Category: Child Abuse Victims

A Strong Man

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I will let you in on a secret. I love animated movies. I love Disney. I love Pixar. Long before I had my son, I would watch these movies . . . usually not on the big screen, but in the privacy of my own home.

When my son became old enough to watch movies, but too young to go to the theatre, I bought every animated movie I could find. Usually these movie days ended with me watching the movie alone as my son’s attention would be diverted elsewhere — long before the movie was over.

I think one of my favorites is the movie Barnyard. Have you seen that one? The animals can all talk but only do so when their human is not around. The main character is a cow who was found and adopted by the Patriarch Cow, Ben. This young cow, Otis, loves to party and have a good time. The Patriarch Ben is trying to teach his son the importance of work, and that being a leader means taking care of those around you.

There is a line that is the central theme of the movie. “A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others.”

Wow. That sums up life beautifully. We should be standing up for ourselves and modeling that behavior for our children. We need to make sure that we let people around us know what we need and to show our children that it is okay to take care of your needs and to value yourself.

Our purpose is to take care of those who are vulnerable and speak for them until they find their voice.

This month is Child Abuse Prevention/Awareness Month.

Every year this is a month that turns the spotlight on child abuse victims and what adults can do to keep children safe from abuse. For the month of April we make this huge push for these things to be in the public’s eye. And then it seems it is forgotten for the rest of the year, except by those whose job it is to work to keep kids safe.

Generally this is when I will write about a lot of statistics. Usually I would tell you that there were 707 confirmed victims of child abuse and neglect in Jackson County, Oregon last year. I would normally tell you that 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18. I would tell you that an estimated 400,000 babies born in the United States this year will be sexually abused before they turn 18.

But this year I wanted to do something more hopeful. I wanted to do something that would start a movement.

I want to challenge you to embrace Ben’s words. Every day I want you to find a way to stand up for yourself. Value yourself. Help others to value you. And I want you to take it one step further. I want you to find one thing that you can do to be stronger.

I want you to find one thing that you will do to stand up for abused children. That adds up to a lot being done on behalf of abused children in a year’s time.

You might be asking yourself “What Can I do?”

I am going to make it easy for you and make some suggestions:

• Learn to recognize the signs of child abuse

• Make a donation to an agency that serves child abuse victims. (my favorite is the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County :-))

• Volunteer for a program that serves children

• Take a child abuse prevention class (The CAC of Jackson County facilitates Stewards of Children/Darkness to Light once a month and also will come to your organization to facilitate a class just for your group)

• Let your government officials know that you support initiatives that help support child abuse victims getting the best services they can get

• Let your government officials know that training people who investigate child abuse or work with child abuse victims and their families is a priority

• Support initiatives like United Way of Jackson County’s Big Idea as a way to empower children to dream big and achieve goals

• Listen to a child

• Put a potential offender on notice by insuring you are not leaving your child alone with someone who is identified as unsafe, by knowing who your child spends time with and by insisting on background checks/references for people who will be in positions of authority (babysitters, youth serving programs etc) over your child

• Report abuse if you suspect it

That should get you started.

Live your life in a way that would make Ben, the cow, proud.

If you have not seen the movie, I strongly encourage it (with or without kids).
707 Victims of Child Abuse in Jackson County

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

In preparation for April’s child abuse prevention and awareness activities, I have been looking at a lot of child abuse numbers . . . statistics etc. I do not believe that the numbers ever tell the full story.

In Jackson County in 2013, there were 707 child victims of abuse or neglect. These are not the “grey void” cases. Grey void is what I call those cases that fall into the category of not good parenting decisions that do not rise to a level of founded abuse, but still have a negative impact on a child’s life. There are many cases that fall into that void.

The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County served 601 new child clients in 2014. (“New” is defined as first point of contact, but does not include clients receiving services that are continuing from the prior year.)

But the question is — what does this really mean? What story do the numbers tell you? What do you see when you read those numbers?

I will tell you what I see. I see sad small child faces. I see the children who go to school with my son. I see the children who sit with me in church. Those 707 live with me in this community.

What do you hear?

I will tell you what I hear. I hear silence. The kind of silence that speaks volumes. Most children do not report their abuse. Most depend on others to speak for them. Most depend on others to know what to look for and report on their behalf. Their silence screams HELP ME!

There are more numbers: 44.7% of cases of abuse and neglect founded across the state were in families where substance abuse was an issue. The next highest stress factor across the state was domestic violence, followed by financial stress. I think these numbers speak for themselves, but do not tell the full story of what this means for kids.

There is great debate across the county about what the numbers mean. Many will tell you the numbers of child abuse are decreasing. Others will tell you they are increasing. Some will cling to the decreasing numbers and tell you that “we” are doing something right. Others will tell you that the increasing numbers mean we need more in the trenches working on addressing the issue of child abuse. That debate becomes more political than I care to weigh-in on in this forum.

What I do believe is that 707 children in my world is too high.

What I know from experience, is that number will increase and decrease from year to year as we get better at identifying child abuse and as the community gets more skilled at reporting abuse to be investigated.

What I know from experience is that if you, as a system, “look” for abuse you will find it. If you are not proactive in trying to remedy the problem, you will not see that the problem exists. If no one believes, then no one reports. If no one can provide protection and safety, then no one will seek it. Crazy how that works.

I daily make a commitment to be vigilant on behalf of the children in my world. It is a struggle to balance that commitment sometimes with my family and during times when I grow weary that the issue is too big.

My son, who is 6, and I have conversations that make it seem so simple. When he was three, and I had to work late, he wondered where I had been. He asked me why he had to stay with a sitter. I thought quickly of some lie I could tell him to save myself from the larger conversation. And, if I am honest, I only told him the truth because I was too tired to be creative. I told him that I was at work. He asked me what I did at work. I responded that there was a little girl that needed me to help her be safe.

He then asked, “Why?” (Don’t you, as a parent, hate the whys?) So I sat down with him on my lap and said that sometimes adults hurt kids and there has to be someone to work to try to keep them safe and that was what my work was about. He looked at me and said, “Ok.” I saw clarity in his eyes beyond his then three years. I was sure he did not understand.

He continued the conversation and asked would I keep his friends safe if they needed me. I said. “Of course.” Thinking at that point that the conversation was over, I started to move on and he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye and asked again. Only this time, he began to name his preschool class mates off one by one. Each time I responded, “Yes, of course I would do everything I could to keep them safe.” He wasn’t asking me as a “forensic interviewer” or “advocate”. He was asking me as a “mom”.

707 children in your world is too high. Don’t you agree?

The question that lingers is not CAN you help them, but rather — WILL you help them?

Many will read this and say that they cannot help. I challenge you that you CAN in the following ways:

• Call the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County and sign up for a child sex abuse prevention class.

• Learn the signs of child abuse.

• Be vigilant. When you see something that makes you feel like a child is unsafe, make a report to the Department of Human Services or to law enforcement. If you don’t want to do it alone, then call me at the Center and I will help you.

• When a child tells you he/she has been hurt by an adult, do not blame the child or dismiss it. Let someone figure out if that child is safe.

• Do not discount the impact on a child that witnessing domestic violence has. If you suspect that a child is living in a home where domestic violence is occurring, then make a report.

Want to do more than that? Make a donation to the Children’s Advocacy Center to support our prevention program, or to support direct services. Want to do more than even that? Call the Center and become a volunteer. We need you.

Will you help the child in your child’s class?

Will you help the child that sits next to you in church?

Will you help the child you see riding her bike on your street?

How many is too many for you? What is your bottom line?
What is your No More?

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Not surprising, I would say, but here we are in 2015 and I am still getting questions and reading about delayed reporting of sexual assault and how that must mean the abuse did not happen. I really don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said, so I am going to share a story with a different view point.

In the context of my work with children who have been abused, I have had the opportunity to work with adults who were sexually abused or assaulted and never reported. It is a very common story. Actually, the scenario goes something like this….

Me: Hi, Ms. Smith. How are you doing today?

Ms. Smith: Tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes or sometimes smoke from the ears (so to speak) but no verbal response.

Me: Ms. Smith, let me talk to you about your child. She has disclosed that she was sexually abused by Mr. Doe. It started a few years ago, but the last incident was two weeks ago.

Ms. Smith: Silence. Shaking.

Me: Ms. Smith, I can see you are upset. I need your help in keeping your daughter safe. Do you think that we can come up with a plan together?

Finally Ms. Smith says something like: There is no way that could have happened. He would never do that. He loves kids. He helps me. He loves me.

Me: Ms. Smith, help me understand. Why would she say this happened if it didn’t? That would be concerning also.

Ms. Smith: Crying. She is a good kid. She doesn’t lie. (More silence.) I am a good parent. I would never let this happen. (Silence.) I can’t go through this again. I have never told anyone, but this happened to me as a child. No one believed me, so I lied and said that it never happened. Then as an adult a few years later, I was sexually abused by my ex- boyfriend’s father. I never reported because no one ever believes and when I told what happened as a child, I was called a liar. I was thrown away by my family. Why does this keep happening to me?

Or sometimes the script goes in a different direction. A direction that is more painful to watch and to hear. Sometimes the story includes drugs to make the pain go away or maybe some other self-destructive behaviors that make “society” deem that she is not credible.

But the very common thread that runs through all the situations is that the victim has felt unsafe either emotional or physically or both and did not report until such time as she felt there would be someone that would be there that would provide support, safety and acceptance.

I also want to point out that we do not afford victims in our society the same unquestionable rights.

We allow perpetrators the luxury of the Fifth Amendment which is the right to remain silent. They are never forced to explain their actions. In fact, in most cases — maybe all cases — the jury is instructed not to read anything into the fact that a defendant chooses to remain silent. His or her silence is not indicative of guilt or innocence.

We do not allow that right to victims of sexual assault. They must explain themselves and their actions. Sometimes even those actions that occurred prior to an assault and definitely those actions that occur after an assault.

I think that it is really hard for people to understand this dynamic of being afraid to report and so rather than believe, they disbelieve unless it fits what they feel are reasonable reactions to being sexually assaulted.

These seem to be: 1) report right away; 2) show physical injuries which are left visible; 3) prove that you are pure—preferably a virgin; 4) make it clear that you have never had any other struggles in your life; and 5) come from a family similar to the Cleavers. Okay, so maybe most of these are tongue in cheek but seriously, when you start to look at the expectations put on victims it is incredible. I am not sure that I would pass the test.

I have been accused of being naive. I have been accused of always believing the victim. I don’t think that I fit under either of these statements.

I think 25 years of working directly and indirectly with this population has taken away my innocence. I think 25 years of following the research gives me a knowledge base to work with. I think that 25 years of hearing the excuses that come out of offenders’ mouths as they provide what they believe is a rationale for their behavior has made me cynical, but it definitely does not leave me being naive or gullible. I think that ship sailed a long time ago.

There are times that I long to not know what I know.

It is frustrating to live in a world that does not even entertain the notion that most people who report being sexually assaulted are actually telling the truth.

And while we are there, why shouldn’t people be compensated for damages? Why shouldn’t they be paid for their pain and suffering? When is the last time that anyone said, “They are just looking to see a payday” when referring to the car accident victim left paralyzed? Or question the credibility of the arson victim?

Does the general public have any idea of the costs associated with the damage that is left after a sexual assault?

According to the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, each rape that occurs costs about $151,423. (DeLisi, 2010). I am assuming these are the costs associated with the medical care that is needed after an assault, but there are lingering physical ailments and mental health issues that need to be addressed in some cases for many years after the rape. This same organization also reports that due to negative reactions to the rape, 50% of rape victims either have to quit or are forced to leave their jobs. (Ellis, Atkeson, & Calhoun, 1981).

BUT…let’s be clear that the far majority of sexual assault victims do not sue for compensation. Many sue after the legal system fails them. Many sue because the statute of limitations is shorter than the time it takes to reclaim your voice after being victimized. Many sue because they want the world to know who the offender really is. And many sue because they want to be compensated for pain and suffering. It has also been my experience that the courts are conservative when awarding these types of damages.

Someone once asked me, “Why does it take so long to report? Why does it take so long to heal? Why bring it up after so many years?” I cannot answer for victims but I can speculate based on what survivors have shared with me.

Imagine someone stealing your identity. No, more than your identity — your soul. Not only does no one know who you are any more but YOU don’t know who you are any more. Imagine trying to unravel all the confusion while being told by society that you are damaged and not believable. That you have no value because your rapist took the part of you that was valued.

Imagine then somehow finding your voice. Imagine your strength. Imagine finding safety. Imagine finding out that you were not the only soul invaded by this monster. Finding that you are not defined by this act of violence and wanting someone held accountable only to find there is no way to do that because you ran out of time. The clock started clicking and time ran out before you were ready.

There is a campaign going on that is sponsored by the Joyful Heart Foundation called “No More”.

Unless you never watch TV or refrain from participating on social media, I am pretty sure you have seen one or two of these. My “No More” is “No More If it were true she would have reported right away” or maybe, “ No More He is an icon of family wholesomeness — there is no way he could have done this.” “No More she is looking for money!”

What is your “No More”?
12 things I learned in my first year as an Oregonian

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Last week I celebrated my one year anniversary at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County — and my one year living in Oregon.

I had never even visited Oregon prior to coming here for the job interview in September of 2013. It has been an interesting year. It has been a year of transition and culture shift. It has been a year of learning new things.

Here are the top twelve things that I have learned, in no particular order:

12. It does not rain here nearly as much as the rest of the world thinks. Native Oregonians do not own umbrellas. They have really cute rain boots. They have rain coats but no umbrellas.

11. It gets way hot here. I am from Louisiana and I hear people say all the time, “At least it is a dry heat.” It really doesn’t matter. It IS HOT here. I was shocked to learn that it gets in triple digits in the summer time and stays that way for a few weeks.

10. There are some of the best wineries in the country right here in Southern Oregon.

9. The most generous people live in Oregon. I am floored by how much people here give to charity, give to their friends … in time, money and support. People here care deeply about their community members and they show that by the donating time, treasure and talent to causes they are passionate about.

8. Oregon appreciates a soldier like no other place I have ever lived in or visited. This is evidenced by the great deals offered to a veteran from the State on everything from camping, hunting licenses, property tax breaks, fishing licenses — even on car registrations. The Home Depot here even has parking spots designated for Veterans. It is quite amazing.

7. The people of Jackson County work together to solve issues. They see a problem. They convene a group. They get things done.

6. When you live in Oregon, you are either a Duck or a Beaver. And you must choose carefully. It is an important decision. There is even a “civil war” once a year between the Ducks and the Beavers. It is serious business.

5. Oregon has a lot of cultural experiences available. There is a strong community of artists residing in Southern Oregon. There are theatre experiences offered here that are not offered everywhere. The availability of these fantastic performances has made my “Bucket List” grow in length.

4. Almost everyone in Oregon owns a RV or a boat or both. Always wanting to emerge ourselves in the local cultural, my husband and I bought an RV before we bought a house. We are looking forward to spending a lot of time in the wilderness.

3. Children are important in Oregon. This is evidenced by the laws enacted to protect children and by the fact that the State sets aside money to train and support multidisciplinary teams who investigate child abuse.

2. Oregon is not a state that wants to follow. It is a pioneer state and that is taken very seriously. The people in Oregon want to, and most times do, pave the way for others to follow.

1. There is a sense of community here that I have not felt in other places I have lived. You can feel it in the schools. You can feel it in the churches. You can feel it walking down the street. This is a place that invites you to call it home.

We are so happy to be here!
Bill Cosby, Public Trust, Silence and Blaming the Victim

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I grew up watching the sitcoms fueled by the comic genius that is Bill Cosby. I watched “Fat Albert”. I watched “The Cosby Show”. I watched “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. I even watched the spin off from “The Cosby Show”. We all adore Bill Cosby.

In 2005 there were some allegations that came out regarding sexual abuse of some women. It is somewhat unclear and foggy in my brain. They were dismissed or swept away very easily. I spent earlier today researching these allegations as a result of some things that hit the media this week —more accusations. I carefully read the three stories of the women who came forward.

I have to say that I feel torn. I want to believe that Bill Cosby would never do any of the things he is accused of. I think about his public image. I think about the thousands of lives he touched (no pun intended) through his television series and through his speeches.

I WANT so badly to believe this is just not true.

The reality is that this is not someone that I know. I have never met Bill Cosby. I have never even been to a live show or really followed any part of his story through the last few years.

As I was researching these allegations I was struck that they came much later on the list that Google selected for me when I typed in the name Bill Cosby. First came the “Pound Cake” speech and then some other controversial articles over his calling out African Americans for not “taking care of their own”.

I read with some interest all over Facebook yesterday the responses to the “new” allegations. I thought to myself, “I imagine that I will be asked to blog on this. I will be asked my response to this.” I had many angles that I could come from. Do I believe the allegations are true? Do I hit at it from the power and control issue? Do I come at it from the consent issue? Do I come at it from the “Hollywood gets away with it again” issue? I am rejecting these, although I think they are all important.

I want to talk a little about how staggering the statistics are around sexual assault in this country.

EVERY 2 MINUTES ANOTHER AMERICAN IS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.

That is appalling.

60% of sexual assaults are not reported to police.

97% OF RAPIST WILL NEVER SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL. Again – very appalling.

38% of sexual assaults are committed by friends or acquaintances. Two-thirds are committed by someone the victim knows.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Someone that I know was sexually assaulted. She was an adult when it happened. Every one of the above listed statistics fit her case. EVERY. ONE. It remains unprosecuted. Not because there was no evidence. She was beaten up and lucky to have made it through alive. Later it came out through a different process that he continued to harass, intimidate and otherwise abuse women who worked with or around him. This came out much later. I think back now and wonder if people believe what that man did was wrong or if it is just another endearing charming trait he has. “Oh that is just how he is!”

I want to talk about the fact that the statistics are so high that it is true that we either know a sexual assault victim, an offender of sexual assault or both. THINK about that one! It may be possible they are in our family. Whoa!

I want to point out that sexual offenders are people who are likeable in other respects of their lives. I want to point out that sexual offenders are sometime people we love and trust. They are sometimes the heroes in our lives. They are sometime heroes in our children’s lives. They go to work. They donate money to charity. They sometimes do grand things for the community or world at large. They sometimes do these things on behalf of children.

These offenders are people who walk among us undetected for the most part.

I don’t really care about Bill Cosby. I do care about the messaging that goes out every time someone in a position of public trust is accused of such acts and we blame the person who is the victim. Why is it we always as a society respond from a stance of “convince me that it is true” instead of “convince me that it is not true”?

I have spent the majority of my adult life immersed in the world of child sexual assault and peripherally in the world of adult sexual assault and domestic violence. It really is more years than I would care to calculate. I have seen the devastation to families and children because we protect offenders.

I have to remember the general public has not had the opportunity to see the damage cause by offenders in quite the same way that I have. I have to remember I have witnessed things that most people don’t. It changes who you are. It changes what you see. It changes who you will be in the future. It changes EVERYTHING.

One of the most ironic things I have observed is the fact that those same people who are protecting the offenders by not believing the victims are in fact some of the same people who will blame the mom for not leaving the offender. This makes me sad.

Do what I call a “gut” check. What is your first response to hearing the stories about Bill Cosby? Do you believe? If your answer is no, then how is it we can lay judgment on a mom who has lived with her husband for years and thought they had a loving relationship. She thought that he was a wonderful family man. How is it that we can question how hard it would be for her to believe that he sexually abused her children?

I am not saying it is okay for a mom or non-offending caregiver (since it could be a female offender), to take the offender’s word over the victim’s word. I am just saying that we as a society do the same thing every time we don’t believe the victim and defend the actions of the offender.

Have you noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of news coverage on the allegations against Bill Cosby other than on the entertainment news sites? Did you read about the comedian who called Bill Cosby a rapist in one of his shows? Did you read that it had been done a lot so he was surprised that this was a big deal now? It was such a “small” part of his show. Why is that?

I am almost more appalled at the response than I am at the accusations. It appears as long as you have a good P.R. man you can do no wrong.
Stephen Collins: Why did no one make a report?

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

This morning started as most any other morning. I got to the office early before anyone was here. I went up to my office. Checked email. Checked voice mail.

Everything was going well until I checked Facebook.

Circulating was a story on Stephen Collins. It was about how he confessed in therapy to his wife about exposing himself to young girls and making one of them touch his penis. There was a recording attached. I usually don’t watch the videos or listen to the recordings attached to news stories, but for some reason, I was needing verification that this was indeed what was happening in the session.

It is a male confessing to sexually abusing a child and exposing himself to young girls. Both are abusive. I just want to accurately describe what it is he is confessing. I am disturbed deeply by this revelation. This was taped in 2012 by his wife in a therapy session. It sounds like Stephen Collins.

I am shocked. I am disturbed. I am saddened. I hope that I have it all wrong. I hope that there will be more reported on this story. I am all these things not because I cannot believe that a Hollywood star who played a minister could ever do such things. I am all these things because it appears, at least at this point, that there was a recording of these confessions that was made in 2012 and it appears that nothing has been done about it.

It appears that no one made a report.

There are assertions that the police have an open case now. But it would appear that it is a relatively new report, as one new site states that the detectives from the special victims unit were flying from New York to Los Angeles to interview him. I am so hopeful that I have this wrong. I am hopeful that this is a re-interview of the “suspect”. That this case was reported in 2012 and some how got stalled out. I am so hopeful that someone stood up on behalf of these children and made a report. Let these children know that they matter, and that what happened to them matters — more than Stephen Collins’ fame.

I have continued today to research out this story. His wife of 27 years is divorcing him. This tape came about as a result of therapy, in what I assume was an attempt to save that marriage. I just read this is not the first time Collins has been accused. His ex wife apparently made a report in 2012 on behalf of one of the victims, but nothing ever materialized as a result of that report. He was accused several years ago, but no charges came about as the statue of limitations had run.

What do we know about sex offenders?

Well, we know they hide right out in the public view. We know they “groom” children and also “groom” their community.

We know that they become who we want to believe they are. Stephen Collins is probably best known from his role in 7th Heaven, where he played a minister.

We know that they insert themselves in situations where they will have unquestioned access to vulnerable children. I wonder if any of the children who ever worked around him will be coming forward next.

I have no problem believing that Stephen Collins did this. It fits the classic stereo type that I see played over and over again in everyday life.

I am having trouble believing that no one reported.

I am having a problem believing that no one cared enough in 2012 to make a report. I am having trouble believing that the only reason this tape was leaked was as a result of a nasty long divorce battle.

I am hoping I am wrong. I am hoping that tomorrow when I go through my morning routine, I will find that there was one person who made a report. I am hoping that the therapist made a report. I am hoping to pick up a newspaper or catch a news story on E.T., or some other entertainment news site, that will tell me the rest of the story—the part where there was someone who was willing to stand up not only on behalf of these children, but really any and all children who may have crossed the path of Mr. Stephen Collins.

It is TIME that we stop giving sex offenders ALL the power.

It is TIME to stop expecting that children will protect themselves.

It is TIME we all recognize that the safety of our children is our responsibility.

It is TIME to recognize that one of the greatest talents of a sex offender is to minimize what he has done and the damage that it has caused. In this case it went from exposing to touching and I would suspect further than that.

The only ones that can do anything to put a stop to the abuse of our children is really us!

If you suspect it…..REPORT IT!!!!!
Judge’s words hurt victims

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I recently read about a judge in Montana being censored for some statements he made while handing out a sentence to a sex offender. This case has been so disturbing to me. Judge Baugh sent Rambold to prison for 31 days last year after he pleaded guilty to sexual intercourse without consent.

Rambold was a 47 year-old business teacher at Billings Senior High School at the time of the 2007 rape. The victim was one of his students. She committed suicide while the case was pending trial.

Baugh said during Rambold’s sentencing in August that the teenager was “probably as much in control of the situation as the defendant” and that she “appeared older than her chronological age.”

I have actually been thinking about this case a lot lately. But not in connection to the heinous crime that was committed by Rambold, the teacher. More in connection with the heinous acts by Judge Baugh.

Remember the old adage that went something like — “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never hurt me”?

Judge Baugh’s words hurt.

They hurt many victims who will remain silent because of hearing how this victim was blamed by someone in authority. His words hurt the parents of this child who are already grieving. His words hurt the many people who work to protect children in our world. His words hurt in a way that he can not imagine, because if he could imagine, he would have never uttered any of them.

According to the article he will be allowed to retire. This might muddy his name for a short time, but really in essence, will have no impact on his life at all.

When we chose to take the career path that goes along the “high road”, we chose to have our words mean something.

Judge Baugh chose this higher road. His words meant something. They meant something to a lot of people when he said the victim “appeared older than her chronological age”. They meant something to a lot of people when the Judge decided that a victim is in as much control of a situation as a sex offender. They meant the most to victims of child sexual abuse. They meant a lot to offenders of child sexual abuse.

This young victim killed herself. She committed suicide. Her sexual abuse equated to a death sentence for her.

Thirty one days for sex offender Rambold. His sentence was all suspended except for 31 days.

Thankfully, there is a part two to this story.

Other people used their words to make things right. The State appealed the sentencing. The Supreme Court in Montana was looking at what they can do to make a statement. They were considering censoring the Judge.

The Judge plans on retiring. I doubt whatever “punishment” is handed down to this judge will have an impact on his life. After the public outrage, he apologized to the family.

Funny thing about words. It turns out they can hurt. They can’t be taken back. Sometimes the pain caused by words can outlast the pain from a broken bone.

I am making a choice today.

I will choose my words carefully. I will make my words mean something.

I will think every day about how my words might have helped a 14 year old sexually abused by their teacher or sexually abused by anyone.

What will you do?