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What the Bill Cosby Mistrial Means for Us

Recently we all watched as the Bill Cosby trial came to an end in a mistrial. It seems so hard to understand how this could happen when he admitted to giving drugs to the victim so that he could have sex with her. For those of us immersed in this work, that admission is a huge red flag for so many different reasons, but the one that stands out the most is that we all know that if someone is intoxicated or heavily under the influence or otherwise rendered incapacitated then they are unable to consent to sexual activity. I have a guest blogger today writing about this case…when I read her blog it rings true and I wanted to share it with you. Katie Wilson is a 23 year old California native who is pursuing a path in journalism by sharing her truth through her own blog. (Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director)

By Katie Wilson: First published June 20, 2017 on the Odyssey Blog: https://www.theodysseyonline.com/bill-cosby-mistrial-means-society

Allegations of Cosby’s alleged sexual misconduct first came to light in November of 2014. Since then there have been more than 50 women who have come forward, and claimed to have been a victim of Cosby’s misconduct. According to these women Cosby would drug them, usually in their drinks, or in regular pill form offered as a pain reliever. The women then claim they woke up groggily some time later in bed either during or after the rape occurred. When news first broke there were thirteen women who were anonymously going to testify against Cosby, being called the “Jane Does.” As time went on, some of these women felt comfortable coming forward and identifying themselves to share more of their story, as to help other victims who were afraid, or ashamed to come forward. The women stated they wanted to help and wanted to come together in support, in a way that those of us who have never been through such a tragedy can not.

There were opinions from all sides as Cosby maintained his innocence. Quite a lot of people didn’t want to believe that the comedian who had always been portrayed as a family man/father figure was capable of committing such acts. Others trying to belittle the claims, or find ways to defend the seventy-nine year old’s actions. Claiming that the women wanted to have relations with him, and defending all of his choices, many believing the defenses that he began stating in an attempt to maintain his own innocence. Then there were the radical feminists calling for a hulk sized take-down of a man who had lived a life so vile.

On June 12 the trial against Cosby for the rape of Andrea Constand began. Despite numerous evidence that this is not a singular occurrence, and something that Cosby is all but admitted to; i.e. Jokes in a segment about spiking women’s drinks to get them to have sex with him; the jury was somehow not able to reach a verdict after more than fifty-two hours of deliberating. This causing Judge Steven O’Neil to declare the case a mistrial. While prosecutors have vowed to retry Cosby in the one hundred and twenty day period in which they have to do so, this mistrial is very important for our society today. We live in a world where only three hundred and ten out of a thousand assault cases are even reported. In those three hundred, only fifty seven will lead to an arrest according to records. Of those an even smaller portion will face trial with reportedly only six out of the three hundred actually facing any sort of criminal charge. With statistics like these victims who already feel embarrassment, shame, guilt, or regret have a hard time finding a reason to make themselves relive all of the trauma they have been through, countless times in order to maybe, possibly, find justice if they’re part of that one percent.

When a trial takes over a media firestorm and someone with mass popularity and nationwide love no longer is safe from justice; someone who is widely known and loved has to stand up and face his crimes, then women everywhere begin to see a light of hope. A hope for a nation that will not tell them that it is their fault they were assaulted. A nation that doesn’t tell a woman to cover up but a man to respect her no matter what. A world in where three months in prison and a slap on the wrist is never an okay punishment for rape. But suddenly then there’s a mistrial. Because despite the evidence our society doesn’t want to believe that there can be this kind of ugliness. That despite the hurt and the pain we would rather hide it away and cover it up.

This mistrial shows women that no matter how loud you scream and shout, no matter how hard you fight someone is always going to think you’re making it up. This mistrial shows that while we have made bold leaps in the last hundred years for equality we still have a very long way to go. Until women feel safe walking the street and standing in their truth, until we can get comfortable revealing the ugly hidden beneath our country, and bringing it to light we can not claim to be America the Beautiful.
A Father’s Love Can Change the World

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I am definitely my father’s daughter.

I can remember when I was 4 or so, following him around just like his shadow, no matter what he was doing. When he was mowing the lawn, I was right there in his footsteps making every turn, row by row. When he was building stuff out in the carport…you bet I was there with my fingers in my ears. I also remember my Dad making just about everything a game or a story. He used to hide Lifesavers around the house for me and my sister to find. He and I had this running story about Tippy our dog…which as I grew up sounded very much like stories of Snoopy’s adventures.

In my pre-adolescent years, we had a standing date every Saturday night from April to June or so. We would go downtown and watch Little League Baseball games. It didn’t matter really who was playing, but being a small town, we were pretty sure we would know the players. I love baseball to this day; not because of the game but because of those warm humid nights under the lights sitting in an uncomfortable lawn chair with my Dad next me. I don’t care about watching it on T.V. It isn’t about the game.

In high school I can remember more than once my dad wiping my tears after a broken heart—sometimes broken by a “dumb” boy, sometimes broken by my own actions and sometimes broken because life is unfair.

One of my very favorite “Dad” memories was my junior year in high school. My mom must have had something going on…I don’t remember how this fell to him, but he took me to the mall—an hour one way from our town—to shop for a prom dress. I remember that prom being a disaster for me, but I always smile when I think of it because I had the trendiest, prettiest dress featured in Seventeen magazine.

He has been such an important part of guiding me into the person that I am today. I sleep, to this day, with his dog tags lying on my nightstand from his Vietnam days. A symbol for me of determination, courage and survival—reminding me that obstacles are made to be overcome.

I see the importance of a father’s love in my son’s life. I see it in the way he mimics his father’s mannerisms. I hear it when he asks his dad “Did I do good?” after a baseball game or after casting his fishing line. I hear it in his laughter when he and his Dad are playing one of those annoying “boy” games that I don’t understand. I see it in his eyes when they light up when Dad tells him he’s done a good job. I see it when he deflates because Dad reprimanded him for something that he did. I know that he feels protected when his Dad is around because on the, now, rare occasions that his Dad travels without us; he somehow always ends up sleeping with me. No matter what…from leaf blowers (no joke) to sandals, “I want, fill in the blank, just like Dad’s!”

Sigmund Freud stated the strongest need in childhood is a father’s protection. There is research out there that says that children with involved fathers have a social and academic advantage over their counterparts whose dads are absent.

There is some evidence that a child’s primary relationship with his/her father can affect all of their future relationships from cradle to death. The early patterns of interaction with their father are the very patterns that will be replayed in future relationships. These patterns impact not only a child’s idea of who they are and how they relate to others, but also defines what is considered acceptable and loving when it comes to relationships for the child, throughout life.

Don’t believe it? Well there is a ton of research out there these days that back up these ideas—google it.

It makes sense to me. As a mom I don’t feel like believing this diminishes my role in my child’s life.

In a world that has historically always made an emphasis on how important our relationship with our mom is, this does shine some light on the role Dad’s play in the life of their children. Also, let’s be real, it takes some pressure off us moms! Not everything is our fault!

On this Father’s Day, I wish my Dad a very happy Father’s Day. Thank you for always being there to wipe my tears, to buy me dinner on my birthday, and to teach me about integrity, courage, perseverance, and to teach me about love. I wish my husband and my son’s father, a spectacular day! Thanks for helping to create and mold the most amazing little boy I have ever met.

On this Father’s Day I wish all the Dad’s or Dad substitutes out there, a very happy Father’s Day filled with all things spectacular! Your presence in the lives of our children is life changing! Your love, your participation, your guidance in the lives of our children is what is going to make a difference in the world we live in.

Tammi Pitzen
Celebrating Mother’s Day

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

May is all about our Moms. If we are a Mom, then a small part may be about us.

Today I am feeling a little melancholy, as one of my friend’s granddaughters passed away after many health challenges. My heart aches for her and for her daughter as we creep up on Mother’s Day this year.

Robert Browning said “Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.”

As I reflect on the pain and sorrow that my friend is experiencing right now, in this moment, I want to also remind her of the possibilities and amazing things that have been an outgrowth of her love–that love that only a Mother can give. I want to remind her that the pain that she is feeling does not come without great love.

Not to get too personal here, but my husband and I suffered many loses before our son was gifted to our family. It was painful. I am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of my son’s life. Thinking of my friend today, I would imagine that she too is grateful for the opportunity to be a part of her granddaughter’s life. Knowing her, I imagine she would not have wanted to be relieved of those challenges because it would mean she would be relieved of the joy and love that came through her opportunity to be her grandma.

It has been said, “A mother’s work is never done.” It has also been said, “Being a mother is the hardest job I have ever had.”

On my best days…my “mother” work is not work at all. It is love.

On most mornings, I get up and get my son ready for his day. This includes making breakfast and getting his lunch together. I actually miss it when I don’t do it. I still get to brush his hair. He has decided at eight that he likes having “a lot” of hair. It is thick, wavy and sometimes unruly. Some days it makes my husband twitch a little. I love his hair.

I love it mostly because when he comes to me every morning to brush his hair, it reminds me of my own mom taking care of my hair and the gentle touch (most days…darn ponytails) that came as a part of that. At night, when he asks his dad to tuck him in, if I am totally transparent, I am disappointed. And while it seems like I never get it all done…I don’t mind doing the laundry that he leaves me—full of pants with no knees left in them and dirt ground in to every inch. It means that he lived life to the fullest in those clothes.

So what is the point of today’s blog? I think there are many.

The greatest job in the world is to be a mom—at least in my life. Savor those moments with your children…those moments will be brief. Each moment will bring its own joy, but believe me…they will be brief…sixty seconds is gone in a blink of an eye.

Sometimes a mother’s love is not enough. Period.

Sometimes a mom loves so much and so hard and does everything right, and her child still struggles. It isn’t her fault. It doesn’t matter what the struggle is…mental health, substance abuse, criminal activity, health issues, a death of a parent–a mother’s love cannot always change the struggle, but a mother’s love can make a child feel value and worth. A mother’s love can build resiliency in her child and her family. A mother’s love can build self-esteem. A mother’s love can offer refuge in a cruel world.

To all the Mothers in my life, I wish you a Happy Mother’s Day!

To those who have lost a child, my hope for you is to find comfort in your memories and in the love you created with your child. To my own Mother, I say thank you for always believing in me, for always loving me and for building me up every chance that presented itself.

To my dear friend, who I purposefully have not identified, I hope she can recognize herself in this blog…and to her dear sweet daughter I wish her peace and comfort and the realization that her love was all she ever needed.

Tammi Pitzen, CAC Executive Director
Child Abuse Case Plays Out on the National Stage

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

It is not often that a child abuse case plays out on the national stage. However, last week, we had one play out. The young lady who was kidnapped by her teacher was found and rescued.

Please note the language used here. Kidnapped. Rescued. Keep those words in your mind as you read the rest of this blog post.

To fill in those who have not tuned into this story, a 15 year old girl was kidnapped by teacher, Tad Cummings. They were on the run for about a month before the FBI located them in Siskiyou County at a remote cabin.

Since she was found, I have been asked many times about what a parent can do to prevent this from happening — what the signs are to look for, and I have been questioned about whether she was in a relationship or was she really kidnapped.

I want to start off by saying that anything that happens between a child and an adult — the adult is responsible.

There is a power differential between a child and an adult. The adult always holds power. This power differential is even greater when that adult is a teacher or a person in a position of authority or trust. In some regards, it is the same power and control that you hear about in domestic violence. The offender has all the power and control. The victim has none. What happens is similar to what happens when someone is “gaslighting”. The victim’s reality is whatever the offender tells her it is. The offender is able to accomplish this through “grooming” behaviors. It does not happen overnight. There is a process.

Of course, here is where I insert the disclaimer. I don’t have personal knowledge of what has happened in this case. I am basing my opinions on what information is out in the news, which may or may not be accurate. Also, he is innocent until proven guilty. And, of course, she is not accused of anything–so blameless.

Let’s look at what has been reported. The victim’s sister says that she is vulnerable because she had been the victim of bullying. His sister says he was trying to keep her safe. She was going to run away and so he needed to go with her so she wouldn’t be alone.

He packed medication for erectile dysfunction, handguns and $4,500 he had just received through a loan. He told his wife he needed to go to Virginia to clear his head. Now right off the bat I need to clarify what I see as thinking errors (others would call it the things we tell ourselves to convince ourselves and others that what we are doing is actually a noble deed or something that we had no control over—either is a good way to look at it.) Google “sex offender thinking errors” for a better description.

1) If a teen is going to run away, an adult male’s first response is not to run away with her. A rational person would contact the child’s parent, another school official, or perhaps — if the school has one — a school resource officer.

2) Erectile dysfunction medication is not for a life threatening condition (as in your health would not be in jeopardy if you do not take them) and is useless in keeping teenage girls safe.

3) Married adult men do not lie to their wives about their intentions if they are not improper. I am sure there are many, many more of these, but I just want to give you a few to think about as you are deciding what your thoughts and opinions are about this case.

Let’s move on to whether or not the victim is to blame and what exactly is her crime.

She was vulnerable because of being bullied. She trusted an adult who made her feel special. When you are bullied, you begin to experience low self-esteem and do not feel you have value. As a 15-year-old bullied girl, it would be very uplifting to know that an adult male found value in you. If you are good at grooming, you will be able to convince said teen that not only do you think they have value, but that you are the best thing that has ever happened in their life.

I also read that there was a restraining order granted that would prohibit the victim’s mom from having contact with her. Another thing that victim did wrong was to have a mother who had been physically abusive in the past and to have a court find that it would be detrimental for the victim to have contact with her mother at this time.

All sarcasm aside. Offenders target children who have low self-esteem, have disrupted or strained relationships with one or both parents and who may have strained or non-existent peer relationships. It is so much easier to manipulate the victim if they do not have open communication with anyone outside the offender. And yes, he is an alleged offender. As she is a child, she is unable to consent to a relationship with an adult–that is what the law says. The age of consent in Tennessee is 18, in Oklahoma it is 16 and in California it is 18—according to my online research. Basically, as a 15-year-old in all three states that we know he took her to, she was unable to consent to having a sexual relationship with the alleged offender.

No matter whether it turns out that the two of them had any sexual contact, it was illegal. AND the ADULT is responsible. So yes, he is an alleged sex offender. Yes. She is a victim of child sexual assault or whatever term those state’s statutes use for that event. NO! She is not to blame.

The conversation needs to be changed to help those out there who may be listening who have not yet found safety—who have not yet reported.

If you or those around you are blaming the child…other children who may be in similar situations will not report. It isn’t safe. The conversation needs to shift from victim blaming, to what is it we all can do to help create a safe environment for children to report and find safety and heal.

The conversation needs to change from what can parents look for if their child is at risk, to how can a parent be engaged throughout a child’s life. We know that nurturing needs to begin early in life. We know that safety needs should be met early in life. The best way to reduce the risk that your child will become a victim is to have dinner as a family, to keep communication open, to establish early on that — no matter what your child tells you – you will always love them, keep them safe, advocate for them — be there for them.

We know that starting these conversations during the teen years is not as effective as starting them when they are 3 or younger. The best way to safeguard your child against sexual abuse is to be present in their life…know who their friends are…who their friend’s parents are… who their teachers are and to model healthy and appropriate relationships for your child.

Is it too late to start if your child is already a teen? No way! But own up to the fact that you are starting the conversation late. Your child will appreciate the fact that you realize this. Follow through…if you tell them they can tell you anything…then be open and let them tell you anything and try to not respond with anger, disappointment, or judgment.

Finally, put all would-be offenders on notice that you are watching.

If an adult is spending too much alone time with your child…ask them why and put a stop to it. If someone is crossing boundaries that you recognize should not be crossed…call them out on it. If you haven’t met the people your child is hanging out with or if they are always “meeting” them places instead of letting you get to know their friends…put a stop to it.

Grooming is a real thing.

Learn about it. Take a class. The CAC teaches adults to recognize and respond to sexual abuse. Enroll in a Protect Our Children class by visiting our website at http://cacjc.org/services/prevention/
Take action to change children’s lives
By Kirsten Arreguin, Program Manger, Jackson County Child Welfare and Board Member, The Children’s Advocacy Center

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month.

Thank you for taking the time to read and get informed about child abuse prevention. Most people would probably avoid reading about the abuse and neglect of children. It’s easier to ignore it, pretend that it doesn’t happen in your community, in your neighborhood or to children that you know.

But you’re different. You’ve taken the time to educate yourself or you may even know firsthand what it’s like to suffer from child abuse. For whatever reason, you’re the kind of person who gets involved in finding solutions. You’re a leader in your community’s fight against child abuse and you show a great deal of strength and courage.

You know the warning signs of a child in danger might include:
- Frequent or unexplained injuries
- Sudden changes in personality, activities, or behavior
- Inappropriate sexual behavior
- Depression and anxiety
- Hypervigilance
You know the warning signs of a family at risk that may include:
- Abuse of alcohol or drugs
- Domestic violence
- Isolation from others
- Difficulties controlling anger or stress
- Appearing uninterested in the care, nourishment or safety of their children
Are you looking for more ways to make a positive difference in the lives of children? You already have a heart to serve, so here’s your next challenge: Look at the suggestions below and resolve to take action on one of these this year.

Take the Training!

Protect our Children is a child sexual abuse prevention training program offered through The Children’s Advocacy Center. This free training teaches you how to protect your child and those around you from sexual abuse. You will learn to spot the signs of possible abuse and respond effectively if you suspect abuse.

I’ve taken this valuable training, and I urge you to do the same. Please go to the Children’s Advocacy Center’s website and click on Services/Protect Our Children to register to find out more. You can attend 3 hour training held monthly at the Jackson County Library or request a training for your work, church, or organization. I can’t tell you how important this training is for every adult in our community. Please consider signing up today.

Volunteer your Time & Talents!

Have you already taken the Protect our Children training? Would you also consider volunteering your time to assist others to complete the training? There are several opportunities available for you to help make more trainings available to the community. Your time and talents are needed in many other ways also. You can view more opportunities on the CAC website when you click on the Volunteer tab. No time is ever wasted when it’s spent in the service of a child who’s experienced abuse or neglect.

If you’re not able to volunteer your time, can I make a personal ask of you? The CAC provides specialized medical and therapeutic services to hundreds of children every year. They need your financial support to continue offering these valuable services. Please consider making a donation today by visiting the website and clicking Donate. Believe me, I know firsthand how important your gifts are to the children who are seen at the CAC.

Open Your Heart and Home!

As the Program Manager for Jackson County Child Welfare, I would be remiss if I didn’t take a moment to tell you about our community’s great need for foster homes. Unfortunately, at this time, we are struggling daily to find families who can provide foster care for children who have been or are suspected of being the victims of abuse or neglect. It is a heartbreak to have no other option than to separate siblings into different homes because there simply is no room for them to stay together. Would you like to find out more about becoming a foster parent? Please contact us at 541-776-6120 or visit us on Facebook Jackson County Foster Care and Adoption.

Thank you for having a heart for children and a desire to help in their healing.

Kirsten Arreguin
Does child abuse happen in our state? In Jackson County?
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

April is child abuse prevention/awareness month. This is my traditional April Blog recognizing and focusing on the problem of child abuse.

I was doing a little research to see what was going on in the world of child abuse. I found a page on the internet that is nothing but stories of child abuse. They are all true. They are all recent. They are all heartbreaking.

One tells of a child whose father found out she was having sex and so, as punishment, forced her to become a prostitute at a truck stop. There are stories of child fatalities; there are stories of parents beating their children. It is quite disturbing. It is a true crime website. I was simply looking for some compelling story to blog about and found a whole site. All from 2017.

Some will say that those horrible things do not happen in Oregon. Those things happen in other countries or other parts of this country. Sadly, this is not accurate.

There were 964 children abused in Jackson County in 2016. In the state of Oregon, there were 27 child abuse fatalities. 21 of those were perpetrated by a parent or parent figure. All 27 of the children who died knew their abuser. We call it child abuse fatalities, and as awful as that sounds, it does not sound as awful as murder. We look for words that are softer to describe these heinous acts.

Child abuse happens in Oregon. Child abuse happens in Jackson County.

The foster parent shortage that has been reported on is not just in other parts of the state. It is here in our county as well.

This is not someone else’s problem. It is ours. The problem has been long established. What isn’t as clear, is the solution.

How do we make a meaningful impact? Where is the catchy child abuse slogan? You know…like the “War on Drugs” or “No Child Left Behind”. Where is the rally cry to help keep kids safe from the dangers that lurk within their own homes?

People who work in the field of child abuse; particularly those who work in prevention, joke about “working themselves out of a job” and “putting the CAC out of business”. It is a good goal. But where is the rally cry? These of course are rhetorical questions. Unless you have an actual answer. Then I am all ears!

There are things that you can do all year long…..long after April has ended. You can:
- Find an agency that helps to protect children and support them in any way you can. If you can’t donate money, then donate time and talent. Nonprofit agencies are quite adept at leveraging whatever your gift is, with other gifts, to create the biggest impact.
- If you suspect abuse, make a report–even if it feels uncomfortable or even if you are unsure. The professionals will figure it out. You don’t have to figure it out.
- Not sure what abuse looks like? Take a training on recognizing abuse. The CAC of Jackson County offers several opportunities, either through our Protect Our Children program or through other offerings such as Responding to Allegations of Child Maltreatment offered this May. Register here: https://tinyurl.com/kwm6qx5
- Do you see a mom or a dad struggling? Offer to help.
- Let your legislative representatives know that children and child abuse is a priority for you and you want it to be their priority as well—both at the state and federal level.
- You can change the conversation from “Why didn’t she tell?” to “Why did he do that?”
- You can become a CASA (Court Appointed Special Advocate) and learn how to advocate for children in the foster care system. We have hundreds of children on a waiting list right now who need an advocate.
- You can teach your children, your grandchildren, your nieces and nephews, your neighbor’s child — all the children in your life — who is allowed to touch what part of their bodies and under what circumstance.
- You can tell the adults in your life that your child is off limits by being present, by asking the right questions, and by staying in tuned and attentive to your child. If an offender knows you are watching and vigilant, it makes your child less accessible to them.
You can STOP saying Not My Child; Not My Problem.
Change for Children: Our 3 Agency Collaborative Brainchild
By Jennifer Mylenek, Executive Director of CASA of Jackson and Josephine Counties

The month of April represents Child Abuse Awareness, which helps shine a spotlight on the tragic circumstances of hundreds of thousands of abused and/or neglected children in the U.S. It is also a month in which I’m honored to be a part of a rich collaborative of child-serving agencies that have joined together to raise awareness and funds to support our strong linkage of services provided to abused children in Jackson County.

The Children’s Advocacy Center, CASA of Jackson County, and The Family Nurturing Center are three cornerstone non-profit agencies that support the needs of marginalized, abused, and/or neglected children in various ways with the common goal of ensuring every child can be safe from harm, thrive in a stable/loving home, have equal educational opportunities, and heal from abuse.

The three agencies are led by strong and experienced Executive Directors who realized that together, we can do much more for our children.

Working across agencies has always been our practice when we have shared child clients, but April brought us together in a bigger way. The subject of child abuse awareness is challenging to promote. Most people would rather turn away than accept that it is going on in our county in an epidemic-like fashion.

We knew we could raise more awareness with the larger footprint of our three agencies shining a coordinated light.

Change for Children was our brainchild and began last April in a small way. Today we have seen a significant surge in community support and with our combined staff pitching in to raise the flag on child abuse, much is getting done. Not to mention we found we all work really well together!

I think you’ll agree that recognizing there’s a problem is the first step toward solving the problem, but stepping in to be part of the solution will lift your spirits to new heights, I guarantee it.
- You can help by simply eating out at the establishments supporting us below
- You can volunteer at one or more of our three agencies: CAC, CASA, Family Nurturing Center
- You can sign up for the PROTECT OUR CHILDREN training to learn how to prevent child abuse
- You can look into becoming a foster parent
- You can thank our thoughtful sponsors by supporting their businesses
- You can text C4C to 71777 to make a donation which will be shared by our three agencies
If you’re already helping a child or children in some way, thank you.

There is no greater gift than to see a smile on a child’s face or to know you made a positive difference in their life.
It’s 32 Degrees and this Child is Wearing Flip Flops

By Ginny Sagal, Communication & Outreach Coordinator, The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

When I was working at the schools teaching science, I saw a lot: Watching when the seasons changed who was wearing flip flops when the temperature was 32 degrees. Which child would come to school without a jacket and wearing shorts and a short sleeve t-shirt? I was watching for the ones who had no snack at recess time.   Who was the one child who was always losing his or her homework because he or she did not have a backpack?

It was very clear to me that I had a job as a teacher, advocate and protector of the children.

I had kids sometimes come up to me and ask me who was going to pick them up that day — I was also the bus lady – or at whose house were they going to stay for the weekend. Yes, they were given a breakfast and lunch at school provided by the school administration, but were they going to get dinner and where were they going to sleep at night?

The acting out in class sometimes would be the fear of the unknown or some dark secret they were keeping. I was their protector watching and observing them. I was able to give my supervisor the information they needed so that a child could get the help and services they needed and deserved.

At the CAC, I am a protector of the children by reaching out to others to get engaged in our efforts to prevent child abuse.

This month is Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month. Let’s all be protectors of the children. Let’s all remember that:

·        ALL CHILDREN NEED TO BE PROTECTED

·        ALL CHILDREN NEED FOOD AND SHELTER

·        ALL CHILDREN NEED KIND AND UNDERSTANDING ADULTS IN THEIR LIVES

For more about April’s Child Abuse Prevention and Awareness Month and local activities, visit: http://cacjc.org/child-abuse-prevention-month/
Helping children after the San Bernardino school shooting

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Today, as I sit behind my desk, I am seeing sunshine out my windows and feeling gratitude for the spring weather that is soon to be here. I have learned to live in these sweet, private moments because they come too seldom.

I will admit to spending a few minutes checking my Facebook and checking the news sites to see what I have missed during the day.

As I read through the headlines, my heart sank. There, tucked in with all the political stories, was a story that seems to be unfolding on a shooting at a school in San Bernardino, in which an 8-year-old boy lost his life.

On the surface, it appears to have been a domestic situation that took out an innocent child and hurt another. The shooter turned the gun on himself. I am assuming, that means he killed himself. The teacher appears to have been the target and was also shot and killed.

This man followed all the procedures and protocols. He signed in at the office. No one saw a gun. He then went to his estranged wife’s classroom and opened fire. The child was not the target the article stated.

I am feeling such sorrow. School represents a safe place for so many children; particularly those children who are not safe at home. School is a refuge. Again, we are reminded, that no place feels safe.

I am, in addition to an advocate for children, a mom. The news will have ended well before I make it home tonight. I will not spend any time watching reports play over and over tonight, as all the major news stations cover the story.

I will, however, go into my son’s room, climb into the top bunk with him and hold him as close to me as I can. I will go in several times throughout the night and check on him. I will stand in the dark and listen to him breath. I will run my fingers through his hair. We all feel vulnerable again.

I will be thankful that he is still with me. I will be reminded not to take that for granted. I will brace for the conversation that needs to happen when he asks questions. No matter how I try to shield him, he always seems to know what is happening.

My husband I will go into screening mode. We will not watch the news with James in the room or where he can hear it. We will reassure him as he asks about his own safety at school and at home. We will listen to his concerns and gauge his anxieties by tuning into his behavior. We will spend as much time hugging, cuddling, and reassuring as we can.

I sat down to write my child abuse prevention/awareness month blog tonight. But it will have to wait one more day.

I have a favor to ask of you.

If you have children in your life – your own or through family, friends, or through your work – make sure to spend some time listening to them. Listen to their words. Listen to their actions and behaviors. Listen to their silence. If they hear about this tragedy and I suspect they will, spend some time restoring their emotional safety.

Do not tell them not to worry about it. They will worry in spite of your command. Help them to understand their feelings instead of dismissing them. If you feel ill-equipped to have these conversations, find someone in the child’s life that can—perhaps a teacher, counselor, or church leader.

Maybe I am over reacting. Maybe it will not be on the news for the next two weeks non-stop.

Even that brings its own concerns. If this moves on quickly, then on a national level we are not having the right conversations. Domestic violence happens. School shootings happen.
How reporting abuse saved a boy’s life

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I worry that children who face trauma inflicted on them by their parent or trusted adult might never become inspired, but stay defeated.

When I was a case worker, I would often wonder why some children who suffer enormous abuse go on and accomplish great things and others spiral into self-destruction or destruction of others. If you lined up two case records next to each other…they may read the same, but have very different outcomes for the children.

I once asked one of the young people I worked with, who not only survived in the aftermath of his abuse — but thrived, why was it that he did so well when others in similar circumstances did not.

I really didn’t expect an answer. It was a deep discussion we were having over pizza after his 8^th grade graduation. He looked at me shrugged and didn’t answer at first. I had attended the ceremony and we were out celebrating his accomplishment. They had sung a song at their graduation. Maybe some of you remember this song, “I Believe I Can Fly”. It was corny. It was expected. It was what you did at eighth grade graduation ceremonies.

He fidgeted a bit. He dropped his eyes. I smiled at him in the awkwardness. I went on to tell him I knew he was going to do great things. I didn’t mean to put him on the spot. I let him know I just wanted to know what could be different for those kids who aren’t doing okay, who are in similar situations. I apologized for making him feel uncomfortable.

He slowly began to talk and I got very quiet and listened intently. He told me that he didn’t feel like he was doing okay. He was surviving. He was focused on getting through. He told me he felt like a fake because, when he sang with his classmates, he didn’t believe he could fly.

I actually fought back my tears in order to keep this conversation with this young man going without distracting him with my own feelings…in my head questioning why I ever started this conversation. We sat in silence a little longer eating pizza. He looked at me and he said he thought the difference…the thing that made him different was that someone thought he was worth it. I smiled. I actually for a moment thought he was talking about me. I thought he was talking about that I thought he was worth it. I was young and still full of ego.

He went on to explain that whoever called in his abuse saved his life.

If they didn’t save him from being beaten to death, they surely saved him from ending his life prematurely. He told me he had no idea who it was. He talked about how if someone took the time to save him, then he felt like there must have been something worth saving. The only way he knew to repay that debt was to move on and do something with his life. He said he only had two choices: to begin to believe in himself or to totally come undone.

We left that pizza parlor with the radio blasting, singing “I Believe I Can Fly” at the top of our lungs. I am sure that was a sight to see and probably worse to hear.

I took him back to his foster home. Not long after that, I think he went to live with a relative. I moved on to another case and another child, but not before reading through his file to see who had made the report.

It was a teacher.

It was a teacher that I had met that day at the graduation. According to the report, the teacher had actually made two other reports that didn’t get assigned, before the final concern that led to this child being removed.

I reached out to that teacher to thank her for making the report. I wanted her to know that her phone call saved a life. While talking to her on the phone, she burst into tears. She asked me which child I was talking about. She had made a dozen calls dealing with dozens of children during the school year.

I told her I had made a mistake. She had saved a dozen lives.

I could hear her releasing her breath very slow and could hear a small sob on the other end of the line. She quietly said thank you and then went on to relate a story of how a colleague always tried to talk her out of making those calls. The argument was always that kids want to stay with their parents, kids won’t talk anyway, you don’t want to ruin a life by making a mistake…all the familiar reasons.

I encouraged her to always make that calls. To make it because her students mattered. To make the call because abuse victims suffer in silence and need someone to stand up on their behalf. To make that call because they need to know they are worth the ten minutes it might take to make a report.

What is the take away?

As April’s Child Abuse Awareness/Prevention month draws near — remember that every child counts.

Remember that your call may save a life. If you suspect abuse report it.

Every child is worth it.