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  • Safe & Sound Day 10 – Online Predators

    Day 10: Online Predators

    Welcome to Day 10 of Safe & Sound!

    All week we’ve been talking about internet safety and how to protect your child online. We’ve looked at cyberbullying, sexting, hackers and scammers. Today we’re taking about the “friends” online who are anything but.

    We’re talking about online predators.

    Online predators operate differently from other predators. Most predators are known by the parent (or caregiver) and the child. That’s how predators get what they want: they make a child feel safe being alone with them, and the parent also feels safe leaving their child alone with them. Only about 10% of the time is a predator a total stranger. And usually that 10% is hanging out online where your child is…talking to them through social media, games, messaging apps, etc. And their primary goal is to gain your kid’s trust.

    If you’re asking, “How does someone online become part of my child’s social circle?”, it comes down to grooming (what we now call manipulation). Predators identify potential victims, gain their trust, and systematically break down their defenses.

    How to protect your child from online predators.

    While there are several ways to help protect kids from online predators (checking friend lists, messages, and parental controls) one way to help protect them is to have a presence online. Often when parents come to our internet safety trainings, we hear questions about different social media platforms and how they work. We strongly encourage you to join the same social media platforms that your child uses. This can be anything from Tik Tok to Reddit. Whatever it is, ask your child to help you set up a profile on that platform. They may look at you funny or say that they will never connect or be “friends” with you, but that is not the point of you joining. You are joining so that you can be aware of the trends that are present on that platform. Additionally, it gives you something to talk to your child about— and we have already learned that open and honest communication is one of the biggest protective factors against abuse.

    If you’re wondering how joining a social media platform protects against online predators, here’s your answer: it removes a level of secrecy, and secrecy is where online predators thrive. If you have some working knowledge of how your child is engaging in social media, you can also be aware of how others are engaging with them. It helps you understand what questions need to be asked.

    You won’t always know everything that your child is doing online. But you can at least begin by setting up some boundaries and having conversations centered around online safety.

    This Weekend’s Activity:

    • Create a Tik Tok video with your child. This could be a dance or a challenge. Let your child decide which one they want to do and then give it all you’ve got!
    • Game with them. If your child is under the age of 13 (and not yet able to join social media), ask them about their favorite online game. Join in playing with them for a few minutes.
    • Go screen free. After you’ve done one (or both) of the activities above, make the rest of the day screen-free. (It’s all about balance.)
    • If you would like to attend the next Internet Safety Training the CAC offers, contact Lacey Elliott to get on the CAC’s email list at lelliott@cacjc.org 

    That’s it for Day 10! See you next Monday, when we start our last week!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 9 – Inappropriate Posts

    Day 9: Inappropriate Posts

    Today we’re taking about unsafe online behavior that can have a significant impact on kids.

    We’re talking about sexting and other inappropriate posts.

    If the thought of your kid sexting makes you cringe, we understand. And while this topic may seem to only apply to older youth, there are lessons in here for the younger set. You can lay the groundwork by talking about inappropriate posts with younger kids. Discuss what’s appropriate to post and send and what isn’t. This isn’t limited to nude photos or videos. For example, we can use conversations about cyberbullying to connect to this idea. You can say, “It isn’t appropriate to post untrue things about people because it can really hurt someone’s feelings. What other things would be inappropriate to post?”

    How to talk about sexting.

    For those of us who have older children, here are some tips and guidance on how to talk about sexting.

    • Let your teen be the expert. Stay away from judgment and shame. Avoid “why” questions that can bring judgment, and stick with “how” and “what” questions that encourage reflection. For example, rather than say, “Why would anyone send nudes?” you might say, “I read that some adults are sexting more right now — do you think it’s the same with teenagers?” It is most effective to raise these issues in short discussions and to scaffold this ongoing conversation over time rather than having one big talk.
    • Encourage critical thinking. Start with questions that will help teens assess the risk and anticipate the consequences of sexting. For example, “How come people sext?” “What would happen if you didn’t send a nude photo when someone asked you to?” Help them problem-solve how to handle tricky virtual interactions by asking questions like, “What are some ways you can manage what’s going on?” If you discover that your teen is engaged in sexting, remind them of the real-world consequences. Images can live forever on the internet. You can also offer this key litmus test to help your teen gauge if things are going too far: “Would you want your teacher to see this? Your friend’s parents? Your coach?” Be clear with your teenager about your family values, expectations, and potential consequences when it comes to sexting.
    • Teach your children that the buck stops with them. If someone sends them a sexy photo, they should delete it immediately. It’s better to be part of the solution than the problem. Besides, if they do send it on, there could be legal implications.
    • Be the askable parent. We’ve said this before, and we can’t emphasize it enough. Teach your kids that they can come to you when they’re facing tough situations. Reassure your teen that you are there to support them. If teenagers find themselves in a sexual situation that is uncomfortable and unwelcome, let them know that you can listen respectfully and without judgment. Tell your teen (often!) that you are available to talk, even if the conversation is awkward or difficult.
    • Talk about pressures to send revealing photos. Let teens know that you understand how they can be pushed or dared into sending something. Tell them that no matter how big the social pressure is, the potential social humiliation can be hundreds of times worse.
    • Start now. Don’t wait for an incident to happen. Talk about the consequences of sexting before it happens to your child or any of their friends. Sure, talking about sex or dating with teens can be uncomfortable, but it’s better to have the talk before something happens.

    Today’s Activity:

    Be curious. Sit down and ask your child if they or their friends have experienced sexting or sent or received posts that in hind sight were inappropriate.

    • Elementary-school kids: Ask your child what they would consider to be an inappropriate post.
    • Middle-school kids: Ask if anyone in their friend group has dealt with being asked for a nude photo or video. Ask your child what they would do if someone asked them to send an inappropriate post.
    • High-school kids: Come up with ways to say no to a sext request. Go back over the characteristics of a healthy relationship.

    That’s it for Day 9! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 8 – Gaming & Social Media

    Day 8: Gaming and Social Media

    Welcome to Day 8!

    No talk about internet safety would be complete without a word (or five!) on social spaces like social media or online gaming. So today for Safe & Sound, we’re looking at steps you and your child should take to stay safe online when they are interacting with others.

    Staying safe on gaming and social media.

    There are times when we miss the good old days…when Facebook was the only social media app, and you had to have a college email address to join. C’est la vie! Social media has exploded over the last five years, and it just continues to grow and evolve. Life now happens within an app for many kids, from elementary schoolers to teens. Social media does have positive aspects. It allows for connections, creativity, exploration, and laughter. But interacting with people you “think” you know can also be dangerous.

    Bottom line: kids need to know how to stay safe when socializing online.

    Focus on privacy.

    You can help protect your child online by focusing on privacy. Take a two-pronged approach. First, consider what your child puts out there. Second, check the settings on their account.

    • Consider what they put out there. This ties back to hackers. One easy way for someone to gather information about your child is through their username/handle. If you come across the user name JaneSmith84, it’s easy to discern two things: that person’s name and birth year. How about CaliBornSurfer12? Someone who was born in California and likes to surf. Hackers will use any type of information to try and break into your device. The less personal the information, the harder it is for a hacker to break in. Coach your child to create strong, safe user names that don’t give away their personal information. Example:
    • Check account settings: In this day and age of Instagram influencers and YouTube stars, some youth (and even adults) look to social media as a way to make money. The unfortunate reality: you have a 2% chance (the same odds of a high school athlete going pro) of making a living on social media. But this isn’t the only reason kids make their social media accounts public. They are often seeking validation. We can all acknowledge that the teen years are rough. For some kids, the need for acceptance and validation outweighs safety. Assess your child’s account settings—and check every app (even apps like Venmo!), because most have default settings that are set wide open for the digital world to see. Your child will be safer if their accounts are set to private and only people in their contact list in the app can message them. There is no good reason for a stranger to be able to message a youth.
    • For young kids, keep their circle to real-life friends. For younger kids who are not on social media platforms but perhaps play online gaming, talk with them about what is considered personal and private information and why it is important to not game with people you don’t know in real life. Not everyone is who they say they are online.

    Today’s Activity:

    Start with your own devices and check your privacy settings. If your child has a device, have a conversation about privacy settings and usernames.

    That’s it for Day 8! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 7 – Cyberbullying

    Day 7: Cyberbullying

    We’re talking about cyberbullying.

    Bullying used to happen in school hallways, bathrooms, or on the playground. Now, thanks to cell phones, bullying has entered the digital realm. And that means cyberbullying can happen anywhere: at the dinner table, in a child’s bedroom, in the car, or any other place your child has a device and is actively engaging with the internet.

    When you’re talking to your kid about cyberbullying, the easiest definition is “bullying that takes place over digital devices.” But there are some additional aspects of cyberbullying that you should know:

    • It’s persistent, ongoing, and permanent. Unfortunately, a one-off situation does not constitute cyberbullying. There has to be continued harassment. Cyberbullying is permanent because whenever anything is put on the internet, it is there forever.
    • It can take many forms. Types of bullying or harassment include:
      • Pretending to be someone else
      • Excluding someone from a group for no good reason
      • Sharing someone’s personal information
      • Posting rumors, information, or pictures meant to embarrass
      • Forwarding text or pictures meant to be private
    • It’s difficult for adults to catch. Cyberbullying happens across multiple platforms, including social media platforms, messaging apps, direct messaging functions, online forums, email, and online gaming communities. Today’s kids tend to have conversations online through their devices. The distance created by the screen can embolden kids to harass others. Kids need to be aware of how their actions online can affect others.
    • It’s the sign of an unhealthy relationship. On Day 4 of Safe & Sound, we talked about characteristics of healthy and unhealthy relationships. Cyberbullying is full of unhealthy red flags. A cyberbully can deal in betrayal, volatility, belittling, sabotage, and isolation.

    How to fight cyberbullying.

    There are ways to combat cyberbullying. Having conversations with your child now can help curb the effect cyberbullying has on them later. It all boils down to three steps: Block, Report, and Ignore. Block anyone that is cyberbullying. Report the instance to the platform/app it is happening on. Ignore and don’t respond to any posts. Ignoring online harassment is also the recommended course for anyone who sees it happening. When your child responds to a cyberbullying post, even if it’s to say, “That’s not true,” it ends up spreading that post further. If your child does see cyberbullying happening, encourage them to reach out to the person who is being bullied. Let that person know that not everyone is against them.

    Be the parent or caregiver that is open to talking about tough topics. If your child has a question or is facing a difficult issue and you don’t know the answer, be willing to say so—and then follow through and find out the answer with your child. Show your child that they are not alone.

    Today’s Activity:

    It may be easier for your child to consider cyberbullying—and consider what they would do—from a position that is removed. Watch a movie with your child and talk through the discussion questions.

    Younger Kids:

    Watch the movie Wonder (this may take a few days to complete). It is a great example of how someone can make a huge impact on a person’s life who gets bullied.

    • Wonder Discussion Questions (from Common Sense Media)
      • How do the other kids react to Auggie in Wonder? What do they learn about him over the course of the movie? What do you think you’d do in their position?
      • How does being bullied affect Auggie? How do you feel about Julian at the end of the movie? What role does peer pressure play in some of the bullying? How would you handle the situation that Jack Will faces?
      • How does the story show the importance of empathy and perseverance? Why are those important character strengths?

    Tweens and Teens:

    Watch the movie A Girl Like Her (Trigger warning: there is an attempted suicide.)

    • A Girl Like Her Discussion Questions (from Common Sense Media)
      • Why is the issue of teen bullying getting addressed more frequently in popular culture? Is bullying as widespread as A Girl Like Her makes it seem? What are ways you can help stand up to bullying? Bullying is often seen as physical abuse, but A Girl Like Her shows that words are just as powerful. Talk about the different ways that people can bully others; what has the most lasting impact?
      • Talk about teen suicide. This is an incredibly tough topic, but one that needs to be addressed. What makes some teens think that it’s their only option? What impact does their decision have on their friends and family? Where can kids in despair turn for assistance?
      • How do the characters in A Girl Like Her demonstrate compassion and empathy? Why are these important character strengths?
      • In one scene, a father shows compassion for the actual bullies, who often need as much help as those being bullied. How does this movie portray the bully? Why do you think she bullied her former friend?
      • Brian is stuck between wanting to keep his promise to Jessica and needing to tell others about her situation. Do you think it would have made him a bad friend to tell others before things went so far? What’s the message here for teens who have friends suffering from bullying?

    That’s it for Day 7! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 6 – Hackers and Scammers

    Day 6: Hackers and Scammers

    Welcome back!

    We’re starting Week 2 of our three-week Safe & Sound program. This week we’re focusing on internet safety. We’re going to cover five key areas of the internet that can put your child at risk, and give you clear tools to protect your kid, no matter their age.

    We’re starting the week by looking at a class of bad actors who deal in deceit and trickery.

    We’re talking about hackers and scammers.

    Hack and scams have become one of the more annoying aspects of being online. Hackers and scammers have gotten more aggressive—they’ve ramped up their frequency and they are trying new ways to reach you and your child.

    The biggest difference between a hack and scam is your child’s participation. When a hacker is involved, your child is a passive participant. Usually, the hacker doesn’t need your child to do much of anything in order to hack their computer, account or profile. We’ll talk more about how to keep your child safe from hackers on Wednesday, when we talk about Social Media. (Hint: it has to do with privacy settings).

    A scam, on the other, requires your child to be an active participant. Your child has to provide information or access for a scam to be successful.

    For youth, the most common scams are contests, selling cheap luxury items, information farming, and scholarships and/or grants.

    How to spot and avoid scammers.

    First, teach your child to never click on a link from someone they don’t know.

    Then teach your child how to spot a scammer by looking more closely at emails, texts or posts before acting. Here are “scammy signs” to look for:

    • Bad spelling and grammar. When you receive an email or a text look carefully at the spelling and grammar within the text. Oftentimes, there are multiple misspellings or incorrect usage.
    • A different sending address. When a scammer sends an email, in the body of the email they might state that they are from such and such corporation, but the sending email does not connect with that company. .
    • A high level of urgency. Many times, scammers will use a sense of urgency (“this deal ends tonight!”) to try and get you to click on a link or give up information.
    • An offer that’s just too good. Remember the old saying: if it seems too good to be true…it probably is!

    Today’s Activity:

    Sit down with your child and show them a scam. It can be a voicemail, text, email, or post on a social media page that you recently received. See if they can spot any of the ”scammy signs” above. Children of any age need to have safe, controlled exposure to what a scam looks and sounds like.

    That’s it for Day 6! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 5 – Your Changing Role

    Welcome to Day 5 of Safe & Sound!

    Today we’re talking about how to keep kids safe when they no longer seem to need you.

    In Day 1, we shared that good communication is one of the best protections against child abuse. Communication may feel easy while your child is young. But with each passing year, it can feel harder to connect. As your child grows into adolescence, you may feel pushed aside. Just remember that kids in this stage are completing the important developmental task of establishing themselves as individuals outside of the context of their families. Plainly speaking, they don’t want to—nor should they need to—rely on you all the time. Other players enter the game. Friends, peers, teammates, and the media take up real estate in a teen’s life. This transition is healthy, even if it is frustrating and a little bit heartbreaking.

    So how do you keep your kid safe when they no longer need you?

    It comes back to communication—and understanding your changing role.

    Accept that your role as a parent changes over time.

    Over the course of your child’s life, your role shifts from being their main teacher and advocate to being their supporter and guide. It can feel as though you’re not needed—but you still are. And you can still protect your teen “from afar” with regular communication. The trick is adjusting your conversations to reflect your new role as a guide.

    Adjust your conversations accordingly.

    Hopefully, up to this point, you have been showing your child that you are a safe and understanding adult, and they can come to you for information and advice. As kids grow older, what they need from you changes. Often, teens aren’t expecting you to fix things, they just want you to listen. They want to find their own answers and know that they have your support.

    If you can you keep your “guide” hat on, your teen will be more likely to keep communicating with you. And that will give you continued opportunities to gently touch on topics like consent, body safety, and healthy relationships.

    Today’s Activity:

    Ages 3+: Offer a journal or “question box.” Whether your child is young and barely writing, or older and barely talking, this easy project can help open up channels of communication. Pick up a journal or sketch book or make a “question box.” Tell your child they can write down any question and get an answer. Make a plan (together) for how often you’ll check for questions, and agree on how you’ll deliver your response. (You might write your answer in the journal or deliver a note to your child’s room, for example.) This system is especially good for tough or uncomfortable topics. Sometimes children need to ask questions, but they might not be ready to do it face to face. This option is ideal for kids who are more comfortable writing their thoughts, drawing, or need time to reflect on a question or issue.

    Ages 0-3: If your child is too young to write or draw, focus on doing Day 1’s 10 minute floor time activity, and keep spending that valuable time with your child every day. Building a foundation now will pay off later when you are ready to begin this “Question Box” activity.

    And some last thoughts for the week:

    As we wrap up our first week of Safe & Sound, we want to encourage you to take a big breath, hold it, and let it all out.

    We know that talking about child abuse can get overwhelming at times. It can also feel like we’re walking around with our eyes closed trying to make sense of everything around us. That feeling is normal and even expected. The activities we introduced this week may feel awkward or even uncomfortable in the beginning. But the more you talk with your child about body parts, boundaries, body safety, consent, and relationships, the more natural it will start to feel. It’s also worth it to know you are doing everything in your power to protect and empower your child.

    We also want to remind you that you are not alone in this. The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County (CACJC) exists not only to support children and families who have experienced abuse, but also to help everyone in our community learn how to prevent child abuse.

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  • Safe & Sound Day 4 – Modeling Healthy Behaviors

    Welcome to Day 4 of Safe & Sound!

    Today we’re talking about healthy relationships.

    Did you know that healthy relationships (being in one and observing them) are a critical protective factor against child abuse? When your child understands and experiences healthy relationships, they are better able to understand when a relationship is unhealthy. Help your child recognize red flags, and you make it much harder for an offender to gain your child’s trust.

    You teach your child about relationships every day.

    We have so many opportunities to demonstrate the characteristics of a healthy relationship to our kids. It begins at home, when a child is still in infancy, but can continue until, well, forever. The person (or people) caring for a young child teach early lessons about love and trust. As a parent, grandparent or caregiver, your relationship serves as a foundation for many of the other relationships your child will experience. These other relationships can include:

    • Friend: Outside the relationship between child and caregiver, this is one of the first relationships a child will experience.
    • Student to a teacher: This is another relationship that enters very early into a child’s life. It has the potential to shape their view of adults and school in general.
    • Coach to an athlete: A power dynamic is present in this relationship. It is a great space to practice boundaries.
    • Romantic partner: A child observes this type of relationship for many years before experiencing it themselves. A child may observe their caregiver(s) or other adult family members in romantic relationships. As a child grows older, they will also observe their peers in romantic relationships.
    • Employee to a manager: This relationship also includes a power dynamic. Regardless, there still needs to be trust, respect, and good communication.

    What do healthy relationships look like?

    Hallmarks of healthy relationships are trust, honesty, compromise, individuality, anger control, good communication, and mutual respect. Talk about these characteristics with your child, and try to model these in all of your relationships.

    The red flags of unhealthy relationships.

    As you teach your child about healthy relationships, it’s just as important to help them recognize the red flags that warn us of unhealthy relationships. These red flags can be present in any type of relationship—so you should be able to talk about them with kids of any age.

    The red flags are:

    • Intensity: expressing extreme feelings that aren’t reciprocated; can feel very overwhelming
    • Manipulation: when the other person tries to control your decisions, actions, and even your emotions
    • Possessiveness: jealousy to the point where they try and control where and how you spend your time
    • Isolation: removing, sometimes, forcibly, from any other relationship including family
    • Sabotage: a purposeful action of ruining your reputation, achievements, or success
    • Belittling: putting you down to make you feel bad about yourself
    • Guilting: making you feel responsible for their feelings and actions or making you feel like it is your job to keep them happy
    • Volatility: constant unpredictable reactions that lead to you feeling scared, confused, or intimidated
    • Deflecting Responsibility: never taking responsibility for their unhealthy behavior
    • Betrayal: disloyalty or being intentionally dishonest

    Today’s Activity:

    Watch the recommended video(s) and have a conversation about the relationships in your child’s life.

    Young kids: DANIEL TIGER’S NEIGHBORHOOD | Friends Help Each Other (Song) | PBS KIDS

    Younger school-age kids: Video Lesson – Friendship Soup Recipe: A NED Short

    Older school-age kids: Healthy vs Unhealthy Relationships

    Tweens and teens: What Makes A Relationship Healthy?; What Teens Think About: Healthy Relationships; That’s Not Cool TV

    That’s it for Day 4! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 3 – Giving Consent

    Welcome to Day 3 of Safe & Sound!

    Today we’re talking about consent.

    When we say that word, what runs through your mind? What do you think runs through the mind of a child or teen? Adults tend to think of consent only as pertaining to sex and sex education. But consent can be about more than sexual contact.

    Consent is about having control of your body. How you talk about consent with kids will change as they get older. And that’s important to understand: you need to keep talking about consent year after year, so kids understand how it applies to new situations. Frequent talks about consent also help reinforce the message behind it all: your body is your own and you get to decide how others interact with it.

    Modeling and practicing consent.

    At Home

    From the outset, you can be a model of consent by asking your child if you can display physical affection. Ask “May I have a hug?” or “May I have a kiss?” It might feel odd, but you are beginning to teach a critical piece of safety.

    At the Doctor’s and Dentist’s office

    Have a conversation with your child and explain that they have the power of consent even at the doctor’s or dentist’s office. All adults—even doctors and dentists—should always ask permission to touch. Reassure your child that you will be present at all times (until they reach the age where it is appropriate for them to have conversations alone with their doctor). You should also have the practitioner’s office put a note in your child’s chart to make sure to ask for permission to engage with their body. If the doctor or dentist needs to have a discussion about it, they can talk to you and you can explain your rationale.

    With Friends and Family

    It’s not uncommon for parents or caregivers to encourage kids to give physical touch to extended family. For example: “Go give so and so a hug.” It can be hard to draw body boundaries with family, but it’s crucial that you let your child do so. Why? Because otherwise, you’re teaching your child that there are some people they have to interact with in ways that might make them feel uncomfortable or unsafe simply because those people hold a certain position in their life. Reinforce the idea that you do not have to hug someone if you don’t want to. Give kids the power to say no and the freedom to choose other options—like giving a high five, fist bump, or even a wave. Remember: a child’s “no” is just as valid as an adult’s.

     In a Romantic Relationship

    When addressing what consent looks like in a romantic relationship, you will want to discuss what a healthy relationship looks like. Don’t worry—we will be covering that tomorrow in Day 4! Additionally, you want to explain that just because your child is in a romantic relationship doesn’t give either person a free pass to do whatever they want (whenever they want) to the other person’s body. If the relationship is healthy, saying “no” to physical touch—at any point, regardless of what you may have said yesterday, an hour ago, or a second ago—should be enough to make it stop.

    Today’s Activity:

    Young kids: Review the definitions of relevant words, i.e. body, space, touch, stop, etc. When you are playing with your child(ren) and they ask to stop or get down, respond immediately. Then explain that whenever your child asks someone to stop doing something, the other person needs to listen.

    School-age kids: Watch this YouTube video with your kiddo(s). Find teachable moments in TV shows and movies. Ask your child, “How do you think he knew that she wanted him to kiss her?” Be curious. Ask questions like, “What do you think about when you hear the word ‘consent’?” and “Are there areas in your life where consent is important to you?”

    Older youth & teens: Discuss how consent can and should be present in romantic relationships. Ask if your teen recognizes how substances can affect a person’s consent. Go over verbal and non-verbal forms of consent.

    That’s it for Day 3! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 2 – Talking About Body Safety

    You’ve probably already had many safety talks with your child—like wearing a bicycle helmet or washing hands after using the restroom. As parents and caregivers, we want our kids to be safe. But sometimes we skip a crucial safety talk because it makes us uncomfortable, or we don’t know much about it, or we just don’t understand how important it is. 

    We’re talking about body safety.

    Even if you’ve talked with your child about their body, it’s important that you have the “whole talk.” Talk with them about body parts, body boundaries, and appropriate touch. The younger a child is, the easier it is to start these conversations, but you can absolutely begin at any age! Kids are never too old to talk about body safety. Teens can definitely benefit from conversations about body boundaries and types of touches. Start talking and keep talking with your teen. As your teen gets older and experiences different types of situations, they’ll know you’re still there and available to talk.

    Here are some guidelines for talking with kids about body safety. Then scroll to the bottom of the page to learn about today’s activity.

    What if something comes up?

    If, during one of your talks, you learn about abuse, keep calm. Then to report child abuse to the Oregon Child Abuse Hotline at 1-855-503-SAFE (7233). The Oregon Child Abuse Hotline receives calls 24 hours a day. 7 days a week, 365 days a year. If you think someone is being hurt or is in danger, call 911 immediately.

    Talking body safety with younger kids.

    Talk about body parts. When you normalize the names of private body parts—such as penis, vagina, breasts, and bottom or buttocks—you help reduce any shame or confusion surrounding these parts. You also create an easy “in” to talk about which body parts are considered private and why. Be sure to include the mouth in these discussion—because the mouth can also be considered a private body part.

    Discuss body boundaries. Start with an important boundary: no one should ever touch your private parts nor should they make you touch theirs. Let your child know that they get to decide who touches them. They get to set boundaries with family members and friends. Allow your child to decide whether they want to receive or give a hug. They can easily give a high five, fist bump, or a wave instead. And have them start asking for permission to give hugs to other people. Consent goes both ways.

    Talk about touch. First, know the right way to talk about touch. Terms like “good touch” and “bad touch” can confuse kids, because abuse (specifically sexual abuse) does not necessarily feel bad physically. It’s more clear if you talk about touch as, “comfortable vs. uncomfortable” or “appropriate vs. inappropriate.” Discuss scenarios where certain kinds of touches are OK—like when a doctor is checking to see if your body is healthy.

    Talking body safety with older kids and teens.

    Use media to make it relevant. Older kids and teenagers are connected to media at a whole other level. Use social media, a tv show, or a movie to ask them what they think about different situations involving body safety. Empower them to share their opinions—it shows that you care about what they think and how they approach situations.

    Share your own stories. Sharing a personal experience about body safety can make you feel vulnerable—but sharing your experiences sets a powerful example for your teen. And you also show your teen how relevant you can be to discussions about body safety. You can make these kinds of conversations easier by choosing a place where you feel comfortable to share.

    Connect it to their friends. These kinds of conversations aren’t just for your teen’s benefit—help them understand their friends can be safer as a result. Teach your teen about potential red flags. Talk about how they would handle it if a friend confided in them about abuse. Let your teen know that they never have to carry that burden of disclosure on their own. They can always bring those situations to you and ask for help. Be ready and willing to make a report to help protect your teen’s friend.

    Today’s Activity:

    Young kids (0-4 years old): Have your child point to body parts as you call them out. Use anatomically correct names! Have a conversation about what parts are considered private and why.

    School-age kids (5-10 years old): Ask your child to give examples of safe, unsafe, and unwanted touches. Review names of body parts.

    Tweens and teens (11-17 years old): Pick a movie where issues of body safety come up. (Some suggestions: Sixteen Candles, etc.) Get a movie night on the family calendar. When you do watch the movie together, be ready to talk about safety issues afterwards.

    That’s it for Day 2! See you tomorrow!

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  • Safe & Sound Day 1 – The Very Best Thing You Can Do to Protect Your Child from Abuse

    Welcome!

    Today we’re kicking off Safe & Sound by talking about the one thing that best protects kids against child abuse: COMMUNICATION. And we can already hear you through the screen asking, “How do I do that?” We’ve adapted some strategies—courtesy of Dr. Amy Stoeber—to help parents and caregivers really TALK with kids of any age. So on Day 1, we’re going to take ten minutes and practice the super simple method to safeguard your child and strengthen your bond.

    More ways you can participate in Safe & Sound:

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    Day 1: Ten Minute Floor Time

    It’s called Ten Minute Floor Time.

    And it’s as simple as it sounds. It takes ten minutes. You sit on the floor. You give your child your full attention. And then you let your child decide how they want to spend this magic time with you. Ten Minute Floor Time works best when you approach it as an almost-daily practice. It may take several days (or weeks!) before your child adapts to this new routine. And it may be even longer before your child trusts that they can really open up and ask or tell you anything. Good communication doesn’t happen overnight. You need to lay a foundation. And Ten Minute Floor Time will help. So let’s get started! Read through the steps below, and then figure out when you can put Ten Minute Floor Time into action. Start tonight if you can. But if today already has a LOT going on, that’s okay. The important thing is to get familiar with how Ten Minute Floor Time works and figure out where it can fit in your family’s schedule.

    How to Do Ten Minute Floor Time

    1. Find a consistent time (every day or almost every day) during the week where you can take 10 uninterrupted minutes to be with your child. Just do your best, and recognize that some floor time is better than none. Aim for 3-4 times a week.

    2. Pick a space where your child likes to hang out. It could be their room, the family room, or the kitchen table. What’s important is that the space feels comfortable for them. Try and make it the same space each time. For younger kids (10 and under) remove distractions, including phones and other devices. And be sure to switch off your phone so nothing’s distracting you.

    3. Give your child control. Let your child know that for the next ten minutes, they get to guide this time. They can ask you to play a game. They can ask you to read to them. If your child isn’t sure what to do with this time, just sit and just be near them. If you have a tween or teen, you might just be in the room while they read, do school work, or just exist independently. (This will probably be the case the first few times.) They might show you a new social media profile or online game. For every age of child, let them know (without pressuring them) that they can talk to you about ANYTHING, which means they can also ask you ANY question. Nothing’s off limits.

    4. Be honest. If your child does ask a question, be open and honest with your answers. This is how you build trust. If you don’t know an answer to a question, say so. And say you will find the answer together. 5. Keep it pressure-free. Don’t rush an activity. Don’t ask about grades or homework or their social life. If your child would rather play than talk, that’s ok! Play is still a form of communication. Focus on enjoying each other’s company.

    Why floor time works.

    To have a healthy relationship with your child, good communication is essential. And kids find comfort in the routine of an activity like 10 Minute Floor Time. The more comfortable you and your child are talking, especially with “taboo” topics, the stronger your bond will become.

    That’s it for Day 1! See you tomorrow!

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