and I ran. I just jumped up and I ran. I don’t know why. And I don’t think I ever told anybody my whole life. But maybe what’s been going on has given me a little bit of courage to speak out, too. I’m going to sing you this song that was inspired by all the people that are…” He let the thought trail off as he began picking out the introductory licks, but the cultural moment didn’t require much elaboration. (Variety, Feb 9th, 2018)

It takes a lot of courage to be on stage and share something so traumatic with an auditorium full of people. It causes me to think about the bravery of so many men and women in Hollywood and beyond who recently came forward, having been violated, intimidated and physically threatened by those in power. I feel my heart ache to think of all of the young gymnasts who suffered in silence (and some who weren’t silent) in the hands of a “well-respected” physician. I think of all of the women who endured being drugged and raped only to watch a comedian and sitcom actor become rich and famous as a “decent family man.”

I think of all the men and women and boys and girls who see these stories, and wish they had the courage to tell.

Because of the prevalence of these experiences, we know there are many, many people suffering with corrosive secrets. Secrets they may be afraid to tell for fear they hear an echo of those words swimming in their head – the words that tell them it was their fault. Blaming is language innocent victims know too well.

Many of you reading this post have never personally dealt with these issues, and may feel ill-equipped to handle discussions and disclosures with such deeply personal implications. But I would encourage you to consider changing your approach. Instead of using the usual tactics of shutting down the conversation or avoiding it altogether, take steps to become more comfortable and open. For starters, attend one of our Protect our Children-Stewards of Children training sessions. It will increase your comfort level, give you some tools to use as you participate in discussions, teach you how to respond to disclosures of abuse, and outline what specific actions to take if that disclosure comes from a child.

We all bear the responsibility to end this violence. Let’s find our voice.

Leah Howell
USA Women Gymnasts Show Our Daughters That You Can Tell

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This is an Olympic year. I mean that quite literally. This year athletes will compete in the Winter Olympics. The very best of the best in just about every sporting event you can think of. Recently my son and I were learning all about Curling. I know. It is such a random sport. I don’t even really remember how we stumbled upon it, but we both sat mesmerized by the competition that we were watching on TV. So much in fact, that my son talked me into letting him stay up another 30 minutes so we could watch the end.

I have always loved the Olympics. Maybe because I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe because the athletes represent all that is good in our world. Maybe it is the competitiveness that I don’t feel, but am fascinated by when I see it in others. Maybe it is the pride when the American flag is raised and the National Anthem is played when our athletes are standing in the spotlight. Maybe it is the endurance, sacrifice and discipline that is displayed by each athlete.

The last couple of weeks we have learned about the sexual abuse that plagued the USA Gymnastics Program.

It is always so heartbreaking to learn of the legacy that child sex offenders leave behind in the forms of wounded souls. In this case a doctor, Larry Nassar, was convicted of sexually abusing female athletes in the USA Gymnastics Program. Wikipedia defines Dr. Larry Nassar as a convicted serial child molester.

He had 250 known victims. How many are unknown?

He was a doctor. I trust my son’s pediatrician…as in…to me any word she utters is gold. I have sought advice from her concerning my son’s behavior. I have looked to her to show me the path to good nutrition and good health for my son. I have looked to her for his healing when he has been ill. Every single time she has exceeded my expectations. One of the reasons is that she is a wonderful person who has mad healing skills. But really, one of the big reasons is that I am welcome to be in the room with my son when she examines him. She takes time to tell him what she is doing and why she is doing it. She educates him about safety and body safety. It isn’t because she knows what I do in my “real world” job either. She does this with all her patients and I suspect has since the beginning of her practice.

I cannot imagine the heartbreak these young athletes feel by the betrayal. The trauma of the abuse is one thing, but that is compounded by the fact that it was perpetrated by someone who was so respected in their world and who was supposed to have their safety and emotional well-being as his number one priority.

I happened to be in my car on one of the days of the sentencing and caught many of the victim impact statements that were read on one of the news radio stations. It was heart wrenching. In many cases it was years ago, but their healing could not start until their voice was heard.

The Judge in this case was criticized by some of the Bench. I think she was amazing. She allowed time for each and every victim who cared to come forward to read their truth to the world. She held Larry Nassar accountable. She held him accountable when he wrote her a letter saying that it was mental cruelty to make him hear all the victims read their statements. She held him accountable when he used language like “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. This Judge is a class act. She has told the media she will not make statements because it is no longer her story. It isn’t about her. She will not talk to media without a survivor present.

These young women are showing our daughters that you can tell. You can find safety. If you are sexually abused, it is not your fault.

Boys too! It just happens to be that this man preyed on women who were young and vulnerable. I am hopeful there will never be another Dr. Larry Nassar allowed to create a legacy of tears. I am hopeful that other agencies that employ people who have influence over and contact with children, no matter what the venue, will look at their rules and policies and assess the risk of abuse presented to the children they work with.

We are all responsible. We should learn. We should honor the endurance, the sacrifice and defiance of these women athletes breaking the silence.

We should give this promise–Never Again!

Tammi Pitzen
“My family survived” because of the CAC

This is a speech by Lori Phillips

The year was 1993. My oldest daughter, Jennifer, came to me one evening and disclosed a horrific truth.

Her father had sexually molested her.

She was 11 years old that year. The specific abuse had taken place many years before. She had blocked it out, only to remember on a cold and windy October afternoon.

I believed her, but I didn’t want to believe that the one person I trusted most with her care, could commit such a vile act and hurt my child so deeply. I contacted the authorities. And I waited.

Once she disclosed her abuse, the floodgates opened. Her memory, her pain began to spill over, threatening to drown us all. I took to my journal, and wrote:

“We are hiding out at Mom’s, partially because I need the support. My sweet beautiful child has been hurt so deeply. The days pass and more is disclosed. I want to help her, to take it all away. I want to see him suffer. Death is too easy. How can anyone do this to an innocent child? Of course, he has taken that from her.”

The next few weeks were wrought with anxiety and tension. Never sure what would be around the next corner. Sometimes the days seem so endless. I want so much to help my baby girl, but I don’t know how. I see a facade during the day, but in the evening when we are alone, I see the raw ugly truth.

“I watch as she plucks out her eyelashes and brows. I place a pillow under her head as she bangs it against the hard floor. I want to scream, cry and vent my anger. I grieve for what is lost, for the innocence that was taken from her. She can never go back, will never have a normal childhood or adolescence. I’m angry, sad and frightened. How am I to deal with all of this?”

Navigating the legal system is confusing and frightening to most of us. It is especially frightening to a mother trying to protect her child from further harm, all the while dealing with the emotional hurricane that had laid waste to our lives.

The Task Force was a safe port in the storm directing us to the shelter of the CAC. Feeling confused, lost and alone, I placed my broken family in the capable hands of the CAC staff.

Jane welcomed us with warm open arms and provided the knowledge and support that we so desperately needed. It was here we started our journey of healing. My questions were answered as the entire staff held us up through each step on the road to recovery – the road that takes each of us from being a victim, to that of a survivor.

I became active in a parent’s support group at the Center. There I gained essential knowledge of the process we were to experience, from the Grand Jury to the courtroom and beyond. It was this amazing group, run by the CAC staff, that shared with me valuable insight into the world of not only the perpetrator, but the victim as well.

I came to understand how it happened without my knowledge, and how to help my daughter.

Therapy is a wonderful tool, and with a non-offending parent involvement, the path to healing can begin. It really does take a village to raise a child.

I recently had the honor to tour the expanded facility of the CAC. I was excited to view all the new opportunities the center has to help those who pass through the doors. Yet it saddens me to realize there is still a need, and that there always will be. Child sexual abuse has always been present in our communities, hiding in the threads of secrecy.

We need the CAC to help those who have been abused, their families and to educate those that have not.

I am honored to tell my story. My family supports me now, as the CAC did so many years ago. They were my lifeline, my hope that someday I could say with conviction, “My family survived.”

I am so grateful to the CAC and all its supporters, volunteers, staff, and sponsors. Because of them, my family is healthy and whole. They made the difference in our lives.