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“I’ve never been broken” ~ A Survivor’s Story

By Helen Sutthill, a veterinarian, mother, gardener, and reader — who says she is lucky enough to have wonderful friends and an amazing adoptive family

For a long time, I didn’t talk about my childhood – the hunger, the lack of clothing, the sexual abuse, the beatings, the constant battering of words meant to tear me down. Part of this stemmed from the way teachers and the parents of my friends responded to my answers when they asked if I’d eaten or where the bruise or cut came from.

My parents didn’t have to hide it; we were a middle class, educated family. Abuse and neglect simply didn’t happen in good homes.

The world changed when I was 15, in 1981, when my best friend told our school counselor, who was a mandatory reporter. Two social workers, a man and a woman, came and removed me from school, and from my home. It was awful.

At that point, I wasn’t speaking because what I needed to say had been denied so long, that I didn’t see the point. I couldn’t share the back seat with the male social worker because I’d been raped and molested by my father. Because one of my friend’s father’s had attempted to molest me. Because my experience of men was that they groped at me.

Better to avoid.

So this poor man opened the door to the back seat for me, and I got in. He walked around the other side of the car, opened the door to the back seat, and I got out. Repeat this three times with a mute 15-year-old, and even I thought it was funny.

But I wasn’t getting in that backseat with that man. He ended up driving, while the woman sat in the back with me.

That man was a hero. The woman with him was a hero. The lawyer that advocated for me was a hero. The counselor they took me to was a hero.

When people ask me about my childhood, I’m aware that I have memories that shock and hurt people. Every counselor wants to explore it. Being abused means that a lot of people see me as broken.

I’ve never been broken. I’ve always been a whole and complete human who has had to live with horrible people, and have experienced some things that no one should have to experience.

I consider myself incredibly lucky. Throughout my life, there have been people who saw what was happening, and worked to make sure that I was okay. A restaurant owner made sure I was safe, fed and clothed when I was a young child. A teacher who bought me some clothes, and made sure I was fed in elementary school. My friend got help for me. Another friend’s parents took me in for the last two years of high school.

When I go to the grocery store, when I buy clothes for myself, I am aware of how lucky I am to be able to do so. I can sleep in my bed, and control what happens to my body. I am safe.
Child Abuse: A greater incident rate than cancer
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April is Child Abuse Prevention month. This is the time of year that we use to spread the word about the social and public health issue that plagues our children. Many people do not generally think about child abuse unless they work in the field or have had it impact their family.

In the United States, four children die every day as a result of child abuse or neglect.

Some reports say that statistic is low and is actually closer to five a day. Most reports state that a large number of those dying are under the age of one. One report states that 79% of the children that die as a result of abuse and neglect are under the age of three. That seems incredible! It is frightening! It seems epidemic.

In 2014, according to the Oregon Child Welfare Data Book, 13 children died as a result of abuse or neglect. There were 10,010 child abuse victims and 46.4% of those victims were under the age of six. Of incidents of abuse, 44.2% were incidents of neglect, 7.1% physical abuse, 6.3% sexual abuse, 1.5% mental injury and 40 % were considered threat of harm which could be related to domestic violence, drug use, sexual abuse, mental injury, or physical abuse.

This is not happening in some far off place. This is happening in Oregon.

Nationally, reports indicate that somewhere in the neighborhood of 90% of perpetrators of abuse are known by the children they abuse. They are people who are considered family or family-like.

The incidence rate of child abuse and neglect in this country is about ten times as high (40 children per thousand children per year) as the incidence rate for all forms of cancer (3.9 individuals per thousand individuals per year). This statistic is attributed to The Leadership Council on Child Abuse and Interpersonal Violence.

I am also a supporter of cancer research, but when you think about it in terms of our addressing an issue equally in terms of importance; we do not put our money behind child abuse prevention. Not only do we not put our money behind child abuse prevention, we do not put our mouth behind it either.

While cancer is usually talked about in hushed tones, child abuse is rarely talked about at all.

In doing a google search for the top public health issue, child abuse does not even rank in most of the articles I read. Yet, if we look at the statistics of founded cases on both a national and state level, one can see it is clearly an issue that needs to be addressed.

Many people do not want to get “involved” in a situation that is considered “family business” by making a report. Others fear retribution if they make a report.

Recently, I spoke to a friend who had made report on behalf of a young family member. It has turned her family upside down. There has been much anger, fear, and anxiety experienced by all involved—the reporter, the perpetrator, the victim, those who support the perpetrator and those who support the victim. It is hard when you love both the victim and the perpetrator.

This friend is a hero of mine. In spite of all the chaos that ensued after the report was made, she has stood strong. She made the report. She protected the children involved. She has not stopped there. She is making it her business to protect all children.

While these statistics make some feel that it is hopeless, it isn’t. There are some things that we could all do.

Here is my top ten list in random order:
- Learn to recognize and respond to the signs of abuse. (Take a Protect Our Children class or host one for a group of your friends.)
- When you see something that does not seem right, make a report to DHS or law enforcement.
- Support those who make a disclosure of abuse. This can be as simple as not calling them a liar.
- Put everyone in your life on notice that you will not tolerate child abuse of any kind.
- Contact your elected officials on local, state, and national level and tell them keeping children safe from abuse is a priority for you.
- Vote for candidates that make children a priority.
- Donate your time, talent or treasure to an organization that works to protect children from abuse.
- Talk to the children in your life about what abuse is and what they should do if something happens to them. (This should include all kinds of abuse…bullying, sexual abuse, physical abuse, and emotional abuse.)
- BE PRESENT IN YOUR CHILD’S LIFE.
- When you see a parent struggling with their children in a public place, offer support instead of judgement.
If you want to learn more about any of these, to include learning “how” to do these, contact the Children’s Advocacy Center. If there is enough interest we will schedule a special class.

Here is a list of some fun activities you can participate in to let your community know that you will not stand for child abuse:

*Ongoing: The Change for Children Campaign will be taking place throughout the community.

This is an exciting collaborative project between, CASA, Children’s Advocacy Center and The Family Nurturing Center. Look for Change for Children donation jars at: The Butcher Shop, all Lithia car dealerships, Wamba Juice, Central Art Supply, Jackson Creek Pizza, Thai Bistro and Sunrise Cafe.

*April 16th: Panda Express Fundraiser

*April 23rd: Gamble for Good Poker Tournament Fundraiser

*April 25th: Protect Our Children Child Abuse Prevention Training

*April 27th and 28th: Recognizing and Responding to Child Abuse Training – Contact Ginny Sagal at: vsagal@cacjc.org for more information or to register
Parenting Teens: A Mom’s Story

By Ginny Sagal, Communication and Outreach Coordinator at the Children’s Advocacy Center

Since starting my job as Communication and Outreach Coordinator at CAC, I have had some thoughts about my parenting. Being an older mom with twins has been a wonderful journey. When they were little I would be very careful where they went for play dates, and who was going to be at the house. I knew it was my job to protect them. That was some time ago.

As a parent of teenagers ready to go off to college in a year and a half, things are much different than when they were little. No more play dates as they all seem to communicate with their friends on the internet. I will walk into my son’s room only to find that he is online playing a game with five of his friends. The new generation spends much time communicating with their peers online and texting.

I am happy that when I do go into my son’s or daughter’s rooms that they can share with me what they are doing and have no secrets. When they are on FaceTime their friends get to see me and I get to see who they are. Communication is very important with teenagers. It is important to let them know that you care and that you give them their space, but also that you are there for them if they need you. You are their protector.

I know with the parenting I have done, they will make good choices about who they will choose to be friends with and groups they will be part of once they get to college. Protecting our children comes from good parenting and communication with your children.

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. Every child is special and needs our care and protection. With good parenting tools we can contribute to a safer community for our children.
Hope in the most unlikely places

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April brings spring, renewal, energy and awareness on a very tough topic — Child Abuse.

I recently had a conversation with a woman who, like many other people who talk to me about my work, was very focused on the “depressing” part of my job. The conversations usually begin and end with something like, “You hear a lot of horrible things” or “ How do you sleep at night?”

I have even had people ask me what my job was and when I answered, they turned around and walked away. There were times in my younger years where people would not be friends with me because of what I did as a job. There were times that people would not date me because of what I did as a job. They would say things like “You are really nice, but I just don’t want to be around that stuff”.

I look back now and shake my head and wonder what in the world they thought I would be talking about with them. Most of the things that happened during the course of my work day were confidential and not things I could talk to anyone about. AND it is not like child abuse is contagious like the flu. When people have asked me to speak at an event or to talk about what I do, they always ask that I keep it light.

Here are the cold hard facts. Child abuse is not pretty. Child abuse is not glamorous. There are not many ways to keep that light and joyful. There are children who are hurt by someone they love multiple times a day, every single day. Child abuse is real. Child abuse is happening. Child abuse is being perpetrated by people I know. Child abuse is happening to children I know. Child abuse can be heinous and life impacting both physically and emotionally.

If there is one thing that working 26 years in the field of child abuse has taught me, it is that there is another side to the story.

There is much to be hopeful about. Yes. You read that right. I am hopeful.

When I was working as a forensic interviewer, I was happy to see children come to me. It made me feel relieved, even if for only a fleeting moment. The day they came through the door was the day that, just maybe, an adult could help make the abuse stop.

When I was working as a caseworker, even under the most stressful situations, I was glad to get reports assigned. It meant that someone cared enough about a child to pick up the phone and make a report. On the days that there were too many children and too many cases being sent my way to deal with, I knew that, for those children, there was hope. Hope for recovery. Hope for safety. Hope for a better tomorrow.

There is much to be hopeful about if we are all doing our part.

It is everyone’s responsibility to keep children safe. We can make a difference in the lives of our children and in the lives of children of future generations.

But… there is a price to be paid for that hope.

There has to be a shift in societal thinking and values. We HAVE to be able to talk about child abuse in order to educate the world about the scope of the problem. I truly believe that people in general do not understand the scope of the problem. We have to be able to talk to our children about appropriate boundaries. We have to be able to talk to the adults in our child’s life about what will be tolerated and what will not be tolerated in regards to behavior with and around our children.

We have to be able to talk to our legislative representatives about why child abuse prevention needs to be a top priority. We HAVE to end the silence. We HAVE to end the shaming of victims of child abuse. We HAVE to end the blaming of child abuse victims.

Child abuse is not a “child” problem. It is an “adult” problem. The problem is not with the child’s actions but with the adult’s action or reaction.

What if we all decided every morning that we were going to do one act during the day on behalf of a child? What if we all decided that today… right now… was the time to end child abuse?

I AM so hopeful. Children are continuing to need interviews, medical examinations and therapy assessments. We are overwhelmed some days with the amount of referrals and work there is to be done right here in Jackson County, but I am so hopeful.

Children mean that reports are being made. Medical evaluations mean that children get to learn that their bodies have not been broken by abuse. Therapy assessments mean that children get to learn that abuse has not made them worthless. Interviews mean that children have an opportunity to talk about what has happened and that an adult in a position to help make that abuse stop is ready to help them.

It is not hopeless. We only need to decide that we will be part of the paradigm shift that is needed in our world by starting to talk about what is child abuse and how to keep our children safe.

We are not powerless.

If we teach our children about what is abuse and if we talk about what will not be tolerated behavior with the adults in our children’s lives, we take back the power and we give to our children.
SOU volunteer reflects on her experience at CAC

My name is Cydney Reid and I am a volunteer at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County. I am currently a senior at Southern Oregon University studying psychology and sociology.

I first heard about the Children’s Advocacy Center through a friend who was already volunteering at the CAC. My friend had always expressed how she enjoyed volunteering at the CAC and really appreciated what she was learning.

For my senior project, I decided to commit to volunteering at the CAC for at least 100 hours during my winter term.

When I first began at the Children’s Advocacy Center, I only knew that they helped children and teens who have suffered from abuse. As I continued volunteering, I learned about the other wonderful things that the CAC has to offer. The CAC has toothpaste/toothbrush bags that are given to clients, they have a wide selection of gently used clothing to give out to those in need, and they have hundreds of teddy bears and stuffed animals that are waiting for a loving home.

The CAC offers a wide variety of services to those in need and will work hard to help in every way that they can.

The CAC is staffed by a variety of people ranging from intake and therapy to development and outreach. Each person that I have met at the CAC is extremely caring and passionate about what they are doing.

It is wonderful to be surrounded by people who love their jobs and are dedicated to the CAC.

I have only been a volunteer at the CAC for a little over a month and I have thoroughly enjoyed the time that I have spent here. I look forward to the next few months and seeing more of the amazing things that they do.

Cydney Reid
When a mom’s love is not enough . . .
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Yesterday morning, as I dropped my seven year old son off at school, I had a “moment”. It probably was not unlike a million other moments, had by a million other moms.

I was watching my son bound off across the playground; he turned around and waved good bye with a big smile on his face. And in an instant, I had this feeling of total and unconditional love and a second of panic as he turned and ran off. I watched my son almost in slow motion — his hair in the wind, his little feet and legs moving and then, in a fast sweeping moment, I lost sight of his face as he turned away from me to join his friends.

I was caught off guard. I wanted to stop time. Stop all movement. He was growing up too fast. I was no longer with him 24/7. I suddenly needed him to know that my heart could explode with how much I loved him.

I had tears streaming down my face…along with my mascara as I reflected that sometimes “that” love was not going to be enough to keep him safe.

I reflected on how many of the moms that I have worked with over the years had that same love, but somehow found themselves in situations in which their child was hurt by someone trusted in their life. I sat there in my car for a full ten minutes watching my son play and thinking how lucky I was. I sat there in my car and vowed to always do what I could to keep my child not only safe, but keep him in the center of my world so I could see all around him to ward off any would-be unsafe people.

I really think what is key is “keeping him in the center of my world”; not to either side, not as an afterthought, not when I have time, not behind me, not too far in front of me, but in the center where I can be present with him, where I can have a 360 degree view of his world and where I can put on notice anyone who may be thinking of trying to make my child unsafe.

It really is the best tool in my tool box.

My child is growing up and will be visiting friends in their home where I may not be with him. I am equipping him with the language to be able to talk to me and let me know if things do not feel right. I want him to know I am interested in what he has to say. I want his friends, his friends’ parents and anyone else around to know that I am interested in what is going on.

I want your child to have the same thing.

I use to be amazed when I worked as a caseworker with DHS when I would talk with parents who did not know their babysitter’s name or address or phone number. Many times they did not know who else lived in the house.

I want you to feel empowered to ask the hard questions. I want to know I am not alone in asking the hard questions. If we all ask them, then they become a little less hard to ask.

You may be asking, what are the hard questions?

Here are a few to start with:
- Do you have guns in the house? Where do you keep them?
- Who will be in the house while my child is visiting?
- Are there older kids there? Will they be left in charge of my child? Have they had any issues behaviorally or otherwise?
- What are you going to do if my child wants to call me?
- What kinds of programs will he be allowed to watch on TV?
- What kind of access will he have to the internet? Who will be monitoring that?
- What kind of video games if any will they be playing?
And then I think you let them know you have talked to your child about if anything feels uncomfortable or if anyone asks him to keep secrets or if anyone tries or succeeds in touching him in any place that is private or that he does not want, that he needs to tell you.

It does feel uncomfortable the first time you have this conversation. Your child will be mortified and embarrassed and that only gets worse the older they get.

It will not be easy.

But sometimes a mother’s love is not enough to keep a child safe.
Winter Gala 2016: Camelot and Good Deeds for Children

By Michelle Wilson, Development Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

“Don’t ever let it be forgot
That once there was a spot
For one brief, shining moment
That was known as Camelot!”
~ Camelot (the movie)

King Arthur and Queen Guinevere ~ played by Geoffrey and Joi Riley

For one brief moment on January 30, Camelot was alive and well in our part of the world. A mighty team of volunteers created a Medieval castle, complete with King Arthur and his court, and the community was invited to enter inside.

Dragons, knights, lords and ladies all came together to help us create a mythical world – for just one evening – and over 250 people joined us at our annual Winter Gala in a night which focused on children. King Arthur and Queen Guinevere (played royally by Geoffrey Riley and his wife Joi), held court, and Lancelot, Morgaine, and Merlin moved through the castle walls entertaining our guests.

This trio also had a quest: they sought to find the pure of heart and mind and give away blue crystal hearts to anyone who was worthy.

To receive a heart, guests had to share a line or two of Old English (showing wisdom with their words), correctly answer a question about Camelot (showing knowledge of this mythical world), or share about One Kind Deed they had done that day for children (showing kindness and a pure heart).

It was a night of celebration, and all of our guests did Kind Deeds for children that evening. Celebrations bring us together and strengthen our sense of community. This celebration brought us all together in the noble quest of raising awareness of the great need for support in keeping children safe and healthy in our community.

Thank you to all who attended, to our noble and generous sponsors, and to those who worked countless hours to make it all happen!
The Cost of Even Keel

This is a post by Leah Howell, M.S., Training Coordinator for Protect Our Children Child Abuse Prevention Training of Jackson County, Oregon

A few years ago when my son was around 4 months old, we were concerned about his weight, so I did a Google Images search on what a typical 4 month old should look like.

I found a picture of a baby who could have been my son’s twin, and was born within weeks of my son. Out of curiosity, I clicked on the image and then the accompanying article. It was the story of a baby boy who had been repeatedly beaten, but each time was sent back home to his parents. At four months old he died at the hands of his father. To this day, when I think of that little boy, who deserved nothing but unbounded love, I feel deep, almost overwhelming sadness.

These strong feelings have significance to me because I have a 3 year old boy whose emotions seem to fluctuate between unprecedented elation and severe emotional distress from moment to moment.

My reaction to this roller-coaster of expression is to become “The Stabilizer.” I am the adult, after all. I am the person who needs to remain emotionally impervious to the tragedy of the minute, and offer some rational thought or feelings that balance his “crazy-makin’.” My son responds surprisingly well to most of my rational input-even at his age (you can give my husband all the credit for those genes).

Though I know “The Stabilizer” to be a necessary role currently with my three year old, I find that this function has morphed, and has begun to seep into me in a more personal way.

I find that it is my “go to” survival technique. When life gets stressful or overwhelming, I am the one who keeps the ship moving and minimizes any rocking – emotional or otherwise. Recently, I have sensed myself unwilling to contend with my own complicated emotions. Instead of feeling them, I choose to stuff them, then rationalize my way out of dealing with them.

I sometimes wonder how damaging this survival technique is. Used too often, this practice could keep me from focusing on the things that really matter – both in my family and community.

After all, allowing yourself to feel deeply is most often what compels a person to change or take decisive action.

Well known to most people, child abuse (and especially child sexual abuse) has been allowed to continue under the noses of many who would be outraged that it was occurring. But when adults in proximity were faced with this possibility, they perceived this truth as too devastating to them, and they took no action.

When I consider these tragic situations, I realize that I cannot continue as “The Stabilizer” for much longer, and still be the responsive parent I need to be. I acknowledge that the best protection I can provide to my son is to possess the will and courage to face the realities of life, (no matter how painful they may be) and walk alongside him through them- hand in hand.

Leah Howell
New Oregon laws and justice for victims

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center

This week I was asked about some new laws that passed in Oregon and what they mean for victims. One extends the statute of limitations for sexual abuse. One increases penalties for people who video record or take pictures of victims during private moments and one makes it a crime to post “revenge porn”.

For years our laws have provided more protection and more rights to offenders.

This has allowed offenders to find refuge…a safe haven if you will. They did not have to go into hiding. They find it right under our noses. By the time the victim could find healing and could understand that the assault was not their fault; it was too late to find justice or to hold the offender accountable because the statute of limitation had run out. It could no longer be prosecuted.

These laws are steps in the right direction. These laws help to find some balance of the justice scales for victims, but there is still much work to be done.

Until our societal views on sexual abuse change, our laws will continue to put limits on what justice the victims can find.

Many of you are probably questioning what I am talking about. Society is against sexual violence. Well, not really. We want to be, because that is the right belief to have. However, we still victim blame. We still unfortunately believe offenders are innocent even in the face of some strong evidence in some cases. We still really think the victims are making it up, that they are lying.

Again I am sure you are asking yourself, what does she mean?

Let’s for moment examine some recent cases that have been in the news. Yes. I am going to bring THAT one up. Bill Cosby. See.

You are thinking that case is different. Immediately you begin to say the victims are lying to get money. Immediately you begin to say, if it were true, they would have reported before. There would be prosecution.

That last one gets tricky because he has been charged now and there will be a prosecution unless he pleads guilty or it gets dismissed because of too much pressure from society on the victim.

What about the two Duggar girls? What about the young girl who was sexually assaulted by the Notre Dame Football player? She committed suicide, after she made a report. Are we sure she was lying?

A sexual assault is an event. Sometimes more than one event.

BUT healing and recovery is a process.

It is difficult to find strength to report to authorities if you know no one will believe you. It is difficult to stay the course when at every turn someone is questioning whether or not you are telling the truth.

So you stay silent. Maybe you get into therapy and begin to realize you have inner strength. And maybe you continue your therapy and realize you were not to blame. You find the strength to make a report. To you, it has only been a few minutes. In reality it has been years. Sometimes a life time. Does that mean that your offender should not be held accountable?

Let’s look at the Revenge Porn law.

Basically it says that it is now illegal to disseminate an intimate image. This is looking at how common it has become to send intimate pictures to someone you are in a relationship. This law says that you cannot disclose an intimate picture to a website with a specific intent to harass or humiliate another person. Some of you are saying that the picture should not have been taken and sent in the first place. You should be asking why it has taken so long to make this a law.

See…societal views determine what happens and who is protected.

The third law makes it a felony to photograph or record someone in a state of nudity without consent and in a place where the victim expected privacy. Prior to the passage of this law it was a misdemeanor. You may remember a case in Oregon about a man who “up-skirted” a young girl and it was only a misdemeanor.

Many people will say, “How does it impact the victim if she/he does not know the pictures/video is being taken?”

Think about it this way. What if your daughter, granddaughter, niece, son, grandson, googles their name and up comes pictures taken in the gym locker room changing clothes? What if you found out those pictures had been sold to someone who sexually abuses children? What if you found out those pictures were posted on a porn site? What if you found out that someone was using your child’s image to satisfy some weird perversion?

Seems pretty devastating to me.

I am hoping for a shift in the way we, as society think about sexual crimes.

I am hoping that not only in Oregon but across the Nation we begin to balance the protection of the victim with the protection of the offender’s constitutional rights.

The next time you hear about a sexual assault, I hope that your first thought is not that the victim is lying. I hope your first thought is not that the victim is trying to ruin the offender’s life.

I hope in my life time we balance the scales of justice for victims.
Art and the Mother’s Touch

By Michelle Wilson, Development Director for The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

In honor of what would be my mom’s birthday this month, I am sharing a post I wrote three years ago on healing and the mother’s touch. This could have been written now, with the references to the stories shared at this center and the healing that occurs here. We now offer art workshops through our Building Bridges project and our therapists continue to offer a variety of types of creative therapies for hundreds of kids and teens each year.

I am looking at a picture of my mom a few years ago on a trip to visit my sister in Colorado. Beautiful flowers surround her and she has a relaxed smile on her face.

I am smiling back at her this morning.

My mother and the whole state of motherhood have been on my mind a lot this week. I read a story the other day about a premature newborn who was pronounced dead, then was put on his mother’s chest and started breathing. He is now 2 years old and thriving.

A mother’s touch is pretty powerful stuff.

My mom passed away a few months ago. I was blessed to be able to spend the last several weeks of her life with her, along with other siblings. During that time we talked a lot, when she wasn’t too tired, about the years we had all spent together and the years when life had us in different places around the country. I have lived far away since I graduated from college and always hoped I wouldn’t regret living so far from my mom once she passed away.

I have found, though, that I feel as if she and I were just as close as she was to my siblings living near her. We talked on the phone a few times a week and saw each other at least once a year. Our relationship was quiet, subtle, almost invisible because it was largely through phone contact. But it was powerful, like the touch of that mama whose love helped her newborn breathe for the first time.

It’s kind of like art, I realize, and the process of creating it. The product may be powerful, with its own energy surrounding it, even if the process of creating it was invisible to the viewer.

I think of Mom all the time now, dream about her. Her touch is still with me, subtle and powerful, reminding me to breathe every day and take in all that is around me. She invites me every day to choose life above everything and to enjoy every minute, every gift. At night when I put my son to sleep, we say goodnight to her and to the angels. I hug him very closely, wanting my touch to stay with him even when I’m not with him.

This week was a difficult one at the Children’s Advocacy Center. We heard too many stories of kids who have been hurt, most by family or extended family members. We talk to each other about how it affects us, all of these stories. And we talk about what we do to handle the stress and sadness of our work.

The thing that works, it seems, is staying connected – to life, to what we love, to the gentle touches of the people around us. I think of Mom to help me through. I decide every morning to choose life and gratitude, no matter what is happening. Her touch sustains me still.

So many of the kids and teens who come to us don’t have this kind of memory of gentle, loving touch. Most have memories of touch that harmed them. In the mentoring program and in therapy and in all of our interactions with them we try to give them something of what they missed. Something of the mother’s touch.

Through the art program we offer them a way to choose life in the face of sadness and despair. They create works that reflect their lives and their hopes. Through the touch of the brush to the canvas, they can experience something they may never have had. Through the kind words and support of their mentors and those who see their works, we hope they can begin to have memories that will sustain them, much like the memory of my mother’s voice sustains me.

I choose to believe that we can do this, help them create an internal voice and memory that will help them remember to breathe when life gets difficult.

I believe the mother’s touch is always there, something we can pass on to each other when needed, an invisible life force with a tangible energy all its own.

We can do it through kind words, art, anything that helps to create the energy that can sustain us, no matter what we face.