I have been a music lover for most of my life. My taste in music is very eclectic. For me, it is about the memories, feelings, and emotions that are conjured up. I like everything from Reggae to Hip Hop, to Country to Rock to classical, and everything in between. Music helps to put my feelings in order. Music helps me to reconnect with the world. It has always been that way. My happy place, the place where I get re-centered, is sitting by water… preferably the ocean, and listening to music.
Recently I have rediscovered “Waiting for the World to Change” by John Meyer. It resonates with me –particularly because of the work I have been doing for the last thirty-plus years. It is hard to not think about this song and think about the many children I have worked with or those I did not get the opportunity to work with who are just waiting for the world to change. When I started this work more than 33 years ago, I had a few goals. To change the world. To change my corner of the world. To make my community a little better, a little kinder, a little safer.
As an adult who has spent the majority if not all my life living in a safe abuse-free world, I am struck by how I have the luxury of being able to wait for the world to change. I can wait. There is no urgency for me as far as my personal life goes. I was not abused as a child. I have a spouse that does not hit me. I was well cared for by my parents and my family. I had my basic needs met. I still have my basic needs met.
But when I think about the children who are experiencing abuse and think about the stories of the children who I have been so lucky to work with over my career it makes my heart hurt a little bit. My heart hurts for the hundreds of children who never find the opportunity to find safety. Who never feel safe to disclose their abuse.
My heart aches for the child who told me she had told someone six months ago about what happened and had been waiting for someone to help her. She had been sexually abused by her stepfather and was scared. She told me how she tried different things to make the abuse stop. She thought if she could change something in her life or his the abuse would stop.
My heart aches for the young adolescent boy whom I went out to follow up on a report called in over the weekend who came running out to my car as I arrived with two black eyes, a broken nose, and a broken arm that was the result of his dad abusing him. He came running to my car with frightened eyes but a wide smile. “I knew something would happen! I knew someone would help me!”
Those children and their siblings were waiting for something to happen…for something to change in their world that would help them be safe and free from abuse. Someone called in a report. An emergency room doctor did not believe the stories being told to them. A teacher saw behavioral changes in her student and reported her concerns.
“Me and all my friends
We’re all misunderstood
They say we stand for nothing, and
There’s no way we ever could”
“Now we see everything that’s going wrong
With the world ….We just feel like we don’t have the means
To rise above and beat it”
“It’s not that we don’t care
We just know that the fight ain’t fair
So we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change”
“So we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change
We keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change”
“It’s hard to be persistent
When we’re standing at a distance
So we keep on waiting (waiting)
Waiting on the world to change”
Through the eyes of the children in our world experiencing abuse, this song takes on new meaning. It becomes an anthem. These children do not have the time to wait. It seems dramatic but I guess it kind of is. The luxury of being patient for the world to change does not exist for these kids—for the kids who are experiencing abuse—for the kids struggling to survive. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, the United States has one of the worst records among industrialized nations – losing on average between 4 to 7 children every day to child abuse and neglect. In our country, 4 to 7 children die as a result of abuse and neglect. Those children died waiting for the world to change. It seems dramatic because it is dramatic!
That young adolescent boy with black eyes, a broken nose, and a broken arm—later tracked me down long after I had worked with his family. He expressed how he knew things were going to get better when he saw me that very first day when I arrived at his home. I was 22 years old when I first met this child. I don’t remember much about that day. I don’t remember how things transpired. We didn’t have cell phones. I was out in the middle of nowhere with no way to call my supervisor or a judge. I had to drive 30 to 45 minutes back to the office to get an order to go back and pick up him and his 4 siblings. I don’t remember any of that. I remember the panic I felt when I realized I was going to have to leave this child and hope when I came back that no one was hurt further. I remember the anger I felt that he was left for the weekend to survive. I remember the gratitude that none of the kids had been hurt further while they waited. I remember wondering how long they had to wait for something to happen that was “enough” to act to provide safety. I remember crying in my car on the way home that night.
The work we do today on behalf of children who experience abuse changes all of our world tomorrow. We are not powerless. Child abuse happens in silence and isolation. It isn’t visible in our everyday life like many other public health issues. If we want substance abuse rates to come down, we have to stop waiting for the world to change. If we want the homeless rates to come down, we have to stop waiting for the world to change. If we want suicide rates to come down, we have to stop waiting for the world to change. If we want domestic violence rates to come down, we have to stop waiting for the world to change. We know the answer. We know how to change the world for these children, ourselves, and our community. The Adverse Childhood Experiences Study tells us. There are high correlations between these social issues, many chronic health issues many mental health issues, and early childhood trauma like abuse left without intervention. We know that by intervening early and close to the event that caused the trauma (abuse) we can mitigate lifetime impacts. When we take into consideration social determinants of health and use the interventions we know to be effective in transforming trauma into healing we ARE changing the world.
What are you waiting for? We all can do something. We all can do one thing to change the world. One person doesn’t have to do it all. But each person can do something. It can be to volunteer at an organization that serves children who have experienced abuse, like the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. It can be to provide an investment or financial gift to support the work being done on behalf of children who experience abuse, like the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. It can be to call the child abuse hotline when you see or hear something about a child being hurt through abuse. You can listen to a child when they tell you they feel uncomfortable around another adult or child. You can pay attention to the physical signs of a child being hurt and act by making a report to the child abuse hotline. You can help provide support and gratitude to the many men and women who work tirelessly every single day to help children find safety and justice after abuse. The list is endless. The possibilities of how you can help are limitless. All these things help to make the vision of communities where children are safe and families are strong a reality.
Why are you still waiting for the world to change? YOU have the POWER to CHANGE the WORLD.
