Category: You Matter

Mighty Together on Giving Tuesday

By Summer Lewis, Internet Marketing Contractor for the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

For a long time I was obsessed with wanting to work for this nonprofit in my community called, The Children’s Advocacy Center (CAC). I applied for their various job openings without success — until they needed a contractor to handle their social media and enewsletter work. I got the job and have been doing this work for them for almost ten years!

Ten years ago, however, I wasn’t self-aware enough to tie my obsession with working at the CAC to the fact that I was a child abuse survivor myself. Duh!

I see now that I yearned to be part of this miraculous place where children are helped daily — in the ways I had NOT been helped when I was a small vulnerable child. For example, the best I could come up with was to eat canned spinach so I could be strong like Popeye the Sailor Man — who I adored. (Not very effective, but I give myself credit for courage and creativity.)

For a few years now, I have been part of running a #GivingTuesday fundraising campaign. Giving Tuesday is December 3rd this year and our theme is “We Are Mighty Together. You Matter!”

I know for a fact, having been there, counting on the power of spinach and Popeye, that kids can’t figure this out on their own. Kids simply can’t stop, prevent or heal child abuse by themselves.

The only hope they have of being mighty is with the help of the adults in their families and communities.

Kids count on adults and the Children’s Advocacy Center counts on the community to help provide for kids. On #GivingTuesday the CAC is raising funds for the the direct services that help protect and heal kids — and support families.

I encourage you to donate to the Children’s Advocacy Center, as you are able. No amount is too small. Every amount is a vote of confidence, supports kids, and bolsters families with a mighty impact.

Kids + Community + Children’s Advocacy Center = #MightyTogetherCAC

When we All give together, we truly can be mighty together – including the kids!
A Thanksgiving Message From Our Executive Director

Greetings from Tammi Pitzen, CACJC Executive Director

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you on behalf of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County Board, Staff, Advisory Council, and volunteers!

As I am rush around today to try to get things wrapped up before the snow comes in and in preparation for a couple of days off for Thanksgiving, I am feeling so thankful for so many things!

I am thankful that I have the privilege and honor to work with a team who is incredibly talented, knowledgeable, professional, and compassionate…both on staff and as part of a larger multidisciplinary team. This work is so hard and so important! And so hard. Let’s just acknowledge that. So very hard.

I am so thankful that we have a community who prioritizes children and who is so supportive of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County, our programs and the abused children we serve. We cannot do this work alone. It takes a community! Thank you so much for your time, talent and treasure.

I am so thankful for our volunteers who do not have to be here but who show up week after week with a smile on their face eager to help in whatever way is needed. That is really incredible when you think about that! They don’t get a pay check. Sometimes staff gets busy and forgets or misses an opportunity to say thank you! The children are not always pleasant when they are here in a time of crisis. Sometimes the parents are angry…but the volunteers keep coming and keep giving and continue to be empathetic and compassionate. I AM SO THANKFUL for ALL of YOU!!

We could not sustain this important work without all of you!

So Thank you!!! Thank you!! Thank you!!

Tammi Pitzen
How reporting abuse saved a boy’s life

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

I worry that children who face trauma inflicted on them by their parent or trusted adult might never become inspired, but stay defeated.

When I was a case worker, I would often wonder why some children who suffer enormous abuse go on and accomplish great things and others spiral into self-destruction or destruction of others. If you lined up two case records next to each other…they may read the same, but have very different outcomes for the children.

I once asked one of the young people I worked with, who not only survived in the aftermath of his abuse — but thrived, why was it that he did so well when others in similar circumstances did not.

I really didn’t expect an answer. It was a deep discussion we were having over pizza after his 8^th grade graduation. He looked at me shrugged and didn’t answer at first. I had attended the ceremony and we were out celebrating his accomplishment. They had sung a song at their graduation. Maybe some of you remember this song, “I Believe I Can Fly”. It was corny. It was expected. It was what you did at eighth grade graduation ceremonies.

He fidgeted a bit. He dropped his eyes. I smiled at him in the awkwardness. I went on to tell him I knew he was going to do great things. I didn’t mean to put him on the spot. I let him know I just wanted to know what could be different for those kids who aren’t doing okay, who are in similar situations. I apologized for making him feel uncomfortable.

He slowly began to talk and I got very quiet and listened intently. He told me that he didn’t feel like he was doing okay. He was surviving. He was focused on getting through. He told me he felt like a fake because, when he sang with his classmates, he didn’t believe he could fly.

I actually fought back my tears in order to keep this conversation with this young man going without distracting him with my own feelings…in my head questioning why I ever started this conversation. We sat in silence a little longer eating pizza. He looked at me and he said he thought the difference…the thing that made him different was that someone thought he was worth it. I smiled. I actually for a moment thought he was talking about me. I thought he was talking about that I thought he was worth it. I was young and still full of ego.

He went on to explain that whoever called in his abuse saved his life.

If they didn’t save him from being beaten to death, they surely saved him from ending his life prematurely. He told me he had no idea who it was. He talked about how if someone took the time to save him, then he felt like there must have been something worth saving. The only way he knew to repay that debt was to move on and do something with his life. He said he only had two choices: to begin to believe in himself or to totally come undone.

We left that pizza parlor with the radio blasting, singing “I Believe I Can Fly” at the top of our lungs. I am sure that was a sight to see and probably worse to hear.

I took him back to his foster home. Not long after that, I think he went to live with a relative. I moved on to another case and another child, but not before reading through his file to see who had made the report.

It was a teacher.

It was a teacher that I had met that day at the graduation. According to the report, the teacher had actually made two other reports that didn’t get assigned, before the final concern that led to this child being removed.

I reached out to that teacher to thank her for making the report. I wanted her to know that her phone call saved a life. While talking to her on the phone, she burst into tears. She asked me which child I was talking about. She had made a dozen calls dealing with dozens of children during the school year.

I told her I had made a mistake. She had saved a dozen lives.

I could hear her releasing her breath very slow and could hear a small sob on the other end of the line. She quietly said thank you and then went on to relate a story of how a colleague always tried to talk her out of making those calls. The argument was always that kids want to stay with their parents, kids won’t talk anyway, you don’t want to ruin a life by making a mistake…all the familiar reasons.

I encouraged her to always make that calls. To make it because her students mattered. To make the call because abuse victims suffer in silence and need someone to stand up on their behalf. To make that call because they need to know they are worth the ten minutes it might take to make a report.

What is the take away?

As April’s Child Abuse Awareness/Prevention month draws near — remember that every child counts.

Remember that your call may save a life. If you suspect abuse report it.

Every child is worth it.
The tragedy of Victoria Martens we must prevent in the future

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Today I am sitting in my office trying to get caught up after the big snow fall in Medford. The office is officially closed in observance of Martin Luther King Jr. Day. It is very quiet and peaceful here.

I have been reading about a case out of New Mexico of some pretty horrific abuse. Maybe you have read about it? It caught my attention on Facebook on a friend’s feed. I remember hearing a little bit about this case earlier in the investigation.

The child was ten years old and named Victoria Martens.

She was sexually abused and killed by her Mother’s boyfriend and his cousin while the mom watched. I would not advise researching for more information on this case, as most of the reports I have read have been pretty graphic and pretty horrific.

Most of my career in child protection I have categorized parents in two categories. There are those who do the best they can and that just isn’t good enough to keep their kids healthy and safe, so their children are abused. These parents have the ability to learn and have the desire to do so. These parents are the parents that when their children are removed from their care, they are usually returned after a treatment plan. Or maybe the children are left in their care with a treatment plan.

Then there are the parents I say are, well, just “mean” parents. It appears from the articles that I have read that Victoria unfortunately had a “mean” mom. These are the parents that are somewhat sadistic and are just cruel. I will admit that I do not know the truth of what happened and I am making judgements based on what I have read in the news article.

There among the news reports on the case is an interview with the Mother’s parents. The case reports state that the Mom watched her current boyfriend, and two other men before that, have sex with her daughter for her own sexual gratification. (I wasn’t kidding when I said the reports were graphic…they are disturbing even to me after many years of hearing these kinds of stories.) There are reports that she watched two people give her daughter, who was ten years-old, meth in order to calm her down so they could have sex with her.

Victoria’s grandparents say that the child never said anything and appeared to be happy. A friend and neighbor of the mom states, “I know Victoria is in heaven saying forgive my mom.” The grandparents agree. The grandparents report that their daughter loved her children and was a hard working single mother.

If that is the case, then that leaves the rest of us to ask what went wrong. What can we learn from this in order to prevent it in the future?

I need to know, even though I do not know Victoria, that she did not die for her mom’s, and the others allegedly involved, own perverted reasons. I need to know we, as in the global we, can do better for the Victorias in the world.

I have poured over the news reports in this case. My heart hurts. I cry not understanding how this happens. I compare it to my own life. What would have to happen in my life that I would find myself there and allow this to happen to ANY one’s child. I can come up with no scenarios.

My only hope is that most people in this world are made up of a moral fiber that does not allow for events to happen that would end in this result for a child. For any child.

Everyone one interviewed, or at least that I could find to read, stated that there were no signs that this was going on. The child seemed happy. Mom is described as a hard working single mom.

I wonder how many people in this child’s life had any education regarding identifying and responding to child sexual abuse. The mom states in one of her interviews that there were other men, acquaintances of mom’s, who had sex with this child because mom liked to watch.

I have a favor to ask of all those who are outraged and horrified by the Victoria Martens case.

If you believe that this ten year-old should not have been forced to have sex with the men in her mother’s life, if you think it is a tragedy that she was killed one day after her tenth birthday, and if you would do anything in your power to prevent this from happening to children in your life or in your community or in your child’s life or in your grandchild’s life, then please join the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County in our efforts to protect the children in our community from sexual abuse.

Sign up for a class through our Protect Our Children project. There are public classes every month. We will even do private classes for you if you have 5 people or more who are interested in protecting children.

We can make a difference. We can’t change what has already happened, but we can control what we do in the future to prevent these tragedies from happening.

Let’s all decide together that we will not accept that Victoria’s abuse and death could not have been prevented, that there were no signs.
Police Chief O’Meara: Why CAC Matters

Post by Tighe O’Meara – Ashland, Oregon Police Chief

I am going to start off on a dark note, but a real note, and one that needs to be recognized.

1 in 10 children are reported to be sexual assault victims. But let’s go ahead and make it worse, because this doesn’t account for the ones that don’t get reported; this doesn’t account for the ones that make it to a family member’s attention but it doesn’t go any further than that. And this doesn’t account for the fact that society puts different pressures on boys than it does girls, so boys feel like they have to carry the burden, silently, allowing it to traumatize them over and over, and allowing the trauma to have a profound impact on the rest of their lives.

We know that sex assaults are under-reported, across the board, at all levels, for many reasons. And grossly under-reported at that. With children it is no different, so if we know about 1 in 10, we can safely assume that the problem is much worse than the 1 in 10 figure. And, that number does not include the child victimizations we have that are physical, non-sexual assaults in nature. Add in the physical abuse victims and the numbers are even more alarming.

These are dark numbers, troubling statistics, and they are not likely to change anytime soon. We have no ability to have significant control over these numbers, and likely won’t for the foreseeable future.

I have been chief of police in Ashland for about a year and a half now. I have learned a few lessons, and have much more to learn. One of the things that I first learned, after months and months of stressing out over everything, is that bad stuff happens. There is no getting around it, people are going to get victimized. And this includes children.

And while it is important to do everything we can to prevent, just as important is how we respond when it happens, because it is inevitable that it’s going to happen, and we will never eradicate it, not anytime soon anyway.

So I slowly realized that just as important as trying to prevent crime, is trying to respond to it in the manner that is best for the victim, best for those close to the victim, and best for the community.

A couple of quotes I like that say this well:

“It’s not the failures that define us so much as how we respond” ~ Shane Parrish

“What defines us is how well we rise after falling”

We don’t have the control we want over these incidents to prevent them from happening, so we need to make sure we respond to them well, and this is where the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County shines a bright light on the dark numbers I mentioned. This is where the women and men of the CAC step in and offer national best practices for the Jackson County community.

Jackson County is great for team work.

No agency in Jackson County is big enough to go it alone, we all need each others help. And perhaps nowhere does this present itself more than with child victims. We are lucky to have this partnership in Jackson County, and we are fortunate to have a set game plan, county wide, for how we are all going to respond to these troubling complaints.

Violence against children is after all a community-wide problem, and community-wide, county-wide, all of the police are on the same page on how to handle it, and we can offer this only because of the dedicated experts we have working out of the Children’s Advocacy Center.

This should give all of us, all members of the community, some the peace of mind. Peace of mind in knowing that while we can’t (unfortunately) stop these horrific things from happening, what we can do is come together and embrace national best practices.

We can come together and make sure the child victims are not traumatized again over the same situation.We can come together and set up a program and a plan for the victim and the non-offending family members to move past the incident to a better place, both physically and emotionally. This is what CAC brings to our community.

The police officers in our community want to be there for all members of the community who need us. We want to be there when someone calls and says “I’m in trouble.” And, we will be, we will answer the call and respond to help all who ask for our help.

But, we can’t be everything to every person, and we can’t provide the level of work that our most vulnerable community members need, that is the importance of the CAC and the dedicated women and men that work there.

When we become aware that one of little ones needs help, we all want to spring into action, and we do. In our police departments we have trained and dedicated officers that are there to be a part of that process, but we simply can’t offer these kids and these families what they need, and without the CAC, we would be pretty lost.

For that matter, we can’t offer ourselves what WE need to move a criminal case forward, without the help of the CAC, because they provide us with the right facilities and atmosphere to get the evidence we need to bring a case to the DA’s office.

Do you know what the CAC looks like?

It’s like coming into your own home, it’s like visiting grandma – there’s your toys over in the corner, there’s the friendly loving face waiting to greet you. Take the CAC out of the picture and you’re trading that comfortable at-home feeling for the cold sterility of a police station. You’re taking away that level of comfort and replacing it with a hospital visit for the medical exam. You take away a short visit, in what feels like your family dining room, for grand jury and replacing it with a trip to the DA’s office.

The model employed by the CAC, the model that allows for all services to be provided under one roof, from initial assessment, interview, medical exam and follow up counseling for victims and non-offending parents, saves about $1,000 on each case that is brought forward.

Without this model we would have to try to piece these services together, further traumatizing not the just the child victim, but also the already stressed and traumatized parent who is trying to struggle through these incidents.

We are truly fortunate to have this facility and these people, working there, every day, bringing compassion, comfort and healing to the survivors, and the families. Helping not just the families move through these difficult situations but, while doing so, supporting the law enforcement mission to hold the offenders responsible.

The numbers quoted at the beginning of this post are troubling indeed, but our partnership, county-wide, with the CAC of Jackson County, shines a light on that dark problem, and helps us all get through it to a place that’s a little bit better.

So what can you do to help?

Take the child sexual abuse training offered by the CAC.

Tell your friends and family about the CAC, spread the word about the CAC’s mission and the important, invaluable work that is done there every day. Encourage your friends and family to take the training and to help out.

Keeping in mind the quote that I offered before: “What defines us is not that we fall but it is how well we rise after falling.”

I will close with this:

The CAC is a shining example, of a community coming together to rise, everyday, time after time, after falling down, one child victim at a time. That’s why the CAC is so important, and that’s why we need to support it.

Tighe O’Meara, Ashland, Oregon Police Chief
Transformation: Why CAC Matters

By Leah Howell, Jackson County Training Coordinator, PROTECT OUR CHILDREN Child Abuse Prevention Training

My son just started preschool this year. Two days per week, he gathers with 10 other 3 year-olds and follows a routine of play, circle time, and snack.

Right now he and his classmates are learning about the life-cycle of the monarch butterfly, and subsequently, they were able to capture two caterpillars. Inside an aquarium, and with assistance from a branch tilted at just the right angle, those caterpillars each made a chrysalis. What an amazing process this insect goes through – changing from one thing, to something so different!

I wonder if there is something innate in the caterpillar that realizes someday he will not be confined to such a small area of the world, eating every minute of the day, trapped in a slow moving, defenseless body. Do they know, somehow, that there is more in store for them? Or if, when he sees other monarch butterflies, does he innately “know” that is what he will become?

Children come into this world totally dependent and defenseless too.

I do not know if each child is born with an innate knowledge of their potential, but I do know that the beliefs about their own worth can be easily influenced by negative messages: “You’re a bad kid,” “You’re too emotional,” “You are an inconvenience,” and “You are nothing special.”

These messages early and often have the power to keep a kid on the ground, metaphorically speaking, dragging wings that seem like nothing more than a nuisance.

I love being part of the Children’s Advocacy Center – an organization that prioritizes protection, support and care of kids,…a place where the employees and volunteers speak worth and potential into kid’s lives all day, every day… a place that teaches kids how to start to use the amazing wings they’ve got, and then, through amazing transformations, kids learn to fly!

Come be a part of these transformations!

If you have time, kind words, energy, and love to give – call Ginny Sagal our Volunteer Coordinator: 541-282-5474 Ext. 113.
How are children faring in Oregon?
By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of the Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

Today I am sitting in my office listening to the rain and feeling a little sad and a lot overwhelmed. It’s Sunday and the office is very quiet except for the rain trickling through the rain gutters and the tap of my fingers on the keyboard.

No, I am not sad because I am working on the weekend or because it is raining.

I am sad because I just read the 2015 Child Welfare Data Book.

There is much controversy across the country because there are statistics that have been released in recent years that indicate child abuse is on the decrease. I have watched this discussion and sometimes participated in this discussion over the last few years and I just don’t see this to be true in my every day practice.

According to the 2015 Child Welfare Data Book, 27 children in Oregon died as a result of child abuse and neglect.

In 2014 that number was 13. In 2013 that number was 10. 27 is a number that describes an amount but does not tell the story. Behind that 27 are children that died at the hands of another. 21 of those deaths were caused by one or both parents. 20 of those children were under the age of 5.

I do not know all their stories. I do not know the heinous circumstance in which they died. I would not recognize them in a picture if you showed it to me. But my heart weeps just the same. Each of those children carried with them potential that was never realized. Each of those children had dreams that were never dreamt.

Our community will never be what it could have been if those 27 children lived.

But, unfortunately, that is not all of the story. As I read further, I learned that

41.5% of the time for the abused and neglected children in Oregon, the perpetrator is their mom. 37% of the time it is their father. A relative, a live in companion, foster parent, or guardian are the perpetrator 15.5% of the time.

94% of the time the perpetrator was someone who, by their very role in the child’s life, is supposed to be a protector not an abuser.

I read further. In Jackson County our numbers increased as well. In 2013, there were 707 victims of child abuse in our county. In 2014 that rose to 801 and in 2015 rose again to 954.

These are more than numbers. There were 954 children in our community that were harmed in some way. Chances are you know one of these 954. Chances are they go to school with your child or grandchild. Chances are that your paths crossed with one of these children. You may have sat next to one at church or at a community event. You may have seen one riding their bike in your neighborhood.

Please do not think this is not your business. It is your business. It is my business. These children are our children.

As I read through the “numbers”, faces of children I have worked with over the years flash in my mind’s eye. Some of them are ones that I was not happy with the outcomes and, if I am honest, I often wonder what happened after. What kind of adult are they? Are they happy? Did they find peace?

These are the thoughts that will be running through my brain, stealing sleep from me over the next few weeks. It happens every year after I read the Data Book. It’s predictable. I imagine there are Department of Human Services Supervisors and case workers doing the same.

Every year when the report is released I wonder what else I can do to keep that number from increasing. What else can the CAC do? What else can our community partners do?

We can’t bury our head in the sand and pretend it isn’t happening. Jackson County has the 9th highest rate of abuse per 1000 children in the state of Oregon.

No one entity and no one person is the answer. It takes all of us.

Not sure what you can do?

Let me suggest a few things:
- Make a donation to the Children’s Advocacy Center. We provide fantastic evidence based interventions to the abused children and their non-offending caregivers that we serve. We do not charge the families for these services. The bottom line is; it takes money to provide these services. Donate Now.
- Become a Children’s Advocacy Center volunteer. Or become a volunteer at The Family Nurturing Center or at CASA. We all need volunteers. We need people who can give some time that will help a child. The Advocacy Center needs some adults who can answer a phone, play a game of checkers, and make a phone call or two…..drink a cup a coffee with a non-offending caregiver or share a gold fish with a child while they are waiting for their appointment. Learn more about volunteering at the CAC or call Ginny at: vsagal@cacjc.org or 541-734-5437
- Take a class. The Children’s Advocacy Center has a prevention program called Protect Our Children that uses Darkness to Light’s curriculum “Stewards of Children” to teach adults to recognize and respond to child sexual abuse. It is an adult’s responsibility to keep kids safe but how can you do that if you don’t know how to identify it. Or even better, host a class for your church, your civic organization, your place of employment, your best friends—any group of people you are involved in. Schedule a class for yourself or your group
- Become a Foster Parent
- Talk to your legislative representatives about the importance of funding in programs that respond and intervene in child abuse. Talk to them about the CAC and the work that we do. Find your legislators
- Become informed. Attend the Free CAC Community Forum coming up on Nov. 7th regarding keeping kids safe on the internet.
You Matter.
A Survivor Shares her Story: Why CAC Matters

This is the inspiring speech presented by Kira Zavala at last year’s 2015 CAC Cherish a Child luncheon. Kira shares her experience as a survivor of child abuse and as a child receiving services from the CAC.

My name is Kira Zavala. I am a mother, wife, community volunteer, business woman and a survivor of child abuse.

In 1990 as an 8 year old little girl, I walked through the doors of the Children’s Advocacy Center. I was so scared. I didn’t know what to expect, I didn’t know if people would believe what had happened to me, I didn’t know if I was safe and I didn’t know where my abuser was.

I had so many questions and I couldn’t find the right words to verbalize my questions. I was living in fear.

I remember walking into the building of the CAC for the first time and there were so many bright colors and it smelled so fresh and clean. I was seated in a waiting room with my mom and there were all of these really cool toys that I had never had the opportunity to play with before. They helped me to step outside of why I was there for a brief moment and gave me comfort.

Shortly after a lady greeted me, I said good bye to my mom and the lady walked me into a room that had a big two way mirror. I sat at a table with a piece of paper and coloring crayons. I knew it was time to start talking about what happened. My body got really hot and I began to get restless and scared.

I started coloring in order to not have to make eye contact with the lady. I remember being so ashamed and embarrassed to have to say it out loud. I felt that if I said it, it would be real and I didn’t want to remember it. But I knew I had to, in order to be safe and in order to not let it happen again to me, my siblings or anyone in my family.

After a few questions, I began to feel more and more comfortable talking to the interviewer. Once the interview was over, I had a sense of relief. But I didn’t know what was going to happen. The lady assured me that I was going to be safe. I rejoined my mother and we talked about the terrifying possibility of me having to testify in court.

I was afraid to have to make eye contact with my abuser. I was worried that he might try to hurt me again and in front of everyone. And I questioned, “What if he followed me home?”

On the day of court I remember being terrified. I again felt that I had done something wrong.

We first went to the Children’s Advocacy Center before going to the court house. We met in a room and everyone said wonderful things to me. I remember there being a social worker, a lawyer, a sheriff and a member of the CAC. After our meeting one of the ladies came into the room and gave me a light blue box. Inside was a crystal heart. I had never seen one close up. It was beautiful. While inspecting it she told me that I was strong, I was special and that I will grow up to be beautiful. It’s a moment in my life that I will never forget.

I held the crystal heart in my hand and walked to the court house. I held it as I took my oath and I held it even tighter during my testimony.

The lady was right! I am strong, I am special and I did grow up to be a beautiful.

Today, on behalf of 8 year old little Kira, the CAC, their community partners and most importantly the children who have and will walk through the doors of the CAC, WE would like to give you your very own Heart, please take one from the center of your table. As you hold this in your hand, know, as I did, that everyone in this room is STRONG, SPECIAL AND BEAUTIFUL.

All of the children who come to the Children’s Advocacy Center are STRONG, SPECIAL & BEAUTIFUL.

Thank you for your support for these children.

(This year’s Cherish a Child Luncheon is Oct. 20th 2016, 12 noon – 1 pm at Inn at the Commons in Medford, Oregon. For more information, to attend or to be a sponsor, contact Julia at: 541-282-5474 X111)

Kira Zavala
Don’t underestimate your power to matter

By Tammi Pitzen, Executive Director of The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

We are rolling out our exciting online campaign entitled “You Matter” and really that concept has taken over my life.

I say that a little jokingly but really, in truth, most of my thoughts the last couple of months have been filtered through that lens. Not just my “work stuff” but all of “my stuff” has taken on an extra screening — does this matter? Whether I am washing clothes, taking my son to a play date, reading over homework, smiling at the lady in the drive thru, or just trying to find time for a date night with my husband: Does this matter? Who does it matter to? Why does it matter?

Every day we make choices that matter.

Even the small choices have the potential to impact our world in large ways. We usually underestimate how those small choices will impact our lives and those around us. What I have found is that for the most part we do not believe that what we do matters to anyone. We do not believe that what we have to offer can make any impact in any significant way.

I began to ponder that a little as we were gearing up and brainstorming on all the many ways people matter in our efforts to address child abuse.

We, as a society, value large splashy gifts of goo gobs of money, time or talent. While those gifts are important (and goo gobs is a term I learned from my Development Director, by the way) they alone cannot sustain us over time. I think about that when I am signing thank you letters from the center for donations. I try to write something on every single letter that goes out. I will be honest when I first started signing the thank you letters I had the intention of writing on the ones to people who gave a certain amount, but I could not decide what amount would be considered significant. It was all significant, and so in the end on that first round of thank you letters, I wrote on every single one and I continue that practice today.

Every single dollar amount donated makes a difference in the life of a child served by the CAC.

Every single person who drops off an in-kind gift donation, who volunteers an hour to help with the Winter Gala, every single check sent in or donation made on-line makes an impact. That is not something I say lightly. After working in the field of child abuse for more than 23 year, soon to be 24, I have found that those small random acts of kindness or generosity are really the building blocks that sustain any effort to address this huge societal problem. And isn’t that true of any movement that is successful?

There have been incredible things accomplished one thoughtful step at a time. I think of our holiday gift drive where we provide parents with gifts to give to their children when they cannot afford to do that on their own. It all happens because people buy an extra gift and donate it to the center to give. Every year we have more than enough and it comes from a lot of different sources. I think about our Gala and how many man hours it takes to make that successful. No one single person makes that contribution.

Imagine if every single person gave two dollars to help treat child abuse. In Jackson County there are 208,545 residents, according to the 2013 census. We would raise $417,090 for the treatment of child abuse—all for less than a cup of coffee at your favorite drive thru coffee stand.

What if half of the population of Jackson County could afford to donate ten dollars and the other half could donate time and talent? I get excited about the possibilities of what we can do when we believe that what we do matters.

It really is the small acts of kindness and generosity that make the world go around.

I think about how much “You Matter” in a lot of different ways. You suspect a child in your life is being abused, and what you do or don’t do matters to that child. Step out of your comfort zone, pick up the phone, and call in a report. You have a talent that you would like donate for the Gala, for the healing of children, or just for fun. It matters. It could be life-changing. Do you have time to write a blog about how this community matters in our efforts to address child abuse? Contact us. It matters! Do you have two hours that you can give up to learn about how to protect the children in your life from sexual abuse? Contact the CAC and sign up. It matters.

We all matter. All of our gifts matter. None of us can keep our children protected all alone. It takes every single one of us, each in our own very individual way and at our own individual level. WE are the solution. WE CAN keep kids safe. WE CAN provide Hope! We each need to do our part.

Every day I make a conscious decision to do something on behalf of an abused child.

It may be a donation of time or money. It is a family affair. My husband has entered into this world with me. On any given day he may be making a puppet theatre to donate to the therapy department or maybe you will see him unclogging a water fountain. My son has been known to donate a toy or food to a cause that supports children because “a child needs toys and food!”

What will you do today that matters in the life of an abused child?
Wisdom from Dumbledore: What Matters

By Michelle Wilson, Development Director with The Children’s Advocacy Center of Jackson County

“It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.”~ Dumbledore (from the Harry Potter books)

Last fall at this time we launched our first online campaign to raise funds for our services for kids and teens healing from abuse.

We named it “You Matter!” because we truly know that everyone can offer something important to this cause.

Every day we witness people who give their time, ideas, energy, financial resources, and compassionate care to the big work of healing child abuse in our community.

This is no small task.

It can feel enormous and overwhelming, to those of us who can barely stand the thought of children being abused, to those of us who work every day with children who have the scars – visible and invisible – of abuse. The task can feel so enormous that we might want to step back, not look at what we see or listen to what we are hearing or reading about. We might want to walk away, even if we feel a little guilty about doing that.

I believe the reason for feeling the urge to turn away from the abuse and neglect that we know is happening to children in our community is that we feel powerless.

How can we stop this?

How can we do anything that will make a difference?

How can anything we do really matter against such a seemingly endless stream of children suffering?

At times like this, the former English teacher in me turns to literature and the wisdom in the pages of great stories.

Right now my son is smack in the middle of reading the Harry Potter series, often unable to take his eyes off of the pages when he is at a particularly gripping moment in the story.

I am grateful for this on many levels, and one of them is that he is learning about the big battles of good and evil and the choices that people (or wizards) can make in the face of them. And I hope that he is listening to Dumbledore, the wise headmaster of Hogwarts School of Magic, and the mentor and teacher to Harry himself.

Today I turned to Dumbledore’s wisdom myself:

It is our choices, Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.

I believe this completely. To sum it up, our choices are what matter.

We can choose in every moment whether we are contributing something positive to the world around us or not. We can choose in each moment whether or not we will be part of the daily work of creating a compassionate, caring, nurturing world for the children in our lives and our communities – or not.

Our choices in each moment matter. And as Dumbledore seems to say, each one of us matters, no matter what abilities we are given at birth or through circumstances.

Dumbledore is a wise teacher in the way that all great teachers are: he asks Harry to turn inside, to himself, and make the best choices for whatever he faces. He reminds Harry – and those of us following along – that each one of us is responsible for making the choices in our lives that move us toward answering the problems, large and small, we all face.

It’s as simple and as challenging as that.

Watch our short You Matter! Video

Visit Campaign Headquarters for You Matter!