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Only Love Sets Us Free

By Michelle Wilson, CAC Development Director

We received a lot of responses to the sharing of the poem “I Just Wanted to Tell You” by one of our therapists, Catherine Zern, LCSW. Many people were touched by the story she shared in this piece of a child reaching for love and guidance.

The poem was a tribute to the hundreds of children and teens who come through our center each year and to all who are suffering from abuse, neglect, loneliness, and fear.

In this post I want to share another poem, one by Maya Angelou. It is one of my favorites of her work and it is a follow up to the story of the child in the poem by Catherine. It is a poem about love and, for me, it is about the kind of love that gives us courage and opens our hearts to those who need us to be brave.

It is a poem about how and why we continue to do what we do for children and those whose lives are shadowed by fear and suffering. It is about the reason and the pathway to helping children and teens, even when things feel hopeless.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and as we prepare for that, I will hold this poem in my mind and heart. I share it as a reminder for us all of the reason and the pathway.

And I share it as a tribute to the “angels” who come to us at the center and to the angels within each one of us.

Touched By An Angel
By Maya Angelou

We, unaccustomed to courage
Exiles from delight
Live coiled in shells of loneliness
Until love leaves its high holy temple
And comes into our sight
To liberate us into life.

Love arrives
And in its train come ecstasies
Old memories of pleasure
Ancient histories of pain.
Yet if we are bold,
Love strikes away the chains of fear
From our souls.

We are weaned from our timidity
In the flush of love’s light
We dare to be brave
And suddenly we see
That love costs all we are
And will ever be.
Yet it is only love
Which sets us free.
707 Victims of Child Abuse in Jackson County

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

In preparation for April’s child abuse prevention and awareness activities, I have been looking at a lot of child abuse numbers . . . statistics etc. I do not believe that the numbers ever tell the full story.

In Jackson County in 2013, there were 707 child victims of abuse or neglect. These are not the “grey void” cases. Grey void is what I call those cases that fall into the category of not good parenting decisions that do not rise to a level of founded abuse, but still have a negative impact on a child’s life. There are many cases that fall into that void.

The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County served 601 new child clients in 2014. (“New” is defined as first point of contact, but does not include clients receiving services that are continuing from the prior year.)

But the question is — what does this really mean? What story do the numbers tell you? What do you see when you read those numbers?

I will tell you what I see. I see sad small child faces. I see the children who go to school with my son. I see the children who sit with me in church. Those 707 live with me in this community.

What do you hear?

I will tell you what I hear. I hear silence. The kind of silence that speaks volumes. Most children do not report their abuse. Most depend on others to speak for them. Most depend on others to know what to look for and report on their behalf. Their silence screams HELP ME!

There are more numbers: 44.7% of cases of abuse and neglect founded across the state were in families where substance abuse was an issue. The next highest stress factor across the state was domestic violence, followed by financial stress. I think these numbers speak for themselves, but do not tell the full story of what this means for kids.

There is great debate across the county about what the numbers mean. Many will tell you the numbers of child abuse are decreasing. Others will tell you they are increasing. Some will cling to the decreasing numbers and tell you that “we” are doing something right. Others will tell you that the increasing numbers mean we need more in the trenches working on addressing the issue of child abuse. That debate becomes more political than I care to weigh-in on in this forum.

What I do believe is that 707 children in my world is too high.

What I know from experience, is that number will increase and decrease from year to year as we get better at identifying child abuse and as the community gets more skilled at reporting abuse to be investigated.

What I know from experience is that if you, as a system, “look” for abuse you will find it. If you are not proactive in trying to remedy the problem, you will not see that the problem exists. If no one believes, then no one reports. If no one can provide protection and safety, then no one will seek it. Crazy how that works.

I daily make a commitment to be vigilant on behalf of the children in my world. It is a struggle to balance that commitment sometimes with my family and during times when I grow weary that the issue is too big.

My son, who is 6, and I have conversations that make it seem so simple. When he was three, and I had to work late, he wondered where I had been. He asked me why he had to stay with a sitter. I thought quickly of some lie I could tell him to save myself from the larger conversation. And, if I am honest, I only told him the truth because I was too tired to be creative. I told him that I was at work. He asked me what I did at work. I responded that there was a little girl that needed me to help her be safe.

He then asked, “Why?” (Don’t you, as a parent, hate the whys?) So I sat down with him on my lap and said that sometimes adults hurt kids and there has to be someone to work to try to keep them safe and that was what my work was about. He looked at me and said, “Ok.” I saw clarity in his eyes beyond his then three years. I was sure he did not understand.

He continued the conversation and asked would I keep his friends safe if they needed me. I said. “Of course.” Thinking at that point that the conversation was over, I started to move on and he grabbed my hand and looked me in the eye and asked again. Only this time, he began to name his preschool class mates off one by one. Each time I responded, “Yes, of course I would do everything I could to keep them safe.” He wasn’t asking me as a “forensic interviewer” or “advocate”. He was asking me as a “mom”.

707 children in your world is too high. Don’t you agree?

The question that lingers is not CAN you help them, but rather — WILL you help them?

Many will read this and say that they cannot help. I challenge you that you CAN in the following ways:

• Call the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County and sign up for a child sex abuse prevention class.

• Learn the signs of child abuse.

• Be vigilant. When you see something that makes you feel like a child is unsafe, make a report to the Department of Human Services or to law enforcement. If you don’t want to do it alone, then call me at the Center and I will help you.

• When a child tells you he/she has been hurt by an adult, do not blame the child or dismiss it. Let someone figure out if that child is safe.

• Do not discount the impact on a child that witnessing domestic violence has. If you suspect that a child is living in a home where domestic violence is occurring, then make a report.

Want to do more than that? Make a donation to the Children’s Advocacy Center to support our prevention program, or to support direct services. Want to do more than even that? Call the Center and become a volunteer. We need you.

Will you help the child in your child’s class?

Will you help the child that sits next to you in church?

Will you help the child you see riding her bike on your street?

How many is too many for you? What is your bottom line?
Extraordinary in the Ordinary

Post by Jennifer Wolfe, mother, teacher, and writer. Originally published on Huff Post Parents: The Blog

I’m a creature of habit. As much as I love adventure, I take comfort in the little routines of motherhood, carefully evolved over years of practice. Those small moments help center me, help me to feel at peace — knowing my babies are right where they’re supposed to be every night and morning. They are the ordinary moments of motherhood that bring me unimaginable joy.

Since August, my routines have been turned topsy-turvy. Pre-dawn tiptoeing down the hall, quietly nudging open bedroom doors, I find only one bed occupied. The other remains as it was last night, and the night before, and the night before that, white duvet pulled tautly against the black bedframe. White carpet screams vacancy at me in absence of dirty laundry, skis and textbooks. She’s not here.

When I dropped my daughter off at college in August, life had thrown those ordinary moments in the air like debris after a tornado. A flooded kitchen and broken bones combined to transform a quiet July into absolute chaos. I mourned the changes happening around me, yet at the same time, I couldn’t think about them for more than a moment. Life was just that tumultuous. Unpredictable. The “new normal” was unfolding in front of me, and although I knew it was coming, I felt unprepared. Vulnerable.

As moments spun into days, I wound up at her college convocation — alone. This was it, the last official event before I would drive the 600 miles back to reality — alone. It was a celebration of great importance in her life. It was the moment I’d been preparing for and denying for 18 years, and there was no stopping it. Time was in motion. This was really happening.

Bagpipers brusquely proclaimed the arrival of 500 new freshman, kids ready to launch their dreams and move to the next phase of their lives. To find the extraordinary in life. To celebrate their transition to a life on their own.

Life wasn’t exactly going according to plan. I wasn’t supposed to have to battle this moment on my own. I felt my body lighten as she walked down the aisle in her tie-dye T shirt, smiling yet just a touch apprehensive. She’s California, I thought. The only one in the room.

I sat in the bleachers, fighting the tears and watching my little girl’s childhood flash before my eyes, and began to listen to Dr. Richard Badenhausen, head of the Honors College, read William Martin, The Parent’s Tao Te Ching: Ancient Advice for Modern Parents. In that moment, my heart lifted just enough to catch a glimpse of clarity- just enough to cement me in the present:

Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives.
Such striving may seem admirable, but it is the way of foolishness.
Help them instead to find the wonder and the marvel of an ordinary life.
Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears.
Show them how to cry when pets and people die.
Show them the infinite pleasure in the touch of a hand.
And make the ordinary come alive for them.
The extraordinary will take care of itself.

Have I done that? Is that the 2-year-old girl down there — the one who delighted in smearing peaches in her mouth, juice oozing down her chin? Is that the 5-year-old who grabbed my hand and pulled me to the jungle gym to proudly perform her latest trick? Did all the years of homework and studying and projects and sports and testing and applications prepare her for the ordinariness of life? She reached her goal, she’s attending the college of her choice — hopefully the one of her dreams, too. Is she ready to leave the moments of self-doubt, of wondering if her transcript is strong enough or her athleticism amazing enough to have a college want her? Is she ready to stop worrying about being extraordinary and just enjoy being… ordinary?

“The path to success travels through the ordinary. Life is transformative through the lens of time,” the speaker continued. He’s speaking my language. Have I not spent the last 18 years peering into this day? Have I not known that each moment we spent together would help guide her down this path? Why are these words causing me to weep?

“Listen when others speak,” he advised. “Have conversations with professors. Write second drafts of essays. Ask for help — perfection is an unattractive quality.” Grit, I thought. Digging deep – that attribute we hope our children develop over years of testing and writing and competing. What she learned on the ski hill. What I hope she left home with. What I know will see her through. What I hope she’s listening to at this very moment.

“Focus on the ordinary,” he continues. My attention is rapt-is hers? “Build a foundation that will steady you. Have awareness of yourself and your place in the world. Focus on the ordinary. The extraordinary will take care of itself.”

He ends his speech and the crowd applauds. Bagpipers chant and drone their way down the center of the room, the freshmen following behind. She’s one of the last out – I can spot her green and yellow tie dye from the bleachers. I recognize that look on her face – the one where she knows she’s done well and that I’m watching.

Aware of her place in the world — yes she is. Her foundation is rock solid.

She’s ready.

She’s extraordinary.

She can take care of herself.

Follow Jennifer Wolfe on Twitter: www.twitter.com/mamawolfeto2

Read Jennifer Wolfe’s blog at: http://jenniferwolfe.net
Just Wanted to Tell You

Just Wanted to Tell You

Poem by Catherine Zern, LCSW

Your eyes were far away tonight
And you didn’t have time to tell me a story
Or listen to my fears of the dark
So I screamed and cried til you spanked me
But I was just trying’ to tell you that the
House was on fire

You looked grumpy this morning
Maybe cause you were gone so late last night
And I didn’t know where you were
And I couldn’t sleep until I heard you stumble in
When you slept late
I hit my brother
But I was just tryin’ to tell you that the
House was on fire

You brought home that new person
Who was really nice to me at first
And they took me fishin’
And watched my games a couple of times
But now you guys are gone a lot
And you scream at each other when you get home
(I can hear from my room even though you don’t think I can)
And I sneak out my window
But I’m just tryin’ to tell you that the
House is on fire

Today I tried to tell you that
I’m really lost in math
And my boyfriend broke up with me
And another kid called me fat
And you were busy with all your friends
And you told me not to worry about it
So I met this cute guy downtown
Cause I had to tell somebody that the
House is on fire

That’s ok
I’ve learned that it’s no big deal
And not to wear my heart on my sleeve
And not to worry about it
And how tough you’ve had it

Gotta go – party tonight
The house has done burned down
Planting Seeds and Watching Them Grow

By Michelle Wilson, Development Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Soon after Valentine’s Day, right after all of the red and white bows and hearts start to come off of the shelves, little signs of the coming of spring start to poke their heads out around us. Stores start selling packets of seeds to plant, in preparation for the warmer days to come and the anticipation of summer flowers and garden vegetables.

This is a great time of year to plan positive family time together.

You can start with a handful of tiny seeds sown in dirt-filled paper cups set in a kitchen window. Even very young children can help with choosing the types of flowers to grow or the varieties of vegetables to grace the table later in the year. Choose soil that is as rich with nutrients as possible to give the young seeds a good start, and read the seed package directions for information on what they need in the way of sun and water.

When the first green sprouts start to pop up through the soil, children and adults alike can’t help but get excited about the magic that is happening right in the kitchen window.

This is good time to either choose a good spot in the yard to transplant those seeds into a small garden or to pick out some clay pots (which you can paint yourself to add another creative step to the process) to hold the young plants as they grow and blossom.

When the flowers and vegetables start to come into full bloom, everyone in the family can celebrate the accomplishment of growing something together. Cutting fresh flowers and bringing them into the house is a great way to bring simple beauty into each day, and even kids who don’t normally like to eat their vegetables can’t help but try them when they have grown them from seedlings!

Once you start growing things, it can become an annual event, much like celebrating holidays or birthdays, only this event can last from late winter when you buy those first seed packets until late in the fall when you harvest the last vegetables before the cold weather really hits.

Simple activities that focus on beauty, nature, and good food are often the best ways to spend quality together as a family.

As we watch tiny seeds grow into small seedlings — then blooms — then into full blossom, we can be reminded to pay attention to the ways our children are growing each day. We can remember to nurture them with everything they need and never take them for granted. And we can celebrate each day with them, teaching them both the natural rhythms of nature and of strong, healthy family life.
What is your No More?

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Not surprising, I would say, but here we are in 2015 and I am still getting questions and reading about delayed reporting of sexual assault and how that must mean the abuse did not happen. I really don’t know what to say that hasn’t already been said, so I am going to share a story with a different view point.

In the context of my work with children who have been abused, I have had the opportunity to work with adults who were sexually abused or assaulted and never reported. It is a very common story. Actually, the scenario goes something like this….

Me: Hi, Ms. Smith. How are you doing today?

Ms. Smith: Tears seeping out of the corners of her eyes or sometimes smoke from the ears (so to speak) but no verbal response.

Me: Ms. Smith, let me talk to you about your child. She has disclosed that she was sexually abused by Mr. Doe. It started a few years ago, but the last incident was two weeks ago.

Ms. Smith: Silence. Shaking.

Me: Ms. Smith, I can see you are upset. I need your help in keeping your daughter safe. Do you think that we can come up with a plan together?

Finally Ms. Smith says something like: There is no way that could have happened. He would never do that. He loves kids. He helps me. He loves me.

Me: Ms. Smith, help me understand. Why would she say this happened if it didn’t? That would be concerning also.

Ms. Smith: Crying. She is a good kid. She doesn’t lie. (More silence.) I am a good parent. I would never let this happen. (Silence.) I can’t go through this again. I have never told anyone, but this happened to me as a child. No one believed me, so I lied and said that it never happened. Then as an adult a few years later, I was sexually abused by my ex- boyfriend’s father. I never reported because no one ever believes and when I told what happened as a child, I was called a liar. I was thrown away by my family. Why does this keep happening to me?

Or sometimes the script goes in a different direction. A direction that is more painful to watch and to hear. Sometimes the story includes drugs to make the pain go away or maybe some other self-destructive behaviors that make “society” deem that she is not credible.

But the very common thread that runs through all the situations is that the victim has felt unsafe either emotional or physically or both and did not report until such time as she felt there would be someone that would be there that would provide support, safety and acceptance.

I also want to point out that we do not afford victims in our society the same unquestionable rights.

We allow perpetrators the luxury of the Fifth Amendment which is the right to remain silent. They are never forced to explain their actions. In fact, in most cases — maybe all cases — the jury is instructed not to read anything into the fact that a defendant chooses to remain silent. His or her silence is not indicative of guilt or innocence.

We do not allow that right to victims of sexual assault. They must explain themselves and their actions. Sometimes even those actions that occurred prior to an assault and definitely those actions that occur after an assault.

I think that it is really hard for people to understand this dynamic of being afraid to report and so rather than believe, they disbelieve unless it fits what they feel are reasonable reactions to being sexually assaulted.

These seem to be: 1) report right away; 2) show physical injuries which are left visible; 3) prove that you are pure—preferably a virgin; 4) make it clear that you have never had any other struggles in your life; and 5) come from a family similar to the Cleavers. Okay, so maybe most of these are tongue in cheek but seriously, when you start to look at the expectations put on victims it is incredible. I am not sure that I would pass the test.

I have been accused of being naive. I have been accused of always believing the victim. I don’t think that I fit under either of these statements.

I think 25 years of working directly and indirectly with this population has taken away my innocence. I think 25 years of following the research gives me a knowledge base to work with. I think that 25 years of hearing the excuses that come out of offenders’ mouths as they provide what they believe is a rationale for their behavior has made me cynical, but it definitely does not leave me being naive or gullible. I think that ship sailed a long time ago.

There are times that I long to not know what I know.

It is frustrating to live in a world that does not even entertain the notion that most people who report being sexually assaulted are actually telling the truth.

And while we are there, why shouldn’t people be compensated for damages? Why shouldn’t they be paid for their pain and suffering? When is the last time that anyone said, “They are just looking to see a payday” when referring to the car accident victim left paralyzed? Or question the credibility of the arson victim?

Does the general public have any idea of the costs associated with the damage that is left after a sexual assault?

According to the National Alliance to End Sexual Violence, each rape that occurs costs about $151,423. (DeLisi, 2010). I am assuming these are the costs associated with the medical care that is needed after an assault, but there are lingering physical ailments and mental health issues that need to be addressed in some cases for many years after the rape. This same organization also reports that due to negative reactions to the rape, 50% of rape victims either have to quit or are forced to leave their jobs. (Ellis, Atkeson, & Calhoun, 1981).

BUT…let’s be clear that the far majority of sexual assault victims do not sue for compensation. Many sue after the legal system fails them. Many sue because the statute of limitations is shorter than the time it takes to reclaim your voice after being victimized. Many sue because they want the world to know who the offender really is. And many sue because they want to be compensated for pain and suffering. It has also been my experience that the courts are conservative when awarding these types of damages.

Someone once asked me, “Why does it take so long to report? Why does it take so long to heal? Why bring it up after so many years?” I cannot answer for victims but I can speculate based on what survivors have shared with me.

Imagine someone stealing your identity. No, more than your identity — your soul. Not only does no one know who you are any more but YOU don’t know who you are any more. Imagine trying to unravel all the confusion while being told by society that you are damaged and not believable. That you have no value because your rapist took the part of you that was valued.

Imagine then somehow finding your voice. Imagine your strength. Imagine finding safety. Imagine finding out that you were not the only soul invaded by this monster. Finding that you are not defined by this act of violence and wanting someone held accountable only to find there is no way to do that because you ran out of time. The clock started clicking and time ran out before you were ready.

There is a campaign going on that is sponsored by the Joyful Heart Foundation called “No More”.

Unless you never watch TV or refrain from participating on social media, I am pretty sure you have seen one or two of these. My “No More” is “No More If it were true she would have reported right away” or maybe, “ No More He is an icon of family wholesomeness — there is no way he could have done this.” “No More she is looking for money!”

What is your “No More”?
Live United!

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I have been reflecting on “community” a lot recently and really trying to name what it is to me.

This could be as a result of the recent tragedy in Ferguson. It could be as a result of my son growing older and wanting him to find his place, where he belongs. It could be as a result of my moving to a new community last year and trying to build a new place of belonging for myself.

It is a little of all those things. It is also because of building new friendships with the wonderful family that is the United Way of Jackson County. Because of these friendships I have been tuned in to the United Way slogan “Live United!” Their marketing person is genius! And yes, I did ask if I could use their slogan in this writing. The very kind Executive Director at United Way enthusiastically agreed to let me borrow it!

Who would not want to Live United?

I think about the families and young people that are served by the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. I think about the staff that serves them. A staff that tries to model for these families we serve to show them how to care for the children that have been entrusted to them.

I was humbled last week. My son’s school has a shoebox Christmas gift project every year where children bring gifts in, all wrapped in shoe boxes to take to St. Vincent De Paul to be passed out to families in need. I watched as kids filed in to the kindergarten classroom, each proudly grasping their gift. Every single child participated. My son was so proud to bring in his gift to share. I watched again today as each child brought in their canned foods to give to the needy.

It gives me a warm, fuzzy feeling to know that my child is surrounded by a community that reaches out to those in need.

I can tell you countless stories of how Jackson County “Lives United” and why that is important to the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. One that immediately comes to mind is a young man that gave us his lunch money to kick off our Cherish a Child Luncheon in 2013. It was not a huge donation but that seed provided inspiration for the Center to meet its fundraising goal. It was not a direct ask. He happened to be waiting on our Development Director at a local business the day of the luncheon.

If you ask him he will tell you he did it to give back. He had a family member come through the Center and was grateful for the work that was done on behalf of that child.

There was the young woman who did her Bat Mitzvah project and chose to do a project that would benefit the children served by the Center.

There is the stranger in Fred Meyer who saw a woman buying Christmas presents for the Center to give to children we serve whose families are having a tough year. She handed over money for her to buy more gifts. These stories are not unique here.

I can take it even one step further. Living United is exemplified by the agencies that have partnered with the Children’s Advocacy Center this year to provide opportunities for the children we serve and their families. Non-profit agencies working together for the good of the families we serve together.

They all came together with us to become involved in an auxiliary program of our therapy department called Building Bridges. Some of the community partners included United Way; the Touvelle Foundation; The Studio at Living Opportunities; Daniel Murphy of Integrity of Life Services; the Craterian Theater; professional dance teachers Jenna Trotter and Becky Hale; Rogue Valley Farm to School; Hanley Farm; Warhorse Alliance; the Oregon Conservatory of Performing Arts; and the Ashland Food Co-op. We are working with the Rose Circle in Ashland to provide mentoring circles to our young clients here at our Center. We are partnering with the YMCA to provide a rock climbing therapy group facilitated by one of our therapists.

We are doing these collaborative efforts to expose the children we serve and their families to services and activities that exist in the valley that are available to them. We are all modeling working together so that the families receive the very best services from this community.

I am so proud to live in a place that values our children. I am so proud to be a part of a community that truly understands “Living United”.

This has been a great year here at the Children’s Advocacy Center. Everyone here knows that it is because of the support received from the community. We are thankful to you all.
12 things I learned in my first year as an Oregonian

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Last week I celebrated my one year anniversary at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County — and my one year living in Oregon.

I had never even visited Oregon prior to coming here for the job interview in September of 2013. It has been an interesting year. It has been a year of transition and culture shift. It has been a year of learning new things.

Here are the top twelve things that I have learned, in no particular order:

12. It does not rain here nearly as much as the rest of the world thinks. Native Oregonians do not own umbrellas. They have really cute rain boots. They have rain coats but no umbrellas.

11. It gets way hot here. I am from Louisiana and I hear people say all the time, “At least it is a dry heat.” It really doesn’t matter. It IS HOT here. I was shocked to learn that it gets in triple digits in the summer time and stays that way for a few weeks.

10. There are some of the best wineries in the country right here in Southern Oregon.

9. The most generous people live in Oregon. I am floored by how much people here give to charity, give to their friends … in time, money and support. People here care deeply about their community members and they show that by the donating time, treasure and talent to causes they are passionate about.

8. Oregon appreciates a soldier like no other place I have ever lived in or visited. This is evidenced by the great deals offered to a veteran from the State on everything from camping, hunting licenses, property tax breaks, fishing licenses — even on car registrations. The Home Depot here even has parking spots designated for Veterans. It is quite amazing.

7. The people of Jackson County work together to solve issues. They see a problem. They convene a group. They get things done.

6. When you live in Oregon, you are either a Duck or a Beaver. And you must choose carefully. It is an important decision. There is even a “civil war” once a year between the Ducks and the Beavers. It is serious business.

5. Oregon has a lot of cultural experiences available. There is a strong community of artists residing in Southern Oregon. There are theatre experiences offered here that are not offered everywhere. The availability of these fantastic performances has made my “Bucket List” grow in length.

4. Almost everyone in Oregon owns a RV or a boat or both. Always wanting to emerge ourselves in the local cultural, my husband and I bought an RV before we bought a house. We are looking forward to spending a lot of time in the wilderness.

3. Children are important in Oregon. This is evidenced by the laws enacted to protect children and by the fact that the State sets aside money to train and support multidisciplinary teams who investigate child abuse.

2. Oregon is not a state that wants to follow. It is a pioneer state and that is taken very seriously. The people in Oregon want to, and most times do, pave the way for others to follow.

1. There is a sense of community here that I have not felt in other places I have lived. You can feel it in the schools. You can feel it in the churches. You can feel it walking down the street. This is a place that invites you to call it home.

We are so happy to be here!
Don’t underestimate your power to matter

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

We are rolling out our exciting online campaign entitled “You Matter” and really that concept has taken over my life.

I say that a little jokingly but really, in truth, most of my thoughts the last couple of months have been filtered through that lens. Not just my “work stuff” but all of “my stuff” has taken on an extra screening — does this matter? Whether I am washing clothes, taking my son to a play date, reading over homework, smiling at the lady in the drive thru, or just trying to find time for a date night with my husband: Does this matter? Who does it matter to? Why does it matter?

Every day we make choices that matter.

Even the small choices have the potential to impact our world in large ways. We usually underestimate how those small choices will impact our lives and those around us. What I have found is that for the most part we do not believe that what we do matters to anyone. We do not believe that what we have to offer can make any impact in any significant way.

I began to ponder that a little as we were gearing up and brainstorming on all the many ways people matter in our efforts to address child abuse.

We, as a society, value large splashy gifts of goo gobs of money, time or talent. While those gifts are important (and goo gobs is a term I learned from my Development Director, by the way) they alone cannot sustain us over time. I think about that when I am signing thank you letters from the center for donations. I try to write something on every single letter that goes out. I will be honest when I first started signing the thank you letters I had the intention of writing on the ones to people who gave a certain amount, but I could not decide what amount would be considered significant. It was all significant, and so in the end on that first round of thank you letters, I wrote on every single one and I continue that practice today.

Every single dollar amount donated makes a difference in the life of a child served by the CAC.

Every single person who drops off an in-kind gift donation, who volunteers an hour to help with the Winter Gala, every single check sent in or donation made on-line makes an impact. That is not something I say lightly. After working in the field of child abuse for more than 23 year, soon to be 24, I have found that those small random acts of kindness or generosity are really the building blocks that sustain any effort to address this huge societal problem. And isn’t that true of any movement that is successful?

There have been incredible things accomplished one thoughtful step at a time. I think of our holiday gift drive where we provide parents with gifts to give to their children when they cannot afford to do that on their own. It all happens because people buy an extra gift and donate it to the center to give. Every year we have more than enough and it comes from a lot of different sources. I think about our Gala and how many man hours it takes to make that successful. No one single person makes that contribution.

Imagine if every single person gave two dollars to help treat child abuse. In Jackson County there are 208,545 residents, according to the 2013 census. We would raise $417,090 for the treatment of child abuse—all for less than a cup of coffee at your favorite drive thru coffee stand.

What if half of the population of Jackson County could afford to donate ten dollars and the other half could donate time and talent? I get excited about the possibilities of what we can do when we believe that what we do matters.

It really is the small acts of kindness and generosity that make the world go around.

I think about how much “You Matter” in a lot of different ways. You suspect a child in your life is being abused, and what you do or don’t do matters to that child. Step out of your comfort zone, pick up the phone, and call in a report. You have a talent that you would like donate for the Gala, for the healing of children, or just for fun. It matters. It could be life-changing. Do you have time to write a blog about how this community matters in our efforts to address child abuse? Contact us. It matters! Do you have two hours that you can give up to learn about how to protect the children in your life from sexual abuse? Contact the CAC and sign up. It matters.

We all matter. All of our gifts matter. None of us can keep our children protected all alone. It takes every single one of us, each in our own very individual way and at our own individual level. WE are the solution. WE CAN keep kids safe. WE CAN provide Hope! We each need to do our part.

Every day I make a conscious decision to do something on behalf of an abused child.

It may be a donation of time or money. It is a family affair. My husband has entered into this world with me. On any given day he may be making a puppet theatre to donate to the therapy department or maybe you will see him unclogging a water fountain. My son has been known to donate a toy or food to a cause that supports children because “a child needs toys and food!”

What will you do today that matters in the life of an abused child?
Bill Cosby, Public Trust, Silence and Blaming the Victim

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I grew up watching the sitcoms fueled by the comic genius that is Bill Cosby. I watched “Fat Albert”. I watched “The Cosby Show”. I watched “Kids Say the Darndest Things”. I even watched the spin off from “The Cosby Show”. We all adore Bill Cosby.

In 2005 there were some allegations that came out regarding sexual abuse of some women. It is somewhat unclear and foggy in my brain. They were dismissed or swept away very easily. I spent earlier today researching these allegations as a result of some things that hit the media this week —more accusations. I carefully read the three stories of the women who came forward.

I have to say that I feel torn. I want to believe that Bill Cosby would never do any of the things he is accused of. I think about his public image. I think about the thousands of lives he touched (no pun intended) through his television series and through his speeches.

I WANT so badly to believe this is just not true.

The reality is that this is not someone that I know. I have never met Bill Cosby. I have never even been to a live show or really followed any part of his story through the last few years.

As I was researching these allegations I was struck that they came much later on the list that Google selected for me when I typed in the name Bill Cosby. First came the “Pound Cake” speech and then some other controversial articles over his calling out African Americans for not “taking care of their own”.

I read with some interest all over Facebook yesterday the responses to the “new” allegations. I thought to myself, “I imagine that I will be asked to blog on this. I will be asked my response to this.” I had many angles that I could come from. Do I believe the allegations are true? Do I hit at it from the power and control issue? Do I come at it from the consent issue? Do I come at it from the “Hollywood gets away with it again” issue? I am rejecting these, although I think they are all important.

I want to talk a little about how staggering the statistics are around sexual assault in this country.

EVERY 2 MINUTES ANOTHER AMERICAN IS SEXUALLY ASSAULTED.

That is appalling.

60% of sexual assaults are not reported to police.

97% OF RAPIST WILL NEVER SPEND A NIGHT IN JAIL. Again – very appalling.

38% of sexual assaults are committed by friends or acquaintances. Two-thirds are committed by someone the victim knows.

Let that sink in for a minute.

Someone that I know was sexually assaulted. She was an adult when it happened. Every one of the above listed statistics fit her case. EVERY. ONE. It remains unprosecuted. Not because there was no evidence. She was beaten up and lucky to have made it through alive. Later it came out through a different process that he continued to harass, intimidate and otherwise abuse women who worked with or around him. This came out much later. I think back now and wonder if people believe what that man did was wrong or if it is just another endearing charming trait he has. “Oh that is just how he is!”

I want to talk about the fact that the statistics are so high that it is true that we either know a sexual assault victim, an offender of sexual assault or both. THINK about that one! It may be possible they are in our family. Whoa!

I want to point out that sexual offenders are people who are likeable in other respects of their lives. I want to point out that sexual offenders are sometime people we love and trust. They are sometimes the heroes in our lives. They are sometime heroes in our children’s lives. They go to work. They donate money to charity. They sometimes do grand things for the community or world at large. They sometimes do these things on behalf of children.

These offenders are people who walk among us undetected for the most part.

I don’t really care about Bill Cosby. I do care about the messaging that goes out every time someone in a position of public trust is accused of such acts and we blame the person who is the victim. Why is it we always as a society respond from a stance of “convince me that it is true” instead of “convince me that it is not true”?

I have spent the majority of my adult life immersed in the world of child sexual assault and peripherally in the world of adult sexual assault and domestic violence. It really is more years than I would care to calculate. I have seen the devastation to families and children because we protect offenders.

I have to remember the general public has not had the opportunity to see the damage cause by offenders in quite the same way that I have. I have to remember I have witnessed things that most people don’t. It changes who you are. It changes what you see. It changes who you will be in the future. It changes EVERYTHING.

One of the most ironic things I have observed is the fact that those same people who are protecting the offenders by not believing the victims are in fact some of the same people who will blame the mom for not leaving the offender. This makes me sad.

Do what I call a “gut” check. What is your first response to hearing the stories about Bill Cosby? Do you believe? If your answer is no, then how is it we can lay judgment on a mom who has lived with her husband for years and thought they had a loving relationship. She thought that he was a wonderful family man. How is it that we can question how hard it would be for her to believe that he sexually abused her children?

I am not saying it is okay for a mom or non-offending caregiver (since it could be a female offender), to take the offender’s word over the victim’s word. I am just saying that we as a society do the same thing every time we don’t believe the victim and defend the actions of the offender.

Have you noticed that there hasn’t been a lot of news coverage on the allegations against Bill Cosby other than on the entertainment news sites? Did you read about the comedian who called Bill Cosby a rapist in one of his shows? Did you read that it had been done a lot so he was surprised that this was a big deal now? It was such a “small” part of his show. Why is that?

I am almost more appalled at the response than I am at the accusations. It appears as long as you have a good P.R. man you can do no wrong.

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