My name is Tasha. I used to live with my mom and my dad.
I used to do things that made my mom get mad at me and tell me I was bad. I had a secret that I wanted to tell her — but I was scared –so I would do things that I hoped would make her ask me what was wrong.
One day I told her.
I was so scared — even more scared than I was when my dad would come into my room after everyone else was in bed. I used to pretend I was sleeping because I thought he would leave. He would come in and touch me places where he was not supposed to. He did other things too. Things only mommies and daddies are supposed to do.
When I told my mom she started crying, but knew exactly what to do. She and I went to the hospital and called the police. My mom said she would keep me safe.
The hospital told her to take me to the Children’s Advocacy Center. I talk to a lady who said her job was to talk to kids. She asked me a lot of questions. They were embarrassing. I also had to have a doctor do an exam and do something called “collect evidence”. I don’t really know what that means but knew it was something that was going to help me be safe.
A lady talked to my mom and helped my mom come up with a plan to keep me safe. She even called and checked on us after we left.
I still visit the Children’s Advocacy Center. I go to therapy and talk about ways to keep my body safe and how it wasn’t my fault.
The day I walked into the Children’s Advocacy Center I was so scared — but now I feel safe and the best thing is that my mom stopped crying.
By Claudia Cervantes,Bilingual Program Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project
Usted podría ser la única esperanza en la vida de un niño.
Por cada 10 niños hay uno que es abusado antes de cumplir los 18 años, y usted podría ser su única esperanza si toma el tiempo para leer este artículo. Hay muchos niños que callan el abuso por miedo, por vergüenza o porque no entienden que es lo que está pasando. Pero eso puede cambiar si los adultos que rodeamos a los niños estamos entrenados para protegerlos. En el artículo anterior hable de los dos primeros pasos a tomar en la prevención del abuso sexual infantil, en este artículo comparto los últimos tres pasos:
PASO 3: Hable abiertamente:
Tenga una conversación abierta con sus hijos sobre sus cuerpos, su sexualidad y los límites.
El ofensor, normalmente trata de confundir a su víctima, el niño, sobre lo que es correcto e incorrecto. Lo hace sentir avergonzado, culpable o le dice que sus padres se van a enojar. Además, Algunos niños son demasiado pequeños para entender.
Hablar con nuestros hijos sobre su sexualidad y nombrar las partes de su cuerpo por su nombre, enseñarles que su cuerpo es privado y nadie debe de tocarlo de una forma que se sienta incómoda, es todo ello información poderosa para protegerlos y prepararlos para hablar en caso de que algo les pase..
PASO 4: Reconozca los síntomas:
Conozca las señales que podrían presentarse en niños abusados.
Moretones, sangrados, erupciones, enrojecimientos en la piel, golpes o costras especialmente en los genitales.
Infecciones urinarias.
Enfermedades de transmisión sexual.
Defecación anormal.
Dolor de estómago crónico, dolores de cabeza o otras dolencias que no tienen explicación médica.
PASO 5: Actúe responsablemente:
Comprenda cómo responder a los comportamientos riesgosos y sospechas o reporte el abuso.
Hay 3 razones por las que es necesario reaccionar al abuso sexual:
Un niño nos lo confiesa.
Lo descubrimos por nosotros mismos.
Tenemos razones para sospechar.
No dude en llamar a los servicios locales de salud, si sospecha de abuso. Recuerde que usted puede salvar a un niño.
Todos los informes de abuso deben hacerse al DHS o a la policía. NO NOS LLAME PARA INFORMAR SOBRE EL ABUSO DE NIÑOS.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
School has started back. At my house we are shifting back to “normal” schedule. You know—the regular routine. 6:30 wake up. 7:12 out the door for school and work. 6:00 get home. 6:15 start our reading homework. 6:45 do the rest of our homework. 7:15 piano practice. 7:45 shower. 8:30 bedtime. Oops. I forgot dinner. We do eat in there somewhere, but the schedule is tight. We try to find some balance. We try to concentrate our family time on the weekend and build as many memories as possible. It is easy to go on auto pilot. To forget to have actual conversations. To forget to check in with each other. The frenzy of the holidays is right around the corner. It will get more hectic.
This week, we have read about Oregon being number one in the country in the number of registered sex offenders. There has been lots of chatter about what this means and why this is. I don’t know why. Do we make more people register than others? Are we more proactive at looking for sex offenders? There are many spins that you could put on this.
Here is my spin. This is a good reminder to make time to talk to your children about their bodies and how to keep them safe. This is a good reminder to stay involved and present in your child’s life regardless of their age.
The truth is there are a lot of sex offenders EVERYWHERE. I don’t say that to make you paranoid. I say that to make you aware.
I started having these body conversations with my own child when he was 2 years old. He learned the correct term for his “boy” parts. I never have to guess if he is talking about his penis, his tummy, his bottom or his toe. While the cutesy names make it easier for the adults to say, it definitely makes it harder for anyone else to know what exactly your child is talking about. In an interview to figure out if he or she has been abused, this small thing is crucial.
I read a book to my child every once in a while about body safety and telling. He loved that book. It was named “Gorp’s Secret”. It was a very child friendly way to open up the conversation. Better yet, my child learned early who was allowed to touch what body parts under what circumstances. It was a book that was in the story time rotation. Just like all his other books. Sat on the shelf just like his other books waiting for his little fingers to pick it out for his dad or me to read to him. Normal.
My child’s pediatrician has the same talk with him during his annual check-up. It does not weird him out. It is a conversation that is part of their normal interactions during his exam. Just like checking in about bike helmets, seat belts, and what kinds of veggies he is eating.
Contrary to what many people might think because of my career, I do not talk to my son about these things very frequently. When an opportunity presents itself I don’t shy away from it but I don’t bring it up. I don’t have to. We have been having these “little talks” since he was a baby. He knows.
The older your child gets, the more uncomfortable it is to start these conversations, but if they have been a part of your interactions all along they are a little easier. It is a way of propping the door open, if you will. Paving the way for your child to come to you if they ever need to.
Still not sure what to be vigilant about or worried you won’t recognize when your child may need you but unable to tell you exactly they need you?
Please sign up to take our free Stewards of Children training under the CAC Protect Our Children program. We hold them frequently. Go to our website and sign up. This class will teach you how to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse using five simple steps. It is free. It takes less than 3 hours.
It will give you tools to reduce the risk of sexual abuse to the children in your life. Isn’t that worth your time?
Emily, a ten year old intellectually disabled child, came to the Children’s Advocacy Center as result of concerns for her safety. A teacher noticed that this normally very polite, quiet child began having problems in school.
Emily began acting out sexually on the playground. The teacher became concerned and made a report.
Emily’s medical evaluation helped determine that she had been physically and sexually abused. During the evaluation, she also disclosed that she had been made to watch pornography. The very specialized medical evaluation from the Children’s Advocacy Center’s pediatrician also found substantial untreated medical issues that indicated long-term neglect. Our doctor was able to make referrals to a primary care physician to help resolve these issues.
Through the investigation, it became apparent that Emily could not remain in the care of her parents. She was placed with a loving relative who is receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help her care for a child who has experienced trauma.
Emily is safe now and is engaged in therapy services.
Cody is a 6 year old boy who loves to play with toy cars. He is curious to the world around him and always greets you with a smile.
When Cody came to the Children’s Advocacy Center, he was extremely underweight and showed signs of nutritional neglect. He was a very small, frail child. The Children’s Advocacy Center Medical Team performed a comprehensive assessment and were able to identify the cause of his failure to thrive.
Following the exam, he was placed in a safe, nurturing home where he is receiving all the love and support he could ask for. Prior to CAC involvement, Cody had received very little medical care, but with the help of the Children’s Advocacy Center and the Multi-Disciplinary approach to care he has all the support and services he needs to make a full recovery. (The picture used in this post is of a child model – not the actual child described herein or a client of CACJC.)
Jonathon is a 4 month old baby who was taken to the hospital with many bruises and injuries to his face. Follow up care was provided at the Children’s Advocacy Center, where additional testing was done, Johnathon was found to have multiple fractures not previously identified.
This discovery of these additional injuries by the Children’s Advocacy Center pediatrician may have saved his life.
The intervention provided by our specially trained pediatrician provided the necessary medical evidence for investigators to take action and place the infant with safe caregivers.
Now Johnathon is thriving in a safe, loving home. He and his caregivers are receiving support services through the Children’s Advocacy Center to help him recover from his experienced trauma.
(The pictures we used in this post are of child models – not the actual children described herein or clients of CACJC.)
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
I am sitting in my office this morning blasting music before everyone gets here. This is not unusual. I tend to get here before staff and before things get too hectic to plan out my day and to get as much done prior to the busyness of the day starts.
It is during these precious minutes in the sort of quiet of my morning that I am able to focus on the mission of the CAC.
I am able to hear the silence of the abused children in our community.
The month of April is always a poignant reflection on the work that we do because it is “our” month (Child Abuse Prevention/Awareness and Sexual Assault Awareness Month). In 2016 there were 872 abused children in our community, according to the latest version of the Child Welfare Data Book. I find that number astounding.
But what bothers me even more are the children that remain silent. It actually scares me a little.
According to some statistics we know that about 30% of child sexual abuse goes undisclosed and unreported.
I have been working in this field for 28 years. I started in my twenties. My first job was with a rural child protection agency in Louisiana. I was literally hired before I graduated. During finals week I drove home for an interview on a Saturday. I started work the day after my graduation ceremony because I needed to have my diploma in order to begin with the State.
I went back and began working in the community where I graduated high school. The population of the parish seat was under 8,000 and the parish was around 50,000. These were “my people” as we would say in the South. I either knew them, knew of them, knew their aunt, their sister, their brother or graduated with their cousin. Seriously.
I had no idea what I was walking into. I had no idea the heartache I would feel when assigned a report that involved someone that I went to high school with. It was a military town, so mostly I prayed to get a report involving the families on post.
In retrospect this was the best thing that could have happened to build the best foundation for what turned out to be my life’s work. I learned some key skills that I am recognizing many in the field have not developed.
I learned humility. I learned compassion. I learned empathy. I also learned the art of persuasion. This was sometimes the only tool available to get you off the front porch facing a very angry father, who held a gun in his hand, and to the kitchen table, with a glass of sweet tea in front of you. Let me clarify. The gun was never pointed at me and, truth be told, this only happened to me once. These people…my people…were those I grew up with. They were people, in some cases, that were adults that I respected.
I can almost pinpoint when I developed these skills. There was a legislative change in my state and all unfounded reports had to be expunged from all records. The pay for a caseworker in Louisiana at that time was pretty low. This was an opportunity to make some overtime, so many of us would come in on the weekends and work on expunging records.
During that process, I came across many records of people I went to school with. When I realized how many of the kids I went to school and church with that were reported as victims of abuse, my childhood played back in my mind in slow motion, in segments. I could literally remember moments when I was “judging” kids I knew as being lazy because they slept in class or bad because they were always lashing out at people.
Those overtime hours were hard. I spent a lot of time in self-reflection. I can say that I always tried to be nice to everyone, so I didn’t feel like I had to redeem myself in anyway, but it was a pivotal moment in my life.
Since that time, I have had others who were more than classmates, they were/are friends, tell me about their history of abuse. It reminds me that these children who are abused in our community are not unknown to us. The 872 abused children in Jackson County are part of us. They are “our people”.
As April comes to an end I want to challenge each of you to continue to do something…to do one thing a day, a week, a month, or at least a year to help address child abuse.
It is a community problem. We have to work together. It is the only way to make a change. I invite you to call me or to contact us through our website or our Facebook Page if you are unsure what your one thing could be.
By Leah Howell, Training Coordinator for the Protect Our Children Project of the Children’s Advocacy Center
I’m not much of a country music fan, though I lived 30 minutes from Nashville throughout my college years, and for sometime afterward. Even now, 20 years later, I will read about a country musician, that will bring me back to my life there. The Ryman Auditorium always catches my attention. An old, beautiful, former church-turned performance hall. I’ll admit, I’ve only stepped into the Ryman one time. If my memory serves, I only got as far as the entryway. I still have regrets about not going to see some of the great performers that have graced its stage. But recently my attention was caught for a totally different reason.
Once again, a famous person broke his silence.
“You come up here and get to sing one song, and you go, what the hell you gonna sing?” said (Vince) Gill, 60,… “I think that the greatest way to live is to welcome the moment that you’re in and the time frame that you’re in. I chose this song that I wrote some years ago, and never really knew where the song came from, other than… We’re living in a time right now when finally people are having the courage to kind of speak out about being abused. And I think that is beyond healthy, and beyond beautiful, to see people finally have a voice for being wronged. And maybe this song came from a personal experience for me.
I was in seventh grade, and a young, dumb kid,” he continued. “And I had a gym teacher that acted inappropriately towards me and was trying to do things that I didn’t know what the hell was going on. And I was just fortunate that I got up and I ran. I just jumped up and I ran. I don’t know why. And I don’t think I ever told anybody my whole life. But maybe what’s been going on has given me a little bit of courage to speak out, too. I’m going to sing you this song that was inspired by all the people that are…” He let the thought trail off as he began picking out the introductory licks, but the cultural moment didn’t require much elaboration. (Variety, Feb 9th, 2018)
It takes a lot of courage to be on stage and share something so traumatic with an auditorium full of people. It causes me to think about the bravery of so many men and women in Hollywood and beyond who recently came forward, having been violated, intimidated and physically threatened by those in power. I feel my heart ache to think of all of the young gymnasts who suffered in silence (and some who weren’t silent) in the hands of a “well-respected” physician. I think of all of the women who endured being drugged and raped only to watch a comedian and sitcom actor become rich and famous as a “decent family man.”
I think of all the men and women and boys and girls who see these stories, and wish they had the courage to tell.
Because of the prevalence of these experiences, we know there are many, many people suffering with corrosive secrets. Secrets they may be afraid to tell for fear they hear an echo of those words swimming in their head – the words that tell them it was their fault. Blaming is language innocent victims know too well.
Many of you reading this post have never personally dealt with these issues, and may feel ill-equipped to handle discussions and disclosures with such deeply personal implications. But I would encourage you to consider changing your approach. Instead of using the usual tactics of shutting down the conversation or avoiding it altogether, take steps to become more comfortable and open. For starters, attend one of our Protect our Children-Stewards of Children training sessions. It will increase your comfort level, give you some tools to use as you participate in discussions, teach you how to respond to disclosures of abuse, and outline what specific actions to take if that disclosure comes from a child.
We all bear the responsibility to end this violence. Let’s find our voice.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
This is an Olympic year. I mean that quite literally. This year athletes will compete in the Winter Olympics. The very best of the best in just about every sporting event you can think of. Recently my son and I were learning all about Curling. I know. It is such a random sport. I don’t even really remember how we stumbled upon it, but we both sat mesmerized by the competition that we were watching on TV. So much in fact, that my son talked me into letting him stay up another 30 minutes so we could watch the end.
I have always loved the Olympics. Maybe because I am not athletic by any stretch of the imagination. Maybe because the athletes represent all that is good in our world. Maybe it is the competitiveness that I don’t feel, but am fascinated by when I see it in others. Maybe it is the pride when the American flag is raised and the National Anthem is played when our athletes are standing in the spotlight. Maybe it is the endurance, sacrifice and discipline that is displayed by each athlete.
The last couple of weeks we have learned about the sexual abuse that plagued the USA Gymnastics Program.
It is always so heartbreaking to learn of the legacy that child sex offenders leave behind in the forms of wounded souls. In this case a doctor, Larry Nassar, was convicted of sexually abusing female athletes in the USA Gymnastics Program. Wikipedia defines Dr. Larry Nassar as a convicted serial child molester.
He had 250 known victims. How many are unknown?
He was a doctor. I trust my son’s pediatrician…as in…to me any word she utters is gold. I have sought advice from her concerning my son’s behavior. I have looked to her to show me the path to good nutrition and good health for my son. I have looked to her for his healing when he has been ill. Every single time she has exceeded my expectations. One of the reasons is that she is a wonderful person who has mad healing skills. But really, one of the big reasons is that I am welcome to be in the room with my son when she examines him. She takes time to tell him what she is doing and why she is doing it. She educates him about safety and body safety. It isn’t because she knows what I do in my “real world” job either. She does this with all her patients and I suspect has since the beginning of her practice.
I cannot imagine the heartbreak these young athletes feel by the betrayal. The trauma of the abuse is one thing, but that is compounded by the fact that it was perpetrated by someone who was so respected in their world and who was supposed to have their safety and emotional well-being as his number one priority.
I happened to be in my car on one of the days of the sentencing and caught many of the victim impact statements that were read on one of the news radio stations. It was heart wrenching. In many cases it was years ago, but their healing could not start until their voice was heard.
The Judge in this case was criticized by some of the Bench. I think she was amazing. She allowed time for each and every victim who cared to come forward to read their truth to the world. She held Larry Nassar accountable. She held him accountable when he wrote her a letter saying that it was mental cruelty to make him hear all the victims read their statements. She held him accountable when he used language like “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned”. This Judge is a class act. She has told the media she will not make statements because it is no longer her story. It isn’t about her. She will not talk to media without a survivor present.
These young women are showing our daughters that you can tell. You can find safety. If you are sexually abused, it is not your fault.
Boys too! It just happens to be that this man preyed on women who were young and vulnerable. I am hopeful there will never be another Dr. Larry Nassar allowed to create a legacy of tears. I am hopeful that other agencies that employ people who have influence over and contact with children, no matter what the venue, will look at their rules and policies and assess the risk of abuse presented to the children they work with.
We are all responsible. We should learn. We should honor the endurance, the sacrifice and defiance of these women athletes breaking the silence.
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County
January is here again. Halfway over and then on to February. I don’t typically get very personal on this blog. However it seems timely to talk about secondary trauma and what that might look like in a child.
I say timely because January 16 (yesterday) is the anniversary of a terrible event in my family’s history.
I won’t delve too deep into that tragedy, other than to say it changed me and it changed my family. I lost a family member through a horrible tragic event from which I sometimes fear I will never recover. And then February comes and I am functioning. And then March comes, and with spring, the darkness is replaced with light. Every year this cycle repeats. I used to not recognize what was going on and now I anticipate it. January is a “dark” month that is busy and maybe that busyness keeps me sane. This event happened in 2002 and is unresolved in many ways. It is unresolved legally. While I recognize that healing does not happen in the legal system, it is hard to move on until that has happened.
Bizarre how my professional life and personal life become entangled during the first month of the year. Logically I know things. But my heart does not believe my years of experience.
I want to talk about secondary trauma and maybe provide some understanding to professionals who are working with children or even adults and those in between ( but for the purposes of this blog, I am going to focus on children) who have experienced trauma or secondary trauma. I want to use my own experience to do so.
In January I become agitated. I become a little scattered…more than the normal chaos that is my life. I am tired. Fatigued beyond what anyone can really understand. I get physically sick. Sometimes with a sinus infection. Sometimes with a stomach bug. Sometimes with migraines. I stare off and disconnect…sometimes when it is not convenient. I can’t sleep. I over eat…junk food. I am distracted. I am full of anxiety. (Even as I write this…I am worried about how my family will feel…will I offend them? Will I hurt them by putting words to the experience? Will my colleagues feel differently about me?) I sometimes burst into tears and don’t understand why.
Until I remember. My body remembers first, then my heart, and finally my brain catches up. This went on for 11 years without my recognizing the connection. About four years ago, I began to make the connection back to my family tragedy and recognized that I was having some symptoms of secondary trauma.
I am an adult. An adult with 20+ years of working with trauma. It took me 15 years to recognize what was happening to me. This would be the first January that I am in control of my life. (Or at least I think I am.) And when I say control, I mean that I recognize what is happening and have a strategy to deal with it. Not that I don’t still cry when I think about the loss.
Children don’t have 15 years to learn to master their feelings and regulate their emotions. Children don’t have the words to describe these emotions they do not understand.
That child who is in your classroom, your after-school program, your Sunday school class…the one who is always bouncing off the walls. What if that is merely his body trying to save him from the pain of his trauma. The child who can’t ever stay focused. The one you call on in the middle of class when you know he is not paying attention, and then everyone in the class laughs at him—what if all his attention is focused on not completely disintegrating at any moment. We call these children low achievers. That little boy you don’t want your child hanging around because he has anger issues. Maybe he just needs some love and understanding. Maybe he has good reason to be angry. We call these children hyper. We call them a problem.
These kids are everywhere. Not just in school. This isn’t a blog picking on adults who work in the school system. I see them at church. I see them in Fred Meyers. I see them at the movies. I see them on neighborhood playgrounds. I see them in my son’s life.
I want to remind everyone that trauma can be as a result of abuse, but it can also be as a result of many other things. I recognize I am a child abuse advocate and most of what I write about is child abuse related. Trauma is trauma. Whether it is from abuse, from war, from loss…we may all experience it different. The impact is never the same. The response is not the same. But none of us are immune.
How many people do you recognize in your life who may be dealing with trauma?
Do you ever wonder how many social problems would almost completely disappear if everyone was given the tools needed to resolve trauma? Do you think we would continue to have substance abuse issues? If we could resolve trauma would we have the healthcare crisis we face now? If we were all taught how to work through and resolve trauma, would we see as many hate crimes? Would we need to spend billions on prisons? I wonder.
I am so incredibly lucky. I have a supportive family who when they don’t know what to say, say nothing and hold on tight. I am incredibly lucky in that I have a job that I love that allows me to take a sick day if I need to. I am incredibly lucky in that I am not struggling with other life challenges.
Usually at this point in the blog I am putting in some kind of resolution. Some kind of call to action. If I am honest I don’t know the answer.
Maybe compassion is the answer. Maybe seeing past the behavior and seeing the child is the answer. Therapy is a good start for the child so they can learn to recognize what is happening to their body. Therapy can teach them to understand they are not crazy. There are physical, biological responses to trauma both primary and secondary trauma. Therapy can teach them to master their emotional responses.
As adults in the lives of these children, maybe we can pause before we react to the behavior that is presented and question what the driving factor for this behavior is. Maybe we can stop asking why are you doing this and start asking how we can help. Maybe we can help support the caregivers in the lives of these children by taking the stigma out of seeking counseling.
We all need help every once in a while. Maybe love isn’t all we need after all. Maybe we need acceptance. Maybe we need understanding. Maybe.
