Category: Child Abuse Prevention

The tragedy of Victoria Martens we must prevent in the future

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Today I am sitting in my office trying to get caught up after the big snow fall in Medford. The office is officially closed in observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It is very quiet and peaceful here.

I have been reading about a case out of New Mexico of some pretty horrific abuse. Maybe you have read about it? It caught my attention on Facebook on a friend’s feed. I remember hearing a little bit about this case earlier in the investigation.

The child was ten years old and named Victoria Martens.

She was sexually abused and killed by her Mother’s boyfriend and his cousin while the mom watched. I would not advise researching for more information on this case, as most of the reports I have read have been pretty graphic and pretty horrific.

Most of my career in child protection I have categorized parents in two categories. There are those who do the best they can and that just isn’t good enough to keep their kids healthy and safe, so their children are abused. These parents have the ability to learn and have the desire to do so. These parents are the parents that when their children are removed from their care, they are usually returned after a treatment plan. Or maybe the children are left in their care with a treatment plan.

Then there are the parents I say are, well, just “mean” parents. It appears from the articles that I have read that Victoria unfortunately had a “mean” mom. These are the parents that are somewhat sadistic and are just cruel. I will admit that I do not know the truth of what happened and I am making judgements based on what I have read in the news article.

There among the news reports on the case is an interview with the Mother’s parents. The case reports state that the Mom watched her current boyfriend, and two other men before that, have sex with her daughter for her own sexual gratification. (I wasn’t kidding when I said the reports were graphic…they are disturbing even to me after many years of hearing these kinds of stories.) There are reports that she watched two people give her daughter, who was ten years-old, meth in order to calm her down so they could have sex with her.

Victoria’s grandparents say that the child never said anything and appeared to be happy. A friend and neighbor of the mom states, “I know Victoria is in heaven saying forgive my mom.” The grandparents agree. The grandparents report that their daughter loved her children and was a hard working single mother.

If that is the case, then that leaves the rest of us to ask what went wrong. What can we learn from this in order to prevent it in the future?

I need to know, even though I do not know Victoria, that she did not die for her mom’s, and the others allegedly involved, own perverted reasons. I need to know we, as in the global we, can do better for the Victorias in the world.

I have poured over the news reports in this case. My heart hurts. I cry not understanding how this happens. I compare it to my own life. What would have to happen in my life that I would find myself there and allow this to happen to ANY one’s child. I can come up with no scenarios.

My only hope is that most people in this world are made up of a moral fiber that does not allow for events to happen that would end in this result for a child. For any child.

Everyone one interviewed, or at least that I could find to read, stated that there were no signs that this was going on. The child seemed happy. Mom is described as a hard working single mom.

I wonder how many people in this child’s life had any education regarding identifying and responding to child sexual abuse. The mom states in one of her interviews that there were other men, acquaintances of mom’s, who had sex with this child because mom liked to watch.

I have a favor to ask of all those who are outraged and horrified by the Victoria Martens case.

If you believe that this ten year-old should not have been forced to have sex with the men in her mother’s life, if you think it is a tragedy that she was killed one day after her tenth birthday, and if you would do anything in your power to prevent this from happening to children in your life or in your community or in your child’s life or in your grandchild’s life, then please join the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County in our efforts to protect the children in our community from sexual abuse.

Sign up for a class through our Protect Our Children project. There are public classes every month. We will even do private classes for you if you have 5 people or more who are interested in protecting children.

We can make a difference. We can’t change what has already happened, but we can control what we do in the future to prevent these tragedies from happening.

Let’s all decide together that we will not accept that Victoria’s abuse and death could not have been prevented, that there were no signs.
A Survivor Shares her Story: Why CAC Matters

This is the inspiring speech presented by Kira Zavala at last year’s 2015 CAC Cherish a Child luncheon. Kira shares her experience as a survivor of child abuse and as a child receiving services from the CAC.

My name is Kira Zavala. I am a mother, wife, community volunteer, business woman and a survivor of child abuse.

In 1990 as an 8 year old little girl, I walked through the doors of the Children’s Advocacy Center. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know if people would believe what had happened to me, I didn’t know if I was safe and I didn’t know where my abuser was.

I had so many questions and I couldn’t find the right words to verbalize my questions. I was living in fear.

I remember walking into the building of the CAC for the first time and there were so many bright colors and it smelled so fresh and clean. I was seated in a waiting room with my mom and there were all of these really cool toys that I had never had the opportunity to play with before. They helped me to step outside of why I was there for a brief moment and gave me comfort.

Shortly after a lady greeted me, I said good bye to my mom and the lady walked me into a room that had a big two way mirror. I sat at a table with a piece of paper and coloring crayons. I knew it was time to start talking about what happened. My body got really hot and I began to get restless and scared.

I started coloring in order to not have to make eye contact with the lady. I remember being so ashamed and embarrassed to have to say it out loud. I felt that if I said it, it would be real and I didn’t want to remember it. But I knew I had to, in order to be safe and in order to not let it happen again to me, my siblings or anyone in my family.

After a few questions, I began to feel more and more comfortable talking to the interviewer. Once the interview was over, I had a sense of relief. But I didn’t know what was going to happen. The lady assured me that I was going to be safe. I rejoined my mother and we talked about the terrifying possibility of me having to testify in court.

I was afraid to have to make eye contact with my abuser. I was worried that he might try to hurt me again and in front of everyone. And I questioned, “What if he followed me home?”

On the day of court I remember being terrified. I again felt that I had done something wrong.

We first went to the Children’s Advocacy Center before going to the court house. We met in a room and everyone said wonderful things to me. I remember there being a social worker, a lawyer, a sheriff and a member of the CAC. After our meeting one of the ladies came into the room and gave me a light blue box. Inside was a crystal heart. I had never seen one close up. It was beautiful. While inspecting it she told me that I was strong, I was special and that I will grow up to be beautiful. It’s a moment in my life that I will never forget.

I held the crystal heart in my hand and walked to the court house. I held it as I took my oath and I held it even tighter during my testimony.

The lady was right! I am strong, I am special and I did grow up to be a beautiful.

Today, on behalf of 8 year old little Kira, the CAC, their community partners and most importantly the children who have and will walk through the doors of the CAC, WE would like to give you your very own Heart, please take one from the center of your table. As you hold this in your hand, know, as I did, that everyone in this room is STRONG, SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL.

All of the children who come to the Children’s Advocacy Center are STRONG, SPECIAL & BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you for your support for these children.

(This year’s Cherish a Child Luncheon is Oct. 20th 2016, 12 noon – 1 pm at Inn at the Commons in Medford, Oregon. For more information, to attend or to be a sponsor, contact Julia at: 541-282-5474 X111)

Kira Zavala
Farewell to our Development Director, Michelle Wilson

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

As I sit behind my computer staring at a blank screen I am very humbled and possibly somewhat overwhelmed.

Today I am writing about changes at the Children’s Advocacy Center. Changes that bring on both feelings of happiness and deep sadness. We are saying farewell to our Development Director, Michelle Wilson. She is moving on to new adventures that, unfortunately for us, include a new job.

Michelle has been part of the CAC team for seven years. Staying put for seven years in the same nonprofit is not something that happens very frequently. I like to say the players are always the same, just where they sit at the table is different.

Many people recognize Michelle as one of the faces of the CAC. Many people recognize Michelle as the person who raises revenue and rallies supporters for our agency. Today I want to invite you to look deeper at Michelle’s contribution to this community.

Without Michelle’s tireless efforts the CAC would not have been able to grow our capacity to serve the children and families we serve. Let that sink in a moment. Being the Development Director is so much more than just raising funds and awareness.

Michelle has helped behind the scenes insure our staff have what they need in order to help abused children journey to healing.

Literally thousands of children in Jackson County have been impacted by the work Michelle has done behind the scenes. Thousands of abused children have been able to get forensic interviews, therapy, mentoring opportunities, advocacy, and medical exams and begin to a journey of healing. Thousands of children understand that they have value. Thousands of children have the gift of knowing that their abuse does not have to define who they are.

Let’s change our lens and look at Michelle’s contribution from a different angle. There are many professionals in Jackson County who work tirelessly to protect the children of Jackson County who have received specialized training as a result of Michelle’s work. There are many professionals who were able to receive professional mentoring as a result of the funding secured through Michelle’s work. This training and mentorship multiplies those thousands of children impacted by her work, probably at least tenfold.

There are countless Board members that Michelle mentored. There are countless Board members that Michelle has helped recognize in themselves new skills and new strengths that they never knew they had. Michelle has done the same for many staff members.

From a more personal place, I would like to thank Michelle for making my transition into the Director’s position two years ago so much easier than it could have been.

It is always difficult to move to a new community. It is always difficult to take on a new leadership role. It is always difficult to come in and have new ideas and try to execute them in a place where there is an established culture. Michelle certainly helped to keep me on a pace that would help in my success in all those areas.

Tomorrow is Michelle’s last day with our Center as our Development Director. In a blog or newsletter in the near future I will be introducing the person who will be taking on the role of Development Director.

But for today in this moment, I am appreciating and recognizing Michelle’s contribution to our community. Today in this moment, I am recognizing that I am going to miss the daily check ins, the million emails, and the daily reminders to take care of myself. Today in this moment I will watch Michelle spread her wings just as a newly transformed butterfly does after emerging from their cocoon ready to tackle new challenges.

Transition is part of the life cycle of any nonprofit. We are definitely in another transition phase as committed staff members leave our agency to claim new adventures and new passions. I take heart that with every goodbye, we are saying hello to someone with new energy and new ideas that will take us to the next phase of our life cycle.
The CAC Movement: Behind the Scenes in Washington DC

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I am going to write a different kind of blog today. I just spent an amazing two days working with about 30 other professionals across the country in DC during a strategic planning exercise.

We were working on the strategic goal of Leadership and Collaboration. We were all conferred by the National Children’s Alliance. We all worked in some role in the children’s advocacy center movement.

I have had the privilege of working in this movement for 14 years. I also worked 12 years in the field of child protection outside the movement. Here are my take aways from this amazing experience:

1). There are a lot of really smart, talented, innovated, compassionate and passionate professionals who work in this movement. At one point, I found myself looking around the room in amazement. There was no ego present during these two days of really intense sessions. I wonder if there are other movements in which a room of professionals with different roles, wanting to see different outcome could put aside their own agendas so easily to work for the greater good.

2). There is a lot of work that goes on behind the scenes in Washington DC in a small building that can be found at 516 C Street NE on behalf of abused children. Some of it is smaller stuff, but most of it great big stuff! In the last 5 to 6 years that stuff has been absolutely life saving for the abused children each of the nearly 800 centers across the country serve.

We are being recognized as a national movement in ways that did not happen before. We actually have an organized effort on the Hill in DC. There are media campaigns available for individual centers to use. Our messaging is becoming more consistent. There has been a huge effort to get evidence based practices in all of our accredited centers.

Many will read this and think, Ok big deal. Yes it is a very big deal. These efforts are saving the lives of the children we serve. These efforts are keeping the issue of child abuse in front of our legislature.

We have seen what happens when we are not in front of them. Abused children get zeroed out of the national budget.

3). Never before have we as a movement been in a place where we can do so much to change the trajectory of abused children. We as a movement are invested in finding ways to make the intervention services we all provide be as trauma focused and efficient as possible. We are invested in making sure the providers have the best training opportunities. We are invested in making sure the CAC’s in our movement receive support and technical assistance at many different levels.

4). The only way we are going to be able to reach a “tipping point” as a movement fighting to address child abuse and to help heal those children who suffer from it, is if we work together collaboratively.

I once heard someone say “We all do well when WE ALL do well.” I firmly believe that. This group in DC working together for two full days did a lot of collaborative work. We all checked our agendas. We all walked away being heard—or that was my take on it. I suppose others might see things differently but not that I heard about. We shared ideas. We shared perspectives. We looked at data gathered by the National Children’s Alliance on how Centers are utilizing existing resources and where they are getting those resources.

And really the BIG take away for me was to recognize that working in the CAC movement is the best way to make an impact in the lives of abused children.

This is not to discount other organizations. This is not to discount other methods. But for ME, I see value in what is happening. I see value in what is being offered through each CAC across the country to children who are abused. I see value in coming together and sharing our resources for more efficiency. I feel valued and feel that my work is valued by this movement.

And finally, finally, I have worked inside this movement and outside this movement protecting and advocating for abused children. The children who receive services through a children’s advocacy center are given more opportunities to heal. They are given more opportunities to be heard. They are given more opportunities to find protection and safety.

Stay tuned. There are great things happening on behalf of abused children.

I feel so fortunate to be a part of those things. I feel fortunate to work with all of those working on behalf of children. I feel committed to working collaboratively with those working outside the movement on behalf of abused children. Together we are all making a difference in the lives of abused children.
Child Abuse: A greater incident rate than cancer
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April is Child Abuse Prevention month. This is the time of year that we use to spread the word about the social and public health issue that plagues our children. Many people do not generally think about child abuse unless they work in the field or have had it impact their family.

In the United States, four children die every day as a result of child abuse or neglect.

Some reports say that statistic is low and is actually closer to five a day. Most reports state that a large number of those dying are under the age of one. One report states that 79% of the children that die as a result of abuse and neglect are under the age of three. That seems incredible! It is frightening! It seems epidemic.

In 2014, according to the Oregon Child Welfare Data Book, 13 children died as a result of abuse or neglect. There were 10,010 child abuse victims and 46.4% of those victims were under the age of six. Of incidents of abuse, 44.2% were incidents of neglect, 7.1% physical abuse, 6.3% sexual abuse, 1.5% mental injury and 40 % were considered threat of harm which could be related to domestic violence, drug use, sexual abuse, mental injury, or physical abuse.

This is not happening in some far off place. This is happening in Oregon.

Nationally, reports indicate that somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of perpetrators of abuse are known by the children they abuse. They are people who are considered family or family-like.

The incidence rate of child abuse and neglect in this country is about ten times as high (40 children per thousand children per year) as the incidence rate for all forms of cancer (3.9 individuals per thousand individuals per year). This statistic is attributed to The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence.

I am also a supporter of cancer research, but when you think about it in terms of our addressing an issue equally in terms of importance; we do not put our money behind child abuse prevention. Not only do we not put our money behind child abuse prevention, we do not put our mouth behind it either.

While cancer is usually talked about in hushed tones, child abuse is rarely talked about at all.

In doing a google search for the top public health issue, child abuse does not even rank in most of the articles I read. Yet, if we look at the statistics of founded cases on both a national and state level, one can see it is clearly an issue that needs to be addressed.

Many people do not want to get “involved” in a situation that is considered “family business” by making a report. Others fear retribution if they make a report.

Recently, I spoke to a friend who had made report on behalf of a young family member. It has turned her family upside down. There has been much anger, fear, and anxiety experienced by all involved—the reporter, the perpetrator, the victim, those who support the perpetrator and those who support the victim. It is hard when you love both the victim and the perpetrator.

This friend is a hero of mine. In spite of all the chaos that ensued after the report was made, she has stood strong. She made the report. She protected the children involved. She has not stopped there. She is making it her business to protect all children.

While these statistics make some feel that it is hopeless, it isn’t. There are some things that we could all do.

Here is my top ten list in random order:
- Learn to recognize and respond to the signs of abuse. (Take a Protect Our Children class or host one for a group of your friends.)
- When you see something that does not seem right, make a report to DHS or law enforcement.
- Support those who make a disclosure of abuse. This can be as simple as not calling them a liar.
- Put everyone in your life on notice that you will not tolerate child abuse of any kind.
- Contact your elected officials on local, state, and national level and tell them keeping children safe from abuse is a priority for you.
- Vote for candidates that make children a priority.
- Donate your time, talent or treasure to an organization that works to protect children from abuse.
- Talk to the children in your life about what abuse is and what they should do if something happens to them. (This should include all kinds of abuse…bullying, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.)
- BE PRESENT IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE.
- When you see a parent struggling with their children in a public place, offer support instead of judgement.
If you want to learn more about any of these, to include learning “how” to do these, contact the Children’s Advocacy Center. If there is enough interest we will schedule a special class.

Here is a list of some fun activities you can participate in to let your community know that you will not stand for child abuse:

*Ongoing: The Change for Children Campaign will be taking place throughout the community.

This is an exciting collaborative project between, CASA, Children’s Advocacy Center and The Family Nurturing Center. Look for Change for Children donation jars at: The Butcher Shop, all Lithia car dealerships, Wamba Juice, Central Art Supply, Jackson Creek Pizza, Thai Bistro and Sunrise Cafe.

*April 16th: Panda Express Fundraiser

*April 23rd: Gamble for Good Poker Tournament Fundraiser

*April 25th: Protect Our Children Child Abuse Prevention Training

*April 27th and 28th: Recognizing and Responding to Child Abuse Training – Contact Ginny Sagal at: vsagal@cacjc.org for more information or to register
Hope in the most unlikely places

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April brings spring, renewal, energy and awareness on a very tough topic — Child Abuse.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who, like many other people who talk to me about my work, was very focused on the “depressing” part of my job. The conversations usually begin and end with something like, “You hear a lot of horrible things” or “ How do you sleep at night?”

I have even had people ask me what my job was and when I answered, they turned around and walked away. There were times in my younger years where people would not be friends with me because of what I did as a job. There were times that people would not date me because of what I did as a job. They would say things like “You are really nice, but I just don’t want to be around that stuff”.

I look back now and shake my head and wonder what in the world they thought I would be talking about with them. Most of the things that happened during the course of my work day were confidential and not things I could talk to anyone about. AND it is not like child abuse is contagious like the flu. When people have asked me to speak at an event or to talk about what I do, they always ask that I keep it light.

Here are the cold hard facts. Child abuse is not pretty. Child abuse is not glamorous. There are not many ways to keep that light and joyful. There are children who are hurt by someone they love multiple times a day, every single day. Child abuse is real. Child abuse is happening. Child abuse is being perpetrated by people I know. Child abuse is happening to children I know. Child abuse can be heinous and life impacting both physically and emotionally.

If there is one thing that working 26 years in the field of child abuse has taught me, it is that there is another side to the story.

There is much to be hopeful about. Yes. You read that right. I am hopeful.

When I was working as a forensic interviewer, I was happy to see children come to me. It made me feel relieved, even if for only a fleeting moment. The day they came through the door was the day that, just maybe, an adult could help make the abuse stop.

When I was working as a caseworker, even under the most stressful situations, I was glad to get reports assigned. It meant that someone cared enough about a child to pick up the phone and make a report. On the days that there were too many children and too many cases being sent my way to deal with, I knew that, for those children, there was hope. Hope for recovery. Hope for safety. Hope for a better tomorrow.

There is much to be hopeful about if we are all doing our part.

It is everyone’s responsibility to keep children safe. We can make a difference in the lives of our children and in the lives of children of future generations.

But… there is a price to be paid for that hope.

There has to be a shift in societal thinking and values. We HAVE to be able to talk about child abuse in order to educate the world about the scope of the problem. I truly believe that people in general do not understand the scope of the problem. We have to be able to talk to our children about appropriate boundaries. We have to be able to talk to the adults in our child’s life about what will be tolerated and what will not be tolerated in regards to behavior with and around our children.

We have to be able to talk to our legislative representatives about why child abuse prevention needs to be a top priority. We HAVE to end the silence. We HAVE to end the shaming of victims of child abuse. We HAVE to end the blaming of child abuse victims.

Child abuse is not a “child” problem. It is an “adult” problem. The problem is not with the child’s actions but with the adult’s action or reaction.

What if we all decided every morning that we were going to do one act during the day on behalf of a child? What if we all decided that today… right now… was the time to end child abuse?

I AM so hopeful. Children are continuing to need interviews, medical examinations and therapy assessments. We are overwhelmed some days with the amount of referrals and work there is to be done right here in Jackson County, but I am so hopeful.

Children mean that reports are being made. Medical evaluations mean that children get to learn that their bodies have not been broken by abuse. Therapy assessments mean that children get to learn that abuse has not made them worthless. Interviews mean that children have an opportunity to talk about what has happened and that an adult in a position to help make that abuse stop is ready to help them.

It is not hopeless. We only need to decide that we will be part of the paradigm shift that is needed in our world by starting to talk about what is child abuse and how to keep our children safe.

We are not powerless.

If we teach our children about what is abuse and if we talk about what will not be tolerated behavior with the adults in our children’s lives, we take back the power and we give to our children.
When a mom’s love is not enough . . .
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Yesterday morning, as I dropped my seven year old son off at school, I had a “moment”. It probably was not unlike a million other moments, had by a million other moms.

I was watching my son bound off across the playground; he turned around and waved good bye with a big smile on his face. And in an instant, I had this feeling of total and unconditional love and a second of panic as he turned and ran off. I watched my son almost in slow motion — his hair in the wind, his little feet and legs moving and then, in a fast sweeping moment, I lost sight of his face as he turned away from me to join his friends.

I was caught off guard. I wanted to stop time. Stop all movement. He was growing up too fast. I was no longer with him 24/7. I suddenly needed him to know that my heart could explode with how much I loved him.

I had tears streaming down my face…along with my mascara as I reflected that sometimes “that” love was not going to be enough to keep him safe.

I reflected on how many of the moms that I have worked with over the years had that same love, but somehow found themselves in situations in which their child was hurt by someone trusted in their life. I sat there in my car for a full ten minutes watching my son play and thinking how lucky I was. I sat there in my car and vowed to always do what I could to keep my child not only safe, but keep him in the center of my world so I could see all around him to ward off any would-be unsafe people.

I really think what is key is “keeping him in the center of my world”; not to either side, not as an afterthought, not when I have time, not behind me, not too far in front of me, but in the center where I can be present with him, where I can have a 360 degree view of his world and where I can put on notice anyone who may be thinking of trying to make my child unsafe.

It really is the best tool in my tool box.

My child is growing up and will be visiting friends in their home where I may not be with him. I am equipping him with the language to be able to talk to me and let me know if things do not feel right. I want him to know I am interested in what he has to say. I want his friends, his friends’ parents and anyone else around to know that I am interested in what is going on.

I want your child to have the same thing.

I use to be amazed when I worked as a caseworker with DHS when I would talk with parents who did not know their babysitter’s name or address or phone number. Many times they did not know who else lived in the house.

I want you to feel empowered to ask the hard questions. I want to know I am not alone in asking the hard questions. If we all ask them, then they become a little less hard to ask.

You may be asking, what are the hard questions?

Here are a few to start with:
- Do you have guns in the house? Where do you keep them?
- Who will be in the house while my child is visiting?
- Are there older kids there? Will they be left in charge of my child? Have they had any issues behaviorally or otherwise?
- What are you going to do if my child wants to call me?
- What kinds of programs will he be allowed to watch on TV?
- What kind of access will he have to the internet? Who will be monitoring that?
- What kind of video games if any will they be playing?
And then I think you let them know you have talked to your child about if anything feels uncomfortable or if anyone asks him to keep secrets or if anyone tries or succeeds in touching him in any place that is private or that he does not want, that he needs to tell you.

It does feel uncomfortable the first time you have this conversation. Your child will be mortified and embarrassed and that only gets worse the older they get.

It will not be easy.

But sometimes a mother’s love is not enough to keep a child safe.
The Cost of Even Keel

This is a post by Leah Howell, M.S., Training Coordinator for Protect Our Children Child Abuse Prevention Training of Jackson County, Oregon

A few years ago when my son was around 4 months old, we were concerned about his weight, so I did a Google Images search on what a typical 4 month old should look like.

I found a picture of a baby who could have been my son’s twin, and was born within weeks of my son. Out of curiosity, I clicked on the image and then the accompanying article. It was the story of a baby boy who had been repeatedly beaten, but each time was sent back home to his parents. At four months old he died at the hands of his father. To this day, when I think of that little boy, who deserved nothing but unbounded love, I feel deep, almost overwhelming sadness.

These strong feelings have significance to me because I have a 3 year old boy whose emotions seem to fluctuate between unprecedented elation and severe emotional distress from moment to moment.

My reaction to this roller-coaster of expression is to become “The Stabilizer.” I am the adult, after all. I am the person who needs to remain emotionally impervious to the tragedy of the minute, and offer some rational thought or feelings that balance his “crazy-makin’.” My son responds surprisingly well to most of my rational input-even at his age (you can give my husband all the credit for those genes).

Though I know “The Stabilizer” to be a necessary role currently with my three year old, I find that this function has morphed, and has begun to seep into me in a more personal way.

I find that it is my “go to” survival technique. When life gets stressful or overwhelming, I am the one who keeps the ship moving and minimizes any rocking – emotional or otherwise. Recently, I have sensed myself unwilling to contend with my own complicated emotions. Instead of feeling them, I choose to stuff them, then rationalize my way out of dealing with them.

I sometimes wonder how damaging this survival technique is. Used too often, this practice could keep me from focusing on the things that really matter – both in my family and community.

After all, allowing yourself to feel deeply is most often what compels a person to change or take decisive action.

Well known to most people, child abuse (and especially child sexual abuse) has been allowed to continue under the noses of many who would be outraged that it was occurring. But when adults in proximity were faced with this possibility, they perceived this truth as too devastating to them, and they took no action.

When I consider these tragic situations, I realize that I cannot continue as “The Stabilizer” for much longer, and still be the responsive parent I need to be. I acknowledge that the best protection I can provide to my son is to possess the will and courage to face the realities of life, (no matter how painful they may be) and walk alongside him through them- hand in hand.

Leah Howell
A Strong Man

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I will let you in on a secret. I love animated movies. I love Disney. I love Pixar. Long before I had my son, I would watch these movies . . . usually not on the big screen, but in the privacy of my own home.

When my son became old enough to watch movies, but too young to go to the theatre, I bought every animated movie I could find. Usually these movie days ended with me watching the movie alone as my son’s attention would be diverted elsewhere — long before the movie was over.

I think one of my favorites is the movie Barnyard. Have you seen that one? The animals can all talk but only do so when their human is not around. The main character is a cow who was found and adopted by the Patriarch Cow, Ben. This young cow, Otis, loves to party and have a good time. The Patriarch Ben is trying to teach his son the importance of work, and that being a leader means taking care of those around you.

There is a line that is the central theme of the movie. “A strong man stands up for himself. A stronger man stands up for others.”

Wow. That sums up life beautifully. We should be standing up for ourselves and modeling that behavior for our children. We need to make sure that we let people around us know what we need and to show our children that it is okay to take care of your needs and to value yourself.

Our purpose is to take care of those who are vulnerable and speak for them until they find their voice.

This month is Child Abuse Prevention/Awareness Month.

Every year this is a month that turns the spotlight on child abuse victims and what adults can do to keep children safe from abuse. For the month of April we make this huge push for these things to be in the public’s eye. And then it seems it is forgotten for the rest of the year, except by those whose job it is to work to keep kids safe.

Generally this is when I will write about a lot of statistics. Usually I would tell you that there were 707 confirmed victims of child abuse and neglect in Jackson County, Oregon last year. I would normally tell you that 1 in 10 children will be sexually abused before they turn 18. I would tell you that an estimated 400,000 babies born in the United States this year will be sexually abused before they turn 18.

But this year I wanted to do something more hopeful. I wanted to do something that would start a movement.

I want to challenge you to embrace Ben’s words. Every day I want you to find a way to stand up for yourself. Value yourself. Help others to value you. And I want you to take it one step further. I want you to find one thing that you can do to be stronger.

I want you to find one thing that you will do to stand up for abused children. That adds up to a lot being done on behalf of abused children in a year’s time.

You might be asking yourself “What Can I do?”

I am going to make it easy for you and make some suggestions:

• Learn to recognize the signs of child abuse

• Make a donation to an agency that serves child abuse victims. (my favorite is the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County :-))

• Volunteer for a program that serves children

• Take a child abuse prevention class (The CAC of Jackson County facilitates Stewards of Children/Darkness to Light once a month and also will come to your organization to facilitate a class just for your group)

• Let your government officials know that you support initiatives that help support child abuse victims getting the best services they can get

• Let your government officials know that training people who investigate child abuse or work with child abuse victims and their families is a priority

• Support initiatives like United Way of Jackson County’s Big Idea as a way to empower children to dream big and achieve goals

• Listen to a child

• Put a potential offender on notice by insuring you are not leaving your child alone with someone who is identified as unsafe, by knowing who your child spends time with and by insisting on background checks/references for people who will be in positions of authority (babysitters, youth serving programs etc) over your child

• Report abuse if you suspect it

That should get you started.

Live your life in a way that would make Ben, the cow, proud.

If you have not seen the movie, I strongly encourage it (with or without kids).
We Bid Farewell and Good Luck to Toni and Jack

By Tammi Pitzen, Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center

There are people that you meet along this journey called life and you know immediately that they are someone that will have an impact. On your life. On the lives of others. You may not know why they are important. You may not know how long you will have their influence. But you just know they are important. You recognize it in their eyes. You know you will never view the world in exactly the same way. And every time after that initial meeting this impact is confirmed.

For me Toni Richmond is one of these people.

Without ever hearing her speak, you know that she is someone that you can trust. A calming force. I cannot know what it must feel like to walk into Toni’s office looking for healing and empowerment. Looking for safety after abuse. I can imagine what it is like. I can see the young children and teens that parade in and out of that office. I can see their smiling faces. I can hear their laughter and sometimes their tears. I can see that they are stronger because of their time with Toni and Jack. I see the results of her dedication, compassion and empathy every time I am in the therapy reception area. I see it in the sweet little faces of the clients coming out of her office.

My very first week at the CAC I had an experience with Toni that set the tone for my entire leadership with this team. I started November 12, 2013 as the Executive Director. It was uneventful. However, my second day was November 13, 2013.

This would be the day that someone chose to bomb the DA’s office.

At around 7:30 in the morning, I received a phone call from Toni asking me if I had the news on. I did not. I was trying to get myself and my son together to leave and start our day. I remember thinking, “Why is she calling me?” And then the next thing she said was she couldn’t get to work because there was crime scene tape on the street near our center and there had been a bombing.

She paused and heard complete silence on my end. I heard, “Tammi, are you there?” I responded, “Yes.” What she said was, “Well, you need to make a decision about what we are going to do today.” What I heard was, “You are ready for this. 1. 2. 3. Here we go!!!!” I look back at this and she was so calm and so matter of fact about making plans to move forward. I appreciated that. It gave me time to take a breath. It reminded me that this is what we do every day. Just with explosives — that we cannot see the effects of immediately.

This calming, graceful, stylish way in which Toni responded is something I have since learned is just her usual way of dealing with whatever task is sitting in front of her.

As much as I would like to say that it is not happening, Toni is retiring. She will be around from time to time, but it will never be in quite the same way. I am going to miss her. I am going to miss going by her office to visit with her and with Jack. I am going to miss the very calm, very reassuring way she deals with everything that is put in front of her. I am going to miss sharing our fur-baby stories.

If you have not already, please make sure that you let Toni know what her time here at the CAC has meant to you.