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Today we’re talking about how to keep kids safe when they no longer seem to need you.
In Day 1, we shared that good communication is one of the best protections against child abuse. Communication may feel easy while your child is young. But with each passing year, it can feel harder to connect. As your child grows into adolescence, you may feel pushed aside. Just remember that kids in this stage are completing the important developmental task of establishing themselves as individuals outside of the context of their families. Plainly speaking, they don’t want to—nor should they need to—rely on you all the time. Other players enter the game. Friends, peers, teammates, and the media take up real estate in a teen’s life. This transition is healthy, even if it is frustrating and a little bit heartbreaking.
So how do you keep your kid safe when they no longer need you?
It comes back to communication—and understanding your changing role.
Over the course of your child’s life, your role shifts from being their main teacher and advocate to being their supporter and guide. It can feel as though you’re not needed—but you still are. And you can still protect your teen “from afar” with regular communication. The trick is adjusting your conversations to reflect your new role as a guide.
Hopefully, up to this point, you have been showing your child that you are a safe and understanding adult, and they can come to you for information and advice. As kids grow older, what they need from you changes. Often, teens aren’t expecting you to fix things, they just want you to listen. They want to find their own answers and know that they have your support.
If you can you keep your “guide” hat on, your teen will be more likely to keep communicating with you. And that will give you continued opportunities to gently touch on topics like consent, body safety, and healthy relationships.
Ages 3+: Offer a journal or “question box.” Whether your child is young and barely writing, or older and barely talking, this easy project can help open up channels of communication. Pick up a journal or sketch book or make a “question box.” Tell your child they can write down any question and get an answer. Make a plan (together) for how often you’ll check for questions, and agree on how you’ll deliver your response. (You might write your answer in the journal or deliver a note to your child’s room, for example.) This system is especially good for tough or uncomfortable topics. Sometimes children need to ask questions, but they might not be ready to do it face to face. This option is ideal for kids who are more comfortable writing their thoughts, drawing, or need time to reflect on a question or issue.
Ages 0-3: If your child is too young to write or draw, focus on doing Day 1’s 10 minute floor time activity, and keep spending that valuable time with your child every day. Building a foundation now will pay off later when you are ready to begin this “Question Box” activity.
As we wrap up our first week of Safe & Sound, we want to encourage you to take a big breath, hold it, and let it all out.
We know that talking about child abuse can get overwhelming at times. It can also feel like we’re walking around with our eyes closed trying to make sense of everything around us. That feeling is normal and even expected. The activities we introduced this week may feel awkward or even uncomfortable in the beginning. But the more you talk with your child about body parts, boundaries, body safety, consent, and relationships, the more natural it will start to feel. It’s also worth it to know you are doing everything in your power to protect and empower your child.
We also want to remind you that you are not alone in this. The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County (CACJC) exists not only to support children and families who have experienced abuse, but also to help everyone in our community learn how to prevent child abuse.
